


Chained (previously Still untitled)

by Anonymous



Series: Bound Trilogy [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: A few original characters - Freeform, Everyone is damaged just depends how much, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Luke is a complex character, Slow Burn, Tough Rey, creepy kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 99,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10242431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kylo Ren has found himself fixated on the girl he captured on Takadona. The girl who had somehow managed to best him on Starkiller. The girl who he now realizes is the one from his dreams, the girl in the veil who he has endlessly chased and never catches. The girl that he now appears to be strangely linked to, able to feel over light years of space.If there is one certainty in his life, it's that this girl will be his, that he will capture her and she will submit to himRey survived Kylo Ren and escaped Starkiller, only to find him haunting her. Whispering in her head and finding her in her dreams. Sent to find Luke Skywalker, Rey finds herself training, learning to use her powers, soon realizing that she was being hunted by the monster she defeated but left alive. The monster who's mind now seems linked directly to hers.Chained together by a force bond, the two adversaries begin to understand the potential and dangers of this link between them.-----------I think I finally managed to write a summary that didn't suck!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fiction in years and haven't written fanfiction since high school. Which was in a haze long long ago. Please go easy on me ;)
> 
> At some point I'm going to go through and edit this, but in the meantime some of it was written at 1am and some of it was written on my phone, so if there are any garbled sentences or typos, please forgive me.
> 
> PS- You can find me on Tumblr at carasstarwarsmusings, my side blog where I spend most of my time reposting Star Wars gif sets. I love that shit. You can also find my main blog at cararosel, which is generally my photography, photos of my horse and dogs, and star wars shares that I intended to reblog on the side blog but forgot to swap to the correct frigging blog again. Peace out.

The moments after his saber ignited blurred together. His father’s shocked face, the heat of his saber between them. He was vaguely aware there was screaming, but in his mind it felt like it was coming from far away.

“Thank you,” he said, softly, looking into his father’s horrified eyes. He could feel his life force fading already. He disengaged the saber. His father’s hand fell to his face in a forgiving touch before sliding down and his body falling into the abyss.

His mind felt numb, ebbing sadness surged around it’s edges and he pushed it back. As his father fell further into the abyss he felt the final spark of life drain away from the falling body. Gone.  
  
A sudden shock of pain fell through his entire mind. Not his, he realized. She knew. Even so far away, she had felt Han’s existence end. His mother’s sadness engulfed him, weakening him even more. It was tinged with guilt. It had been her who pushed Han towards him. She was as foolish as the man she had married.

He stared downward, trying to drag himself back himself, to now, away from this well of emotion swallowing him. Still distant yells, he heard the wookie as if it was far away, and then the pain smashed through the fog and he fell to his knees. The pain brought him back to the now, and he heard Chewb-- the wookie, again and the explosions rang out.

Amid the fire and confusion, dragging himself away from the cloud of pain which at least had brought him back from the depths of his numb mind, he looked up. And he saw her. _Her._

The girl, her eyes were filled with rage and grief. Even from the distance he could feel it rolling off of her in erratic waves. It took a moment before he recognized the traitor next to her. The traitor stormtrooper. Near _HER._ He didn’t entirely understand why, but his anger began to rise. That was fine. The anger empowered him. It grew, he pushed himself to his feet, his eyes locked on the girl as he began to walk forward. The girl was firing at the stormtroopers with uncontained rage, but the traitor saw him moving towards them. The traitor’s arm wrapped around the girl and dragged her out the door behind them. Out of sight. But he could feel them. He could feel her, vibrating though the Force in violent ripples. It wouldn’t have mattered if he had been blind to them, though. He knew where they would be headed. He shifted his direction to a different exit. He funneled his anger and pain into his power, growing stronger and more stable as he moved. They would find him between them and their goal.

He wasn’t entirely sure what would happen then. There was no plan. Just a single minded pull towards them, towards _HER._ His rage was focused at the traitor. He’d enjoy killing him. The girl would need to be incapacitated. Should be first. She was too powerful. Anyway, there was no reason for her to have to watch her traitor friend die. He’d been in her mind, he knew the value she placed on the ‘murderers, traitors, and thieves’ that she’d deemed fit to call friends.  
  
He faltered a minute at the last thought. It occurred to him that so little of his anger was directed at her. Even after she’d defied him, blocked him, pushed her way into his head to shove his own darkest insecurities back at him. There was no malice towards her for this, only something akin to a drive to possess. Something in the Force that was drawing him towards her uncontrollably.

A deep breath. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was being between the girl and her ability to run away from this base, from him. He climbed his way to the hatch, opening to cold and now sunless world. Snow whipped against the skin of his face, reminding him he’d left his mask behind.

It didn’t matter.  
  
He felt them. He was already ahead of them, between them and his father’s ship. For a moment something like a smile twisted across his face.

They weren’t done yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing from that short first chapter, Kylo's going to confront Rey and Finn so we can rehash that final battle from Kylo's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with the last chapter, this is still pretty raw and unedited and I apologize of any sentences deteriorate into gibberish.

He heard them. The traitor’s voice. “Falcon… this way.”

_ Yes, this way girl, this way _ , he thought. He moved forward, catching sight of them moving through the trees and ignited his saber. 

They stopped, looking at each other like lost children before slowly walking towards him. Wind swirled the girl’s scavenger rags around her, she was white against the white snow. The girl’s eyes were bloodshot from her tears and anger. She looked a little less innocent than she had on his interrogation table. Some part of her had been severed and lost when he killed Solo. A tinge of something he didn’t recognize shuddered through his being. He had been the one who did that to her.

He seized the muscles in his side where blood still seeped out of the bowcaster wound. Pain shot through his body and cleared his mind. The girl had an effect on him he didn’t entirely understand, but he was not going to let it get in his way. 

Both of them held blasters, not that they would be of much help to them. They stopped, for a moment the three just stood there in the wind and snow, staring at each other.   
  
“We’re not done yet,” he spoke. He was addressing both of them, he supposed, but mostly the girl. 

Her face contorted, “You’re a MONSTER.” 

A part of him winced inside. Then a small spark of anger towards her. He didn’t understand why. He was a monster, he wanted to be the monster. But her words seemed to cut him the same.   
  
“It’s just us now,” he said, his expression not changing. The next words were spoken in the same cold tone, but inside he felt them rise up with venom. He wanted them to hurt, “Han Solo can’t save you.”

He felt the words cut her, but realized he had dragged a knife through his own emotional wounds with them as well. A crushing sadness tried to well up and he raised his arm and smashed it into the bowcaster wound, again, and again. The pain killed the sadness and fed back to his well of the darkside, he felt centered, stronger.

The girl’s face contorted in disgust as she looked at his side and the blood dripping in the snow.

It was only a split second, he felt the Force vibrate around her, and then she suddenly swung the blaster up to fire at him. He felt his anger rise at her intent to try to kill him. He shot his hand up and used that anger to fuel his power as he Force threw her backwards. She slammed into a tree with a cracking thud and then fell to the ground.    
  
It was more forceful than he had intended, but he felt her life force, she was alive. Knocked out, but alive. Good.

The traitor screamed,  “REY!” and spun towards her, discarding his blaster to the side as he dove next to her. 

In the back of his mind it occurred, dimly, that he’d never bothered pulling the girl’s name out of her head.  He stalked forward, the traitor had pulled the girl into an embraced, still talking, “Rey. Rey. No no…”

Rage filled his head at the embrace. His possessiveness over the girl seemed to roar behind it.  _ Mine _ , a voice in the back of his head whispered,  _ mine!  _ He shook it away but embraced the rage, he needed it.  He moved closer and spun his saber, the traitor stiffened at the sound.

“TRAITOR,” he screamed, letting the word draw itself out.

The traitor’s hand darted into the snow and then stood, something in his hands… Somethin-- a lightsaber? He felt confusion wash over him for a moment and then the traitor ignited it, a blue blade bursting from the hilt. Realization washed over him with a new tidal wave of rage behind it.

“That lightsaber,” pointing his own towards the traitor and his grandfather’s saber, “It belongs to ME.”

“Come and get it,” the traitor snarled and then lunged.

He parried the blows easily, though there was a bit more skill than he was expecting. He moved onto the offensive quickly, raining down blows. The traitor was knocked away for a second, he spun around slamming his arm into his wound again to feed his power on the pain, letting his mind feel for the girl… still unconscious, still alive… good.

The traitor lunged off the ground and at him, he spun. He had been foolishly off guard by feeling out to check on the girl. He felt an endless well of anger and malice rise up in him. The traitor… who had caused so much trouble for him… who he could have crushed in the village when he saw the awakening of light into him. It had seemed of so little matter to him at the time, let Hux and Phasma find and deal with it.  Below his stature. There hadn’t been any emotion tied to it.

A small voice spoke from an inner void, it ebbed with sarcasm,  _ “Oh yes, no pity, no compassion. You didn’t feel his pull of the light and relate to it…. Keep telling yourself that.” _

He growled, trying to find that voice and crush it,  _ Shut up and realize you’re dead, Ben. _

_ “Oh no, I’m not, not yet,” _ it murmured. He allowed his rage to drown it out and bury it down where he couldn’t hear it. But the accusation… of having compassion…

He slammed the traitor into a tree, blades locked. His face twisted with delighted malice as he shoved one of the crossguard jets into the traitor’s shoulder, drawing out screams which danced out across the woods. He broke the lock and swung his blade at the traitor’s head. 

The traitor just barely dodged the blade and it sliced through the tree, which toppled behind them. As much as he was enjoying this he needed to end it soon, while the girl was still incapacitated.

A sudden, searing pain cut through his arm. The traitor had landed a blow. A small blow, a small wound, but he HAD wounded him. Pure, unadulterated rage fed through him. This was over, he turned, caught the blue blade with his red one, and twisted it effortlessly out of the traitor’s hands, flying and landing upright in a snow drift. 

He grabbed the traitor and punched him, spinning him around, and slashed up his back. A purposeful messy wound. Let the scum die slowly out here in pain, he thought with satisfaction.

Turning his attention to the light saber in the snow drift, he disengaged his own saber and holstered it. Reaching out, he called the weapon to him. The Force had somehow willed it so that his grandfather’s saber would finally be his. The hilt shook but remained in the snow, “come on” he muttered, calling harder.

It shook harder moving, and shot out of the snow. But not to him, he realized that before he ducked back to dodge it.  Turning as he straightened, still unbalanced, he saw _HER_ , his grandfather’s lightsaber in her hand. Her face not able to hide her own shock at what she’d done. She looked at the blade, then him, then the blade… she wasn’t able to hide her fear either.

He felt awestruck. Raw force power seemed to come off of of her in waves. “It is you,” he murmured, possibly only in his mind. He had denied it up to this point, but it was her, the girl from the vision, the girl from the dreams, the one whose face he never saw, just eyes peering out from the swathes of cloth. And he had known, despite his denials; and the Force had known, it had dragged him towards her as a current would drag someone downriver. 

She ignited and raised the blade, blue light dancing off her frightened but determined face.

The look of awe never left his face as he ignited his own and spun it upward. His anger was muted, which didn’t bode well, but something else seemed to rise in him. Attraction? Such an odd thing, desire, the wish to possess, to control. This girl would be his. He would take her, break her, bend her to his will, one way or another. Power flowed from those emotions. He didn’t understand them the same way he did his anger, but he’d be able to use them. 

The girl seemed to be centering herself. Clawing her fear down under her control and deepening her resolve, he waited, she’d make the first move.

And she did, lunging at him, awkwardly with the weapon. She had no familiarity of a weapon of this type, that was painfully obvious as he blocked her attack. Fighting was clearly not something unfamiliar to her, but she wielded the weapon and structured her blows awkwardly. More like a quarterstaff he thought, almost smugly as the two spun together, a deadly dance in the woods. Trees fell around them as their blades slashed. 

She improved in technique, mirroring some of his own moves back him. He was impressed, though knew if he had wanted to kill her he could have done it five times in the last minute. Her skill was raw, but the only reason she was alive was he wanted her that way.

He moved forward, raining down blows aimed at her blade. Trying to overpower it out of her grip. She stumbled backwards, blocking each blow with more desperation. She was losing, and knew it, trying to move away from him as he kept moving forward with a single minded determination.

She ducked suddenly and tried to scramble away, up a rock face. For a moment rage boiled back at her trying to run from him. He took two slashes at her feet as she bounced away before jumping and rolling down from the rocks.  She ducked under and then slashed a fallen tree that arched over the path, he dodged back in annoyance as the pieces fell and then pursued her.  He found himself centered again, still advancing slowly, he lunged and rained blows on her blade, underhanded then overhanded, trying to knock her grip loose. She stumbled backwards with force of the blows, but refused to allow herself to be disarmed. He could feel terror radiating off of her in waves.

Walking backwards away from him, the world started to shake around them. He noted it in his peripheral vision, aware of the changes, but his eyes never moved from the girl. The girl looked around, confused and even more terrified. She was near panic, he could feel it, control was slipping away from her. The ground behind her began to crumble, forming deep chasm where there had been none. He had no idea what was happening, but he saw the advantage and lunged forward, locking their blades together and shoving his weight against her, pushing her to the edge of the chasm. 

He had her, he thought, incapacitating her here would be tricky, but he was confident he could take her down out of the lock without letting her fall. Her face was fixated on the blades above her face, small sounds of terror emerged from her throat.

But maybe there was another way…

The offer blurted out of him, “You need a teacher!” He didn’t entirely understand what he was doing. She wouldn’t accept this, he knew that already. Yet he continued, almost pleading tone to his voice, “I can show you the ways of the force!”

He bore his eyes into her as she blinked and stuttered in a frightened whisper, “Th.. the.. Force.” Then her eyes shut tight and she took deep breaths. He pushed his blade slightly harder against hers and stared down as her face fell serene and calm. This wasn’t good she was centering herself in someway. He should move now to bring her down and disarm her, do something, anything… but instead he stood frozen, holding the blade lock, entranced by the serenity that had taken her expression. She was beautiful, the calmness seemed to be seeping into him from her.

And that wasn’t good at all.

He gritted his teeth and pushed to bring up his emotion. Anger, impatience, the possessiveness he felt towards her. Anything, before he weakened further. 

In the back of his mind he felt something. A tingling, as if a small thread was vibrating at the edge of his consciousness. He had felt it once before interrogating the girl. She had felt it too, and it frightened her.  _ I feel it too, _ he had said, why he still didn’t know. He didn’t know what it was, but somehow that acknowledgement that there was something they both sensed had seemed necessary.

His frustration rose, ignoring the sensation in his mind. He had no time for it. She was beaten. Why couldn’t she just surrender to him? Accept his offer. Anger rose from the frustration, the rejection in the silence, good, he needed the fuel.

Her eyes flickered open, reflecting the colors of the red and blue blades spitting above her. He stared back, waiting… tense.

It was a split second for her face to change, anger flooded her eyes and her mouth snarled, and suddenly she dropped out of the the lock, and ducked away from him. He recognized what she had just done. It was a perfect execution of an advanced maneuver. It made no sense that a girl with no familiarity with a lightsaber could possibly know or execute it. She moved on the offensive at him, raining down blows with a furious speed. He was struggling to block her attacks, moving backwards. The strength he could understand, she was pulling from the darkside of the force now, and she was finding how powerful of an ally it could be. But her saber skills had increased as well, which made no sense. The way she handled the blade was familiar… he felt like he was fighting a mirror of himself.

She slashed and he was too late to block, the blue blade slashed through his side, slashing and searing his tunic. He stumbled, arm to his wounded side, swinging a single, awkward slash her direction to keep her at bay as he tried to get himself together again.

But she advanced on him and jabbed forward, hitting him in the shoulder. He staggered, she was the embodiment of rage, the darkside poured out of her. In a blur of motion, he found himself thrown back on the ground from a kick in the chest. His lightsaber sizzled against the snow.

He felt fear creeping in around his brain, how was this happening?

He stumbled to his feet and lunged at her. Grabbing her saber hand and holding it upward, she matched the move and grabbed his saber with her other hand, pushing it downward to the ground. He fought, but was losing, his blade moved down closer to the ground. Again, the thread at the back of his mind seemed to vibrate… and he felt as if he was being drained, as if she was a vacuum sucking his own well of the force dry.

In an effort to save his saber, he let go of her hand. A mistake, he saw her swing downward and slash through his at the crossguard vents. A fit of rage rose in him but he had no time to absorb it before the blue blade slashed through his shoulder and face, flinging him backwards into the snow. She loomed above him, seething with rage and hate. 

He pushed himself on his elbows,  _ how? _ , racing through his mind on a frantic repeat. How the hell could this have happened?

She had time to strike him down, but she hesitated. And in that hesitation her chance was lost. The world shook around them and the ground split between them. They found themselves on different sides of a wide divide.

She stared at him a moment confusion and fear dancing onto her face, and then deactivated her blade, turned and ran into the woods.

_ Towards the traitor _ , he thought. He could feel her long after she left his view. As she ran he felt as if the that small vibrating thread was being pulled with her, growing taut but stretching effortlessly as the distance increased. As if it was a small permanent tether between the two of them. An absurd thought but..

He let the thought go for now. More of the planet crumbled around him as the light from the shuttle hit him.  As it landed and the doors opened, a medic team rushed out to him, behind them, silhouetted by the interior light, Hux stood, scowling, yelling at the team to hurry. He tried to push himself up, to stand, to walk over on his own control, but immediately his strength gave out. A medic pushed him back and they slid him onto a gurney, and carried him past Hux through the gaping mouth of the shuttle. He drifted in and out of consciousness for a moment, Hux was screaming at the pilot to take off. Through the shuttle he could feel the vibrations of the world outside as it teared itself apart. 

As the shuttle took off he pushed outward, feeling for the girl. He sensed her, just fleetingly, but distance and chaos was making it hard to know for sure. Unsure of how exactly he was doing it, he reached into himself and found that thread in the back of his mind, and tugged it slightly. It shook with an almost violent vibration, and then he took a deep breath. She was there, on the other end. Alive.

With certainty he realized she was on the falcon. The traitor was there too, still alive, if barely. And the wookie. The wookie had found them in the woods. 

He wasn’t even sure how he knew all of that. It wasn’t mind reading as he understood it, that was like thumbing through a mixture of images and emotions, moving through them like some chaotic book. This was different. It wasn’t as if someone had told him, or he had found it, he just knew. He flitted on the edge of consciousness.

She was exhausted as well, he thought. He felt her exhaustion draining her mind to the point of numbness. He reached again into his mind and found that thread, and stilled it. Her feelings faded quickly out of his head. He closed his eyes. He didn’t understand what this was, but he was sure she understood it far less than he did. Which meant he had an advantage.

The medics had cut away his shirt and he glanced down at the wounds. The saber slash from the girl was deep, but the bowcaster wound was worse. A hand moved over him and he lurched through the pain and caught it by the wrist

“No sedatives,” he growled.

“We need to treat your wounds, sir, it would be too painfu--”

He cut the medic off, “Treat them, no sedatives.” He released the medic’s hand and fell back onto the gurney.

The medic looked at Hux, standing off to the side, flustered. “Ren…”

He looked at Hux, eyes cold. Whatever it was he had been going to say was left unsaid. He looked at the medic, “Do as he says,” his voice a huff, before turning and going into the cockpit of the shuttle.

The medic dropped the sedative. 

They began to clean his wounds. The pain was intense enough that he nearly passed out, but he managed to keep himself there, bathing in the pain and using it to feed that dark well inside of himself. Feeding the monster that was the darkside of the Force within him.

He steadied himself, gritting his teeth. He felt his anger swelling. Good. Good. For the first time since he’d captured her, he felt his anger directed at the girl. The girl who’d done this to him. He could have killed her a thousand times over but had held back. He had reached out to offer her his guidance as a mentor, and she’d bit his extended hand like an animal. A growl rose out of his throat.

She would hurt, he thought in blind fury. He’d destroy those few people she’d come to care about. If he was lucky maybe she could be forced to watch… and then he’d have her beg, grovel before him for her own life. And then…

He blinked, surprised, even in this fit of rage he knew he’d spare her life. Because… because... she was HIS. She would submit to him, to his control. He felt a wave of emotions that he didn’t entirely understand flood over him.  Something strangely carnal and animalistic, desire maybe on some level… it didn’t matter what they were, they flowed from the darkside and he could use them to feed into his power.

Licking his lips, he reached into his mind for that thread again. He felt her, he was certain she’d fallen asleep. There was no peace in it for her, just a submission to the exhaustion. He closed his eyes, and imagined himself wrapping his hand around that thread that seemed to lead straight to her, and jerked it violently. 

His entire head spun with the force of the vibrations. He felt her snap awake, gasping, confused, on the other end. A smile played across his face, she was holding her head, trying to deal with the same sensation he had on his end of this, whatever it was. He wasn’t sure entirely what he was doing, but he took a deep breath and focused on that thread, and then spoke across it.

_ We aren’t done yet. _

He felt her eyes widen on the other end. She’d heard him.

_ We aren’t nearly done yet, girl. You are going to pay for this. _

He felt her fear rising on the other end of the connection. 

_ I’m going to kill everyone you care about,  _ he thought at her, viciously. And then with a cruel laugh,  _ not that there are enough to even make that a challenge. _

_ I’m coming for you, _ he promised at her.

The waves of emotion on her side vibrated across the thread, he into his mind and clamped down on it, silencing the waves of her bombarding his mind.

Satisfied, he closed his eyes. The medics were still working on him, but his entire being seemed numb now to the pain. He felt himself slipping towards unconsciousness, he decided to allow it, and let it sweep him away like a man caught in a torrent of water, down into oblivion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we have my weird interpretation of a force bond and Kylo's obsession with Rey being really fucking dark in his rage. 
> 
> We're going to let him cool off a bit and spend some time with Rey next instead and get her on over to Luke. Then we'll be off in some new territory and see where this ride takes us. Wheeee....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives on Ahch-To and heads up to find Luke. 
> 
> \---------  
> She shook her head as she came upon a series of rock dwellings. She didn’t stop, they were empty, she knew that for sure. She realized she could feel him, faintly. She stopped a moment taking a deep breath. It wasn’t just him, she felt an almost oppressing sensory wave hit her. She could feel everything. From fish swimming in the sea to the birds swooping overhead. Even the grass and moss seemed to hum out with their own mark in the energy. So much life, each sending out its own signature pulse in the force. She was able to pick out Chewie through the jumble, down by the Falcon, and further ahead, the loudest pulse, the person she was looking for.
> 
> The ground itself seemed to thrum in her head, as if power was flowing through it, into her. For a moment she felt strangely terrified. This place was not ordinary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's more rehash in here, Rey's perspective on the interrogation. I figured that long hike to find Luke probably gave her some time reflect, and I really wanted to tell that scene from her perspective.
> 
> And hey! Luke, good to see you buddy! And you actually get to say something!

As they breached the clouds and the ocean came into view, she was once again overcome by the feeling that none of this could be real.  She’d seen this world, this endless ocean dotted by islands. It was the place she came at night when sleep refused to take her, a place that seemed to exist in the depths of her mind. 

He had seen it in her head too, she thought, and shivered slightly. Chewie glanced at her, noticing her brief moment of apprehension, and she shot him a small smile to let him know she was fine.

The sense that she was coasting through some kind of dream had hung over her since Starkiller. She was no one, just another scavenger from a world no one cared about.  _ And yet… _ she thought as she guided the Falcon to the a safe landing spot on the island,  _ here I am _ . Artoo beeped behind her and she glanced at him and nodded. In the brief amount of time she’d know the droid she’d already come to like him. 

Walking off the ship her senses felt overwhelmed. The contrasting green growth against the black, jagged rock; the feel of the wind blowing off the sea; the smell, even taste, of salt. It was beautiful in a much more different way than Takodona had been. This was a harsher, more rugged beauty. The ocean was in constant rage, smashing itself against cliffs of the island, a contrast to the serene lake she stood next to by Maz’s castle.

A pathway, stairs of rock laid by someone, sometime, long ago. They lead upward, inward to the island. She checked the shoulder bag and started upward, using her staff as a walking stick. A short way away she glanced back at Chewie and Artoo. Chewie growled out in support. Artoo beeped and danced excitedly, “Find him, find him, he’s here!” 

She smiled and continued to follow the pathway.

It was a long climb. She took in her surroundings but found her mind wandering, back to Takodona, the confusing vision she was thrown into when she touched the saber. Even now she had trouble grasping all the imagery, the voices, more than one voice, blending together to the point that it was hard to make anything out.

_ Its energy… binds us.  You will be tempted…  _

And the final words, a voice that seemed both commanding and kind, a warmth to it, “ _ Rey…… these are your first steps. _ ”

She didn’t know what any of it meant. The images terrified her. He had been there, masked, HIM, and it seemed almost as if he had seen her in the vision. Reacting and coming towards her. Hunting her at the end as she fell back away from him.

But he’d been familiar too, as if his presence had been in her mind, in her dreams. Something vague that lurked in the corners of her nightmares. She shook her head as she came upon a series of rock dwellings. She didn’t stop, they were empty, she knew that for sure. She realized she could feel him, faintly. She stopped a moment taking a deep breath. It wasn’t just him, she felt an almost oppressing sensory wave hit her. She could feel everything. From fish swimming in the sea to the birds swooping overhead. Even the grass and moss seemed to hum out with their own mark in the energy. So much life, each sending out its own signature pulse in the force. She was able to pick out Chewie through the jumble, down by the Falcon, and further ahead, the loudest pulse, the person she was looking for. 

The ground itself seemed to thrum in her head, as if power was flowing through it, into her. For a moment she felt strangely terrified. This place was not ordinary.

A deep breath recentered her, and she concentrated on muting this… whatever it was. It was too overwhelming. Slowly the sensations seeped away and her head quieted. She concentrated on the person ahead, his presence grew in her mind. She continued, drawn to him.

Her mind wandered again, this time back to  _ HIM _ . Back to the monster in a mask who had trapped her in place with the force of his will. The terror of that moment, being held in place as if her body had turned to stone. The pain as he breached her mind for the first time. His realization that she’d seen the map, her terror being overwhelmed with horror of what that might mean. And then still trapped hearing him utter “we have what we need” before her mind felt as if a hand wrapped around it and squeezed it, and the world went black.

Then awaking, her body jerking against the restraints. Looking down at her bound arms she’d then noticed him for the first time, crouching silently, blank mask staring at her. Her skin had crawled at the thought of how long she’d been being watched. She had no idea where she’d been taken.

“Where am I?”

A pause, then a response. It was hard to tell what emotion was behind the voice as it came out of the mask, but somehow she got the sense it was amused, “You’re my guest.”

She hadn’t been surprised at the lack of any real information, “Where are the others?” Her fear jumped as she thought of BB-8, Han, Chewie… Finn. She hoped Finn had left before they arrived, was able to be far away and in ignorance of any of the rest of what had happened.

“You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves that you call friends?” A pause, “You’ll be relieved to know I have no idea”

She had bristled at ‘murderers, traitors, and thieves.’ The idea that this creature before her, who carried out acts far worse than anything she could imagine, was judging HER friends… When he said he had no idea, relief washed over her along with a cold, angry resolve. Her jaw hardened, staring at that empty blank mask.

He seemed to feel it, his head cocked slightly, “You still want to kill me.” It may have been her imagination, but there seemed to be a wonder and surprise to the modulated voice.

Anger took control for a moment, and the words spat out of her, “That’s what happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.”

Another pause and his hands moved to the back of his helmet, disengaging whatever locking mechanism kept it in place. He stood suddenly, pulling it off as he rose, revealing a face that seemed almost ordinary, if not for the intensity of the eyes framed by his black hair. Her anger was muted for a moment by confusion at the action, at the face that didn’t seem to match the creature he was. He walked over to a table and slammed the helmet down on a table. She felt a slight, strange pull in her stomach. Her body seemed to be reacting in a way that was against her mind’s will. A strange sensation started somewhere in the back of her mind, a vibration. As he turned, she flicked her eyes away, trying to lock her eyes on the wall ahead of her, not wanting him to see she’d been staring. Her will broke with fear and curiosity when he reached her side and she flicked another glance at him before forcing herself to look away.

“Tell me about the droid.”

“He’s a BB unit,” she started, rattling off technical details that were clearly not the information he was asking for. 

She felt his eyes crawling over her and then he cut her off, “He’s carrying a section of a navigational chart. And we have the rest, recovered from the archives of the empire, but we need the last piece, and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you.”

“ _ You? _ ”

She winced inwardly at the way the word came out. The implication was there even before the next ones came out of his mouth “ _ A scavenger? _ ”

The words seemed to cement her own sense that she was in over her head, over her stature. She was no one and didn’t belong here, didn’t belong in this fight. People like her were tiny insects that the powers of the galaxy would step over, unnoticed, and sometimes occasionally crush without much thought under their feet. She was no one, and yet, somehow, she had found herself here.

He sensed her embarrassment as she glanced up at him. He broke eye contact this time, tracing his eyes over her body before he spoke with a voice that seemed to tinge slightly with shame and regret, though it may have just been her imagination, “You know I can take whatever I want.”

Then he was next to her, his hand hovering an inch from the side of her face. An aching pain seeped into her mind as he pushed his way in. She tried to push back, push him out, but he seemed to just set himself in deeper.

“So lonely, so afraid to leave,” She winced at his words, he was pawing his way through her insecurities, her fears. In the futile efforts to push him out she became aware that the strange vibration in the back of her mind was becoming stronger. “At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean,” she thought she could almost feel him start to smile, “I see it, I see the ocean.”

He pushed further, and suddenly he felt colder, “And Han Solo, you feel like he’s the father you never had.”  She felt a strange wave of emotion coming off him, “He would have disappointed you.”

She gritted her teeth, a spark of anger rising, but her voice came out as a breathy, angry whisper. “Get out of my head.” She tried to wrap herself around his invading presence in her mind and shove it.

To her surprise, he moved away from her and withdrew just slightly from her head. She hadn’t been able to tell if it was a reaction to her attempt to push him away, but the remaining presence left felt so solid that she doubted it. He stood before her, hand out, “I know you’ve seen the map.”

He seemed to be getting himself centered, “It’s in there, and now you’ll give it to me.”

Then he pushed, harder than he had any time before. She gasped as the pain spread throughout her head. She wrapped her mind around his invading presence and shoved again to no avail, he plowed forward, digging through her memories and churning up her mind. Searching for her memory of the map. And he was getting closer to it.

_ Build a wall _ , she thought. She didn’t know how, but she concentrated on blocking off the memory of the map. In the back of her head that vibration seemed to strum intensely, somehow both alien and familiar at the same time. For a moment it spiked and it seemed to wash out everything for a brief moment.

He stopped for a moment, taking a breath, “Don’t be afraid, I feel it to.” There was no context to what he was talking about, but she knew. She had already known, somehow, that he was sharing this overpowering sensation with her.

She gasped again at the chaos in her head, his assault and this… thing, then steadied herself with resolve, looking directly into those dark intense eyes, “I’m not giving you anything.”

A tiny smug smile passed over his face, “We’ll see,” he winked. And then the pain and pressure increased. She stifled a cry and concentrated building her wall, her barrier between him and the memory of the map. She felt his presence hit the barrier, and it held. Then the pain increased as he shoved himself against it. 

He was confused, and hesitated, unsure at what to do. She leaned forward towards his hand, towards the pull of the force. And without knowing how she knew, she felt an opening, and realized she knew how to breach it.

She didn’t know how she knew, but she pushed her own mind against it, around it. She felt a current between the two of them reverse. She was in his head.

“You,” she said, eyes narrowing, “You’re afraid…”

Fear and confusion rose in his eyes, his head shook slightly,  _ no, no, this can’t _ …

“That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!”

The connection slammed shut, his withdrawal rapid and ragged enough that it seemed to scrape against her mind leaving furrows that throbbed. But then he was gone and she took a gasping breath. He was breathing hard, lips trembling, eyes stunned. 

And in the back of her mind, the vibration hummed a moment louder before subsiding.

He turned, grabbed his helmet, and fled the room. Running from her.

She snapped back to the present, a black and white ball of feathers swooped by her head and landed on a ledge above her. I made a strange, squawking bark, looking down at her. In place of a beak, it had a narrow long snout. It saw her looking and puffed out it’s tail and raised a small crest of feathers on it’s head, it’s lips raised up showing a line of needle-like teeth. Small or not, she decided to give it wide berth as she passed it.

In the days since Starkiller she’d come back to those strange moments where she had just knew things. How to exploit the opening and enter his mind. How to trick the guard… what she was doing wrong when it didn’t work the first time. And when  _ HE _ had his blade locked against hers on the edge of the cliff, how to break out of it. How to use the saber and fight back. How to use her rage to strengthen her and drive her power.

That she had done the last one still frightened and horrified her. She was sure she wouldn’t have beaten him if she hadn’t tapped into that dark power in herself, but it was if she had opened up some caged creature that lived within her and released it to rampage. 

In the final moments of the two of them locked together, his hand holding her saber up and hers holding his down. She had felt as if she was pulling strength from him, drawing into hers. The thought that she might have been taking from him made her shudder.

She followed the path up a rising curve. So close now. So close.

Her eyes closed, for a moment she thought back that horrible moment on the Falcon after Starkiller, startled awake as her mind seemed to be trying to rattle out of his skull. Feeling him, as if coming through those vibrations, in waves of malicious fury. Behind that had been pain, and some strangely carnal want. And then his voice in her head, threatening, promising.  And then it was just gone as quickly as it had come. Leaving her to question if it had ever really happened at all.

Cresting the rise, she saw him. A robed figure on the edge of the cliff, facing the ocean. As she approached he seemed to sense her presence, tensing and turning to face her. He reached up to his hood, one hand was mechanical, dark metal. He pushed the hood back, almost dramatically, revealing a worn face and pained eyes. 

_ Skywalker. _

She reached for her bag and pulled it open, her hand finding the lightsaber. Walking forward a few more steps, she held it out to him, an offering. She realized she had no idea what would happen next and she felt her heart skip in desperation. 

Recognition and emotion filled his eyes, he tensed slightly. It seemed as if she could feel a wave of pain and regret wash over him. 

_ He knows,  _ she thought,  _ he knows what this all means. _ Calmness washed over her and she stood, lightsaber out, waiting.

It felt as if they stood like that for years.

Then slowly, he stepped forward. His hand reached out cautiously and wrapped around the metal hilt of the saber. She released it into his hand. He looked at it, turning it in his hand, and then looked back at her.

She didn’t know what to say or do. Finally she took a breath, “Leia sent me.”

He nodded, “I know.” His eyes seemed to bore into her. They stood quietly, she wasn’t sure if he was expecting her to say anything else. Finally he broke the silence, “Who else is here?”

“Just Artoo,” his eyes flickered at the droid’s name. “And Chewbacca. They stayed with the Millennium Falcon”

A small smile, but a sad one. He was thinking about Han, she realized. He already knew, she was sure, but the absence of Han’s name next to Chewie’s and the Falcon’s confirmed it in a way that brought the reality home.

The quiet settled over them again, and then he turned, glancing at her and nodding his head in the direction he was going. “Come on, then.”

She blinked, “Where…” and fell in step behind him.

“To talk. And eat. I think you have a story to tell, and stories are best told over a meal.”

She opened her mouth and then shut it. Not sure of what else to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, I think we're heading off into the new rugged territory of my imagination from now on. Training wheels off, let's hope I don't crash and burn as I try to steer this thing.
> 
> Oh, and Rey? I feel like you and Luke have been standing there for years too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Luke have a conversation.
> 
> Did I mention I suck at summaries?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new territory, an I use it to retell the story of TFA! Okay, I really was trying to figure out how to have Rey tell her story to Luke without it being too obnoxious for those of us out here next to the forth wall that know what happened since we watched TFA 23 times now. 
> 
> Enjoy.

It was small and a bit damp in the stone dwelling. It would have been cramped if not for the lack of much in it. A sleeping mat, a small stone table close to the floor, a few books, a small pile of clothes. For as few things she had to call her own on Jakku, her home would have made her look like a pack rat compared to this. 

She had sat down on the floor next to the table as Luke had tended the fire and set a pot of something to simmer. The smell of the food caused her stomach to grumble. The last month of her life her she had been more sated than any time she could remember before, but it seemed as if she had a bottomless pit when it came to food. Her stomach constantly demanding more as long as she could get it.

The sound of a lightsaber igniting made her jump, and she looked up to see him turning the saber she’d given him in his metal hand. The blue light reflected on eyes that seemed far away, pulled into old memories. She watched silently, until he seemed to notice her and turned the saber off, looking down at his metal fingers wrapped around the hilt. To her surprise, the corners of his mouth wrinkled into a wry, amused smile.

“I don’t suppose they found the hand to go with this?”

She jumped, they’d been silent for a long time. Confused, she looked at him quizzically, “I.. I’m sorry?”

He looked up at her, still amused, and raised his robotic prosthetic, “I lost them both at the same time.”

“I… um, oh.” Not sure how to respond. 

“It was a battle I wasn’t ready for,” he sighed, “but to be honest I don’t think I’d change much if I could go back.”

Outside she could see the light was starting to fade. Thinking to Chewie and Artoo waiting back at the Falcon and frowned at how long she’d been away.

Luke walked over and placed the saber on the table before going back to the fire and grabbing two old, worn bowls, “Don’t worry, they’ll be patient.” 

Somehow he’d known what she was thinking.

He didn’t look over but ladled the food out of the pot into the bowls. He came over and set the bowls on the table. “I’m afraid I’m not the best cook and it isn’t the best food but it serves its purpose.”

She barely heard his modest pronouncement over the grumbling of her stomach. She grabbed the spoon in the bowl and started to shovel down the food, abandoning any sense of modesty. When it came to food her mind and body had yet to be convinced it wasn’t the last she was going to see for awhile. 

Mid-bite, she glanced up and blushed, seeing Luke watching her, almost startled by the veracity that she was attacking the food, “I guess maybe I’m not as bad of a cook as I thought.”

“I’ve spent my life living on old empire food rations,” she said after swallowing, “compared to portions this is delicious.”

He surveyed her thoughtfully, “Who are you?”

She blinked, “I… I’m noone.”

His eyes narrowed slightly and he picked up his spoon, “Now that I’m afraid I don’t believe at all.” A shake of his head, “What’s your name?”

“Rey… I’m Rey,” she looked down away from his gaze and took another bite.

“Rey,” he smiled, “I’m Luke.”

She glanced up and met his smile,“I know.” It occurred to her that his eyes, though pained and sad, were also very kind.

“Where are you from?”

“Jakku…” she paused, “at least, that’s where I lived the last 14 years. I don’t know where I came from before that.”

Thoughtful eyes surveyed her across the table.

“You have a story to tell?”

Her eyes closed for a moment. The whole thing seemed like a jumble in her head, how to get all of that out to communicate it to another being? She sighed, “I guess I do.” Pausing, she frowned, “I guess it started with a droid.”

The corner of Luke’s mouth twisted into a small smile, “Well, then this should be a good story. The best stories start with a droid.”

She looked over, trying to determine if he was being sarcastic. He wasn’t, she thought to herself, taking a deep breath, she began to talk, starting with saving BB-8 from the Teedo’s net, then to stumbling into Finn in Niima. The first order showing up, sending them running for their lives, stealing the junk ship to escape.

Not sure if she was rambling or not, she took a breath and looked over at Luke, but he seemed to be listening intently. Escaping Jakku, then the ship being caught. Han and Chewie boarding them and them finding out that ship they’d stolen was the Millenium Falcon. 

Luke turned his eyes down at the mention of Han, but was still listening intently. Han’s offer to help, taking them to Takodona. Maz’s cantina. Finn turning tail to run to the outer rim and confessing who he was. And then the child’s cries drawing her down and to the chest with the saber.

He stopped her, “It called to you?” He nodded down at the saber sitting between them on the table.

“I… guess so. I touched it, and then I wasn’t in that room anymore. It… I guess it was a vision.”

Luke’s eyes bore into her, “I know it can be hard to recall everything, but can you do your best to describe what you saw and heard?”

“I was in a hallway, lighting up…” she did her best to describe it and was surprised at the recognition in his eyes. “I heard sounds of a fight. Someone screaming.”

“Cloud City,” he murmured.

“Then it twisted and collapsed on itself, and I was outside, a building was burning… Artoo was there, and I… I... think it was you.” Luke closed his eyes, he knew where this had been as well, when he opened them his eyes were filled with pain, but he nodded at her to continue.

“Then I fell onto rocky ground in the dark. In pouring rain. A man above me about to strike, but his weapon was grabbed and he was impaled by a red lightsaber. By Ren. And I got to my feet Ren and other masked men, the ground was littered with bodies… and Ren seemed to notice me, and walked towards me…”

Luke seemed to pale a bit the moment the name Ren came from her mouth. She took another breath, not wanting to share the next part, “And then I was on Jakku, a child was screaming. I was the child screaming. When I was left there, I was screaming at them to come back.”

“Then it shifted again, a snowy forest, I tried to run and Ren appeared in front of me, saber lit, I fell back into the snow… and then I hit the ground back at the hallway at Maz’s, just outside the room.”

She waited to see if he’d say anything, but he just looked down, frowning. Finally he spoke, “And were there any other sounds or voices?”

“It was hard to make out, its energy… binds us, surrounds us. Then another, you will be tempted, but it can not be helped. That voice at the end also said Rey, these are your first steps.”

A sigh, he nodded for her to continue.

She told him about Maz finding her. Telling her that the saber had been Luke’s and his father before him. Telling her to take it, her refusal to accept. Her panic and fleeing the cantina and into the woods, finding BB-8 following her and then seeing the First Order ships and fighters arriving, going back to see them laying Maz’s castle to ruins. Killing the first storm trooper with the blaster Han had given her.

Recounting shooting the trooper she paused to take a deep breath.

“Had you ever killed before?” Luke’s voice was kind, but there was a sharpness in his eyes as he regarded her.

Shaking her head, “No… well at least not that I’ve known. Jakku is rough, I learned to defend myself. But I don’t think I ever…”

He nodded, she continued. Firing at a few more before running back into the woods with BB-8. And then sending BB-8 away so she could hopefully hold off anyone so he could get far enough away. 

Then it had been quiet, until she heard the sound of his saber, the sound she’d heard in the vision. And then HE had emerged, Kylo Ren. Batting away her blaster fire as if it was nothing, and then him locking her in place, unable to move. 

She paused, it seemed hard to continue. Through the narrow windows she could see the last daylight slipping away.

“Oh, Ben,” it was a sad sigh. Luke rubbed his eyes.

Ben, that’s what Han had yelled out to him on Starkiller, before… she shut her eyes tight, not wanting her mind to go there. “You knew him?”

“Once, I did. Or at least I thought I did, my nephew.”

For a moment she sat, confused, before it hit her. Leia. How had she not realized that before now? He was Han and Leia’s son. Another piece clicked into place, what Han had said on the Falcon when she’d asked why Luke had gone, an apprentice who destroyed everything. “He was the one who betrayed you? The apprentice?”

“Yes,” Luke looked away, not saying anything else.

For a minute there was silence, and then she continued. Him entering her mind, finding that she’d seen the map, then blackness. Then waking up strapped to the interrogation table, with  _ HIM _ there, watching.

She recounted the interrogation and in the flickering light of the fire saw Luke frown as she told of managing to enter Ren’s mind, him fleeing. Then the trick on the guard.

“How did you know how to do a Jedi mind trick?” Luke cut her off as she talked, the intensity around him had risen.

“I don’t know.” His frown deepened. “I didn’t even know that’s what it was called. I just, I heard the guard and knew it was something I could do. It seemed crazy, I tried it, it didn’t work, and I realized what I was doing wrong, that I had to be calm…”

Again, silence, she took that as a sign to continue. She told about escaping, doing her best to avoid capture and figuring a way how. And then nearly at the door turning the corner to run straight into Finn, Han, and Chewie. A pained smile crossed her face,  “They’d come to save me.”

Exiting and heading for the Falcon, only to realize the Resistance fighters were losing their battle. The entire planet was a weapon, she explained. It had already been used to destroy the Hosnian system, and the Resistance base was the next target. The decision, Han’s decision, to use the explosives to damage the oscillator. She and Finn went to pull the fuses on the doors so Han and Chewie could get in to rig the explosives. Then she and Finn returning to find Han confronting Ren on the walk way.

Tears were running down her face now. Han…

“You don’t have to.”

She looked at Luke, startled to see him crying as well. He shook his head and said softly, “Ben killed him?”

A nod, “You already knew he was gone?”

“Yes, I felt it. And my sister felt it. I felt her pain as well.” A shake of his head, his voice sad, “Ben. Why, Ben?”

Quiet, she wiped her eyes. Chewie shooting Ren, the explosions, firing at the troopers in rage, Finn dragging her out. Making their way through the snowy woods to find him in front of them. Being flung through the air and knocked out, Finn’s screams bringing her back, and then coming to enough to see HIM striking that blow through Finn’s back. And his attention to the lightsaber, calling it to him, and she reached out, willing it to come to her, being shocked when it actually did. The battle, realizing she was being overpowered, trying to get away, keeper her distance. Then confusion as the woods started to collapse around them. But he kept coming, his eyes never leaving her.

Him catching her blade and pinning her against the cliff edge. And then his voice, almost drowned out the chaotic terror running through her mind, “You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the force.”

The Force, she’d thought, and closed her eyes, breathing deep. Trying to calm herself. And then… she paused, looking away.

“And then?”

She looked at Luke, “And then I got angry. More angry than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

Breaking the hold, attacking with a ferocity and strength she didn’t even understand. Finally destroying his saber and slashing him. Standing above him, seething. And then the ground separating them.

She looked at Luke, “That was the darkside? I was using the darkside?” 

He nodded.

“A voice was whispering in my head to kill him as he layed there.”

“But you didn’t.”

She frowned, “I hesitated, and then we were divided.” 

“You stood at the edge of the abyss, but you didn’t cross it,” again, his voice was kind.  “I faced my own temptation, long ago, and I was older than you, and understood more.”

Sighing, she told of going back to find Finn. And then the light of the Falcon blinding her. Chewie had found them. Taking off as the planet fell apart, then jumping to hyperspace with the remains of the Resistance fleet.

For a moment she considered telling him about waking up on the way back to the Resistance base with her head spinning with vibrations and Ren’s voice in her head, promising he was going to find her. But in the end she decided to keep that to herself.

Artoo waking up, the map being completed. Leia sending her.

She sighed, “And then here I am.”

“Quite a story for noone.” The firelight reflected off Luke’s eyes, “Was he right?”

“I… who?”

“Ben.”

She stared, not understanding.

“That you need a teacher?”

She looked away, “I… I don’t know.” Leaning her head against her hands a moment, she closed her eyes tight, “I’m just a scavenger.”

“And I was a boy working on his uncle’s moisture farm. Upset that he wasn’t letting me go to Tosche Station to pick up power converters.” 

Meeting his eyes, he surprised her with a wink, “My story began with a droid too.”

“Leia needs you. The Resistance needs you,” her voice felt pleading.

He looked at her, “I know.” Looking away for a moment into the fire, “But I can’t do it alone.”

She stared, confused. He sighed, “Rey…will you help me?”

Her heart fluttered in her throat. This all felt insane. She swallowed, “If I can.”

His hand reached out to the lightsaber on the table between them, holding it out to her, “No if. You can.”

A moment passed, staring at the offering. Her hand reached out and grasped the saber, closing her eyes. She knew what she was agreeing too. 

“How long?” 

“Until you’re ready.”

“The Resistance...” her fear at what might happen to them, if they delayed here for training.

“The Force will be with them. When it’s time the Force tell us.” He stood up, taking the empty bowls off the table. “It’s not the most comfortable, but you should sleep here tonight.”

Looking over, “We’ll go down in the morning and talk to Chewie and Artoo.”

She nodded, feeling drained from reliving the story, reliving the nightmare. She leaned against the table and rested her head on her hands. Closing her eyes for just a moment… just a moment...   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, I got us through that. 
> 
> My Luke characterization is still coming together. I wanted him to be sad and kind yet still have a bit of wit and a sense of humor. Oh, and I totally pulled that 'did you find the hand' joke from a meme where Luke's response to Rey holding out the lightsaber was to say "There was a hand too, did you bring the hand?"
> 
> I'm regretting not starting this story with a droid. The best stories start with a droid. ;)
> 
> I have some vague notions of where I'm going from here. We may take a brief trip into Luke's head before getting ourselves back to Kylo. Hopefully Kylo's chilled down a bit since we last saw him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke contemplates recent events.
> 
> \-----------
> 
> He had been expecting someone to come. There was disturbances in the Force, swirling eddies and and turbulent rapids. Han’s death had brought grief along with the realization that time was short. He’d left the pieces of the map knowing that when the Force willed it, the pieces would fall into the right hands and they’d find their way to him. Despite all of it, though, he had not expected the call to come in the form of a girl, ebbing with raw Force power, offering him the saber he’d lost during the battle with his father over 30 years ago. The saber that had once father’s saber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat short chapter, but I needed to get Rey tucked in and spend a little time getting to know Luke better.

Luke was finishing cleaning up when he looked over to see the girl had fallen asleep, her head on the table. He went over and moved her gently off the table to the floor, where she curled herself into a ball. He shook out one of his blankets and covered her, looking down at her thoughtfully.

He had been expecting someone to come. There was disturbances in the Force, swirling eddies and and turbulent rapids. Han’s death had brought grief along with the realization that time was short. He’d left the pieces of the map knowing that when the Force willed it, the pieces would fall into the right hands and they’d find their way to him. Despite all of it, though, he had not expected the call to come in the form of a girl, ebbing with raw Force power, offering him the saber he’d lost during the battle with his father over 30 years ago. The saber that had once father’s saber.

It made him realize how resigned he’d felt the last few weeks, knowing the time was coming that he’d have to go back. He was sure in the end he was going to fail, but he’d at least fail fighting back against the darkside. The girl brought him a spark of hope. She was strong in the Force, stronger than she knew or understood. If he didn’t have to face the challenges ahead alone, maybe there was a chance, however slight, to push back the evil that had been rising again in the galaxy.

But she would need to be trained. The thought of taking on that task filled him with dread, his failures haunting him. Those ghosts would be in his head for a long time, but he would not question the path the Force was putting before him.

As she’d told her story, he’d begun to realize that even if she wanted to, she’d never directly ask him for help. Her past made her loath to reach out to anyone for help and she didn’t trust easily. There was also a great amount of doubt in herself, in that she could ever be anything special. And on the end of that just enough stubborn pridefulness that he was certain if he had told her she needed to train with him, she would have pushed back. She would have been against staying here, insistent on them leaving to get back to the Resistance.

So he asked instead.

He would not deny that it was manipulation. She didn’t like to ask of other and she didn’t like to be told, but her compassion and kindness led her to want to help others. She would not deny a request to aid.  If it hadn’t been true, he might have felt a bit more guilt at his action. But he had been honest with her. Any chance of success would require her help.

It was going to be an interesting time ahead. She was not going to be an easy student. She would pushback against him sooner rather than later, and her trust would be wary at first. Letting go of her fears and doubts would be difficult. Her mind was a harsh landscape filled with scars of past trauma and callouses built up over time to protect herself against the abuse of those that would seek to use her and throw her away.

On one side of her there was that her nagging doubt on her worth, on the other she seemed to carry herself with a level of confidence at what she could do. A strange vortex of confidence and self doubt, contradicting each other yet coexisting.

Ben had been a contradiction as well.  Somehow he had been both arrogant and prideful while still bearing a crushing weight of insecurity and self doubt. A smugness of self-entitlement that hid a boy who hurt easily and was weary with trust. A boy who deep down felt like his parents had sent him away because they didn’t love him. It always drove him inward, drove him towards resentment. 

Setting himself down on his sleeping mat, he rubbed his eyes.   _ Ben, oh Ben _ . Thinking about him brought a wash of pain, anger at the betrayal, sadness, shame. Despite everything he’d failed the boy, failed Han and Leia. 

The idea of facing Ben shook him to his core. He had been hard, perhaps too hard, on him. There had always been a fear of Ben’s pull towards the dark and the dark places his mind would go. He’d been desperate to crush that darkness, to keep the boy on the correct path. Looking back, he realized this only had made things worse. 

But he had been his blood and his padawan. They had fought side by side and bled on the field of battle together. His life had been saved more than once by Ben’s saber, and Ben had been saved more than once by his.

He sighed, looking over once more at the girl… at Rey.  The potential was there, so much of it. As long as he could avoid failing her as he’d failed Ben.

Closing his eyes, he let his mind go mute, and let sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke, it seems to me, is going to be fairly complex character. I'm always surprised that he seems to be one dimensional and flat in so many fics that use him. He's often more of a background character, so that's probably part of it. But I often am longing for more depth and for someone to capture a character who is slightly broken but still determined. Kind but willing to manipulate in order to get things they way he feels they need to be. 
> 
> I'm hoping my characterization is decent and at least touches on those things.
> 
> Time to visit Kylo again. I think we're going to have to go have fun with force bonds again soon too.
> 
> With work I'm not sure if I'll get another update before next weekend. Work's a bitch, ain't it?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo dreams of Rey and his dreams are really kinda creepy.
> 
> As a warning, this goes pretty dark, dream non-con.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Yeah, there's no way I'm going to get much writing done this week on that fic. I've got way too much work to do, better get to bed.  
> *2500 words later at 2am*   
> Me: Well, shit. 
> 
> Going to throw my this hasn't been proofread well or edited warning on this along with a "do not hold anything I write at 1am against me" request.

The dream had changed slightly over the years. Settings changed, the setting really didn’t matter. He was hunting her, where he was hunting her was not the point.

She ran, he pursued.  She had something he wanted. She WAS something he wanted.  Her face and head were covered, he only could see her eyes. They were frightened, but at the same time resolved to not let him catch her.

In the earliest iteration of the dream, he never caught her at all, it was a chase that never ended. A later iteration he would catch her, corner her, and she would turn, a blue lightsaber igniting, the light dancing off her eyes. His grandfather’s lightsaber. What she had that he wanted, other than herself. His own saber spit in his hands as he approached, threateningly, he would take them both.

Not long before the events that started on Jakku, there had been another change. This time their sabers clashed and they fought. And then just when he had her defeated she would slip through his defenses somehow, and run again. Run away from him, leaving him screaming in enraged frustration at being thwarted once more.

Since Starkiller, it changed once again. This time he always caught her, sometimes tackling her, sometimes slamming her into a wall. Using the weight of his body to pin her in place, he’d reach up and rip the veil off her face to reveal the scavenger girl.

What happened when he caught her seemed to vary depending on how his mood had been. It had been the most vicious right in the few weeks right after, while his wounds were still raw and throbbing and his rage at her was being fed by his pain. In those early dreams he’d wrap his hands around her throat, watching her gasp and struggle as he tore off her clothes. She fought against him, clawing at his arms. He caught her small wrists in one hand and used the other to deliver a backhand blow across her face. Thrusting himself into her as she screamed out in pain, relishing her pain, her humiliation, as her fear made her even more tight around him. It just added to his own pleasure as he took what was his.

Even in the fog of pain and anger he awoke from those dreams in a cold sweat horrified at the level of perversion in the dream. Worse was a gnawing want stirring in him that found the dream so appealing, even as other parts of him recoiled from it. 

The cruelty in the dreams towards her had softened, if only slightly. Sometimes he drove her to her knees and made her beg and plead for his mercy. Sometimes she would offer herself to him as a bargain for the lives of her friends. He’d give her mercy, for a cost, and he’d relish in her shame as he took her.

A few times he’d dreamed instead of violent demands he’d stroked her face gently, offering himself as her teacher, whispering what power she could have. In those dreams she’d give in to him and take his offer, her hands would move across his own body, slipping under his shirt to caress old scars, her mouth meeting his in a gentle kiss. His arms would break out in goosebumps from the contact. 

He found himself longing for the latter dream the most.

The current dream he found himself in seemed not much different from the others. Chasing her through a foggy void. She almost slipped away but he lunged, diving to the ground and catching her foot, dragging her to the ground with a cry, the lightsaber lost from her grip and scuttled across the blackness away from them. 

He straddled her, pinning her arms down with his knees. Reaching down and ripping off the veil to reveal her soft lips and her cheeks flushed from the exertion of her flight. He reached a hand down to trail it down her face and a fierce hum rose in the back of his head. Behind his mask he blinked... looking down with a strange realization.

Reaching up, still pinning her with his weight, he reached up and released his mask, discarding it to the side as he leaned down to force her face up at him and meet his eyes with her wet, terrified ones. Her lips trembled, the vibrations grew stronger.

“It is you,” he a small, cruel smile crossed his face. This was still a dream, but the girl was not, he was sure of it.

She made a panicked buck, trying to knock him off of her.  He laughed, “Oh no, little girl, you’re not getting away from me.”

Her eyes shut, a whisper, “This isn’t real. You aren’t real.”

“This isn’t real,” he agreed, moving his gloved hand to her throat. “But I’m real. And you’re real.” He closed his hand around her throat slowly tightening his grip and watching her writhe and gasp. A laugh, “How real does that feel?”

She tried to say something, he loosened his grasp just slightly, just enough for her to wheeze out the words, “This is just a dream. Just… dream...”

He released her throat and grabbed her wrists forcefully. Standing and dragging her up to her feet, jerking her close to him. “Yes,” he murmured.  “But it’s my dream…” His smile lit up with malice, “And it’s your nightmare.”

Tightening his grip on her, he concentrated on the surroundings. He didn’t understand how, but the two of their subconsciouses had been brought together in a common dreamscape. A dream can be manipulated. He pulled her towards him,  and then shoved her back violently. She stumbled, and fell as the void shifted and reformed into something more solid. A room, a bed. She lay splayed across it, naked, her arms bound to the headboard. Panic and tears filled her eyes.

He straddled her body, enjoying this power he had over her here. He was sure he couldn’t hurt her physically, but was more than willing to scar her mentally. Ripping his gloves off he ran his hands over her body as the vibrations thrummed in his head. He rolled his hips into her so she could feel his erection. “Does that feel real, bitch?”

She thrashed, struggling against her restraints and trying to twist away from him. He leaned down and suckle her nipple before sinking his teeth into it for a hard bite, causing her to scream out in pain. He released his mouth from her with a laugh, “That sounded real enough too.”

Leaning back he looked down smugly at her face. She was panting, tears streaming down her face, panic oozing out of her pores. He hunched down close to her face, gently pushing the sweat soaked strands of hair that had escaped the ties out of her face, “Do you remember hearing me after Starkiller, after you had fallen asleep on the floor of the Millennium Falcon next to your half-dead traitor scum friend.”

Anger flashed through the panic in her eyes and she set her jaw, silent. He let his hand slip down to her throat, applying just enough pressure for her to struggle to breath. “I asked if you remember, my little scavenger bitch?”

She wheezed, “Yes.”

He loosened his grip, “I told you I was going to kill everyone you care about, do you remember that part?”

Tears leaked from corners of her eyes and her mouth twisted before she spat out her curt reply, “Yes.”

Smiling, he traced a finger down her cheek, relishing the feeling of her breathing hard under him.

“Yes, and I’m still more willing to do that,” he laughed. “I will burn planets to get to you.” Licking his lips, “But I can be merciful. If you come to me, give yourself to me, accept my offer to teach you.” He leaned down and gently kissed behind her ear, tasting the salt of her sweat and tears. “I can teach you so many things, Rey,” he murmured. He relished the way her name sounded on his tongue.

“Never.” It was barely above a whisper.

His eyes hardened, “I will be cruel if you make me.” Reaching down he freed himself from his pants and slid down against her. He was unable to stop a small moan escaped his throat as he brushed against her.

Her eyes were shut, tears leaking out, “I don’t make you anything. You ARE cruel.”

A growl jumped from his throat as he reached down grabbed her thighs, spreading her legs with a harsh shove. “I don’t know how much I can hurt you here, girl, but I think we’re going to find out.

She shook under him and stifled a cry… and then her presence flickered. He realized what was happening and snarled, sinking barbs from his mind into hers, trying to hold her there as she tried to wake herself up.

“You’re not leaving me yet,” he snarled down at her. He struggled, but she was slipping away from him. The vibrations in his head were fading. She faded, and then was gone, leaving him alone in the void again. He felt his rage swirl around him like a storm, the force of his anger driving him back to consciousness as his screams echoed across the blackness.

  
  


\--------

 

He awoke with his entire head throbbing with rage, his body trembling with it. Without any thought he turned and smashed his fist into the metal wall, and then did it again, and again, and again, until the fury had bled down to something controllable. His hand throbbed, he glanced down, his knuckles were split open, blood dripping down onto the bedding. The wall next to him was smeared with his blood.

Sitting up, he stumbled to his feet and crossed the small room, opening the door to the tiny adjacent refresher. He leaned over the sink, eyes closed before looking at his reflection in the mirror. A new flare of anger raged a moment as he looked at the mark the girl had given him, slashing across his face. It was mostly healed, but the scar would remain, a testament to his humiliating defeat.

Activating the sink, he moved his injured hand under the stream of water, letting it wash the blood from his still oozing knuckles. His thoughts turning to the dream, to the girl. There was no doubt in his mind that it had been her there, or her subconscious at least. The bond had drawn them together.

The bond… he felt the urge to find that thread to her in his mind and pull it, to whisper threats directly into her pretty little head and make sure she knew how badly she was going to hurt. He knew better though. Even before he’d begun his research he’d come to realize this thing between them could be a danger for him too. He was fairly certain that just as he felt waves of her coming across it, on her end she felt waves of him. And if he had begun to figure out how to manipulate it, given enough time he was sure she would as well. She already had wielded it against him without knowing she was doing so. He was sure of that. She’d channeled knowledge from him, pulling fighting skill and saber forms that she then used against him. How to channel the darkside into raw power and strength. She’d taken those from him as he held her against the cliff. He’d felt like he was fighting a mirror of himself because she’d managed to take them right out of his head.

He tightened his hand into a fist at the thought and resisted the urge to punch the mirror in front of him. There was enough damage done already. He opened a small cabinet, pulled out bacta patches and tended to his battered knuckles.

Leaving the refresher, he went back to the small room. The small, narrow bunk built into the wall, a desk covered in old texts and holos along with his datapad for notes, a simple study chair.  The desk and chair had been the only furnishings he’d added over the years. It was the same room he was granted by the Supreme Leader after swearing his loyalty and requesting his guidance and training. He’d understood at the time that it had meant to be a reminder to him that he’d given up everything, and that whatever he would have going forward would be granted to him from Snoke. 

He could have had a larger quarters granted to him years ago, but he never saw the need. On the Finalizer, his quarters were large and the rooms were mostly barren. One room was for living in, one room was for training, the rest were sparsely furnished and mostly untouched. Here, especially, there was little need for anything more than what he had. The grounds of Snoke’s palace had training and meditation rooms for his Knights. He used them, though often at night when they would likely be empty. He and his Knights had access to Snoke’s personal library but prefered to bring the old Jedi and Sith texts history back to his own desk for study.  They were a different form of meditation for him, his studies always had been.

Turning on the desk lamp, he eased himself down in the chair. His training wasn’t leaving him as much time as he’d have wanted to concentrate on his research. There was no shortage of texts on force bonds, on their existence, on how they were sometimes formed. But at the same time the information contained was always somewhat vague. Jedi documented their existence as common among masters and their padawans, and documenting scenarios where they can be created. There were old legends of various bonds throughout history.  Sith texts documented how a bond could be be forced upon another, referred to them as force chains. A more dominant force user could use the bond to overpower the mind of the weaker one, turning them from the light to the darkside.

Both Jedi and Sith cautioned heavily of the dangers. The danger of one side of the bond gaining undue influence on the other. The danger of both sides losing their identities outside of the other. The painful void that would scar the psyche if the other was gone.

He flipped through his notes. Feeling a note of frustration. For all the information he’d found about them, there was woefully little information on how one could manipulate them. If he could use it to pull the information he was looking for out of her head without putting himself at risk, the girl would have no hope against him.

One Sith text warned his apprentices that every chain forged was different, and little guidance could be given on how to control it and use it to control the other. The gist he was getting was clear, you can’t be taught to manipulate a bond, you have to figure out on your own how to use it. 

He leaned back and rubbed his face. Wondering if it would be possible to pull her into his dreams the same way the two of them had shared the dream tonight. If it was controllable, it might be a safer access point to start with, rather than trying to directly address the connection and risk exposing his mind to her.    


Things to think about. His eyes flickered to the small clock off to the side of the desk. In a few hours he would need to be before Snoke for training. He would be tired, but there was no helping it, sleep was done with him tonight.

He reached into a stack of books and pulled an old Jedi tome, welcoming the crinkling sound of the paper and the musty smell of age. The amount of paper texts in Snoke’s library always amazed him. He opened a blank page for notes on his datapad, and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this got darker than I expected faster than I expected. I have to admit my Kylo is creeping me out a bit.
> 
> That said, I totally think Ben Solo was a bookish geek and that wasn't lost when he became Kylo. I think Ben got a lot of shit for being someone who liked to live in his own head growing up. Shit that fostered the resentment and anger that lead to his fall. 
> 
> While I'd like to get over to Rey and make sure she's dealing with the fallout of that shared dream and a near dream-rape, I think we still have one more chapter with Kylo first. We've all got to peek in on his meeting with Snoke in the morning... oh, and while I don't promise anything, I think Hux might show up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t speak, neither did Hux. Snoke stood, looking down on the two of them before descending stairs. Even on the same ground, he towered nearly two feet above them. “The Resistance has completed the map, they have sent emissaries to find Skywalker.”
> 
> Silence, he glanced at Hux to see him looking down at his feet. He did his best to keep his own emotions flat. Whether he found Skywalker or Skywalker found him, there was a debt between the two of them to be paid in blood, and he intended it to be Skywalker’s blood. If the Resistance would be the dog whistle that brought the old fool back where he could find him, so be it. He had never shared the Supreme Leader’s concern of what would happen if the Resistance found him first, but that was one of the secrets he covered and protected. Snoke would not be pleased to know his feelings on this, especially considering how recent events had played out.
> 
> Snoke’s cold eyes bore down on him. “Kylo Ren. I have been so focused on your training these last few weeks that I had not asked you to tell me what happened with the girl.”

His head throbbed faintly from lack of sleep as he stepped out of his room into the hallway. Several hours of reading had calmed him, at least. His rage was still under it, a burning, churning molten chamber of angst, but with his mind clear he was able to box it in, well under the surface, a hidden chamber of fuel to tap into when needed. 

The hallway was much older than the living quarters. A high, arched ceiling amplified the sound of his foot steps on the black stone floor, echoing against the dark grey walls. Echos of another pair of steps joined his from down the hall behind him. He tensed but opted not to look back, the short, rapid step as it clipped across the floor was familiar. He gritted his teeth in a feral growl, of all the people to see this morning…

He didn't acknowledge until the approaching steps were right behind him, “General.”

Hux moved next to him, “Ren.”  A smug, sneering smile crossed his face, “I trust you're healing well since your  _ ordeal _ .”

His head throbbed and the rage flared, struggling to break out of its containment. He was glad for the mask, there was no doubt his face would have been an open book of emotion. Turning towards Hux, careful to keep his voice even, wanting to be sure nothing slipped through even with the modulator, “And I trust you're getting things back in order since your unfortunate  _ defeat _ by a handful of Resistance rabble.” Not waiting for a response he turned away and increases his pace.

Hux’s hand reached out and snagged his sleeve hard, “Perhaps if  _ your _ attention had not been diverted by your fascination with that malnourished child in rags things would have played out differently.” Spite filled his voice, “At the very least I would have had to come and drag your broken body onto my shuttle after that child nearly killed you.”

The next moment was a blur of rage. He didn’t remember any conscious thought as he lunged into Hux and slammed him into the wall with a growl. His arm was against Hux’s throat, applying enough pressure for him to have to struggle to breath. Hux’s eyes blazed, afraid but at the same time smugly satisfied at this success of his goading. 

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed through a small, malicious smile, “touch a nerve about your  _ failure _ with the girl, did I?”

It took every ounce of control not to grab the general’s head and slam it into the wall until his red hair was redder with blood. With a deep breath he eased his arm off Hux’s throat and shifted his weight off the general. He spoke slowly, letting each word settle before he said the next, “I suggest, General, that you do not speak to me of the girl again.”

Hux widen his smile, “Come now, Ren, we can’t keep Supreme Leader waiting.” He let the man slip through the thin gap he left between them, and then followed a few steps behind, frowning behind his mask.  That last overly wide smile seemed strangely ominous. 

The two slipped between two towering doors into Snoke’s dimly lit chamber. On a dias across the room a tall, slender figure sat in the throne, datapad in hand, frowning.

“Gentlemen.” Snoke’s voice acknowledged them, a silky yet bitter edge to his tone.

The two approached the stairs to the dias, bowing their heads. 

“Supreme Leader,” he murmured.

“There have been some disconcerting developments.”

He didn’t speak, neither did Hux. Snoke stood, looking down on the two of them before descending stairs. Even on the same ground, he towered nearly two feet above them. “The Resistance has completed the map, they have sent emissaries to find Skywalker.”

Silence, he glanced at Hux to see him looking down at his feet. He did his best to keep his own emotions flat. Whether he found Skywalker or Skywalker found him, there was a debt between the two of them to be paid in blood, and he intended it to be Skywalker’s blood. If the Resistance would be the dog whistle that brought the old fool back where he could find him, so be it. He had never shared the Supreme Leader’s concern of what would happen if the Resistance found him first, but that was one of the secrets he covered and protected. Snoke would not be pleased to know his feelings on this, especially considering how recent events had played out.

Snoke’s cold eyes bore down on him. “Kylo Ren. I have been so focused on your training these last few weeks that I had not asked you to tell me what happened with the girl.”

Next to him Hux glanced up, his expression flat but his eyes glittering. He grated his teeth together, he had been aware that this line of questioning was coming. Why, why couldn’t Leader Snoke have asked him this in private?

It wasn’t a smart question, he knew the answer. Snoke was not unaware of how much Hux and he hated one another, and had chose to force him to discuss his humiliation in front of the antagonistic little bastard.

He took a breath and the began to speak, his modulator hiding any inflections to his voice, “After I killed Han Solo, I was… distracted… for a moment. The wookie was able to get a shot on me with his bowcaster before the explosives he and Han Solo had set. In the chaos I looked up and saw them, the girl and the traitor. They ran, I knew they would head to the Millennium Falcon to make their escape. Despite my injury, I was able to cut them off and confronted them, intent on dispatching the traitor and returning with the girl.”

_ The girl _ , he thought.  _ The karking GIRL.  _ “I faced them and rendered the girl unconscious. The traitor… had a lightsaber.”

Hux looked up incredulous, “A  _ lightsaber. _ ”

He ignored the comment and looked up at Snoke intently, “ _ Anakin Skywalker’s _ lightsaber.”

Snoke’s eyes narrowed, ever so slightly. The fact that there was any reaction at all meant that the Leader had found that development as… interesting… as he did. He continued, “I fought him and dispatched him, disarming him. I sliced his spine and left him to die slow like the scum he was.”

He closed his eyes, steadying himself, “I attempted to call Anakin Skywalker’s saber to me… and I admit here my first failure. I was distracted by the prize of the lightsaber, I did not feel that the girl had regained consciousness.”

“She called the saber to her instead, shocked that she could such a thing. Frightened,” he took a breath, remembering her face. Not just frightened, terrified. But she’d fought the fear down, pulling herself back under control and focus. He would have to give the little bitch credit, she was a brave thing. “Frightened but brave, she attempted to fight me. She was strong, the Force was with her, but she was raw and untrained with the weapon. If I had intended to kill her, she would have died in the snow.”

He could feel Hux’s sneer without looking at him, gritting his teeth, he continued, “My goal was to return her to our control. To bring her to you as you’d instructed me. I fought to disarm her, but she was stubbornly clinging to her blade. But she was losing control and slipping towards panic, and then the planet began to crumble and she lost all her focus. I was boring down on her, the ground crumbled behind her and I locked our blades, pinning her against the cliff edge.”

Stopping, he took several breaths, remembering her face below him, eyes wet with terror. He would see her eyes looking at him like that again, he promised himself. “And this is where I made my grave mistake.”

He felt both Snoke and Hux’s eyes look at him intently, “I tried to give her the chance to give herself willingly. I told her she needed a teacher, that she needed to be shown the ways of the force.”

Hux snorted next to him. He looked at Snoke, who gave away no emotion or reaction on his admission, “She is a power cell of untapped potential. If she gave herself to me, to you, to the Order, as a willing servant and student, she would have been able to become a living weapon in your arsenal.”

“She reacted when I reminded her of the force, trying to calm herself. I should have realized the danger of her focusing, I admit I was arrogant, Master. I gave her too much time, I refused to recognize that I was weakening from my wound. I should have acted then to disable her. But I did not, and when she found her focus and returned, she wasn’t channeling the Light, she was using the dark. She broke the lock and bore down on me, enraged, raining blows. I was caught off guard… and was defeated. She had the opportunity to end me, but hesitated. Then the ground split between us and she turned and ran back to the traitor.”

For a moment the room was silent, and then Snoke reached a hand down to stroke the side of his mask, “Admitting our failures, boy, is necessary to learn from them. To ensure  _ they do not happen again _ .”  He did not miss the edge to the tone in Snoke’s words. “But this is also interesting to us, the girl using the darkside. She may have limitless potential for light, dark, or both. Of course, that means she is also a danger to us, a very real danger.” He smiled down sinisterly, “So tell me, my boy, what would you like to do with this little scavenger who defeated you, marked you, left you humiliated and near death?”

Behind the mask his face contorted. This was a test, he was sure. It would make sense for him to answer that he wanted her dead, he wanted to lay her to waste at his feet and regain his honor. A response driven by dark pride and anger… but it wasn’t the truth. 

His true feelings for the girl, what he wanted to do to her, to punish her, and then to claim her as his own prize… they flowed from the dark, he was sure of that. And if they were from the darkside, he should have nothing to fear.

Even through the modulator his voice had an edge, “I want her.”

Snoke’s eyes narrowed, he could feel Hux’s contemptuous glare at that admission. He smiled darkly, thinking at Hux,  _ I’m not finished you arrogant little sleemo. _

“I want her to hurt, to suffer. I want her at my feet, begging me for my mercy. I want her to have everything she cares about destroyed until there’s nothing left. I want to grant her the mercy she begs for, at a high cost of her endless humiliation and servitude. I want to claim her, defile her, make my pleasure her pain. I want to shatter her, piece her back together into something dark and jagged and break her again and again and again. She will be mine, I will own her.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what the reaction would be, and at Snoke’s barking laugh of approval he found the tension seeping out of his body. If it had been a test, he’d passed.

“This girl left her mark on you in more ways than one, Kylo Ren.” Snoke’s eyes glittered down at him, “There is great power these feelings, some of the darkest power there is, but be careful, desires such as these can also lead one easily to feel compassion on the object they so focus on, it can easily lead to flawed emotions that can weaken you.”

“General,” Snoke’s eyes did not move away from his, staring through the mask,  “Leave us.”

Hux cast him a slightly disturbed glance as he huffed out a “Yes, Leader” before turning on his heels and leaving them alone.

“The Resistance sent the scavenger as one of their emissaries to find Skywalker.”

The words echoed in his head and his vision went red for a moment. He shook with the effort to keep the rage contained. The girl… HIS GIRL… was with his… with Skywalker.  The girl who rejected his offer to teach her had went to him instead. Oh what he wouldn’t give to have her pretty little neck being crushed under his hand right now. 

Snoke’s hands came down gently on either side of his mask and he felt a flash of calm as the rage was directed downward into the reservoir, under his control. He felt a flash of shame as he realized that Snoke had intervened to do what he should have been able to do himself, channel the rage down into a well he could tap later as needed. Through the modulator his voice trembled, “I’m sorry, my master, for my lack of control.”

“You have such a limitless ability to generate rage,” there was a admiration in Snoke’s voice, affection, “Control will come in time, and with that control, my boy, you will find yourself an unstoppable force.” A sigh, “But I regret we must once more put your training on hold so duties can be fulfilled. I am ordering Hux to ready the fleet, we must start an offensive and push the Resistance on their heels. If Skywalker will return, let it be to our enemy as they’re crumbling and broken.” Snoke smiled down, “I think you are going to appreciate the task I have for you.”

“If the girl is with Skywalker, then finding the girl is also a goal. Find the girl, find Skywalker. I need you to go hunting. Find any information on her that you can, find a way to track her down. Track the ship, the map, whatever. You are free to use an actions you see fit. Any of our resources will be at your disposal.”

He felt a dark joy spread over him at what this meant. The permission to leave, to find  _ her _ , to find Skywalker. He was being unmuzzled and unleashed, and he would leave a burning trail across the galaxy if that was what it took to claim her.

“Yes… I thought you might like this task.” Snoke’s voice got colder, “If you are able to capture her, I will leave her to you to break and bend to our will. To train as our servant and weapon and to use in whatever other ways you want. But Kylo Ren, do not let your wants outweigh our needs. If the choice is letting the girl escape or destroying her, she must be destroyed.”

“I will not fail you, Leader. If she can not be caught she will be crushed.” Part of him trembled at those words. He didn’t want to break his toy before he got to play with it. She would be his.

“You are free to go and make your preparations.” 

He bowed his head and turned, heading out the door and down the hallway, not looking up or stopping until he was back in his room. He tore the mask off and threw it on the bed before walking to the refresher and leaning against the sink. Looking up into the mirror he found himself staring at the scar bisecting his face. Her mark on him. 

It was only a matter of time before he left his marks on her.

Reaching into his mind he felt for the thread. He knew he should have told Snoke that he suspected a force bond, but he wanted to keep it private, a secret between him and the girl. He brushed it, letting the smallest of tremors down it between them. A flash of her, calm. Image of a sun setting over a roaring ocean. Then he felt her start to react, she could feel him, he stilled the thread as quickly as possible.

_ Rey, oh Rey _ , he thought. In his head he slipped back into a memory of himself as a child, playing hide and seek with Uncle Chewie. He laughed, remembering the old chant,  _ 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, ready or not here I come. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I actually seem to be making progress on this elusive thing called "plot progression." 
> 
> I love Hux and Kylo's dynamic and I hope I captured the squabbling sibling vibe.
> 
> Time to go check on Rey next... funny, you know Kylo thought he shut down the force bond, but I'm pretty sure she just heard his ready or not here I come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hum, a tingle in the back of her mind. Her eyes opened wide, feeling his presence coming through into her mind. A flicker glimpse of his face reflecting in a mirror, and overwhelming sense of his emotions. Then a recognition, he knew she felt him, and it all vanished.
> 
> Cold sweat broke out across her brow. Maker, he was coming looking for her. She had felt his dark, twisted joy at the thought of hunting her down.
> 
> She gritted her teeth angrily. He was going to find she was not easy prey. Concentrating, she tried to feel in her mind for the source where the sensations had emanated. When she found it she stopped, not understanding it. It was an energy, alien and yet also some essential part of herself.
> 
> It was the Force in some strange manifestation. It was small but it rippled with potential and power.
> 
> How long had it been there? Since Starkiller? A strange unease whispered that it had been there much longer.
> 
> But if it had, how could she have not noticed something like this? It swirled and hummed. She probed it gently, and for a moment she sensed him, faintly. As if he was at the end of some long tunnel…

The sunsets on Ahch-To never failed to take her breath away.

Tonight a storm was on the horizon, breaking the light into stunning bands of pink and red cut by bands of dark blue black clouds. Every few minutes a flashing streak of electricity would arc between storm clouds. It was going to be a hell of a storm if it hit their island. It was strange that watching such a violent thing could bring her such calmness.

_ Nrawwwk. Barawk brrkkikiki,  _ barking squawks startled her.

She glanced over to see two of the black and white bird-like creatures bopping not too far away. Flipping rocks over with their narrow snouts and snapping up the insects and invertebrates they found underneath. One of them noticed her and puffed itself out into larger ball of feathery fluff and bared it's teeth. She laughed at the show, and it responded with a hissing growl, glaring at her with intense black eyes ringed with an edge of gold. 

Two more of the creatures landed next to the others. She reached down and snagged a loose stone. Luke had warned her the “Puffs” as he affectionately called them were harmless alone but could get bold in groups.  _ Sorry, _ she thought at them before chucking the rock their direction, it ricocheted between two of them and they took off in a flurry of feathers and flapping wings.

Her eyes drifted back to the colors and flashes on the horizon. Since the nightmare last night she'd had trouble getting back to a calm state. Meditation this morning had been an utter failure, her mind slipping back to the memory of his weight pinning her down and his hand crushing her throat. She shuddered, it had felt so real. 

_ Push it away, focus on the present. _ She, sighed, finding her calm again as she watched the colors deepen on the horizon.

A hum, a tingle in the back of her mind. Her eyes opened wide, feeling his presence coming through into her mind. A flicker glimpse of his face reflecting in a mirror, and overwhelming sense of his emotions. Then a recognition, he knew she felt him, and it all vanished.

Cold sweat broke out across her brow. Maker, he was coming looking for her. She had felt his dark, twisted joy at the thought of hunting her down.

She gritted her teeth angrily. He was going to find she was not easy prey. Concentrating, she tried to feel in her mind for the source where the sensations had emanated. When she found it she stopped, not understanding it. It was an energy, alien and yet also some essential part of herself. 

It was the Force in some strange manifestation. It was small but it rippled with potential and power. 

How long had it been there? Since Starkiller? A strange unease whispered that it had been there much longer.

But if it had, how could she have not noticed something like this? It swirled and hummed. She probed it gently, and for a moment she sensed him, faintly.  As if he was at the end of some long tunnel…

At the last thought she felt the energy change and reshape itself, appearing now to her as a tunnel. Had she done that? Could she, if she wanted, push her own consciousness down it and find herself his mind? 

The thought horrified her. 

She felt an echo of him travel through the tunnel in a whisper, “ _ Rey, oh Rey _ .”  Her blood seemed to freeze in her veins, his thought edged with a hungry playfulness. But he was wasn't speaking to her… he was speaking to himself. She was certain he had no idea she could hear him.

She concentrated again, not a tunnel, instead she thought of a game she had played as a child with other children on Jakku. Off somewhere out of the sight of their parents or keepers who would have seen their games as a waste of time and given them a rough cuff to the head at the least and thorough beating and denial of their rations at the worst. Taking two old cans they'd tether together with a piece of wire through a hole in the bottom. Stretch the wire taut and put one can to your ear while someone talked through the other, and their voices travelled across the wire to your ear.

The energy was the wire, they were the cans. 

It shifted again and she felt it reshape into a wire, a tether. This wasn't really the energy changing, she realized, it was her mind changing her perception of it as she tried to understand and interact with it. 

She listened a moment, trying to see if she could hear his mind through the connection. The response came in a flash of images. A laughing young boy with black hair hiding his eyes and counting while  _ chewbacca uncle chewie the wookie  _ hid. 

The boy’s voice and Ren’s thought rang through her head in unison,  _ ready or not here I come _ .

She ripped herself back to her physical being. Staring at the gathering storm as the last light of the day faded. Whatever that thing in her mind was, it bound her to the monster on the other end. She shuddered.

Tears began to leak out of her eyes. She had seen his memory… he was the little boy playing a game, innocent and joyful. That little boy was gone now, consumed by the monster that was Kylo Ren.

She mourned for that boy as much as she hated what he had become. For the first time she understood what had drove Han to confront Ren. What drove the hollow looks and sadness that came from Luke and Leia, the distance even Chewie got when Kylo Ren came up.

They were either searching for the little boy or mourning for him.

She stumbled to her feet, it was getting dark, Luke would come looking for her if she wasn't back soon. Looking down she knew she should tell him about this… connection. He could help her understand it, sever it or at least protect herself from any intrusions. For some reason the thought of sharing this bothered her, she didn’t know why. 

For now she’d keep things to herself, and be cautious. If things appeared to be getting worse, she would tell Luke.

She didn’t like the way part of her seemed to doubt her last thought.

 

\-----------

 

The days had blurred together over the last few weeks. She’d lost track of how long it had been since the Falcon had left. She knew it was less than three weeks since that was the initial deal Luke had made with Chewie when he insisted they needed to be alone to concentrate on teaching her. Chewie had not liked the idea of leaving. It was close to the three week mark, though, she felt it.

There was a frustrating lack of schedule. There were days where she did nothing but meditate and days where the physical exertion came close to breaking her. Saber forms, force utilization, discussions on Jedi history, and then questions, questions that had no good answers. Questions that she was sure were asked to demand her to face things in herself, about herself, that she didn’t care to look at. There was never one day like the previous, which grated on her nerves more than she cared to admit. Her life on Jakku had had a certain routine to it, and there was comfort in those routines.

She’d spent enough time with Luke to suspect that was part of the reason why he gave her none here. When it came to his training there was no place for her to become comfortable. As soon as she felt herself grasping a concept he would triple the difficulty and demand her to meet the new goal, push herself further beyond anything she felt like she should be able to do. Face her own doubts about herself as he force them out to the surface of her mind. 

The first week had been the worst for her and she understood why he had sent the Falcon away. Had it been there she would have quit in the face of the non-stop frustration and failures. Ran away from the insanity that she, a nothing scavenger from Jakku, had any place to even assume to learn to be a Jedi.  She’d fallen to her knees screaming in anger and frustration more than once. Luke, for his part, would simply demand she calm herself and try again. She disappointed him sometimes, she could see it in his eyes, but with that was the simple determination that she would learn and succeed at what he asked of her. 

She only recalled making him angry once. During the exhausting whirlwind of the first week, she didn’t even remember now what he’d wanted of her.  Just the memory of being curled over on her knees, tears leaking from her eyes, the deactivated lightsaber on her lap. It had been near dusk, he’d pushed her non-stop since morning. His voice was there ordering her to her feet, that she was not permitted to quit. Rage welled in her and she had flung the lightsaber at him blindly. Freezing at her own action once it left her hand. It skittered across the jagged rock and stopped a foot or so away from his feet. She didn’t move, her mouth slightly agape breathing heavily. He was staring down at the lightsaber and looked up at her, his jaw locked and his eyes full of fury. It was the only time she could recall ever being fearful of him. His eyes had closed, taking deep breaths, before opening, still angry but a more controlled and calm anger. Picking the saber up, he walked over to her, looking down.

He spoke slowly, taking a full breath between each word, “Go. To. Bed.” And then turned and walked away from her. She had stumbled back to her dwelling and collapsed into the hammock she’d made for herself after the first few nights on the floor. In the morning she woke up, her body sore from the previous day’s exertions and her head throbbing. Getting up she had looked down to see the lightsaber perched on the top of her small pile of belongings. She clipped it to her belt before heading to Luke’s dwelling and slipping down next to her place at his table, where a bowl with her breakfast already sat. For once she didn’t feel like eating, turning the porridge with her spoon. A firm hand squeezed her shoulder, “I push because I know what you can do, Rey.” He crouched down next to her and she met his eyes, “You’re capable of amazing things, but you need to believe you can do them, and that you deserve to be someone who can do them. I need to to trust that I’m with you and not against you.” She’d answered with a small smile and nod, followed by a large bite of her porridge, and he broke into the first genuine smile she’d seen from him since the morning they went down to see Chewie and Artoo.

She slipped down the stone steps into his dwelling, and over to her place at the table. He looked over from the fire as he served out the food, adding an extra ladle or two of it into her bowl before handing it to her. “I was getting worried,” he said, “When Noone is late for dinner I can’t help but assume something bad has happened.”

Already mid-bite, she responded with an amused roll of her eyes as she chewed. Noone seemed to be sticking as his nickname for her. She even thought she might be coming to like it. Swallowing, “I was just watching the sunset. There’s a storm in the distance, I think it might be coming our way.”

He joined her at the table, quiet for a moment, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said quietly between bites. 

“You’ve been distracted all day.”

She sighed, knowing already he was not going to let this go, “Just a.. I just had a nightmare last night.” She scraped her spoon on the bottom of the bowl.

Luke grabbed her bowl and got up, dumping another ladle of stew into it. She smiled, she could never ask for more food, such a thing was considered rude coming from a place where food was currency. He’d figured that out at some point and regularly got up to give her another helping. 

He sat and slid the bowl back to her, “You’re lucky Noone is sticking as a nickname, cause my next thought was to call you Bottomless Pit.” 

She let out a laugh and he smiled, “Talk about the nightmare?”

“No,” she shuddered.

Luke frowned, “Ben?”

She winced, “He was hurting me. It was all so real.” 

Luke rested his chin on his flesh and blood hand. She expected him to tell her it was just a dream, but he didn’t. Instead he just shook his head, “You have to try to not let things like this make you lose focus, I know it’s hard.”

A curt nod was all she managed in reply. Silence hung over them for a moment before she regarded him. It occurred to her that while she was starting to understand him, she didn’t really know him. 

“You said your story also began with a droid?”

Luke regarded her thoughtfully, “Well, two droids, if you want to really get specific. It has two droids, an old hermit living in the desert, a princess in need of rescue, a smuggler and his wookie friend, an evil Empire, and a small but stubborn rebellion.”

“Would you… would you be willing to share it?” She hoped it wasn’t rude to ask.

“Might take more than one night to tell it.” His eyes were distant for a moment in memory.

She shrugged, “We’ve got more meals to tell it over.”

He laughed, “We do.” A pause, then he began to talk, “It started with my uncle buying a pair of droids from a Jawa transport…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, we got two sides now trying to wrap their heads around this force bond. Kylo has a head start but I think Rey might have a more innate ability to comprehend it. She was able to comprehend it in a raw form, where Kylo has always perceived it as a thread. He might want to watch out, I think she has potential to manipulate it a bit better than he does.
> 
> I kinda feel like I gipped you guys by not including the reunion Luke had with Chewie and Artoo at the Falcon the morning after Rey found him. I couldn't find a way to fit a flashback to it in here without being awkward to the current flow of the chapter. But I would like to let you know that Chewie lifted Luke up off the ground in a bear hug and Luke laughed. Artoo was beyond happy dancing and Luke called him his old friend. 
> 
> Going back to Kylo again next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo pushes himself into Rey's dream.
> 
> \------
> 
> Nodding, “The food isn’t free, but I think you do have something. I think you know something I need to know.” The look she gave him seemed to indicate that she thought this was absurd. “I think you know where Luke Skywalker is.”
> 
> Puzzled, but a flicker of recognition. “If you tell me I’ll give you all the food you want. Food to last you a long time.”
> 
> “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, but he felt the hesitation in it.
> 
> He smiled, darkly, “I think you do. You don’t know why or how, but you know the answer, so just tell me. Tell me and I’ll reward you.”
> 
> Her features showed a battle taking place in her mind. Come on, girl, he willed at her. She looked at him and her eyes changed, suddenly older and full of recognition. 
> 
> “NO!”
> 
> She sprung to her feet, changing as she did so, no longer her child self but now the the grown girl he’d met on Takadona. Rey stood staring at him in shock and horror, “YOU… you!” 
> 
> He got up before she could react to run away, moving close to her and the wall so she wouldn’t be able to get around him. “Me. Hello, Rey.” A dark smile, “I felt left out, with you having a nightmare without me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never read any of before the awakening stories, so I may be diverging from canon in some of what I'm imagining Rey's past to have been like.

He sat cross legged on the floor of his room, breathing calmly, eyes closed. He wanted his mind completely still, silent, and barricaded off just in case his actions instigated a two way connection. Every half hour he’d reach into his mind and listen to the thread, listen without touching it. With his mind still, he found he could sense her, slightly, on the other end. Not enough to know what she was doing, but enough to know she was still awake. And he was fairly sure that he’d be able to sense if she was asleep.

There was no guarantee, really, that she would be on the same day and night cycle where she was. Their shared dream the night before could have been a fluke nap during the day.  And it was possible that their sleep hours would just barely overlap. He was leaving in the morning, he knew this experiment might be better saved for another day, but he was already too determined to see this through, to see if he could push his conscious mind into her dreams through their connection.

Listening again, he felt her somewhere between slumber and waking. He took a deep breath and cleared his mind. His body tensed with anticipation, soon, soon.. Another half hour, hopefully by then she’ll be fully under.

The time seemed to move slowly, but he kept himself meditative, not allowing himself to feel the frustration and impatience. Finally he reached out and listened, a small smile, she was asleep. 

It was unfortunate he had no idea how to do what he was about to attempt to do. He sighed, focusing on the thread. What he wanted wasn’t to strum it… he wanted to move across it, move his consciousness to the otherside.  He concentrated, thinking about gathering himself and pushing it across the thread, focusing, he pushed. For a moment there was a blurring, a feeling of her all around him, and then the feeling of his knees sinking into sand.

His eyes snapped open. He was kneeling among hovels and shanties as the evening was rapidly dissipating the desert heat.  _ Jakku _ , he thought. This was her dream. He stood up and looked around, orienting himself. Where was she?

A child’s cry cut through the night and he turned to see a large brute of a species he didn’t recognize, large, coarse, with sharp, angular features to his face, drag a screaming child out of a hovel by the hair and begin to lash her back fiercely. He bristled, such brutality against someone innocent and defenseless was distasteful, even to him. Approaching slowly, he heard the brute growl out “You go without your roof or rations tonight, I don’t provide for disrespectful rats that don’t earn their keep.” Dropping the girl, the brute gave her a savage kick to her stomach before stomping back into the hovel and slamming the door.

The girl rolled over to her hands and knees and he froze. Her hair was disheveled and coming undone from the distinctive three buns.  _ Rey. _ A nightmare? A memory? Both? He watched as she dragged herself into the shadows between two of the hovels, leaning against a wall and hugging her knees as she shivered in the chill of the desert night.  Cold, hungry, thirsty, frightened, in pain, he could feel all these things coming off of her in waves. He felt a surge of anger towards the brute who had done this to her.

He approached, she saw him coming and pulled herself back into the shadows, trying to remain unseen. Crouching down next to her, he saw her eyes flicker with a moment of confused recognition before she scooted herself back away from him. Somewhere in this manifestation of her child-self was now-Rey’s subconscious, but it was buried for now.  Surveying the child before him, he found it hard to place how old she would have been. He’d guess somewhere between 8 and 10, and though she seemed small and underdeveloped, he leaned more towards the older of that age range. Her size limited by years of malnutrition.

She eyed him with a suspicious glare, not appreciating his notice or attention.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he spoke gently, but the girl flinched at the voice. “Who was that?” He nodded towards the hovel the brute had returned into.

Eyes narrowing, he thought she  found this question odd because it was something that in her mind should be obvious. “My keeper,” she muttered into her knees as she glared at him, wanting to be left alone. As she leaned forward he caught sight of the back of her shirt in tatters and stained with blood from her beating.

He took a deep breath, emotions toying with him. He would not allow this echo of her past overrule his senses or drive him towards feeling of pity or compassion. There was an opportunity here, though, while her true self was under layers of this echo.

“You’re thirsty?”

Suspicious eyes, so untrusting, “Got nothing to trade.”

He reached into his cloak and willed a bottle to be there and it was, he pulled it out and offered it, “The water is free.”

A scowl crossed her face as she eyed the bottle. Nothing was free in her world and no one was to be trusted. He found himself stunned that having lived a life like this there could still be such light in her. The brutality here would have crushed that out of the souls of lesser people. He could see a battle of her suspicion and mistrust verses her desperation. She was so very thirsty.

In a blur she snatched bottle and scooted further away from him. She opened it and took one large gulp before pausing for half a minute before taking a small sip. Another pause and a small sip. She stopped after drinking a third of the bottle, capped it, and held it close to her with a white knuckled grip. Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths.

He felt a wave of sadness that even this young she already been severely dehydrated enough times to know she couldn’t just drink her fill without risking retching the precious liquid back up again. Frowning, he shook the feeling away. Compassion for her was going to weaken him.

Moving closer to her, again, “You’re hungry too.”

Her eyes snapped open, scowling at him. If she had found his offer of the water suspicious, bringing up food made her sure he was after something from her. Glaring her hazel eyes directly into his brown ones, “I. Have. Nothing.”

Nodding, “The food isn’t free, but I think you do have something. I think you know something I need to know.”  The look she gave him seemed to indicate that she thought this was absurd. “I think you know where Luke Skywalker is.”

Puzzled, but a flicker of recognition. “If you tell me I’ll give you all the food you want. Food to last you a long time.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, but he felt the hesitation in it.

He smiled, darkly, “I think you do. You don’t know why or how, but you know the answer, so just tell me. Tell me and I’ll reward you.”

Her features showed a battle taking place in her mind.  _ Come on, girl,  _ he willed at her. She looked at him and her eyes changed, suddenly older and full of recognition. 

“NO!”

She sprung to her feet, changing as she did so, no longer her child self but now the the grown girl he’d met on Takadona. Rey stood staring at him in shock and horror, “YOU… you!” 

He got up before she could react to run away, moving close to her and the wall so she wouldn’t be able to get around him. “Me. Hello, Rey.” A dark smile, “I felt left out, with you having a nightmare without me.”

With a drop of her shoulder she nearly ducked around him, but he was just able to block her flight in time. He pushed her against the wall, grabbing her wrists squeezing till he felt her wrist bones grind against one another. She winced but refused to cry out. He met her eyes thoughtfully, and nodded towards the brute’s hovel, “Who was that who used to hurt you?”

Her eyes narrowed, it reminded him of her child-self’s suspicious glare, “Lun, he was my keeper.”

“Keeper?” He hadn’t wanted to push her child self on it when she’d answered the same, but he didn’t know the term.

“The ones who’d take in the strays and orphans, as long as they got enough work out of them to make it worthwhile.”

“Is he still alive?”

Narrowing eyes again, he couldn’t help but notice that it caused the bridge of her nose to crinkle ever so slightly and adorably when she glared like that, “Yes.”

He dragged her arms over her head and transferred both of her wrists to one hand, despite her attempts to break free. Lowering his hand to her face he caressed it, causing an angry hissing breath from her in response. Flicking his eyes down the lines of her body for a moment, he leaned close to her face and met her eyes, speaking soft and sweetly, “I’d love to kill him for you.”

A pause, he felt her startled hesitation, as part of her who liked the idea of punishing the creature who’d caused her so much suffering wanted to consider the idea. Then her eyes hardened, “No.”   


Snickering, “I may anyway.”

She made a sudden kick at his shin, another attempt to break away, he swore, slamming his body against hers to pin her tighter. He slammed a knee up into her crotch, “No, no chase tonight. And if you don’t behave you’re going to make me angry.”   


The only response was a growl, which made him chuckle coldly.

“I know you’re with Skywalker,” he said, he could see the fright grow in her eyes. “Tell me where he is, tell me where you are.”

“No.”

“I’m going to find you,” he ground his knee into her crotch, “the longer you make me wait the angrier I am going to be.”

“Go to hell.” Her eye were closed. He didn’t like that.

He grabbed her face forcefully, “Look at me.”

She did, her teeth grinding together angrily as she glared at him. So beautiful and defiant. He smiled again, “Skywalker and I have unfinished business to take care of. And you… you are  _ mine _ . I will have you. Give yourself to me, Rey. Give yourself willingly, and I won’t hurt you.” His voice was gentle, almost a sigh, an admission to himself, “I really don’t want to hurt you.”

Her cold stare indicated she either didn’t believe him or didn’t care. He gritted his teeth, “But if you refuse me I will. I will take what’s mine. You will break. You belong to me.”

“I belong to no one,” her voice was barely a whisper but shook with rage. Around them he felt the reality of the dream flicker. She was starting to wake up.

Beginning to withdraw, he didn’t trust what would happen if he was still in her mind when she was fully awake and in control. He looked at her and winked, “We’ll see.”  Her eyes narrowed and he watched her nose scrunch together one last time and laughed as he shoved himself back into his own mind.

His eyes snapped open and he was aware of the pain in his back and the numbness in his legs, and a steady throb in his head from the mental efforts of his actions. Stretching on the floor, he moved slowly to get the circulation going. Glancing over at the clock, it was clear why his legs were asleep, hours had passed since he entered her mind.

Once feeling started to return to his legs he stood, stretching out his sore back. He was surprised he didn’t feel as frustrated as he probably should. There had been a moment where he had thought her child-self might have been about to tell him. But in the end he wasn’t entirely surprised that her subconscious had been strong enough to fight it. As horrible as her life had been, it had tempered her into a piece of hardened steel. She was tough, tenacious, and ever so shrewd. The insight into her past had been rewarding though, even if he wasn’t able to get her to give him where they were.

He pulled off his shirt and pants and collapsed on his bunk, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the suspicion and mistrust he’d seen in child-Rey’s eyes. She’d grown up abandoned, being beaten and starved, while being used for all the work that could be gotten out of her. Living in a place where no one did anything out of kindness or compassion, where nothing came without a catch. 

And yet she still was able to maintain her kindness and compassion towards others. It was an amazing thing, despite all the pain and loneliness and anger, she was still a creature of the light.

Sighing, he closed his eyes, he could get a few hours of still before he was scheduled to depart. And after visiting tonight’s dream, he knew where he intended to start his search. He let the exhaustion take him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt if Rey got a glimpse of child-Kylo then Kylo should get a glimpse of child-Rey. 
> 
> He might want to watch out, I think he definitely felt some compassion towards her. 
> 
> Is Kylo going to Jakku next to find out more about Rey's past? I think he just might be.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes looking for information about Rey and Rey's past on Jakku.
> 
> \----
> 
> “Stolen freighter,” Plutt grumbled. “That girl stole my ship.” He mewled with fake sympathy, “I’m afraid she hasn’t been back. Trust me, I’ve been watching for her.”
> 
> “It’s a shame when stolen property gets stolen again,” he said, dryly. Plutt scowled in response but had enough survival instinct to keep his ugly mouth shut. “Tell me about the girl.”
> 
> Plutt shifted nervously, “Not much to tell. Quite talented scavenger, kept to herself. Not really a troublemaker, wouldn’t have expected what she did from her.”
> 
> He stared quietly at the Crolute, who grew more uneasy under the blank gaze.
> 
> “Stubborn. Tough. If someone the mistake of thinking she looked soft they quickly found out they were mistaken. Called herself Rey. Pretty little thing.”
> 
> There was a faint lustful tinge to the last sentence and he clenched his fists and fought the urge to impale Plutt on his saber. The thought of a creature as vile as that drooling over HIS girl made his stomach turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: writing, writing, writing... WTF it's 2am again?

A kriffing drukhole had been his impression of the planet on his brief first visit. His second visit was not doing anything to elevate it beyond that. He had spent five minutes in Niima and was fairly sure the galaxy would be greatly improved if the First Order chose to cleanse it and the garbage and scum that lived in from this drukhole planet. As he walked through the tents and shanties and hovels towards the center of town, all the locals cast frightened and suspicious glances and gave him wide berth. 

Approaching the barred window of the junk boss’ office, he could see the Crolute eye him nervously. He wasn’t sure how many of the locals knew who he was or who he served, but Plutt, he suspected, at the very least knew he was First Order. “I’m looking for information on a girl.”

Unkar Plutt, for the most part, did a good job of hiding the fear from his voice and attempted to sound simpatic, “Of course, anything for the First Order. What girl?”

He felt a surge of utter dislike towards the junk boss and his wheezing, mewling voice. His voice flat through the modulator, “The left here with a droid and a First Order traitor on an old Corellian freighter.”

“Stolen freighter,” Plutt grumbled. “That girl stole my ship.” He mewled with fake sympathy, “I’m afraid she hasn’t been back. Trust me, I’ve been watching for her.”

“It’s a shame when stolen property gets stolen again,” he said, dryly. Plutt scowled in response but had enough survival instinct to keep his ugly mouth shut. “Tell me about the girl.”

Plutt shifted nervously, “Not much to tell. Quite talented scavenger, kept to herself. Not really a troublemaker, wouldn’t have expected what she did from her.” 

He stared quietly at the Crolute, who grew more uneasy under the blank gaze.

“Stubborn. Tough. If someone the mistake of thinking she looked soft they quickly found out they were mistaken. Called herself Rey. Pretty little thing.”

There was a faint lustful tinge to the last sentence and he clenched his fists and fought the urge to impale Plutt on his saber. The thought of a creature as vile as that drooling over HIS girl made his stomach turn. 

It was also clear that Plutt wasn’t going to give him much unless he fed him the questions directly, “She flew that ship, where did she learn to fly?”

“Always wondered about that… she’d move ships for me now and again,” a pause. “Flight simulator, ran it on a computer looked like she built herself. Found that when we did inventory at her dwelling.”

He scowled behind his mask, “Inventory at her dwelling?”

Plutt wheezed, “Yes, well, I took possession of what she left, payments on what she stole from me.” Nervously, “It’s all still there, if you wish to inspect it as part of your… investigation. I was leaving it for the time being in the hopes she’d come back and we could… settle… the debt face to face.”

“Make her watch as you took everything from her?” There was an edge to his voice that must have made it out of the modulator, because Plutt flinched. “Where did she live?”

“In an fallen At-At in the Goazon Badlands.”

“Where did she come from?”

“She was… left… they never came back.”

“Left? By who?”

Plutt looked more uncomfortable by the moment, “I don’t know. On a transport. A man left her in my care and paid me to keep her for a month. Then left. That was 14 years ago.”

“And what happened when they didn’t come back?” He knew the answer, based on the dream, and he gritted his teeth.

“Gave her to someone, I had no use for a child.”

“Someone who could get more work out of her than he’d need to give her in rations?” He heard more emotion make it into his voice. Plutt opted to respond with a silent shrug.

“How long was she with her… keeper?”

There was a glimmer of surprise in Plutt’s eyes. He guessed the word was local slang, not something an outsider would normally use. “I don’t know for sure, was 6, maybe 7 years ago she left Lun. He wasn’t pleased about that, but wasn’t able to take her back. Like I said, tough little thing, learned to fight back. Took jobs for others for awhile before she started out on her own. Had my men make sure no one harassed her, too much talent there, brought the best parts back.”

Six or seven years, he’d guess she was 12 or 13 at the time. Wasn’t able to take her back… at 13 she fought back against that brutish thug from the dream. He felt oddly prideful towards Rey at that achievement. 

He thought back to something Plutt had said, “You said she called herself Rey, what’s her real name?”

“Don’t know. They didn’t tell me, didn’t care to ask her at the time. Don’t think she remembers what it was now.”

He bit back another rise of annoyance and dislike at Plutt. If he didn’t end this conversation soon the Crolute was going to die. “Tell me where to find that At-At.”

  
  


\-----------

 

Working his way out of Niima he heard a familiar voice. A gruff, cruel voice. The one from her dream.

He spun on his heels and saw him, a gruff burly creature with angular sharp features. Older now than in her dream, but unmistakable. Three children were with him, youngest couldn’t be older than four or five, oldest maybe 12.  All scrawny and exhausted, probably all bearing scars of beatings from the thug.  The three were hauling large loads, the scavenged goods to take to the crolute to sell. The brute carried nothing but water jug on his belt.

There was no reason for him to go near them, but he found his feet carrying over there anyway. A burning hatred growing towards the creature. As he approached, the youngest child stumbled and a few parts fell out of his load. The brute whirled and landed a kick into the boy’s back, sending the child flying, load scattering. “Worthless skrogging sculag!”

The boy landed a few feet away from him. He walked over and crouched down as the boy pushed himself up off the ground, crying. Looking up the boy shrank back from the masked face.

“It’s okay,” he put a hand on each of the boy’s arms and gently pulled him to his feet. The child weighed next to nothing. He released his arms and he staggered several steps back, still terrified. 

Turning his gaze towards the brute, the creature shifted his weight and muttered, “Sorry if m’boy got in your way.” When the only reply was a continued stare, he averted his eyes from the mask, and pulled a water jug off his belt and took a nervous swig, and then went to put it back.

“I think they’re thirsty too.” 

The brute jumped, “Wha’?”

“The children, they’re thirsty too. Probably why the boy stumbled, don’t you think?”

Looking between the intimidating masked figure and the children, the brute frowned. “They… don’... uh…” staring once more at the black mask, he seemed to decide he was better off not pushing the issue. He turned and shoved the jug into the oldest child’s hands. The girl looked around, unsure, and the brute snarled, “Jus’ drink, stoopa!” She took several gulps and then passed it to the middle child, who then passed to to the boy who drank greedily. The oldest came over and took the jug, pulling the boy against her in a tiny hug.

She looked up at his mask nervously and gave a tiny, grateful smile. The brute reached over and snatched the jug out of her hands. Glaring, “Good ‘nough?”

His hand twitched on his lightsaber, “You might want to make sure you keep them hydrated, I’d hate to think of what might happen if someone thought you mistreated them.” He spun around on his heels and walked away quickly. Managing resist the urge to kill a second person in this forsaken druk outpost for the day. 

 

\------

  
  


The inside of the At-At was surprisingly cooler than the desert air outside.

He recognized it from the fragments he’d pulled from her mind when he interrogated her. It was small and with her belongings, as meager as they were, there wasn’t much space to move around. Reaching up, he disengaged his mask and pulled it off, setting it down on a makeshift table that was cluttered with various parts and tools. Walking around, taking mental notes of a few things. There was a the computer Plutt mentioned. A half put together engine, a repair project he’d guess. A working engine would be worth more than what you could get for scrapping it for parts. A cooking area, a sleeping area. There was a small doll, hand made, dressed as a rebel pilot. Picking it up, he snorted with amusement.

Pausing at the endless marks scratched into the wall, he ran his fingers along them. Marking time, marking survival, marking another day till someone came to rescue her? He knew she had been waiting, afraid to leave, so certain someone would come back for her. That thought was the one that got her through every hellish day of her life. So much talent and potential being wasted on this hellhole of a planet.

He walked over to the hammock she had used as a bed and lay down, pulling his knees up. It was much too small for him to lay out normally. He thought about her memories of nights, unable to sleep, imagining her laying here and thinking of her ocean. Her scent still seemed to cling to the fabric of the hammock. 

It was strangely comfortable to lie here, bringing himself closer to her. It was putting him in a strangely good mood. He felt oddly intoxicated, slap happy.  


Turning the doll over in his hands a moment, he closed his eyes taking deep breaths, concentrating on shielding most of his thoughts and feelings away from the bond. What he was about to do was probably a bad idea, but if was going to do it he wanted to try to control what might get through.

Instead of strumming the thread, he thought about how he pushed himself across it to get to her dream. That had been much more in control and much less disorienting, a better way to interact with this thing between them. He didn’t push as much as feel through it, it hummed slightly but didn’t vibrate in rough waves the way it had in the past when he’d manipulated it.

She was there. Calm. Meditating? Of course she was. Meditating and chanting the code in your head was one of Skywalker’s favorite things. 

_ There is no emotion there is only peace,  _ her thought came through to him clearly. He snorted, and felt her freeze on the other end. Apparently his mind felt amused a little too loudly.

_ Peace is a lie, my dear little Rey,  _ he concentrated on sliding the thought across to her, keeping the thread calm between them. And then feeling across it again, he caught images of black rock and green vegetation and the ocean. Several small, black and white birds flying by. Then suddenly they were cut off. He felt gently, but nothing. She’d put up some rudimentary defenses to block him off from most of her mind. It might be possible to break through them, but pushing harder might put him at risk of exposing more of himself than he wanted it.

_ I’m no Sith. _

He smirked, she was still interested in talking to him at least,  _ Neither am I _ .

_ Then what are you? _

_ A Knight of Ren, the Sith and the Jedi are dead orders for a reason. They were both flawed. _

_ The Jedi aren’t dead!  _ She sounded offended, he laughed. 

_ Close enough.  _ He could feel her anger and aggravation and frustration roiling through her mind,  _ You are adorable when you’re angry.  _

Her anger welled into fury,  _ GET OUT OF MY HEAD. _

_ Make me.  _ Frustration rolled at him in waves, she didn’t know how to prevent him from sending, how to shut down the bond. Neither did he, for that matter.

He opened his eyes and pushed what he was seeing across at her. 

Confusion, then recognition, then shock,  _ GET OUT. _ He could sense she felt violated by his intrusion into her old home.

_ It’s quite comfortable in here, I have to say, must be why I’m in such a good mood. Best I’ve been in since I set foot on this druk planet. _

She was silent but he could feel her anger. He was also certain she was offended by his insult to Jakku. He held the doll up, sending the image across again.

_ Cute, does it have a name? _

Still silent.

_ I was in Niima earlier. I’m pretty sure I could make the galaxy better by having the First Order obliterate it. Not as good as vaporizing this planet and all the garbage on it as a whole, but it would be a start. _

The response was almost too chaotic jumbled emotions to make out, fear he might actually do what he said, anger, frustration, and weakly he heard it--  _ go to hell. _

_ I don’t think I need to go anywhere for it, I’m already on Jakku.   _ Oh, she was so offended, he chuckled,  _ Come on now, you walked right into that comeback. _

Back to silence.

_ I saw your old friend Lun in Niima.  _ He could feel her tension rise,  _ I didn’t kill him.  _ No reply, a conflicted relief,  _ Still could if you’d like me to? _

_ No. _

_ Pity, I’d have enjoyed that. I had a chat with the Crolute, didn’t kill him either. _

_ You sound like you want an award for not doing something evil and vile. _

_ You have no idea how hard it was not to cut his kriffing head off.   _ He turned the doll over his his hands,  _ Do you know what your real name was? _

Shocked, maybe a little offended, a little horrified at what he might know about her past,  _ What kind of question is that? _

_ One I’m curious about?  _ She didn’t reply.  _ I’ll take it the answer is no then. _

He could feel her building more defenses, trying to wall off the bond as best she could, he felt her emotions mute somewhat. She was a quick study.

_ Aw, you’re going to try to ignore me. This is going to ruin my good mood. _

She couldn’t resist snapping back at that,  _ Good. _

_ Would you rather I help with those ridiculous chants your master is having you do? Emotion, yet peace,  ignorance, yet knowledge. Yawn. Passion, yet serenity. Yawn. Chaos, yet harmony, death, yet the force. _

_ Did you know you’re acting like a child?  _ He could practically hear the huff in the thought.

_ Good mood. Don’t worry, it won’t last. This was fun though.  _

She was silent. He was pretty sure she was done with him. 

_ I’m going to find you. It’s a matter of time now. You’re mine. _

Not quite done with him,  _ I am not yours. I belong to no one but myself. _

Smiling, he rolled himself off the hammock and stood, pocketing the doll in his cloak. _ Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. I’ll be seeing you soon, Rey. _

Pulling back, he did his best to wall off the connection on his end from the rest of his mind. He’d need to be careful from now on, in case she tried to use the connection from her end. Grabbing his mask he put it back on before ducking out and heading back to his shuttle and the relief of getting off this kriffing planet.

Back at the shuttle he took his mask off and prepped to leave. Not entirely sure where he was going next. He stopped and took a moment to send a request for the First Order to make sure they were monitoring for the Millennium Falcon. They’d taken the Falcon when they found Skywalker, but it wasn’t there anymore,  Skywalker had sent it away. Better to have the girl to himself where she couldn't change her mind.  


He blinked… how did he know that? Had that come through the bond?  It had to have. Maybe in the beginning before she started to wall him off? It was good information but the just knowing part of this made him uneasy. This thing went two ways, he wouldn’t know if something had slipped through to her. 

Still not sure where to go next, he decided for now he was going to put his trust in the Force and chose the direction on instinct. The Force had been a current dragging him towards the girl since before he even met her.

No reason to not trust it was going to guide him to her now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reacts to her force bond conversation with Kylo and asks Luke what he was like when he was still Ben.
> 
> When she didn’t smile he shook his head, “Ben was… a frustrating student. Stubborn, hated being told what to do, and would often push back at me. He was talented, very talented, but filled with insecurity and self doubt. At the same time he was arrogant and prideful, a sense of entitlement. Shy, very much in his own head most of the time. He never had a lot of friends, though he was, or at least always seemed, very loyal to the ones he had. Very protective. If he felt betrayed though, he would not let it go, he held grudges. He had trouble reining in his emotions. Frustration would lead to anger and he would lash out. Over time he got better with his control, or he got better at burying his anger and bitterness where I couldn’t see it. I think it as the latter now, he just buried it until it exploded out and the darkness killed the light in him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to retell the same scene from another character's perspective too often (I mean, you JUST read that conversation last chapter) but it felt like we should get Rey's side of that. Hope it worked out okay and didn't annoy anyone.

Luke was away for the day. He didn’t tell her where he was going, just to spend the day meditating.  With her dreams distracting her, it would be good for her to work on calming herself and clearing her mind, he had said.

The second dream, an old nightmare except with him in it now. He seemed so real in comparison to the rest of it.

What if he had been real? What if it was the connection? Could it work that way? Could they just wander into each other’s dreams? 

This was why she kriffing hated meditation. At least if she was active she could be too busy and  the questions and worries went away for awhile. She sighed, glancing out at the ocean before closing her eyes and trying to chase away the nagging doubts and questions and fears. Distracting herself from them, she tried to recite the Jedi code over and over in her head.

_ There is no emotion, there is peace. _

_ There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. _

_ There is no passion, there is serenity. _

_ There is no chaos, there is harmony. _

_ There is no death, there is the Force _

A deep breath. 

_ There is no emotion, there is peace. _

There was a sudden sense of amusement in her head… it wasn’t hers. She froze, eyes snapping open, he was in her head.

_ Peace is a lie, my dear little Rey,  _ his thought floated through her mind. She began to build up walls, trying to create some defenses around the energy that was linking them. There was faint push on his end, which made her think she succeeded at least a little.

If she remembered correctly from some discussion she’d had with Luke, peace is a lie came from the Sith code. She should know better than to engage him, but her emotions were getting the better of her,  _ I’m no Sith. _

He was amused, she wished he was where she could physically punch him,  _ Neither am I. _

_ Then what are you?  _ Other than a psychopath and a kriffer anyway.

_ A Knight of Ren, the Sith and the Jedi are dead orders for a reason. They were both flawed. _

_ The Jedi aren’t dead!  _ He came across as so arrogant, she hated him.

_ Close enough.  _ She fumed and felt his amusement, which did nothing to defuse her anger.  _ You are adorable when you’re angry. _

If the statement hadn’t been enough to push her over the edge, the feeling of antagonistic affection that came with it would have. For a moment she saw red, and screamed across at him as loud as she could,  _ GET OUT OF MY HEAD. _

For a moment he seemed still on the other end, unfortunately just a moment.

_ Make me.  _ There was pure cocky arrogance in it.  She wished she knew how to push him out, to break this thing between them. A tinge of guilt shook her, she should have already told Master Luke about this… connection.

A flash of images shot through her head, almost faster than she could process them. After a moment of confusion her mouth dropped open in recognition and understanding. He was showing her what he was seeing. He was in her AT-AT on Jakku. He was IN HER KRIFFING HAMMOCK. The realization faded to mute shock and horror. She felt like this violated something intrinsic and dear to her and couldn’t explain why. 

_ GET OUT. _

More amusement, he was doing this to kriff with her and was loving every second of it.

_ It’s quite comfortable in here, I have to say, must be why I’m in such a good mood.  _ She was surprised there didn't seem to be any sarcasm in his tone.  _ Best I’ve been in since I set foot on this druk planet. _

As much as she had hated Jakku, hearing HIM insult it offended her. She needed to stop this, stop responding. Whatever his endgame was here she had to stop playing into it.

Her doll, the one she made herself years ago, flashed across her mind. He was holding it up and looking at it.

_ Cute, does it have a name? _

She was not going to engage him anymore. No. Not anymore. She was going to calm herself, barricade herself from him.

_ I was in Niima earlier. I’m pretty sure I could make the galaxy better by having the First Order obliterate it. Not as good as vaporizing this planet and all the garbage on it as a whole, but it would be a start. _

The walls she was trying to build crumbled in emotion. It didn’t seem to be a threat, but he could easily order an attack on Niima if he wanted. Anger rose at the insult to her planet and the ‘garbage’ like her who had lived on it. Her mouth went dry and a tidal wave of different emotions crashed over her. She couldn’t stop herself from sending, if only in a whisper amongst the emotions,  _ go to hell. _

_ I don’t think I need to go anywhere for it, I’m already on Jakku.  _

She ground her teeth, another jab at Jakku. He was so kriffing smug. 

_ Come on now, you walked right into that comeback.  _ There was something affectionate towards her in the thought. Oh Maker, she had to end this.

_ I saw your old friend Lun in Niima.  _

She felt cold, arms breaking out into goosebumps.

_ I didn’t kill him.  _

It horrified her to think that part of her seemed disappointed. The rest of her was relieved. She didn’t want to be associated with murder, even if it was one monster murdering another on her behalf.

_ Still could if you’d like me to? _

She fought the part of her that wanted to say yes,  _ No. _

_ Pity, I’d have enjoyed that. I had a chat with the Crolute, didn’t kill him either. _

It almost seemed like he was seeking acknowledgment from her for his good behavior in not slaughtering people left and right.   _ You sound like you want an award for not doing something evil and vile. _

_ You have no idea how hard it was not to cut his kriffing head off.  _

For a moment there was a pause, then,  _ Do you know what your real name was? _

How much did he know about her? How much was he finding out snooping around? Who asked a kriffing question like that anyway? It was rude.   _ What kind of question is that? _

_ One I’m curious about?  _ There wasn’t any viciousness behind his tone. She was done though, she needed to end this. 

_ I’ll take it the answer is no then. _

Concentrating, she kept building up her walls, walling more and more of herself away from that connection. She had to find a way to block him out of her head. She felt like something distanced slightly between them, though she could still feel him.

_ Aw, you’re going to try to ignore me. This is going to ruin my good mood. _

_ Good.  _ She winced as soon as she thought it at him. He kept baiting her and she kept taking the bait. 

_ Would you rather I help with those ridiculous chants your master is having you do?  _ He was so kriffing smarmy.   _ Emotion, yet peace,  ignorance, yet knowledge. Yawn.  _

She hated him as he continued to mock the chant at her,  _ Passion, yet serenity. Yawn. Chaos, yet harmony, death, yet the force. _

He was acting odd. Less frightening than in her dream this way, but a lot more irritating.  _ Did you know you’re acting like a child? _

_ Good mood. Don’t worry, it won’t last. This was fun though.  _

She was not going to be baited again.

_ I’m going to find you. It’s a matter of time now.  _ She bit back the thoughts she wanted to throw at him, working on making it harder for him to feel her.

_ You’re mine. _

Rage welled again. His claims of possession over her now and in the dreams infuriated her more than she could say. Deep breaths, calming down to send a cold reply,  _ I am not yours. I belong to no one but myself. _

_ Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  _

He was fading, she thought in relief.

_ Through passion, I gain strength.  _

Fainter still.

_ I’ll be seeing you soon, Rey. _

Silence. His presence gone. Finally.

Curling up she put her head on her knees, fighting back tears. She was glad Luke was gone. How do you explain something like what just happened? 

She needed to tell him about this, but she didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t know why. Why was she so resistant to explain this _ |force bond|  _ thing to someone else?

Force bond? Where did that come from? She’d never heard the term before. But, it was what the the connection was called. 

Did she pull that from him? Without even knowing it?

It was going to drive her insane. Laughing into her knees, maybe that was Ren’s end game. Sitting up she wiped the tears leaking out of her eyes, but it wasn’t. He was still trying to understand this thing too. She knew that just like she now knew it was called a force bond. 

Stumbling to her feet, she staggered back to to her dwelling. She looked at her hammock and thought of him laying in her old one back in her AT-AT and bile rose in her throat. She lay on the floor instead. She needed to rest, needed to get herself oriented and calm again. Sleep didn’t seem like a good option, he could get to her there. Instead she just closed her eyes and made her mind go blank, forcing all thoughts out. Forcing the rest of the world out, nothing but silence and darkness.

 

\-----------

 

It was hours later when she sat up, back stiff. 

She felt a little better, her mind more at peace, but so tired. 

Luke wasn’t back yet. She stood and stretched, wondering where he’d gone. He was rarely missing for more than a few hours. She stumbled up the stairs and out of her dwelling, made her way over to Luke’s and started to attempt to make dinner. She doubted she was much of a cook, but the root vegetable stew Luke made was fairly simple, probably something she could handle.

He got back at dusk, nearly falling as he went down the stairs into the dwelling. She caught him, helping him to sit down next to the table. His eyes looked hollow and he was exhausted. 

“I’ll be fine,” he said, voice hoarse, waving away her look of concern.

“Where were you? What happened?”

He shook his head, not answering. She turned away, frustrated, filled a bowl with the stew and shoved it in front of him. Before sitting down and slamming her own bowl on the table.

“Calm yourself,” his voice was tired, exasperated, and slightly amused. She glared at him. “I’m going to guess your meditation didn’t go so well today.”

She huffed in reply, glowering down into her bowl. Feeling his eyes on her, she looked up, expecting to see annoyance or disappointment in her behavior. Instead she found him looking bemused with a small smile. “What?” His smile widened a bit more, she was finding it hard to stay mad, but her exasperation grew. “WHAT?”

He shook his head and shrugged, “I just greatly appreciate your company,” his voice was affectionate. “I greatly appreciate you.”

It was impossible not to feel touched. She gave a small smile and shook her head, “Are you sure that’s not your exhaustion talking? Because I regularly get the impression I frustrate you.”

“Probably,” he winked. She rolled her eyes slightly back. “I missed having padawans. You’ve made me realize that.” He picked up his spoon, “Thank you for making dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”

She pushed her stew with her spoon, “What was Ren like, back when he was still Ben?”

Luke flinched slightly, she probably shouldn’t have asked, “Sorry, if you don’t want to talk about him…”

“Have you dreamed about him again?”

_ Dreamed about him, had an antagonistic conversation with him from across the galaxy in my head.  _

“I… had a second one that he showed up in.” She met Luke’s eyes, “He’s looking for me. I know he is.”

“If it makes you feel better, he’s been looking for me for six years and not doing a good job of it.”

When she didn’t smile he shook his head, “Ben was… a frustrating student. Stubborn, hated being told what to do, and would often push back at me. He was talented, very talented, but filled with insecurity and self doubt. At the same time he was arrogant and prideful, a sense of entitlement. Shy, very much in his own head most of the time. He never had a lot of friends, though he was, or at least always seemed, very loyal to the ones he had. Very protective. If he felt betrayed though, he would not let it go, he held grudges. He had trouble reining in his emotions. Frustration would lead to anger and he would lash out. Over time he got better with his control, or he got better at burying his anger and bitterness where I couldn’t see it. I think it as the latter now, he just buried it until it exploded out and the darkness killed the light in him.”

“How long was training with you?”

Luke looked haunted and sad, “10 years, Leia sent him to me when he was 13. He was 23 when he betrayed me and the new order. Even at his most volatile I could have never thought him capable of doing what he did or foreseen him becoming what he’s become. I loved him.” 

She was silent, it was hard to have something to say to that.

“Can I confess something to you, Rey?” She looked up at Luke, his eyes were wet with tears. “I miss him. And I’m afraid that I will have to face him again, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to do what it may come to.”

There was nothing she could think to say to that, so she just reached across the table and squeezed his hand. He gave her a weak smile, “I’m glad you’ll be with me when the time comes.”

“You should rest, I’ll clean up.”

He nodded as she gathered up the dishes laid down on his sleeping mat. She felt the pressure of guilt for not telling him about the connection, but felt even less able to share that with him now. She just couldn’t. 

Outside a pair of the Puffs called each other in their gruff squawks, she walked over to the doorway and looked out to the night sky. It was pure inky black dotted with the light of so many stars.

_ Trust in the Force, _ she thought, with a sigh. Glancing over she saw Luke was already asleep.

Trust in the Force, for now, what else could she do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm basing Ben's age at his betrayal of Luke (23) off what's been established now in the new canon EU books. When he was actually sent to Luke is still unknown, so my choice of having it be when he was 13 might end up being a canon deviation eventually.
> 
> We're going to push ahead a few weeks next and go have some "Get To Know Kylo" time with a little bit of his backstory slipping out next. I actually know what's going to happen for once (I have a vague idea where things are going but I tend to just start writing and see where it takes me) cause I already wrote it. Now I just need to reread it and tweak it, so it'll be posted later today.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me: Writing slightly aimlessly and letting the story lead me...  
> *stopping to read why I just wrote* Did I just write about when Kylo lost his virginity?
> 
> \------
> 
> He closed his eye and a face floated in front of his eyes. Not his girl, a different girl, a girl from another life. He took a deep, sighing breath, remembering sneaking away, the night sky filled with stars. Something wrong, something illicit, they both knew better, but at sixteen years and defiant they didn't care. She was leading him, down the narrow rocky path, away from the temple into the privacy of the woods. Tasting each other as they wrestled out of their robes, welcoming the cool of the night air on their flushed skin. She pulled him to the ground and for a moment he froze, so awkward, unsure of what he was supposed to do. He remembered how afraid he was to look at her in that moment, flushing with embarrassment, sure he’d look into her eyes and see scorn and laughter. Then her hand was on his face, her voice whispering to him, and he’d looked into eyes that were soft and filled with desire. Her voice, just a murmur, “I’ll show you,” as she leaned to him and kissed him softly but assertively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll ever do smut well. I start writing about sex and it gets more poetic than smutty.
> 
> But that said, let us all enjoy the thought of a shy, awkward, 16 year old Ben Solo sneaking off with one of his fellow Jedi trainees and kinda freaking out for a few minutes with a girl cause he didn't really know how this shit worked.

The last few weeks had been very boring.

For the most part he’d been drifting in one general direction, following his instincts and trying to let the Force take him where it wanted. There was more Resistance activity in these parts, and he was being cautious now. Keeping his shuttle off the more direct routes and operating more in the shadows. If he was getting closer, and he did feel like he was, tipping off the Resistance so they went running off to warn his girl and Skywalker wouldn’t be beneficial to his cause.

On some waste planet he had encountered a small Resistance reconnaissance and incapacitated them, interrogated them, and then dispatched them each by breaking their necks with the Force. He’d have preferred to use his saber, it would have been more satisfying, but didn’t want to leave distinctive wounds that would make it obvious who had killed them. 

Other than knowledge of the girl’s existence-- apparently gossiping whispers about a young girl Jedi were traveling far among the rabble-- they had no useful information regarding her or the map. At least he pulled a bit of information about their movements, allies, and underground funding operations, as well as the fact that they were aware of the First Order appeared to be preparing for a major offensive. He encrypted the information he had found into a data packet and sent it to the Supreme Leader.

The girl had been silent, and was now getting frustratingly good at walling off his casual attempts to feel into her mind. He sensed she was tired, and it was hard to find her sleeping deep enough for him to try to push himself into her dreams again. Either she was having trouble sleeping or avoiding sleep, or both, he supposed. Afraid of finding him there. 

Once or twice he’d pushed a thought at her, trying to get a response, but she was refusing to be baited. Her silence was irritating him, and there was a gnawing anger growing at the feeling she was defying him in this avoidance. He had considered sending to her glimpses of his actions when he interrogated and killed the Resistance team. At the very least he’d have felt satisfied at her horror at his actions. His good sense prevented him from doing it. No use in acting in the shadows and then broadcasting your actions directly to your enemy.

It was better to not antagonize her if he wanted to try to sway her to him at least somewhat willingly either. There was no way she’d come with him willingly, especially after he killed Skywalker. But once she was in his control, with no real choices, she might accept the illusion of one. Most likely wishful thinking on his part, she was so stubborn, so was he though. And she was strong, but he was stronger. She could give if it was her own choice, but under force she’d never bend. She wouldn’t even break, really, as tempered and hardened as she was, she would shatter when she finally gave in. A broken puzzle to piece back together, still beautiful and powerful but darker and more jagged. If that was what was necessary, he’d take that.

But he admitted to himself now that he was longing for her whole. Longing for her to surrender herself to him and submit willingly. Longing for her to learn from him, to join him. Their power together would be monumental. Their ability to share that power between them over the bond could make them unstoppable. 

He wasn’t dreaming about her now, but his idle waking hours drifted into various fantasies of her, small and fragile in his arms. Her strength muted by her vulnerability and desire, edged with fear of the unknown. Exploring him with her mouth and hands while he did the same to her, touching and tasting each other’s scars. His own vulnerabilities were raw and open to her, both with power over the other and no one in control.

It frustrated him. These were childish dreams, fantasies of a boy, a shy awkward teenager trying to understand what his body wanted. Afraid to take control over what he needed or take what he wanted. A boy he thought he killed in rage driven tidal wave of betrayal, blood, and fire.

He closed his eyes and a face floated in his mind. Not his girl, a different girl, a girl from another life. He took a deep, sighing breath, remembering sneaking away, the night sky filled with stars. Something wrong, something illicit, they both knew better, but at sixteen years and defiant they didn't care. She was leading him, down the narrow rocky path, away from the temple into the privacy of the woods. Tasting each other as they wrestled out of their robes, welcoming the cool of the night air on their flushed skin. She pulled him to the ground and for a moment he froze, so awkward, unsure of what he was supposed to do. He remembered how afraid he was to look at her in that moment, flushing with embarrassment, sure he’d look into her eyes and see scorn and laughter. Then her hand was on his face, her voice whispering to him, and he’d looked into eyes that were soft and filled with desire. Her voice, just a murmur, “I’ll show you,” as she leaned to him and kissed him softly but assertively. A hand touching him… there… stroking. He surrendered any semblance of control and let her guide him. It blurred in his memory then, the feeling of her around him and the pleasure so intense it was nearly pain. Whispering her name, her crying out his, “Ben! Ben!” to the trees. 

She would end up hurting him. Those he trusted always did. But not that night.

A hum, and tremble of vibration, a sudden awareness that he wasn’t alone in his mind. His rage surged,  _ YOU. _ How had she slipped into his mind without him knowing? Had she been there the whole time, the whole memory?  


Her presence shrank back at being noticed. 

_ Quite the little voyeur? Want to see some of the things I imagine doing to you? _

Anger, embarrassment, fear. Consciously so offended, but faintly under that was a subconscious curiosity. He chuckled, her conflicting emotions settling his anger at her, imagining her blushing. Slowly and carefully he secured his defenses, just in case she tried to push in further. It aggravated him that he felt so comfortable with her in his head, so comfortable that he didn’t even notice the intrusion. Was the connection becoming stronger?  


The continued silence was irritating him. Little bitch came for a visit but wouldn’t even talk to him.  Suddenly he pushed an image to her of herself, flushed, crying out in pleasure as his fingers played with her.

She shrank back more, part of her horrified, but he could also feel her flustered, a slight heat emanating off of her.

_ I like to imagine what you look like when you come. Want to see some more? _

Her presence trembled,  _ No. _

_ As you wish, little one. What are you doing here? _

At her silence he gritted his teeth. If she was going to play like this he was going to send of stream of the more filthy things he wanted to do to her. But then her answer, a quiet whisper of a thought, came across,  _ I didn’t mean to. _

_ You just stumbled into my head, did you? _

_ I was falling asleep and trying not to. Just blanking my mind instead… I didn’t try to come here. _

She was being honest. He could sense how tired she was.  _ Trying to hide from me and finding me instead? That’s beautifully ironic. You should go to sleep, I can join you and show you a few of these things you’re curious about. _

He could almost feel her glaring at him, imagining that cute little crinkle to her nose,  _ Did you know your nose crinkles when you do that look? It’s adorable. You should tell me where you are so I can see it in person. _

Her whole presence huffed and implied she thought he was ridiculous.  _ What was her name? _

_ Does it matter? I’d rather talk about us.  _

_ It’s something I’m curious about? Or are you allowed to ask me questions and I’m not allowed to ask you? _

He sighed and then decided he’d humor her,  _ Sia’la.  _ A tremor crossed his mind as he thought it.

She sensed it,  _ You’re angry at her. _

He concentrated on building barricades around memories, things she was not going to be allowed to see.

_ She hurt me, eventually.  _

_ You’re sad about her too. _

He was, he gritted his teeth, hating that she saw his weakness,  _ She’s dead. It doesn’t matter. _

_ What happened to her? _

_ It doesn’t matter,  _ he sent, forcefully.

A beeping made him jump, a comlink light flashing.

_ As much as I enjoy your company, little scavenger, I’m going to have to cut this off.   _ He started to wall off the connection so it was isolated off completely from the rest of his mind.  _ Feel free to hang out in my mind if you want, but I’m going to have to leave you all alone back there. _

_ How do you do that? _

He laughed out loud, did she think he was going to tell her how to hide herself completely from him?  _ You need to figure that out for yourself.  _

_ Hrmph.  _

_ Your nose just crinkled.  _ Oh, that ticked her off. He really enjoyed making her mad.

_ Go to sleep, Rey. I’m going to be busy, I promise to leave you alone. _

_ Why should I believe you? _

_ Because I’m not lying, shoo. _

He felt her presence fade from his mind. He didn’t know if she was going believe him and go to sleep or not, but he would be true to his word if she did. He finished his wall around the connection to be sure she wouldn’t be able to spy if she snuck back in.

Releasing the walls around the memories he had been barricading from her, he closed his eyes for a moment and let the past overtake him. Smoke, fire, Sia’s voice, begging, confused, asking why Ben? Why? Bodies littered the ground, and he hesitated, looking into her eyes. Eyes searching for someone she thought she knew and trusted. And then he remembered how she had scorned him, left him. So long ago yet the wounds seemed still so raw and fresh. It fed the rage, and he thrust his saber through her heart, watching as the yellow beam exploded through her back. Doing to her what it had felt like she had done to him back when they were still just children.

He had loved her so. Not that it mattered anymore.

Pushing a button he opened the channel and entered the encryption code.

“Kylo Ren,” a voice greeted him. “We got the intel you sent, thank you.”

“What do you have for me.”

“The Millennium Falcon, we have several reports of it in the Kernian system. Along with reports of Resistance fighters having been seen in the area.”

Kernian system, he pulled up a star map and wasn’t at all surprised to see he was heading in that direction already. The Force was pulling him where he needed to go. 

“Are there any ports there?”

“If you can call it that. On one of the outer moons.” The voice paused, “Would you us to send a ship for back up?”

“No. Not for this,” he answered, already calculating the new coordinates into the navigation system and cut off the comlink.

After the last few boring weeks, he thought things might just be about to get interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it'll fit into the story at the end, but part of me really wants to learn more about Sia’la. 
> 
> Given my Kylo characterization has him pretty much in the not very nice category*, the fact that Luke mentioned on how he kept grudges for a long time in the previous chapter, and the hint dropping that she ended up hurting him, I don't know if it was way too predictable that he would have ended up killing her. But I think it was a worthy insight into his past and his character.
> 
> There's a bit of time left, but I think we're going to have a confrontation soon. Hopefully Rey will get some sleep. Unfortunately, next chapter this time is not already written, so might be a few days ;)
> 
> *See chapter 6's dream rape fantasy and attempted dream rape of Rey during their shared dream.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sighed, “You let go, but you do it while going inward and closing yourself off. You need to let yourself remain open.” His saber ignited, she followed suit, “Open to the Force. Trust it. Let it guide you.”
> 
> His saber swung, she ducked back and met it, blue and green blades clashing against one another. The fight starting slow and building in intensity. The green blade swung at her head and she dropped to the ground, rolling and springing to her feet, she jumped forward offensively and rained down a series of short, fast blows before spinning and ducking out of the way of another attack. Luke had been pushing her to use fast, more agile attacks. Dodge, duck, strike, strike, move, move, don’t ever be still, don’t try to rely on her own strength, use the opponent's strength against him.
> 
> It had not been lost to her that while this was a fighting style that suited her size and agility, it was also a fighting style that would be ideal against an opponent who fought relying on brute strength and heavy blows.
> 
> He was teaching her to fight Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a shout out of thanks for the kudos and comments, I appreciate it :)

“It’s not a staff.”

She pulled herself to her knees, grabbing the saber from where it had landed when his attack knocked it from her grip, “I know that!”

“Then quit trying to fight with it like one.” Luke circled her, waiting for her to get up.

When fighting was overly stressful or intense she would find herself fighting more on instinct, and her instinct had been honed by years of fighting with her staff. Without realizing it she’d shift her hands, change her attacks, using old tactics that were suited to a quarterstaff. And quickly she’d find herself disarmed and on the ground.

Dragging herself to her feet, she stayed bent over her knees a moment, catching her breath, letting go of her frustration. She hated fighting with their live weapons. As much as she trusted Luke, it terrified her to think that one of them could slip and it would be over.

Luke stopped in front of her, “You’re hiding behind echos of your past rather than letting go and letting the Force be your ally.” His eyes were intense, “Do you understand?”

“I… no… I don’t know.”

He sighed, “You let go, but you do it while going inward and closing yourself off. You need to let yourself remain open.” His saber ignited, she followed suit, “Open to the Force. Trust it. Let it guide you.”

His saber swung, she ducked back and met it, blue and green blades clashing against one another. The fight starting slow and building in intensity. The green blade swung at her head and she dropped to the ground, rolling and springing to her feet, she jumped forward offensively and rained down a series of short, fast blows before spinning and ducking out of the way of another attack. Luke had been pushing her to use fast, more agile attacks. Dodge, duck, strike, strike, move, move, don’t ever be still, don’t try to rely on her own strength, use the opponent's strength against him.

It had not been lost to her that while this was a fighting style that suited her size and agility, it was also a fighting style that would be ideal against an opponent who fought relying on brute strength and heavy blows.

He was teaching her to fight Kylo Ren.

She ducked again and suddenly he moved forward with intense speed, hammering down on her blade relentlessly as she stumbled backwards. It was too fast, too hard to guess where his next attack would be. She felt her instinct kicking in, her consciousness trying to pull back and her mind trying to lock down.

No, she would not close herself off this time.

She forced her mind to remain open, even as she shifted inward. The Force, trust it. Let it be your guide. Ducking, she dropped and somersaulted, springing up before Luke could turn again to fully face her. She jabbed, and he barely was able to block her. Moving on the offensive, her blade struck his again and again before she spun and ducked back, then driving forward for another series of attacks. His blade swung downward and she jumped sideways as it sliced down where her shoulder would have been a split second before. Seeing and opportunity, she lunged, catching his blade against her own and spinning, using the force of her spin to wrench the saber from his grip.

Landing on one knee, she blinked in disbelief as she heard the hilt bouncing against the rocks, her mouth opened. She had disarmed him. She had just disarmed Luke kriffing Skywalker.

Looking up, she saw Luke beaming, a wide grin on his face. “THAT was exactly what I meant.” He walked over and picked up the dropped saber and clipped it back under his robe before walking to where she still crouched on one knee, too stunned to get up. He offered his arm and she grabbed it, letting him pull her to her feet.

“This is good for today. But remember what that felt like.”

She nodded, pulling her water bottle off her belt and drinking. The Falcon had returned and then left again a few weeks ago, she didn’t go down to see them this time. She hadn’t been happy about it, but Luke was insistent she couldn’t have distractions. It had aggravated her. It had aggravated her a lot. Not knowing what was happening with the her friends and the Resistance was eating at her. She pushed against him, but Luke had pushed back. He’d won. She’d stayed behind while he went and met them and sent the ship away again.

Since then, the last few weeks training had been picking up intensity, she sensed that Luke was afraid time was running short. The physical taxation coupled with her fear of sleeping, fear of _HIM_ finding his way into her dreams, she had left her exhausted.

Last night she had the first deep sleep in weeks. And it was because she trusted him when he said he’d leave her alone. But then again, she knew he wasn’t lying. When they were in each other’s heads like that they couldn’t lie to each other, they’d know if the other was.

Finding herself in his mind, in the middle of such an… intimate… memory, just slipping in there as she tried to blank her mind and stay awake. Stay away from him. Instead she found her way to him. What did he say about it? Beautifully ironic?

Maker, he was a smarmy kriff.

His anger when he realized she was there had been the rage had been overwhelmingly terrifying. She could understand why, the memory she’d witnessed had been so private, and himself so young and vulnerable. But the strength with which his anger had flooded from him in waves had been terrifying.

And then of course he’d taunted her. Sent her the image of one of his fantasies about her. She had been horrified, embarrassed. Just the fact that he spent time imagining doing things to her made her skin crawl. But then there was a part of her, some traitorous part of herself, that flushed and been drawn to it, curious. Which may have been the most horrifying part of it all.

She had pushed back, asking the name of the girl in the memory, and he’d tried to bat the question away but she didn’t let him. When he told her she felt a tremble through his being, one that she was sure he hadn’t intended to let go through.

So angry, so sad.

When she pressed on it she could feel him throwing up barricades around things he wanted to be sure she wouldn’t see.  There was more to that story, and he had no intention of letting her know anything more about it.

He was getting closer. She was sure of that. Luke was right about time being short. And she was so not kriffing ready. The future was a fog of unknowns, and that terrified her.

After slipping from his mind, before falling asleep, she had pulled into her own head, back to that ball of flickering energy, observing it again in it’s raw form.

It was getting bigger, sputtering more powerfully. How much could it grow? What if it grew till it consumed them both, till they couldn’t tell one person’s mind from the other? The thought made her shudder.

“Okay, Noone?”

Luke was watching her, slightly worried, she shook her head, “Lost in thought.” She put her bottle back and regarded him, “It’s winding down, isn’t it?”

A frown, a sigh, “Yes. Do you feel it?”

She did, not just the sense of Kylo being closer, but in the Force itself. There were currents and eddies swirling and dragging them all towards one another.

“I’m not ready.”

“No, you’re not. But you’re more ready than you were.” He looked at her intently, “And you are not alone in this fight, remember that.”

She gave him a small smile, “Neither are you.”

She didn’t need to look up to know he was smiling back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter, actually have some of the next one already written though so I may post that tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How could you, Ben?” it was a soft whining growl.
> 
> There was never going to be an answer to that question. Ignoring it, he lifted the bowcaster a little, “Do you remember letting me fire this? I was, what? 10 maybe?” He watched Chewie’s head cocked slightly, as if trying to focus on him. He felt his lips stretch into a weak, slightly bitter smile, “I flew back 15 feet and landed sprawled on my back.” A soft whine. “My dad laughed his ass off and my mother nearly killed you both.”
> 
> He paused, thoughtful, “I used to be amazed at your aim with this thing. Odd how I still have my head, considering a direct shot with would have taken it off.”
> 
> Chewie whined, consciousness slipping away again, but for a moment the two locked eyes. When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper, “Thank you, Uncle Chewie.” The wookie’s eyes slipped closed again and he slumped on the floor.

The port was not impressive, landing space, small market of fuel and other necessities, and a building with rooms sold by the night and dingy cantina. Inhabitants and visitors alike seemed to be mostly made up from the dregs and scum of the outer reaches of the galaxy. 

He’d landed his shuttle well on the outskirts and walked in, staying out of sight the best he could. The Falcon was easy to find. The wookie and the droid appeared to be the only ones with it. He’d known that already though, through the bond he’d guess, since he had no knowledge of how this information came to him..

For four days he watched. Finally on the fourth night, a pair of Resistance pilots met with Chewb--with the wookie, and headed into to the cantina, leaving Artoo on the ship. Slipping away from the ship, he tracked down the Resistance X-Wings first. Walking behind them he ignited his saber and thrust it through the first ship’s rear engines, slashing until there was nothing but molten red scars. Satisfied he repeated the process with the second fighter. They weren’t going anywhere. He moved to the front and severed each one’s communications array. 

He made his way back to the Falcon, still operating in stealth. He slipped on board, trying to keep himself focused on the present.  _ This kriffing ship,  _ he thought to himself, taking deep breaths. There were ghosts on this ship. Ghosts of his father. Ghosts of a child who had run through the hallways, darted down in the smuggling compartments, slipped below decks and into walls, sat in the cockpit as his father pointed out the controls. Ghosts of a boy crying unseen in the shadows as his parents screamed at one another in the corridors. 

He saw the droid and slipped out of the shadows. It made an alarmed beep before his hand shot out and he used the force to press it’s deactivation switch. Walking over, he tapped the droid lightly, affectionately. “Sorry, Artoo.” He crouched down next to the droid and pulled a panel off the wall. Reaching in, he tore out several components in the comlink. Dropping them to the floor before crushing them with his heel. They wouldn’t be calling for help any time soon.

He checked the navigational computer but it’s history had been wiped. It was expected, Chewie wasn’t stupid and was well aware the stakes were high. Walking down corridors he ran as a child, he grabbed a floor grate and pulled, memories of laying down, looking into that very pit below the deck as his father asked him to hand him tools hit him hard and he shook them away. There was no room for sentiment and memory now. Jumping down, he turned on his saber and slashed down through mechanics, severing the engine link to the hyperdrive. 

With the Resistance fighters and the Falcon effectively deaf, mute, and lame, he slipped his way back off the ship, heading into the dive of a cantina. Looking for his prey. He found them, in the privacy of a back room, well out of anyone’s earshot. A familiar voice spoke, “Things are spiraling down fast now. The First Order is staging an offensive, the new Republic worlds are turning on one another now that the senate is gone. Worlds that used to support us are starting to refuse out of fear of what might happen to them. If they don’t come back soon there isn’t going to be anything to come back to.”

_ The best pilot in the Resistance, _ he chuckled internally. 

He didn’t need a translator to understand Chewie’s growling reply, “Luke’s aware, he doesn’t think there’s a lot of time left. But he needs to give Rey as much time as they can get.”

The other Resistance pilot poorly translated wookie over to the ‘best pilot in the Resistance’. 

“I don’t know if they have any time life,” the voice was frustrated.

He ignited his saber and slammed the door open with the force, throwing the two pilots across the room into the wall. Dodging as _ |uncle chewie| _ the wookie lunged at him, holding his saber out between the two of them.

“HOW COULD YOU!?!” grabbing for the bowcaster as with a bellowing roar of rage.

Behind the mask he felt his eyes sting, “Don’t.” The wookie only growled in bowcaster in hand. “Uncle Chewie, DON’T.” 

Chewbacca froze for a second, a whine leaving his throat for a moment before it morphed back into a enraged growl.

He saw the bowcaster jerk upwards to aim and reacted, slashing his saber across the wookie’s arm and stomach, leaving a deep, twisted wound and filling the room with the smell of burnt hair. Chewbacca stumbled backwards, before trying once more to level the bowcaster, he raised his hand and force shoved the wookie, slamming him into the wall, it buckled slightly under the force of the impact. Chewie slid down the wall, unconscious, bowcaster clattering from his hands to the floor.

Walking over, he crouched down, picking up the bowcaster and shouldering it while pushing the wookie more upright to see the saber wound. He flinched at it, fighting a wave of nausea. Across the room, one of the pilots, the translator, had woken up and attempted to level a blaster at him. He use the force to crush his neck without even turning around. Next to him the wookie whined, his eyes flickering up, half conscious. Reaching up, he unlocked his mask and pulled it off. The two of them met each other’s eyes.

“How could you, Ben?” it was a soft whining growl.

There was never going to be an answer to that question. Ignoring it, he lifted the bowcaster a little, “Do you remember letting me fire this? I was, what? 10 maybe?” Chewie’s head cocked slightly, as if trying to focus on him. He felt his lips stretch into a weak, slightly bitter smile, “I flew back 15 feet and landed sprawled on my back.” A soft whine. “My dad laughed his ass off and my mother nearly killed you both.”

He paused, thoughtful, “I used to be amazed at your aim with this thing. Odd how I still have my head, considering a direct shot with would have taken it off.”

Chewie whined, consciousness was slipping away again, but for a moment the two locked eyes. When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper, “Thank you, Uncle Chewie.” The wookie’s eyes slipped closed again and he slumped on the floor.

He stood back up, wiping his wet eyes once with his hand. Across the room he felt the remaining pilot move, he turned, hand out, and froze him in place. Leaving the mask on the floor he walked over.

“The best pilot in the Resistance,” he said. Once he stood over him, he looked down, his head cocked slightly to the left, his hand extending, “The girl and Skywalker, where are they?”

 

\-------

 

The attack had been a blur, the door banging open and no time to register what was happening before he had been slammed into the wall.

Waking up, bleary eyed, trying to focus on the man across the room crouched next to Chewbacca. His eyes saw the mask on the floor. Oh hell no, this wasn’t good. 

Kylo Ren stood suddenly and turned, hand towards him, and he felt his body lock in place, frozen, just like he’d done to him on Jakku. “The best pilot in the Resistance,” the sarcastic humor edging his voice was clear without the distortion of the mask. He took in the face of the approaching monster. Kriffing guncta was younger than he was, a nasty scar cut across a face framed by black hair.

Ren stopped and looked down at him, hand out, and he felt the pressure building in his head.

“The girl and Skywalker, where are they?”

Light blazed behind his eyes, and he screamed out as Ren tore through his head relentlessly.

“You’ve seen the map.”

The lights flared bright red, the pain was more intense than anything he could ever remember.

And then it stopped.

The map,” the voice above him gave a satisfied sigh. “Finally, the map.”

Poe trembled from the force of the invasion, feeling rising horror at his failure to keep the map out of First Order hands.  His eyes closed, trying to both not pass out and not puke on himself at the same time. He was vaguely aware of Ren crouching down next to him.

“It’s your lucky day, best pilot in the Resistance.” He opened his eyes as something was shoved into his hands… a medkit?

“You get to live,” a gloved hand reached over and squeezed his shoulder, “Look after my uncle Chewie for me.”

_ Uncle Chewie? What the kriff?  _ His eyes shut for just a second, and when he opened them again, Kylo Ren was gone.

Pulling himself over to Chewbacca, he reached into his boot and pulled out his comlink. He needed to alert the Resistance. 

The link was dead. He flung it angrily against the wall as looked at Chewbacca’s wound and winced. While he wasn’t familiar with lightsaber wounds, he knew a nasty kriffing gash when he saw it. Ripping the small med kit open he pulled out a tube of bacta and began to apply it to the wound the best he could.

“Stay with me, buddy,” he said while the wookie whined. “Stay with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the idea to imply that Chewie might have missed a kill shot on Kylo on purpose from this comic - http://tysonmurphy.tumblr.com/post/136936953919/star-wars-7-spoilers-a-quick-little-comic-i
> 
> Posting the next chapter as well tonight. Things are about to get interesting.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You've learned some basic skills,” he said. “I could show you so much more.” Moving fast, so very fast, he bore down on her with a series of strikes as rapid as her last attack had been. Before she could recover, he pulled for a stronger strike, hooking her saber forcefully with his and almost wrenching it from her grip. She stumbled backwards and as she regained her balance she continued to retreat several steps. He followed, twirling his saber, smug.
> 
> “You could be so strong. Together we could be nearly invincible, don't you feel it?” He took a step forward and she took one back. “The power we could have is immeasurable.”
> 
> “The only power I want is the power to protect people from you,” she said.
> 
> He raised an eyebrow and suddenly an image appeared in her mind of her gutting Lun with a lightsaber. She shook, less from the image and more from the fact that part of her relished the gruesome vision.
> 
> “Not the power to do that?” He smirked at her knowingly.
> 
> “No, not the power to do that,” she said, voice trembling.
> 
> “Liar.”

She crested the final set of stone stairs, running hard. It was a strenuous route, the elevation gain was brutal and the pathways and stairs on this part of the island were loose and crumbling in places, making footing treacherous. It was made even more difficult in the low light of the morning twilight, but the difficulty just made it more challenging, and she liked a challenge.

Plus, as she reached the last step and emerged on the narrow, flat plateau, one of the highest spots on the island, it was worth the view. Colors were beginning to glow on the horizon as the sun came close to breaching it.

Her body was tired and wanted to slow down, she refused, instead insisting her tired body would  go faster, running the last stretch of the path at a full sprint, till she reached where the plateau narrowed until it was only a few feet across, jutting out from the rest of the island, each side a sheer drop into the water below. Stopping, bent over, catching her breath, the cooling breeze swirling around her, Puffs squawking as they flew by above, the ocean roaring below. Coupled with the strain and exhaustion from the climb, the sensory experience up here seemed transcendental. 

It had started to become a routine for the last two weeks. Wake, dress, run, sit on the ledge and watch the colors of the sunrise as they reflected on the water. Once the sun was up, she’d head back at a steady jog, arriving just in time for breakfast. 

She was still hunched over, catching her breath, she felt the humming in the back of her head. It had been growing, intensifying.  _ No, Maker no,  _ for a moment she stayed hands on her knees, frozen. Then some dam in her broke and she let out a feral growl and spun grabbing and igniting her saber as she turned.

_ He _ was there. Maybe twenty feet away. Unmasked, the breeze blowing his hair slightly, the scar she had given him a red slash across his face.

His saber was in his hand and when she turned he ignited it. He flashed his teeth, “Hello, Rey.”  He approached her, slowly, steadily, eyes dark cold pools staring through her own. “I told you I was coming for you.”

**_Mine_ **

His thought, she wasn’t sure if he’d sent it or if it had floated to her on the pure intensity of it.

A conflict of emotions was brewing in her. She ignored it and moved towards him. Not attacking, not yet, but if he closed the gap to her she would be pinned against the ledge with no way around him. She could feel fear and fury somewhere in her gut, flickering and fighting for supremacy. Her mind wrapped around both, forcing them to mute. They were hers to command, she would not let them command her.

Luke… she reached out slightly, feeling his force signature in the distance. Ren had come for her first. For a moment she felt disoriented as a surge of power rise from her feet, the force channeling from the ground below her into her very core. Opening herself up to feel outward and opened herself up to the island’s power, and it was feeding her now. Feeding her the light. 

She’d forgotten that this place was not ordinary, and the power it gave was not one he could use. Moving sideways and trying to pivot, hoping he might be led into circling around one another. She had given herself more space but still felt pinned with her back to the ledge. He had none of that, simply moving himself sideways and keeping himself in front of her, looking amused.

_ I like you just where you are, thank you,  _ his thoughts were smug in her head.

_ Echuta, _ she had no fire behind the curse, just calm coldness.

He responded with another grin.

She wanted to lunge now, make the first move and try to get past him. It was a fight to resist doing so as he moved another two steps closer, but she knew better. If she wanted to get by him, she’d need to wait till she knocked him off balance after an attack. For a minute they just stood there, sabers ready, waiting for the other to move first.

_ Submit to me, girl.  _

It was a command, not a request. The angry fire in her chest tried to leap out of her control and send her lunging at him. She wrapped an invisible hand around and pulled it back. He may have even done it to goad her into making the first move. That was a game she could play too.

Looking directly into his eyes, making sure he understood it was a challenge,  _ Make. Me. _

His eyes narrowed and an audible growl escaped him. He lunged at her and she blocked his blow, blue and red blades sparking and spitting at one another as they met. She stumbled back a step under the force of it. A good reminder of how brutally strong he was.

She parried the next series of short quick strikes, and then saw his arm come back and his weight shift, preparing to throw a long sweeping blow with all his strength behind it. This was the opportunity she was waiting for, strong but slow attack, one that would leave him unbalanced and unable to recover in time to stop her.

His saber moved, time seemed to slow as she saw it move forward in his attack. She moved into action, dropping to the ground to dodge the saber and somersaulting several times forward past his feet to get behind him. For a moment he was off balance, weight driven to his left foot with the force of his attack. It didn't last long, he recovered, spinning and slashing downward, nearly catching her feet as she made her last roll past him. Once past him she sprung to her feet, darting forward in a series of quick attacks before retreating just in time to dodge his responding offensive.

“You've learned some basic skills,” he said. “I could show you so much more.”  Moving fast, so very fast, he bore down on her with a series of strikes as rapid as her last attack had been. Before she could recover, he pulled for a stronger strike, hooking her saber forcefully with his and almost wrenching it from her grip. She stumbled backwards and as she regained her balance she continued to retreat several steps. He followed, twirling his saber, smug.

“You could be so strong. Together we could be nearly invincible, don't you feel it?” He took a step forward and she took one back. “The power we could have is immeasurable.”

“The only power I want is the power to protect people from you,” she said. 

He raised an eyebrow and suddenly an image appeared in her mind of her gutting Lun with a lightsaber. She shook, less from the image and more from the fact that part of her relished the gruesome vision.

“Not the power to do that?” He smirked at her knowingly. 

“No, not the power to do that,” she said, voice trembling.

“Liar.”

She glared at him, taking another step back. A flicker of amusement crossed his face.

_ You nose crinkle is even cuter in the physical world  _

Fury exploded past her feeble attempt to contain it and she lunged at him with a feral scream.

He was ready for her, blocking her attack and knocking her off balance. Responding with his own saber in a series of powerful blows.  She was knocked backward, just barely maintaining her grip on her sable. She rolled backwards away from him desperately, springing back to her feet as he moved towards her again. 

She couldn't beat him. Fear crept up, clawing at her throat, making it hard to breath. He was too strong.

_ That's right, Rey.  _ His eyes never left hers.  _ End this foolishness and submit. _

She flicked a glance over her shoulder, if she could break away, she might be able to outrun him.

**_Don't._ **

A wave of roiling rage flowed from him into her mind. She spun and bolted.

**_DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME BITCH_ **

Another image was shoved into her head on a wave his rage. He was holding down under him, violating her as she screamed in pain. She pushed it from her mind as she ran. A force blast hit her and she was sent flying. She skidded belly down on the ground, chin ripped by the coarse rock. Gasping, she found herself lying flat out next to the cliff edge.

He was coming, she could hear him, she could feel him. Moving on instinct she rolled to hang over the ledge, holding with her fingertips until her scrambling feet found toe holds. Her lightsaber was still held tightly in her right hand, making it hard to find a good grip. She tightened her left hand grip was moving her right down to clip the saber back to her belt when he appeared hanging over the edge, sending dirt and chips of rock raining on her. His arm swung wildly and snagged her left wrist and dragging it off her grip. She screamed as she lost her toe holds and swung loose against the cliff from her arm. He was trying to pull her back up. She fought it, igniting her saber and swinging it at his arm as she struggled for new toegrips. He let go with a snarl, and she snagged the cliff face with her freed left hand, just barely catching herself from falling. Securing the saber she started climbing rapidly down.

“ _ REALLY?”  _ She looked at his angry, exasperated face, “ _ Really _ , Rey?”

She ignored him as she worked her way down and sideways. Towards a ledge that looked to lead back to a lower section of the island.

_ You are really starting to piss me off, schutta. _

The series of images he shoved into her mind, acts by him to her that were each a more perverse and depraved act than the last, caused her to shake but not stop moving. When they finally stopped she looked up to see that he was gone. She climbed down faster. Not knowing where he was making her feel panicked. 

Reaching the ledge of rock, she followed it and climbed up a small cliff wall, pulling herself on solid ground and orienting herself. She turned the direction of Luke and their dwellings and took off at a full run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, things are starting to get interesting.
> 
> I apologize that I haven't written the next chapter yet, this is a cruel place to leave you guys hanging.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She just growled, feral little kitten that she was, and tried again to move her head away from his again. He sighed. As he caught his breath he became aware of the surroundings. There wasn’t a lot in the hut, but he noted the hammock, the clothes, the staff and few other things. This was where she had been staying. Which probably meant that his uncle wasn’t too far either. He would need to incapacitate her soon and attend to other business at hand.
> 
> He pulled his head up slightly, chin pressed into the center of her forehead, then tilted down and put placed a gentle kiss there. She let out a hissing growl that he ignored, “You’re mine. I want to show you what you can be, I want to show you what WE can be. I want to teach you.”
> 
> If he had a hand free he would have forced her head up, forced her to look into his eyes. Instead, he once again pushed his forehead against hers, “You need a teacher.”
> 
> The ignition of a lightsaber behind him made him jump, as the green light joined the red in dancing off the stone walls.
> 
> “She’s got one,” he heard Skywalker’s voice, calm but with controlled fury below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the comments. I'd been really wary when I started posting since I don't really have anyone to read through it first for feedback or editing.

He had landed at night, being careful to keep his shuttle out of sight, landing on a rocky outcropping hidden away by cliffs. Both of their force signatures had echoed in his mind, Skywalker, the girl, _his_ girl. A shiver had went up his spine at how close he was.

The girl got up before dawn. He had felt her moving, running. Training. This was ideal, he would be able to get to her while she was isolated from Skywalker. Facing them both at the same time could be deadly, even to him.

Before leaving his shuttle to track her he had encoded a brief transmission to the First Order, letting them know that he’d found Skywalker’s location. There would be enough delay before backup arrived for him to have them both to himself. One by one.

He had sighted her as she ran, scrambling around places where the steps or trail had crumbled, never stopping or hesitating from her pace. She was stronger than she had been when he held her in his arms in Takadona and better fed, her lean body had filled out some and she had gained weight and defined muscle.

When she’d reached the top plateau, he had been able to feel her exhaustion starting to ebb from her. To his admiration she forced herself to finish the last leg of her run at a full sprint. Denying the call of her body to rest and forcing it to exceed the limitations it tried to force on her.

As she stood on a narrow ledge, bent over catching her breath, he had slipped out, blocking the only escape route. The wind blew lightly around her, the colors of the horizon brightening as the sun began to rise. In his mind he had felt the hum of their connection grow louder, as if it was rejoicing at their physical proximity having grown closer.

She had stiffened, she felt it too.

He had felt her snarl as she whirled, igniting her lightsaber. He had ignited his own. The wave of possessiveness towards her spiked for a moment. All he could think about was how she was his.

She began to close the gap, smart girl knew enough that if she stayed where she was he’d have had her pinned and trapped. He closed some of the space himself. She tried to move sideways and pivot, trying to lead him into letting them circle around, to get him to give up the advantage of having her backed up to a dead end. He had just blocked her by moving sideways, _I like you just where you are, thank you._

_Echuta._

He had no anger in response to the curse. Her telling him to kriff off just amused him. They had stood, each waiting for the other to be the first to attack.

 _Submit to me, girl._ He sent it as an order, not a request, knowing it would make her angry.

It did, but she did not lose her control and attack, instead she had defiantly matched her eyes to his, a clear challenge, _Make. Me._

His own rage had engulfed him at her open defiance, he lunged forward, knocking her backwards under the force of his attack. She parried him well though, her skill had improved since the last time they had fought. Not that it would be enough.

She had surprised him, using the strength of one of his attacks against him to give her the opportunity to go to the ground and roll past him. Darting forward in a quick series of lightning fast attacks. He begrudgingly had acknowledged his uncle had made good progress with her.

Not as much as he’d make though.

He showed her, changing form to a similar style to the one she was using against him, moving in with less powerful but intensely fast attacks, and then while she was off balance from defending herself he shifted and went back to a sweeping strong again, slamming his saber into hers and attempting to use it to hook hers from her grasp. It was almost successful.

She stumbled back under the force of it, and then continued several steps of retreat as he followed. Did she know how powerful she could be? How powerful the two of them could be together?

He’d asked, she answered, “The only power I want is the power to protect people from you.”

 _Really?_ He forced a vision of herself, gutting that monster on Jakku who’d caused her so many years of torment. She had trembled, both with horror and with an undeniable want from the core of her being. She wanted so badly to hurt those who had hurt her, even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself. “Not the power to do that?”

“No, not the power to do that.” But her voice had been trembling, he could feel the edge, the dark edge of a shadow on her soul, that wanted it so badly.

“Liar.”

She narrowed her eyes into a glare and a warm glow of amusement flowed through him. He didn’t stop himself, knowing it would antagonize her, it might even draw her into a poorly planned attack. _Your nose crinkle is even cuter in the physical world._ He wanted to push his finger against the scrunched bridge of her nose in an affectionate caress.

It had antagonized her. Her fury leapt out of her, but it was unfocused as she shunned the darkside of the force. If she had been willing to open herself to it, as she had on Starkiller, her fury would have turned into a feral wildcat, something with power and teeth and claws. But only embracing the light, it was more like watching a kitten puff itself into a ball as it hissed. He parried her clumsy attack and knocked her back sending her sprawling and almost disarming her. She turned the inertia of her fall to her benefit, using it to power an acrobatic roll or two away before she sprung back to her feet.

She had been shaken. He could see the terror growing in her eyes. It made his heart leap to see those frightened, wet eyes looking at him again. She was realizing he was too strong, she couldn’t win.

He locked his own eyes with those beautiful, fearful ones, _That's right, Rey. End this foolishness and submit._

Instead, she turned her head to glance at the past over her shoulder. A realization had dawned on him… but no, she could not, would not! Rage began to boil over and he had screamed into her mind, a warning, **_Don’t_ **.

But she did, she spun and tried to flee from him. To run from him. For a moment he was back in his dreams, always chasing her, for years and years, always chasing. Always trying to get away from him, to deny him.

The world faded into throbbing red fire, **_DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME BITCH_ ** , he screamed into her mind. He lashed out with an image, holding her down and taking her as she screamed. He could feel the little bitch flinch as she processed it.

Still in a blind rage, he shot out with a wave of the force and hit her hard. His heart skipped as she flew and then skid to a stop so close to the edge. He still didn’t want her dead. He bellowed and rushed at her, intending to pounce, to pin, to make sure she had no chance of trying to leave him again.

To his shock, she rolled over the edge, hanging by just her fingertips. He could hear her feet scrambling for purchase on the cliff face. He felt her start to climb downward, and he lunged, skittering his torso over the edge and snapping his hand around her wrist, jerking. She swung, scrambling her feet, left wrist held prisoner by his right, right hand holding her lightsaber. He tried to pull her back, but she ignited her lightsaber and swung it at his arm, forcing him to let go. For a terrifying moment he was sure she was going fall, but then she caught a hand hold and securing herself, began to climb down.

He had stared, trembling with fury. That she would be so foolish and chose to risk death just to defy him. “ _REALLY?”_  his exasperation was clear in his voice, “ _Really_ , Rey?”

She kept climbing down, moving further away from him. The rage at this was a bubbling pit of lava. He thought at her, _You are really starting to piss me off, schutta,_ before he lashed out with a series of thoughts imagining things he could do to her.

She had trembled but kept going.

He pulled himself together, standing up. The turned headed down the path at a full run. He knew where she was going to go, crawling to Skywalker for help. 

 

\------

 

He saw her as he got to the stone huts lining the hill. There was no plan beyond intent to capture her. At this point he was going to be playing on instinct, and that was alright, his instincts usually served him quite well.

She didn’t see him coming as he slammed into her, grabbing and spinning her through the doorway of one of the the huts, his hand slammed against her mouth to mute her scream. She was biting him, he realized, as he pushed her towards the wall, the leather of his glove creaked in her teeth but protected him from anything but a feeling of pressure. One hand wrestled lower and tried to grab her lightsaber from her belt, but she bucked against him and he knocked it to the ground instead. He kicked it and sent it across the floor of the hut away from them.

Grabbing her shoulder, he spun her around and slammed her into the wall, snatching her hands together over her head and pinning them there with his left hand. She tried to push back against him, he ignited his lightsaber and held it across her chest, close to her throat. She froze as she felt the heat of it and the sting of stray sparks that spat from his blade. Both of them gasping for breath, dripping sweat. He leaned his head over so his forehead pressed against hers. She squirmed, trying to move her head away, but he wouldn’t let her. He closed his eyes, feeling the built up rage draining, as if his skin against hers was some kind of magic that cooled the fires that burned in his center.

Being close to her had such a strange effect on him. Forgiveness had never been something he was good at, but he found himself always willing to forgive her. “Enough of this, enough.” His voice was raspy through his heavy breathing. “Come with me. Come with me, Rey, and I won’t hurt you. I don’t want to be angry at you, I don’t want to hurt you, but I need you to come with me. You are mine.” He was nearly pleading.

She just growled, feral little kitten that she was, and tried again to move her head away from his again. He sighed. As he caught his breath he became aware of the surroundings. There wasn’t a lot in the hut, but he noted the hammock, the clothes, the staff and few other things. This was where she had been staying. Which probably meant that his uncle wasn’t too far either. He would need to incapacitate her soon and attend to other business at hand.

He pulled his head up slightly, chin pressed into the center of her forehead, then tilted down and put placed a gentle kiss there. She let out a hissing growl that he ignored, “You’re mine. I want to show you what you can be, I want to show you what _WE_ can be. I want to teach you.”

If he had a hand free he would have forced her head up, forced her to look into his eyes. Instead, he once again pushed his forehead against hers, “You _need_ a teacher.”

The ignition of a lightsaber behind him made him jump, as the green light joined the red in dancing off the stone walls.

“She’s got one,” he heard Skywalker’s voice, calm but with controlled fury below.

He kept his eyes locked with Rey’s, “I see you’ve met my uncle,” he raised the lightsaber closer to her throat. His voice got colder, a cutting edge to it, “He has an unfortunate habit of losing padawans. Shame really.”

Skywalker said nothing, he continued, “It would be really a shame to lose another now, wouldn’t it?” He pressed the blade up close enough that the skin of her neck began to redden and burn slightly. She let out a frightened hiss at the pain. Behind him, he heard Skywalker take several steps back.

“Let her go, Ben, this is our fight.”

“It is,” he agreed. “Further.” Skywalker moved further back. He looked down into Rey’s eyes, “Sorry about this, girl.” He wrapped the force around her head and in a single motion spun away from her as he used the force to smash her head into the wall. She crumpled, unconscious. Facing his uncle, his shot his hand out and he called Rey’s fallen saber, his grandfather’s saber, to him and ignited it as well.

Skywalker’s eyes flickered with rage and then calmed again.

“You bother telling her how grandfather betrayed and slaughtered a Jedi temple with this, from masters to younglings?”

“Your grandfather came back to the light and turned his back on the darkness. You could too, Ben.”

He snorted, “You would seek to redeem me? After everything?”

His uncle’s eyes regarded him with sadness, “I loved you, Ben. I miss you.”

At ‘I miss you’ he felt as if a knife was dragged somewhere deep in his soul. His father’s words echoing in his head, _Come back, we miss you._

No. It was too late for any of that. He gritted his teeth, “Ben is dead.”

“Is he?”

“I hate you. Ben hated you.” A part of him seemed to murmur there was a half truth in that, he ignored it. “You have to realize that now.”

“Yes,” Skywalker watched him calmly, “but I loved you, and I still love you.”

He jumped forward, attacking with both sabers. Skywalker blocked, jumping backwards, letting the attack drive him up the stairs and out the door, leading him further away from the hut. The fact that he was trying to draw him further from the girl was not lost on him, but it didn’t matter, she would be there when he was done with Skywalker.

Once they were far enough away Skywalker started his own offensive, mixing his attacks from strong to fast and agile depending on the opportunities. Blue, green and red light spat and sparked against each other. Their blades locked for a moment, and Skywalker ducked out of the lock, dodging as his blades drove down and skimmed Skywalker’s shoulder, just enough to leave a burn mark on the robe. The Jedi back flipped twice, adding needed distance and the two circled each other again.

“Everything you ever worked for has been lost,” his voice was a low hiss.

“Not everything,” Skywalker made the next move, putting him on the defensive. In a blur, he saw him drop and roll, darting past him. He turned and just barely was able to block his uncle’s strike that would have probably cost him his leg. Another flip and Skywalker was on his feet again.

“The girl? I am looking forward to showing her the gaps you’ve left in her education. I will teach her to embrace her true power.”

Skywalker’s only response was to another offensive.

He’d forgotten how quick Skywalker was, or how he would harness the power of the force and turn a duel into a dance. Eyes intense and focused, with only brief flickers of emotion that were quickly muted. In a battle, be it physical or mental, he was a master of control. It would be easy to think he was an invincible foe.

But he knew better. He had seen him in his day to day life, where his control was more feeble and his emotions - anger, frustration, love, jealousy, even bitterness and hate, slipped to the surface before he could capture them. Then there were obsessions and fixations that would drive him to demand and push his own until the weaker ones minds shattered under the strain. He’d born the brunt of those demands every day, never managing to be enough. It was always a demand for more, give more, deny more, deny yourself, control yourself, sever parts of your soul that make you who you are in order to meet the dogmatic requirements of a failed Order. And the only reward for bearing that weight for ten years of servitude were lies and half truths and the crushing, never-ending disapproval.

He had spent those years with him, witnessing all his weaknesses, all his mistakes. Mistakes that cost people their lives. He remembered Lampeir, barreling into the room, cutting down the enemies with his old yellow saber. Arriving in enough time to save his uncle, too late for the others. In time that life debt was paid back to him with the timely arrival and flash of a green saber. There had been others, each canceling the other out.

The only debt between them now was the one that demanded to be paid back in blood. The one born from lies and pain and betrayal.

Rage began to boil over and he channeled it, used it. Driving Skywalker back with both of his blades in a furious assault. Memories of his uncle’s voice constantly scouring at his weaknesses, finding the fresh scabs and peeling them away to let them bleed him dry again and again and again. He let out a primal, enraged scream and spun, slashing downward, feeling a searing joy as his red saber slashed through his uncle’s leg and the the old fool stumbled backwards and fell.

He screamed, moving to strike, to kill. He was too intent on that goal that he never saw the blur of the staff until it crack into his ear and he stumbled back, spinning to see her, eyes wild and beautiful and enraged. A wildness that led her to face down lightsabers with nothing more than a staff.

There were no words to be found in his head, instead he just blasted the raw, raging emotion at her.

Her face paled but she attacked again, forcing him to duck before slashing, aiming for her staff. She jumped back, trying to protect her weapon from his. Well aware her only defense was to dodge, that his sabers would cut through the staff as if it was nothing at all.

For a moment they paused, eyes locked. He was aware of his uncle moving, struggling to drag himself to his feet, falling at least once. As long as he was alive and able to move he was a threat, one he had to keep notice of.

_If you let him live I’ll come with you._

The thought cut through his rage like a knife, parting it for a moment before it flowed back together into a solid churning mass, _You are coming with me even after he dies._

There were tears welling in her eyes, through the bond he could feel her shame with the next thought, _I will come with you willingly. Submit to you. Spare him, I’ll come, I know that’s what you want._

It was. He would have been willing to give almost anything for it.

But not this, “No.”

_Please._

“No.”

“I hate you,” she screamed, with her voice, with the bond, with her soul.

He felt like he hated himself too.

Looking at her, speaking softly, “I know.” For just a moment, he waited, letting the words settle between them. Then he spun his sabers up and moved forward, predatory, and with a growl, he lunged. She scrambled back, dodging, hitting the ground and rolling as she swung a wide sweep at his legs, forcing him to jump as he slashed down and clipped the end of the staff, cleanly cutting the last few inches from the end.  She tried to pull her staff back and roll away, but he bore down with both sabers and cut it on each side of her hand holds.

He felt the movement behind him and ducked as the rock flew over his head, glancing back to see his uncle on his feet, injured leg shaking. It looked like he was only upright using pure will of the Force.

The girl moved, getting to her feet, holding one of the severed ends of the staff as a club. He raised his eyebrows at her, _Really?_

His uncle dragged himself closer, leg threatening to buckle under every step, lightsaber out.

For a moment he couldn’t help but admire the way they both seemed to straddle the line between tenacity and stupidity.

Then he spun his sabers up. It was time to finish this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so into this as I wrote it that I didn't even notice it was after ten and my poor dogs were barking at me to take them for their walk.
> 
> I'm starting to feel like my Rey is coming together better defined the way I want her. I think Rey is a bad ass who absolutely would do something insane like try to fight a lightsaber duel with her staff in order to save someone she cares about.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “REY!”
> 
> Luke’s voice.
> 
> She looked up and saw him fling his saber at her. On instinct she called out to it with the force, and it deviated from its current path to her hand. As her fingers closed around it, she dropped her club without hesitation and ignited the saber. She attacked in a series of quick blows that he parried away before she darted back again. He responded with a fast and heavy assault, raining blows against her as she stumbled. She ducked and rolled attacking him while he was off balance. He recovered and came at her again. And again. And again. She found herself being pushed back to the ledge of the cliff. She could hear the squawking angry barks of the Puffs perched on ledges below and the roar of the waves as they crashed against the rocks. For a moment she flashed back and she was on Starkiller, pinned against the ledge.
> 
> He lunged, capturing the blade between both of his and twisting it out of her grasp, sending it flying behind him. She could hear it as it bounced and rolled away against the rocks. She stumbled back, and felt herself falling back, arms flailing, nothing but the empty air behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd we have part 3 of the rumble on Ahch-To.

She awoke with her head spinning, trying to remember where she was or what had happened. Reaching up, she felt the back of her head, touching the spot on her hair that was matted with blood and flinched as pain shot through her. Her eyes shot open as the pain cleared the blurry fog that was hanging over her. Ren. Luke. Luke!

Stumbling to her feet she was aware of the sounds of lightsabers clashing outside. She felt for her lightsaber but it was gone. He’d knocked it off her belt… she looked desperately around the dwelling but it wasn’t there. From outside she heard an angry scream, her eyes came to rest on her staff and she moved, grabbing it and bolting out of the darkened hut into the bright light of morning. Her eyes stung and pain at the light shot through her already hurting head. She ignored it, running towards the fight, towards Luke. 

He was being driven back. Ren’s attacks were furious, enraged, his own saber in his right and and her blue saber in his left. Her heart stopped when she saw the saber blow land across Luke’s leg and he, her master, her friend, stumbled and fell.  Ren let out a primal, haunting scream as he raised his sabers and went for a killing blow.

She didn’t think as she raised her staff and rush forward. Intent on Luke, he never saw her coming, and there was a satisfying crack as her staff landed a heavy blow across the side of his head. He staggered and spun, turning to lock eyes with her, registering her with shock, then filled with- rage? Frustration? 

As if to give her an answer, he shoved intense seething raw emotion through the bond into her head. It was as undefined storm, swirling emotions churning together till she couldn’t tell them apart. She was fairly sure he couldn’t either. It was overwhelming, and for the first time she wondered how he survived without the intensity of his feelings ripping him apart from the inside out. The blood seemed to leave her face, maybe he survived in spite of them doing that.

She swung again and then was forced to retreat as he swiped down at her staff. Just barely getting out of the way before he would have cut it in two. For a moment, they both stopped to regard each other, focusing on each other. Somewhere behind him she saw Luke struggle to stand and fall. He was wounded and she was facing a monster with nothing more than a staff, they had no chance, she knew it. Luke was going to die and she was either going to die or end up in the clutches of a maniac. 

She’d rather die, but she didn’t think she would. He would make sure of that.

_ If you let him live I’ll come with you.  _

It was a plea. Color began to fill her face again as she flushed in horror of what she was doing. Years on Jakku had taught her that if you were going to lose something anyway, it was always better to try to bargain something in return.

She felt him startle, but then harden,  _ You are coming with me even after he dies. _

He knew there was no bargain to be made here. He’d get what she was offering whether he gave or not. She felt a wash of humiliation, there was something she could offer that he couldn’t just take,  _ I will come with you willingly. Submit to you. Spare him, I’ll come, I know that’s what you want. _

She was right, he wanted it more than almost anything. The desire for it floated across the bond to her, making her tremble with its intensity. 

“No.”

There was nothing else she could offer,  _ Please. _

There was a flicker of sadness in his eyes, “No.”

Her entire body shook and she screamed at him with every part of her being, “I hate you!”

There was quiet between them for just a moment. His eyes still ebbed with a veil of sadness over the intensity of determination behind them, quietly, gently, “I know.” 

He spun his sabers, stalking her again. He lunged with a growl, she scrambled, ducking, rolling and trying to take his legs out with a sweeping swing of her staff.  He jumped and struck, catching the very end of her staff and severing it as if it was nothing at all. She pulled back, intending to roll away and try to protect her only weapon, but with speed and fury he rushed and struck with both sabers, each hitting the staff close enough to her hands that she could feel the heat of the blades as they passed. 

Her staff, her old friend and protector lay in pieces. But she didn’t have the luxury of mourning. In the blurred edge of her vision she saw Luke on his feet, sending the rock at Ren’s head with the Force. Ren ducked and turned to regard his uncle. Luke looked as if every step he took his leg may buckle, but he slowly was working his way to them, saber out. She grabbed one of the remaining ends of her staff and stumbled to her feet, bearing it as a club.

Ren turned to regard her for a moment, eyebrows raised incredulous and exasperated. He didn’t send but she could feel his thought,  _ really? _

Glancing between the two of them, he smirked and spun his sabers.

She swung at his head, he ducked and as she stumbled off balance with the force of the blow, she felt the force wrap around her and send her flying. Her body hit the rocky ground, sharp rocks cutting into her arms and face as she rolled. Pushing herself up, dizzy, she looked over to see him advancing on Luke. Luke used the Force to fling a trio of rocks at him but he defected them and rushed forward, raining down blows as Luke tried to block and not allow his leg to give out. Stumbling to her feet, she staggered and then ran towards them, makeshift club over her head. 

Luke blocked a blow that forced his weight onto his injured leg. It gave under him and he fell, sprawling and losing his grip on his saber which hit the ground rolling next to his hand, deactivated. Ren bore down on him, but she got there and swung the club at his head, forcing him to dodge. He whirled and landed a kick into her stomach, causing her to stagger back as he growled and advanced on her.

“REY!”

Luke’s voice.

She looked up and saw him fling his saber at her. On instinct she called out to it with the force, and it deviated from its current path to her hand. As her fingers closed around it, she dropped her club without hesitation and ignited the saber. She attacked in a series of quick blows that he parried away before she darted back again. He responded with a fast and heavy assault, raining blows against her as she stumbled. She ducked and rolled attacking him while he was off balance. He recovered and came at her again. And again. And again. She found herself being pushed back to the ledge of the cliff. She could hear the squawking angry barks of the Puffs perched on ledges below and the roar of the waves as they crashed against the rocks. For a moment she flashed back and she was on Starkiller, pinned against the ledge.

He lunged, capturing the blade between both of his and twisting it out of her grasp, sending it flying behind him. She could hear it as it bounced and rolled away against the rocks. She stumbled back, and felt herself falling back, arms flailing, nothing but the empty air behind her.

Then she was wrenched forward. Ren’s left hand, gripping the deactivated blue saber, was also wrapped into a fist into her tunic, preventing her fall, pulling her away from the ledge and towards him. She could feel the leather of his glove against the skin of her chest. At his right side his red saber was held out, away from the two of them but ready to be used as needed. 

_ It’s over, submit! _

Seething. No, she never would, not to him,  _ NO. _

He flashed his teeth in a snarl, she felt the pull against her as he moved to drag them away from the edge.

She only registered the blur and movement of air on her cheek before she felt him drop his grip from her tunic and stagger backwards a step. Reacting, she dropped to the ground, vaguely aware of the black ball of feathers that had ricocheted off his head and bounced onto the ground. Wrapping her legs around his, she heard the Puff hiss before it imploded in a crunching splash of feathers and blood as he used the force to crush it.

Twisting her legs against his, she rolled sending him off balance, stumbling. Snarling as he flailed a moment before going over the edge. She heard the splash as he hit the water, and she felt his rage as he broke the surface again, he screamed in pure fury. 

It was the most terrifying sound she’d ever heard.

She scrambled, running over to grab Luke’s lightsaber before going to him and helping him to his feet. He leaned against her heavily, breathing hard and looking pale. “He’s still alive,” she said, voice raspy.

Luke nodded, “We need to go, now.”

“Where?”

“The temple. It’ll be safe from him. And there’s something you still need to do there before we leave.”

“Where is it?” She was so tired, Luke felt like dead weight on her shoulder.

“You already know, feel for it, it’ll guide you.”

It didn’t seem like they had time for this, but Luke’s gaze on her was a command. She stopped, felt out. And felt something call her, pull her. She wrapped Luke’s arm around her neck and passed him his saber back. He clipped it into his robes.

Together they started to work their way towards the pull in the force, as fast as they could, which was still brutally slow. In the back of her mind, she felt Ren raging at her, she barricaded him off the best she could. Concentrating on the point of the force calling her, pulling her, she found he faded away to just a vague presence. 

There was one task on hand, getting to the temple. Once there, they’d deal with what was next. If her master was to die, it would be with her at his side, it was the one thing she was sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like us all to take a moment of silence for Rey's staff.
> 
> Also for that poor little Puff that gave Rey the distraction to win this battle. Maybe it was the force intervening, or maybe the little fella just had a nest down below on the cliffs that he was being a little too protective of. Having nearly had a really pissed off momma red wing black bird try to take off my head a few years ago when I got a little too close photographing her and her chicks (Here she is a few moments before she realized I was spying on her -http://cararosel.tumblr.com/post/159124475632/red-wing-blackbird-feeding-chick-chicago-botanic) was the inspiration for that little scene.
> 
> We are still in action sequence mode, with a little temple interlude coming up.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman frowned and shook her head, “You had to have met him before. That part of your past is veiled. At some point you and he crossed paths and forged this connection. For all of your conscious memories, it was already with you, though quiet. Waiting to be awakened.”
> 
> She felt the grey eyes regarding her gently, “Remember, through it he may influence you but you may also influence him. It is a gift as much as a curse. He can use it to pull you towards the dark but you can use it to pull him towards the light.”
> 
> She shook her head, the idea that she could influence Kylo Ren to the light was absurd. That there was some end to this that wasn’t one of them dead or her under his control. The woman stepped closer, “He can be saved as easily as you can be corrupted. I have seen the power of hate and pain to turn one to dark and the power of love to heal and bring salvation. It was against the teachings of the Order to embrace love, but I found it necessary as I walked my path. Nothing is pure white or black, sometimes we must resolve to walk in the grey.”
> 
> Something hard and metal was pushed into her hands, “Take this, return to your master. May the Force be with you.”

She felt it’s pull, stronger as they got closer. It led them down a narrow staircase flanked by huge boulders. They reached the bottom to find a doorway leading into the rock, sealed with a slab of solid stone. Without any hesitation Luke raised his hand and the door shuddered and slid up to let them pass through.

It was dark. A steep curving stone stairway led down into the blackness. She wrapped her arm a bit tighter around Luke and moved his arm around her shoulders so she could better support his injured leg as they went down. She shivered in the chilly damp air as she cursed all the kriffing stairs. The pull of this place was heavy on her mind, tugging as if at her very soul, calling her to come, to hurry.

The noise of the stone door slamming shut behind her made her stop, startled. Luke pulled against her, “Keep going.”

“What if he follows us?” She shivered at the thought of being trapped in here with  _ him _ . The darkness as they went lower seemed to deepen but the air seemed to be warming, the dampness fading. She saw a faint light ahead, they were near the bottom.

“He won’t. Even if he wanted to, this place will not allow him in.”

They reached the last stair and she looked, another large, stone door loomed ahead of her. She looked around in the dim light and saw no obvious way to open it. It occurred to her briefly that she had no idea where the light was coming from, there seemed to be no source to it. Looking at Luke, “How?”

A small smile, “Ask it.” He pulled away from her and supported himself against the wall.

She frowned, ask what? The door? Glancing at Luke, he just watched her. She blew a stray hair out of her face in irritation, this seemed like a poor time to worry about teaching her lessons.

Slowly she reached her hand out and touched the door. Immediately whispers, whispers in a thousand different tongues and a thousand different voices, filled her head. She jerked her hand away, with a gasp, then closed her eyes and touched it again, fighting the urge to block off her mind from them. Instinctively, she knew she would need to drop all her barriers and open herself up to the power of this place. Fear twisted in her stomach, that could leave her open to him as well.

A whisper, a female voice, gentle,  _ will it? listen. _

Listen to what?

There was a slow realization at a quiet emptiness somewhere in the back of her mind,  a hollowness. She pulled inward, the energy in the back of her mind was contracted and still. For some reason, instead of relief this caused a spike of panic. He was gone but it seemed like so was a part of herself. A wave of shame, this should relieve her, she felt strangely traitorous for not wanting it gone, him gone.

_ there is no shame, the force binds you, the force wills it.  _ The female voice again,  _ it can not be broken. the energy of this place rejects him and blocks him, so it is still for now.  _

She trembled, dropping all barriers from her head, possibly for the first time since Starkiller. The whispers grew louder, more distinct.  _ How do I enter? _

It wasn't a voice that answered, more like words that formed silently in her mind,  _ master padawan together _

“It… it wants us both. We need to ask together.” She looked over at Luke, who leaned off the wall weight on his good leg. “You already knew that, didn't you.”

A shrug, a nod. She felt a wave of frustration, “then why didn't you just tell me?”

“Because you needed to be the one to ask.”

She stared, looking at the red and black saber wound splitting his leg and then to his pallid face. He was in pain, injured, Kylo Ren was out there and she was sure the First Order reinforcements were on the way. “Do we have time for games like this??”

“None of this is a game,” he started to try to walk to her, she jumped forward to catch him as he started to fall, “and right now this is the only thing we have time for.”

“Together,” his hand stretched out. She took a breath and matched the gesture. Concentrating, she felt her force mingle and tangle together with Luke's. The walls shuddered and the door slid open. She stumbled through with Luke leaning on her shoulder and gasped.

The room was a large chamber with a high ceiling. Water tumbled high from the wall on her right, feeding into a channel which ran along the wall before cutting across at the opposite end of the room, dividing 10 feet or so of the chamber from the rest. Carved columns of stone marked a pathway through the center, leading to a slab stone bridge across the channel of water and an archway beyond, leading out of the room. 

Voices in her head grew louder, whispering over one another in a chaotic hissing chorus. It wasn't pleasant, but the air in the chamber had wrapped around her like a warm, calming blanket; they weren't frightening her anymore.

They reached the middle of the room and Luke spoke, “Stop, help me sit down here.” Crouching down she helped him to the floor, wincing as he hissed in pain trying to stretch out his wounded leg. She looked up at the columns, words of a language unknown to her were carved into them from floor to ceiling. 

The Force seemed to pool and spin around them.  The room thrummed with its power. It was brighter in here but she once again she found no source of light.

She put her hand to her head as the whispers surged through mind, like a roaring hiss of flowing water.  _ luminous you he we beings, he is we are you are the light _

“Luminous beings are we…”  Luke’s voice seemed musing.

Her eyes shot to him, his eyes seemed far away. “You hear them?

“Hear? Of course. Understand, not always.” 

“What are they?”

He seemed to take a moment to consider, “Ghosts and echoes.” Nodding towards the bridge and archway, “the rest of this you need to do alone.”

She looked at the archway, then back at Luke, fear growing, “Is this a test?”

“Yes. And no. It's a journey. A pilgrimage.”

“What’s in there?”

“I can't say.”

“Can't or won't?”

Luke shook his head, “Can’t. It's the past and it's what you take with. It's different for everyone who enters.”

She stood, looking at the archway, missing her saber, feeling a wash of humiliation that she had lost it to  _ him _ .  Missing her staff, watching the pieces of it fall to the ground and been like watching an old friend die. Luke must of sensed it, “You don't need any weapons. They can't help you in there.”

That sent a chill down her spine, but her feet carried her forward, not pausing until she stepped into the bridge. She stopped to look down into the rushing water in the channel. It was clear, under the turbulence she could see the grey cut stone on the bottom. There was no doubt in her mind that it was deeper than it looked.

Luke’s voice called after her, “Remember your training. Trust the Force.  _ Trust yourself _ .” She looked back and nodded.

Beyond the archway was blackness, she could see nothing of what was in the room beyond. Hesitating just a moment, she took a deep, shaky breath, and stepped through.

 

\----

 

The whispers stopped the moment she stepped through and all light vanished. Her heart leapt into her throat as she took a few tentative steps.  She could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, where to go. Looking behind her, she couldn’t see the doorway back.

“It rejects you, of course.”

She nearly screamed, the voice, his voice. But how could it be, Luke said he couldn’t get in here… A blind red flash as his saber ignited, she cried out and stumbled backwards as he strode towards her, “It rejects a pathetic little scavenger who had the gall to think she should be a Jedi, that she could be a Jedi.”

“No,” her voice was a raspy squeak.

“Yes,” he laughed as he approached.

She could see nothing behind her, but she turned and ran. Seeming to run forever in nothingness, her foot hit something and she stumbled, as she pulled herself up, she someone was standing in front of her. Eyes fought to focus, “Finn?!?” How? How could he have gotten here? 

Red light lit behind her, she turned to see Ren approaching, “Finn, please…” she looked up at him. He seemed unphased, he looked at her, to Ren, the shrugged and turned and walked away, fading into the blackness. “Finn?! No! Come back! Please! Come back!”

“No one comes back for you, girl.” Ren’s sinister voice scoffed behind her. “No one wants you, no one cares about you. Every person who you’ve ever thought cared about you either dumped you or used you till there was nothing of worth left for them take.”

She pulled herself to her feet again, stumbling backwards. His dark eyes glittered in the red light. “Just like I intend to do. Extract all that’s useful in you until there’s nothing left but a worthless husk to throw away. Just like the ships on Jakku that are torn apart for anything of value until there’s nothing left anyone wants.”

Tears filled her eyes and she turned and ran again, he laughed behind her. There was a flash of light and she found herself sprawling flat on her stomach in the middle of the entrance chamber. She stood, leaning on one of the columns, looking around wildly, “Luke? Luke?!?”

“He left you. Just like everyone else. He knew as well as you did you’re no Jedi.” Ren’s face was smug as he walked towards her. She pushed herself against the column, unable to keep the tears building in her eyes from falling. “You will always be alone, girl. No one will ever come back for you, no one will ever rescue you.”

She closed her eyes, entire body trembling as he pushed himself against her, pinning her to the column. He was right, everyone left her, no one came back, she was worthless, she was nothing, noone. She gritted her teeth together, _no, I won't accept that_ , she thought with sudden certainty, _I am whoever I will chose to be_.  Opening her eyes to look straight into his, “If they leave then I will continue alone.”

His eyes narrowed, and suddenly she was aware of the silence in the back of her head. “You… you’re not real.”

“I’m not am I?” he sneered at her. Raising a hand to her throat.

He wasn’t. There was no connection to this thing in front of her, this apparition. “You are not. Not that it matters. Should everyone leave me, I will continue to find and walk my path alone. This is my journey. I will continue and survive as long as the Force wills me to.”

With a growl he lunged at her suddenly, she closed her eyes tight waiting for an impact that never came. She fell to her knees, opening her eyes to a black void, breathing hard. 

_ You have done well, young padawan,  _ a voice spoke, the female voice she had heard when she had been trying to figure out how to open the door to the temple chamber.  A flash of light lit the room, she looked around and was startled to see it was just a small hallway between the archway from the chamber and a door ahead and not an endless void of blackness. A swirling mass of light approached her, the voice was coming from the light,  _ I do not envy the journey you have ahead, the path you walk is clouded, but today you’ve faced your trial bravely. _

The lights moved to the doorway opposite of her,  _ follow. _

She stood and walked after the light, entering the next room and leaving the darkness behind. The floating light faded. Another door stood on the end, closed.

“Hrmmm,” a high pitched voice spoke, she turned to see a small, green creature walk towards her, squinting with scrutinizing eyes, “anger in her there is, much fear, resentment.” The voice was familiar.

“And yet much compassion and kindness,” from the other direction walked another, a man wearing a simple, brown robe over a white tunic. He pushed his hood back to reveal a kind, bearded face and wise eyes. “Her entire life has been spent giving compassion to others while getting none in return.” 

_ Rey, these are your first steps,  _ whispered through her head. The vision, she’d heard both of these voices in her vision on Takadona.

The green creature lifted his ears, “Yes, yes… but potential for darkness there is- anger, fear, sadness.” He turned to address her directly, “Jedi you seek to be, hrmm?”

She looked between the two of them, trembling, “I… I don’t know.”

“And yet you’re here,” the man spoke thoughtfully, “so what is the path you seek?”

“To… to learn to use the Force. To understand and use my abilities,” she flushed at the awkwardness of her answer.

“What end seek you this?” the creature’s eyes seemed able to look through her.

“I want to be able to help.”

“Who would you help, how would you help?” the man circled around her. She felt strangely drawn to him.

_ The Resistance, my friends…  _ she thought to herself before shaking her head, not only them. “Those that need protecting, I want to be able to protect them in any way I can. I want to be able to help make people feel safe, the way I’ve always wanted to feel safe and never have.”

The door on the other end of the room opened. The green creature nodded at her while the man regarded her thoughtfully, “You may continue, and may the Force be with you, always, Rey.” 

She walked through the door to next to room.

“It is not a clear path you walk.” 

The source of the voice seemed to appear from nothing, stepping towards her. He wore a black robe, hood down to reveal a younger face with shoulder length brown hair. A small scar started below his right eye and continued up to his eyebrow. Something about him felt strangely familiar to her. She stood still in the center of the room, her eyes trying to follow him as he circled around her.

“What does that mean?” she asked, trying and failing not to let her nerves come through her voice. He was not threatening, but there was an aura of intensity about him that rattled her. 

He stopped in front of her and shrugged, “It means your future is still clouded.”

Her exasperation was growing, “And what does  _ that _ mean? Why does every answer have to so vague?”

“Intolerance for vague answers and you want to be Jedi?” he sounded amused.

“I don’t know,” she couldn’t hide her frustration.

To her surprise, he reached up and touched her face gently, his eyes boring into hers, “Which is part of the reason why your future is still unknown. You could walk in the light or fall to the darkness. Or your path may lay in the grey between.” She shifted away from his hand, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

“Yoda saw your potential for darkness, Obi Wan your potential for light.” He began to circle her again, “You carry both, you bask in the light, it calls you, but that light casts a shadow. Do you feel the shadow?”

Trembling, she did. It was a cold edge of rage and bitterness and doubt that cut at the edge of her soul, “yes.” She recognized it as the monster she set free on Starkiller that gave her the strength and power to defeat Ren. Even now she felt it stirring, straining, wanting to be released, allowed to consume her. “Can I destroy it?”

“The old ways of the Jedi order would say you should seek suppress it and destroy it. But in doing so they ask you to suppress and destroy yourself.” He stepped back, leaning against the wall, “I believe it was a way that led to their downfall.”

“Their downfall? Aren't you one of them?”

“I was. I fell to the darkness but was brought back to the light before my death. Luke brought me back to the light. But did I die a Jedi? No. I had rejected their teachings, their teachings did not save me. Love saved me.”

_ Anakin _ , she thought,  _ this is Anakin Skywalker _ . “But you are here in this place?”

“I am one with lightside of the Force. The Jedi were guardians of the Lightside, they built this temple here because this place was a focal point of the Lightside.”

“So then what would you have me do about the shadow?”

“Accept it. Acknowledge it. But have the willpower to not let it control you. The other dwells in darkness, but he can not help feeling the light as you feel the shadow. It tears at him, pulls him, it wants him back. He fights it, he denies it, seeks to destroy it. It is not possible, he can bury it but never destroy it.”

“Ren?”

A nod, “Your adversary, yet also your complement.”

_ Complement? _

“I don't understand.” 

“But you do.” He nodded to a doorway… had it even been there a moment ago? How many room would she need to pass through?  “Last one,” he added with a small smile. 

She took a deep breath, holding it, she stepped through.

It was very bright. The stone walls were an intense white. In front of her, built into the wall, was an altar of some kind.

The Force pooled and pulsed in here. It made her feel lightheaded. She felt it emanating from a single point, somewhere close behind the alter.

“It is a focal point of the light side of the force. The first Jedi recognized it and built the temple here because of it,” the female voice. She turned to see a small, brown haired woman regarding her with grey eyes.

“You were the one I heard at the entryway?”

“At your fear that in opening your mind you would be vulnerable to your bondmate? And then at your fear at the silence? Yes.”

She felt a flash of shame that she had been afraid that he was gone, instead of relief that she was free. 

“There is no shame in it. You are bonded by the Force, your fates have been tangled. You're a part of him and he is a part of you. It is part of your being. For it to be gone would be to lose part of your own essence.”

“I don’t want to be bound to him. I want to kill him.”

The woman regarded her, almost sadly, “A force bond can be broken with death. But it will leave a wound, a gaping one across your psyche that can never heal. This may be your fate, as you’ve been told your path is not clear. If it is, I expect it will be especially painful for you, as it’s been there most of your life.”

She felt nothing but confusion, “Most of my life? How did I get it? I’ve never met him before.”

The woman frowned and shook her head, “You had to have met him before. That part of your past is veiled. At some point you and he crossed paths and forged this connection. For all of your conscious memories, it was already with you, though quiet. Waiting to be awakened.”

She felt the grey eyes regarding her gently, “Remember, through it he may influence you but you may also influence him. It is a gift as much as a curse. He can use it to pull you towards the dark but you can use it to pull him towards the light.”

She shook her head, the idea that she could influence Kylo Ren to the light was absurd. That there was some end to this that wasn’t one of them dead or her under his control. The woman stepped closer, “He can be saved as easily as you can be corrupted. I have seen the power of hate and pain to turn one to dark and the power of love to heal and bring salvation. It was against the teachings of the Order to embrace love, but I found it necessary as I walked my path. Nothing is pure white or black, sometimes we must resolve to walk in the grey.” 

Something hard and metal was pushed into her hands, “Take this, return to your master. May the Force be with you.”

The room dimmed, she suddenly became aware she was on her knees. It was the small room beyond the archway, lit dimly from light from the main chamber behind her. The door that she had seen and walked through after her first… vision?... was gone. Just a tiny, bare empty room with coarse stone walls. She glanced down her lap to see the metal cylinder that the woman had given her was there. It looked something like a lightsaber.

Standing, she stumbled forward to touch the wall where the door had been. Her hand found solid rock, no sign there had ever been a door. But behind it she could feel a pulse emanating power- the focal point of light.

She turned and walked through the archway, returning to the main chamber. Luke sat where she had left him, eyes closed, meditating. Quietly she crossed the bridge and went to sit down next to him. 

“Doing okay?” His eyes were still closed.

“I think so. That was... different. How long was I in there?”

Luke opened his eyes, “7 minutes? Maybe 8 since there was probably a minute where I tried to meditate before I just started counting to distract myself from worrying.” 

She gave a weak smile, “It felt longer.”

He glanced at the metal object in her hand, surprised, “Where did you get that?”

She lifted it, examining it fully for the first time. It was maybe a foot long, “In there, she gave it to me before telling me to return to you.” Extending her hand, she offered it to Luke.

He lifted it and turned it, marveling, “It's quite old, though I wouldn't doubt it still works. It’s beautifully made. ”

“It’s a lightsaber?”

“It’s a double lightsaber,” he raised his eyebrows, “also called a saberstaff.” He handed it back.

“A saberstaff? A small laugh escaped her, it seemed so fitting. “So what now?”

“We attempt to leave and hopefully we don't die trying.”

“That's a plan that instills confidence.” She scooted close to Luke and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, helping him up with a heave.

“I set off a distress pulser an old friend gave me when I came here,” Luke leaned heavily on her a moment before shifting much of his weight to his good leg, taking most of his weight off of her, “I activated it as soon as I knew Ben was here. It’s been six years, but if he’s still alive and still listening, he’ll come.”

“If the First Order is up there they’ll just intercept the transmission.” 

Luke shook his head, “I know Ben, he’s not stupid but he’s an arrogant little shabuir. He wanted his chance to face me alone, and he knows if he’d told them where I was they’d have sent a battalion and not allowed him to come without them.” Luke started hobbling towards the stairs back up to the entryway, leaning on her for support, “So I’m betting he didn’t let them know he had found me till he landed, maybe even not till he went to confront you.”

She glanced at Luke as they started to climb the stairs, “So,  _ if _ that’s the case, and  _ if _ your friend is still alive, and  _ if _ he’s still listening, and  _ if _ he gets here before they do, we  _ might _ get out of here alive?”

“I know, it’s a great plan, isn’t it?”

She laughed and then looked at him, scrutinizing, “Am I mistaken or did I actually hear you swear a moment ago? Because I really have been holding back on saying how many kriffing stairs there are here.”

“If we see him again out there I may do it again. If it happens, consider it a lesson in the more exotic curses in the galaxy.”

They both started laughing, they stopped briefly until they got themselves under better control. It seemed like they were laughing in the face of death, and that was fine with her. If she was going to die, let them have a moment or two of absurd joy. Luke’s arm around her tightened around her in a slight hug. For a split second she leaned her head against him. When they broke the small embrace they started to move again, and when they finally reached the door, she was still smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things-
> 
> I actually consider Obi-Wan, Yoda, Anakin, and the woman in the alter room part of Rey's vision rather than force ghosts. But I do consider them manifestations of these individuals through the light side of the force. She was granted something physical and tangible as a reward for facing her ordeal, but she never actually went further than that first room she stepped into. There's no further access into the temple (I do think the alter room and the alter around the focal point of the light is in there, but there is no access to it).
> 
> I cut a part where Anakin comments that Rey reminds him of someone (implying Padme). Rey's character actually does remind me of Padme (strong/stubborn/independent), but I do not think she's related at all to the Skywalker lineage and felt like that might be implying relation.
> 
> So I must be honest here and say that other than reading blog posts that go into Bastila/Revan comparisons to Rey/Kylo and force bonds, I know very little about Knights of the Old Republic. As such, I'm opting to not name the woman Rey sees in the alter room because of that, but in my head am I think that's Bastila? Well yeah, and she totally gave Rey her saberstaff. 
> 
> I probably got a little heavy handed with the foreshadowing that Rey might be walking the path of a Grey Jedi. 
> 
> Not sure if I'm going to get another update before next weekend.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *where were you? where were you? where were you? WHERE WERE YOU?*
> 
> His voice blasted through her head with enough force that she stumbled, Luke glanced at her worriedly, “Okay?”
> 
> *WHERE*
> 
> “Yes,” she tried not to wince. He still felt cold, but there was pure black fury behind it.
> 
> *WERE*
> 
> Luke looked unconvinced. She shook her head, “We’ve got to keep moving.”
> 
> *YOU?*
> 
> She wasn’t going to be able to take it if he screamed much louder, *Yeah, I missed you too*.
> 
> It was edged with sarcasm, but there was no hiding the element of truth that was in it from him. She felt him falter slightly with surprise.

As they opened the door she realized she still had her shields down and began to hastily rebuild them. Moving the away from the temple, she began to feel his presence grow in the back of her mind. She had expected him to be raging, but there was a calm, quiet coldness that may have been even more frightening.

_where were you?_

Ignoring him, she stopped and looked at Luke, “Where should we go?”

_where were you?_

“West end. There’s a clear area, big enough for a shuttle to land.” She nodded the two started working their way up a series of switchbacks. As they went she continued to try to rebuild and reinforce her shields. Still she could hear him whispering the same question. Apparently he hadn’t liked it when the bond had gone silent.

_where were you? where were you?_

Actually, she was getting the impression he may have panicked.

_where were you? where were you? where were you?_ **_WHERE WERE YOU?_ **

His voice blasted through her head with enough force that she stumbled, Luke glanced at her worriedly, “Okay?”

**_WHERE_ **

“Yes,” she tried not to wince. He still felt cold, but there was pure black fury behind it.

**_WERE_ **

Luke looked unconvinced. She shook her head, “We’ve got to keep moving.”

**_YOU?_ **

She wasn’t going to be able to take it if he screamed much louder, _Yeah, I missed you too._

It was edged with sarcasm, but there was no hiding the element of truth that was in it from him. She felt him falter slightly with surprise.

_You disappeared._

_So did you,_ she answered.

_How?_

Hesitating, she decided she wasn’t about to tell him much, _I don’t know._

_You’re lying._

He was pressing forward, trying to push his way further in. She concentrated on walling off the connection from the rest of her mind. His presence muted somewhat and she felt safe that he couldn’t get farther without really fighting his way in. She could feel his anger rising.

_You need to come with me, Rey. You don’t understand._

_I understand that you’re a monster._

_And so is he._ That confused her, he felt her confusion. _Trust him at your peril. He left a wake of broken and dead behind him over the decade I spent with him._

_Luke?_ He didn’t respond but she could feel the affirmation. _You are crazy._

_You’ll find it out, give it time._

The sound of a pair of tie fighters distracted her away from their conversation, she pulled Luke into the shadows as they swooped by.

“KRIFF!”

His voice in her head sounded a mixture of smug and worried, _There’s nowhere to run now.  Surrender, I’ll be able to protect you.  
_

“Shavit!” Luke’s replied in agreement, getting a bitter laugh out of her.

They stumbled back into the open and a voice spoke from a switchback further up the path above them, also sounding agreeable “Karabast!”

She jumped looking up to see a pair of blue eyes looking down at them. The man they belonged to looked at Luke, running a hand through short black hair salted heavily with grey. “Long time, my friend,” he said before jumping down to them, landing from the drop in a crouch lightly, as if he’d only dropped a few feet instead of twenty.

He stood up, brushing dirt from his pants and straightening his short brown cloak with a tug.

In her head she felt Ren shift, sensing her reacting to something. Placing her hand on her forehead and closing her eyes she focused again on the wall she’d placed around the connection. She reinforced it, added to it. She felt him fade back to a small presence, and when he spoke it was no more than a whisper, _rey don’t hide from me don’t hide from me damn you_

She ignored him, opening her eyes to look at the man in front of her and Luke. He was dressed simply, brown pants and a white tunic, a short, hooded brown cloak; but the material was finely made, she doubted it was inexpensive.

“About time you showed up,” Luke said with a small smile.

Another voice interjected from above them, “Not to ruin the moment but we _really_ need to get out of here.” A woman with multicolored hair looked down at them, “It’s only a matter of time before they do another pass and we're sitting ducks in the open.”

“Agreed,” he gently took over supporting Luke from her, seemed to assess her briefly before speaking, “I'll take him, can you take the shortcut?” He nodded upward.

It took her a second to get his gist, “I don't want to leave him.”

“Rey…” Luke started but the man cut him off.

“If they put bucketheads on the ground they'll drop ‘em up top. That's the position we need to defend from.” His voice gentled slightly, “I got him, trust me, I'm not going to ruin my chance to be able to say he owes me one the rest of our lives.”

She took a breath and nodded, leaving Luke to him and climbing. The woman crouched down as she reached the ledge and offered a hand pulling her up. Down below she could see the man working his way along the path with Luke.

“Know how to use these?” She looked to see the woman holding out a handful of small metal balls.

“I… no,” she answered, not even sure what they were.

The woman pressed three into her hand and then held up one of the others to show a recessed button on the side, “Press thumb and hold it there, throw far away from people you don't want to kill, towards people you do want to kill.”

“They're bombs?”

“Grenades, though I prefer to call them tiny balls of fun.” A pause, “You got a weapon?”

She dropped the balls into her pocket and then pulled the double saber off her belt, “Yes.”

“Then come on, we'll guard the start of the path down until they catch up.”

The two of them reached the top and took cover in the shadow of a boulder. Above them they heard the whine of another Tie cutting through the air.

For a moment she breathed a sigh of relief. It apparently missed them again.

Or not. The sound of it cutting the air as it turned filled her ears. She tensed and then bolted, being thrown forward as the fighter opened fire and the boulder they'd been behind exploded. The woman stumbled to her feet next to her before scrambling up onto of a boulder and flinging something metal at the Tie Fighter. The object spun, hovering a moment in the air before it turned a shot straight towards the fighter, exploding on impact. The wounded fighter spiraled in the air before crashing to the ground in another explosion.

The woman dove down taking cover just as blaster fire lit the air around them as a group of four stormtroopers appeared over the rise to the east, firing as they charged.

She pulled the saberstaff off her belt and ignited it. Marveling at the yellow blades that shot from each end. It felt amazingly right in her hands. Diving out from her cover, she jumped to her feet, dodging and deflecting blaster fire, keeping herself open to the force as things moved faster than she could process them. All she could remember later from the fighting was how the saberstaff had felt like an extension of herself. It was less than a minute and she stood with the bodies of the troopers surrounding her.

“Wow.”

She jumped, looking over to see the woman peering at her, looking slightly stunned. “Seriously, that was kind of amazing.”

Disengaging the sabers, she went back over and collapsed behind the cover of the boulder the woman was hiding behind. There were more coming, she could feel them, “There’s going to be more, I can’t tell how far they are though.”

“Yeah, and there’s at least one more Tie flying around,” the woman peered up at the sky.

“I see you guys have been having fun,” she looked behind her to see the man and Luke appear.

“The kid had most of it,” the woman answered, amiably. “If she ever is looking for another career, you ought to take her on.”

“Okay, Noone?” Luke asked. He looked exhausted and paler even than before.

“Yes, you?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

The man nodded towards the woman, “Can you take him and head to the shuttle?” She nodded and took over supporting Luke,  pulling a small sack out of a pocket and throwing it to the man. It made a metallic jingle, “Minute grenades and two seekers, I have a couple in my pockets still. There’s at least one Tie still flying.”

“Thanks,” he turned away from the woman as she began to move west with Luke, pocketing the bag, “You’re with me, kid.”

She nodded, “Is there a plan?”

“Try not to die?” he sounded almost jovial.

“That was Luke’s plan,” she answered, amused.

“You know what they say about great minds…” he winked at her. “Okay, in seriousness, we’re giving them a head start and will follow with a buffer between us. If we’re lucky we won’t even have to engage hostiles, but if we do, the goal is to hold position then fall back, hold then fall back. We’re doing a staged retreat, not an assault.”

“We’re going to stay between them and any enemies.”

“You’re a quick study,” he smiled. They waited a few minutes, and then he nodded, “Let’s go.”

They hurried a short sprint and then took cover again. High above them a Tie fighter cut through the air, the man jumped out, pulling something out of the bag the woman gave him. She recognized it as the same kind of bomb the woman had thrown to take down the first fighter. He flung it up… and she felt the force constrict, the man held his hand out, concentrating, projecting the bomb further up than any person could have thrown it.

She couldn’t even see it when it locked itself onto the fighter, but the explosion confirmed that it had found it’s target. The fighter dropped and crashed into the sea.

“Hopefully they don’t have any more down here yet. Let’s go.”

As they started to run the first blaster bolt went over their heads, she looked over her shoulder to see the wave of stormtroopers coming. The man caught her eye and though he never spoke she understood clearly, he was telling her to keep following his lead. He kept running, more bolts lighting the air around them.

“NOW!” he spun on his heels, pulling a lightsaber out of his cloak and igniting it. She ignited saberstaff, deflecting the bolts. The man made her feel positively clumsy, she could defect to block but he deflected each back to a target, cutting down the first row of the charging troops. Raising his hand he blasted second row back into the third with the force.

“FALL BACK.”

She turned with him and ran. How long and how far lost in a blur.

“AGAIN.”

They spun to face them again, once again deflecting the blaster bolts. Suddenly though, she felt the force move, wrapping around the man. He never froze, but for a few seconds his motions slowed, as if he was struggling through a thick liquid. She spun her saberstaff just in time to block a bolt that would have hit him. Then he broke free, looking angry and startled.

She looked and her blood seemed to freeze in her veins, Ren was there, further back behind the wall of troopers, a snarl on his face. Not happy that her new friend had been able to block his force hold.

_Rey._

His voice was no more than a whisper behind her shields, she ignored it. “Kylo Ren,” she said to the man, nodding towards the figure in black among the white troopers.

“Yeah, he’s not going to have any success doing that to me again.”

She grabbed one of the grenades the woman had given her, pressing her thumb into the recessed button, she felt it vibrate to life and then she flung it into the oncoming charge. It exploded with more force than she would have expected, sending troopers flying.

“Nice,” the man said, leveling a force blast into the troopers that were still standing, “Let’s go. They should have made it by now, we’re not stopping now till we’re on the shuttle.”

She ran, fighting panic as she felt _him_ closing ground. Then without warning pain spread through her head. He was forcefully attacking her walls, trying to batter them down with brute force, she stumbled, trying to keep her feet.

_You're not going anywhere,_ his voice growled in her mind as he continued his assault on her defenses. She tripped, hitting the ground with a cry, wrapping her hands around her head. _He_ was getting closer but she couldn’t seem to even feel where her feet were to get up.

A pair of hands suddenly grabbed her, picking her up off the ground, the man, Luke’s friend. She heard his voice, worried but calming, “It’s okay, kid, I got you.” He started running with her, placing one of his hands against her face and she felt his power merging with her own, giving her the strength to steady her crumbling defenses. The pain eased and Ren’s presence faded again.

She was only aware they reached the shuttle from the man’s voice yelling “Get us out of here!” as he put her down on a metal floor. The door shut as they were leaving the ground, blaster fire rocking the shuttle. Rolling to her knees she pulled herself over to Luke as the shuttle jumped to hyperspace.

They had made it.

Her mind couldn’t even seem to process that fact. She reached over and grabbed Luke’s hand, he had his eyes shut, but opened them to meet her eyes and give her hand a squeeze.

They had made it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo, I have survived the first set of action chapters!
> 
> And introduced some new friends. We're going to get to know them better in a bit.
> 
> We may have to take a visit with Kylo first, he's kinda pissed at the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knelt where he had collapsed after stumbling back into his quarters on the Finalizer. Eyes closed chin on his chest, focusing on the rage that kept coming from his core like an endless black spring.
> 
> Channel it. Control it.
> 
> Because if he didn't he might just tear this entire ship apart.
> 
> Had it ever been like this before? This intense? It wasn’t that he was unfamiliar with his rage or the way it could surge through him and threaten to rip anything near apart, forcing him to take out some of the rage on something in order to let it vent before he would simply explode. Like his lightsaber, his core was a fractured crystal, so powerful, yet needing to vent so he wouldn’t tear himself apart and explode in destructive fury.
> 
> But this, this was as if some inner well had been breached, and the black fire just kept pouring into him. All because of the girl. The kriffing karking girl. He hunched over his knees and let out a scream and pounded his fists into the floor.
> 
> His girl. And he had had her, in his grasp, his kriffing fist wrapped into her tunic. And then all of that was lost. Because of a bird, of all things. A bird providing just enough of a moment of distraction to throw him off balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your Sunday special today is two chapters for the price of one. Going to post the next chapter as well once I'm done proofreading it to make sure I don't totally garble into nonsense somewhere in there.

He knelt where he had collapsed after stumbling back into his quarters on the Finalizer. Eyes closed chin on his chest, focusing on the rage that kept coming from his core like an endless black spring.

Channel it. Control it.

Because if he didn't he might just tear this entire ship apart. 

Had it ever been like this before? This intense? It wasn’t that he was unfamiliar with his rage or the way it could surge through him and threaten to rip anything near apart, forcing him to take out some of the rage on something in order to let it vent before he would simply explode. Like his lightsaber, his core was a fractured crystal, so powerful, yet needing to vent so he wouldn’t tear himself apart and explode in destructive fury.

But this, this was as if some inner well had been breached, and the black fire just kept pouring into him. All because of the girl. The kriffing karking  _ girl _ . He hunched over his knees and let out a scream and pounded his fists into the floor.

_ His _ girl. And he  **had** had her, in his grasp, his kriffing fist wrapped into her tunic. And then all of that was lost. Because of a bird, of all things. A bird providing just enough of a moment of distraction to throw him off balance. 

The pure fury he’d felt when he surfaced from the water was indescribable. If the girl had been within his grasp at that point he would have killed her, he was sure. He wouldn’t have been able to stop himself. The world had washed in black and red and that rage was the only thing left. Time seemed to stop as he’d dragged himself out of the water and started to try to track them.

But then… then… she was just gone.

The rage had bled away to panic. The bond, the thread between them was still, unmoving, the connection was dead. It was something he couldn’t even process, as if part of his soul had been cut away. It seemed like an eternity before he felt the familiar hum, so soft that normally he didn’t even register it, because it was just a normal part of him.

His anger had risen again, but it was lower, colder, he was in control of it. He had reached out, asking where she had gone, again, and again, and when she continued to ignore him his rage began to slip through his facade of calm and he had screamed it.

And she told him she’d missed him too. It was sarcastic, but there was truth in it, truth that was not something that could be hidden across the bond. It had thrown him, for a moment anyway. As the Order had arrived, he’d continued to engage her as he answered the call from the Finalizer, making sure she was blocked off in her own part of his mind. He had tried to reason with her, tried to get through to her about Skywalker, knowing that once the Order troops engaged them he couldn’t protect her. Not that she listened to him.

He had felt something. A reaction to… something? He’d pressed against her walls, trying to find out what it was, and she’d reinforced and barricaded him off, blocking him out, hiding her mind from him.

Damn her for being so quick to figure these things out.

And then during the engagement later, he’d been puzzled to find someone else with her, someone he didn’t know. Another Jedi? If there had been another Jedi out there that his uncle had known, how would he have not known him as well? But the man was fighting with a lightsaber and the Force. When he had tried to lock him into a force hold he had fought it and broke through it. After that first attempt he’d tried again only to be blocked. Whoever the man was, he was strong and well trained.

As they ran he’d pushed against her mind, against her walls, and knowing he was going to lose her he began to slam into them with all his strength. She had stumbled, fallen, as her mental defenses had begun to fracture.

And then that man was back again. Picking up  _ his  _ girl and carrying her away from him. To his horror he then felt that man push into her mind, sensing him there. Then the man had given some of himself to the girl, sharing his own power with her, giving her the strength to build up the walls once more and barricade their connection.

He  _ really  _ wanted to find that man and kill him. For interfering. For touching her. And especially for touching her mind. Everything about her belonged to him, but her mind, he was the only one with the right to be in her mind.

Letting out another scream, he closed his eyes and fought to control the rage. He had no idea how long he stayed that way, doubled over his knees, struggling to control his breathing, control himself. Eventually he felt the tide dying back, the well hadn’t run itself dry, it still bubbled, but it the strength of the flow had faded. He forced a cold calmness over himself, over that churning sea of red and black, and when he was finally collected, he stumbled to his feet.

The main room of his quarters was large and mostly empty, a few chairs and end tables. They’d been there when he moved in, along with a few other things that he shifted out to the two rooms he actually used. Running a hand through sweat soaked hair, he went into his room. The majority of what he owned was in this room, leaving it cluttered and a bit messy. Most of his living when he was on board was done in this room. He preferred it that way. Confinement didn’t bother him, openness did.

He pulled off his gloves and threw them on the bed, followed layer by layer of clothing and armor. He stumbled to the refresher and started the shower, hitting the water to the coldest setting. Standing in the cold spray until he began to shiver before starting to clean himself up. When he finished he finally felt as if he had true control over himself. That was good, since he needed to think, to plan, for what was coming. He pulled on a pair pants and sat down hard at his table, pulling a nutrient stick out of a drawer and eating it slowly. The sticks tasted like sawdust, but it was preferable to having to request a meal from the mess halls and deal with interacting with anyone.

Snoke was not going to be happy. Not with what had happened, with the failure, nor with him. He had some time before they’d need to return at least. Hux was finishing his investigation on the ground and of the planet before they would head back. Facing Snoke in hologram was not fun, but the real risk was when he was before him in person. If he’d succeeded, none of his actions taken during his weeks of searching would have been scrutinized or even looked at. But in failure, they were not going to escape his attention. And there were several things he was going to find questionable, from sparing Chewbacca and the Resistance pilot on the port in the Kernian system to his very obvious disregard for Snoke’s wishes when he went to face Skywalker and the girl alone. There was going to be a lot to answer for.

And then there was the bond. He had hid it from Snoke before, but it was stronger now, a larger presence in his mind. Could he really hide that now, when it had grown to such a part of himself? Even disregarding the punishments he might face if his master discovered him hiding such an important thing, if it was found, Snoke would use it to get to the girl, use his own mind as a portal to hers.

The thought horrified him.

Slowly chewing, he thought again about how potent he and the girl could be. In time, no one would be able to stand up to them.

Not even Snoke.

Such a thought. Such a delightful thought. A fantasy of his body at their feet, and the power of the entire First Order falling to their command. His, hers.   


It was a fantasy that wouldn’t appeal to her, he knew that. She didn’t have the craving for power that he did. She didn’t have the craving to be at his side either, not the way he longed to have her at his. But perhaps there was a part of it that would, the idea of taking down the leader of her friend’s enemy. The idea of the First Order falling into disarray, even for a short time, after the Supreme Leader’s downfall. Giving her precious Resistance time to reorganize and regroup in the power vacuum.

Patience would be needed. They would need to flee, he’d need to have her to himself, teaching her and molding her. The two would need to learn how to use their bond to tap into each other as needed, fighting as two sides of one entity.  It would probably take years, but they would become invincible. 

Rubbing his eyes, he admitted this was still just a dream. She would never agree to come with him. Not that it stopped him from pondering deceit and treason as he chewed the last bite of his dinner. He had to at least try to convince her. Feeling out at the bond, he could tell she still had him well walled off. But he would try later to reach her, to get her to talk to him.

At the very least she needed to know to be on her guard in the coming weeks, as long as he was going to be in Snoke’s presence, she needed to keep her end of the connection secured.

For now he intended to meditate, to concentrate on his own mindset, working on burying those things he did not want his master to see in corners of his mind that would not be seen. Things like thoughts of treason and force bonds with certain scavengers. 

He would ready himself the best he could for the ordeals ahead.

It wasn’t as if there was anything else he could do.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door opened and Ezra peeked in, his eyes looking at her intently, “Just checking in, how you doing, kid?”
> 
> “Fine.” Not that she was, but she wasn’t about to say anything else. “How’s Luke?”
> 
> “Indestructible?”
> 
> She let a laugh, Ezra smiled, and shrugged, “His leg is a mess but I packed it with bacta salve and wrapped it. It’ll take some time to heal but I suspect worse case is it leaves a scar and hurts a bit in damp weather. And other than being tired he appears to be no worse for wear otherwise.”
> 
> Sabine met Ezra’s eyes for a moment and then dropped the rag into the sink and gave her arm a gentle squeeze before leaving, “I’m going to check on everything up front.”
> 
> She felt annoyed, cocking her head slightly, “Do you always just operate with subtle hints instead of saying what you’re thinking? You could have just said you wanted to talk to me.”
> 
> “Depends on the circumstances.” He studied her intently, “Want to talk about what happened down there?”
> 
> Crossing her arms, she glared at him.
> 
> “Okay, okay,” he sighed, “I want to talk about what happened down there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second half of our two chapters for the price of one Sunday special. 
> 
> Someday a title for this will majikally come to me. But that day has yet to come.

“If I'd known you still have this much fun I'd have come to visit sooner.”

It was the woman's voice, she glanced up from dressing Luke's wound to peer at the two in the cockpit. The man stood behind the woman in the pilot’s seat, arms resting on the back of the chair.

“I don't make a habit of it anymore, leave it to Luke to break up my boring days of behind closed doors diplomacy.” 

“Oh, yes, about that… you knew Luke Skywalker and never bothered to tell me?!”

“We’d met a few times,” he sounded amused.

“Ezra.  _ Luke Skywalker _ .”

Next to her Luke started to laugh softly.

The man turned to walk into the main cabin, he rubbed his hand over his greying black hair. The woman rose and followed, leaning on the wall next to the door of the cockpit. 

Stopping to look down at her and Luke, the man spoke with a wink, “Don't fall for the hype, he's not anything much more than me. He just got lucky with the story telling.” 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Luke said, amused, before glancing around the man to look at the woman. “Hello, I'm  _ Luke Skywalker _ ,” he matched her intonation of the last time she said his name. “And my friend here is Rey.”

The woman laughed, and walked over to stand next to the man, “I’m Sabine.”

“Ezra,” the man added, nodding down at her. “Nice to meet you, kid. If your master tells you any stories about me down the road, don’t believe him.” 

“Because they’re probably true,” Sabine interjected. Ezra jabbed his elbow into her arm and let out an overly exaggerated huff of disapproval.

He turned his blue eyes to Luke, “You've gone full hermit. And there I was thinking you would get bored and set that pulser off in six months tops.” 

“Proof that you don't know me well.” 

“Maybe so.”

She rubbed her face, wincing as she brushed against the bruises and scrapes. Looking up at Ezra, “Where are we going? Are you Resistance?”

He shook his head, “Lothal, and no. But I have a few Resistance contacts that I trust. They should be able to hook you up with a jump to one of their bases.”

She frowned, “A few that you trust? You don't trust them as a whole?”

“They're too tied to the New Republic. Or were, anyway.” He sighed, “Snoke had the New Republic infiltrated on many levels of government. I suspect he has spies in the Resistance as well. I've got a few contacts that are willing to stay quiet that I trust to pass on information only to the ears I want to hear it.”  He crouched down next to Luke, “That way I don't draw First Order attention or make my allies nervous.”

“Allies?” Luke asked, eyes sharp and interested.

Ezra frowned, hesitating, eyes flickering over to her for just a moment before going back to Luke, “Let’s just say I’ve been busy the last few years among the outer rim worlds. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to say too much, since you appear to be being hunted.” 

Sabine reached down to her, smiling, “You should hit the ‘fresher and clean and tend to your wounds as well, there’s some bacta patches in there. Ezra can tend to Luke.”

She glanced between Ezra and Luke, meeting Luke’s eyes for a moment as he nodded at her. It wasn’t too subtle that they wanted to talk without her there, which annoyed her. Letting Sabine help her to her feet and guide her to the ship’s small ‘fresher and close the door. Her annoyance was forgotten when she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her face was covered in small cuts, her lower lip was split and swollen, and her chin shredded and bloody where she’d skidded against the rocks. Her eyes seemed older and more hollow than the last time she’d looked at herself.

“Rey, right?” She jumped and then nodded at Sabine, who reached around her to turn on the sink and run a washcloth under the water. “You look like you’ve been through hell.”

“Yes,” she agreed, and then nodded towards the door. “I take it your friend doesn’t trust me?”

The wrinkles around her brown eyes crinkled as she gave a wry smile “Right now I’m pretty sure Ezra doesn’t even trust me and we’ve known each other over 30 years. Don’t take it personally.” Sabine gently reached over and began to clean her face, causing her to hiss slightly at the sting of the water against her cuts.

“Is he also a Jedi?”

Sabine seemed thoughtful a moment, and then shook her head, “I don’t think he considers himself one anymore. He was trained by one of the survivors of the Empire’s purge of the Jedi.” A shrug, “Things were complicated back then.” She reached into a drawer and pulled out a handful of bacta patches and began to apply them.

“They’re not now?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Valid point,” Sabine answered as she finished applying the patch to her chin. 

A silence fell between them, making her feel awkward,  “How’d you meet him?”

“Ezra?” Sabine stopped to rinse the rag, seeming to consider how she wanted to respond, “We fought in the rebellion together.”

A knock on the ‘fresher door made her jump. 

“It’s open,” Sabine called.

The door opened and Ezra peeked in, his eyes looking at her intently, “Just checking in, how you doing, kid?”

“Fine.” Not that she was, but she wasn’t about to say anything else. “How’s Luke?”

“Indestructible?”

She let a laugh, Ezra smiled, and shrugged, “His leg is a mess but I packed it with bacta salve and wrapped it. It’ll take some time to heal but I suspect worse case is it leaves a scar and hurts a bit in damp weather. And other than being tired he appears to be no worse for wear otherwise.”

Sabine met Ezra’s eyes for a moment and then dropped the rag into the sink and gave her arm a gentle squeeze before leaving, “I’m going to check on everything up front.”

She felt annoyed, cocking her head slightly, “Do you always just operate with subtle hints instead of saying what you’re thinking? You could have just said you wanted to talk to me.”

“Depends on the circumstances.” He studied her intently, “Want to talk about what happened down there?”

Crossing her arms, she glared at him.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed, “ _ I _ want to talk about what happened down there.”

“I don’t know if I have much to talk about,” she said, looking away.

“Rey, whatever was happening was not normal. There are those who can use the Force to attack a person’s mind, but that’s an attack that comes from outside forcing its way in. I assumed that was what was happening since it’s know that Kylo Ren can enter minds.” 

He touched the side of her face to bring her eyes to meet his, “I touched your mind trying to help you and that attack was coming from inside. If it was coming from outside I would have shielded you, but since it was internal I couldn’t do much but lend you some of my strength. And I felt you use that strength-- you already had walls in place, so I can only guess this wasn’t the first time something had happened.”

She felt a wave of shame and her eyes stung, she turned her head away, not wanting Ezra to see her trying not to cry, muttering a response, “It’s been happening for awhile, and it’s gotten stronger as time passed.”

His voice was gentle, “You don’t know me. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about this. But then you will  _ need _ to talk to Luke, he’s been worried about you as it is.”

“You told him?” she snapped, feeling frustrated.

“I told him about the assault and what I felt when I tried to help. The rest is for you to tell him.” He put a hand on her shoulder, “Luke is not about to forsake you and you shouldn’t be feeling ashamed. After what you just did down on that planet you should be proud of yourself.”

“Okay,” her voice was barely above a whisper. 

Ezra’s hand squeezed her shoulder, “It’s going to be a few hours before we come out of hyperspace, you should rest. This shuttle’s got a small cabin and I’m sure Sabine wouldn’t mind you sleeping in her bed.”

Sleep was the last thing she wanted to do, as tired as she was, she was terrified Ren might find his way into her dreams, but she didn’t want to say that, so she just nodded.

He started to turn to leave. “Ezra,” she blurted out, “thank you.”

Stopping he nodded, “And thank you, you saved me from that blaster bolt when I got caught off guard by that force hold. It was an honor to fight beside you, Rey.”  He gave her a small smile and then turned and left.

 

\--------

 

Laying in the bed of the darkened cabin, she could feel him still in the back of her mind, faintly feel him and that cold fury that ebbed from him. At the least he seemed to have stopped his attacks.

_ rey _

It felt like a whisper, but she had a feeling he may have been shouting. She thought she might not even be hearing all of what he was saying. That was a relief.

_ who? _

Rubbing her eyes, she thought he might be trying to ask her who the man was.

_...touched your mind. _

Ezra, he had known when Ezra had touched her mind to help her.

_...kill him… touched… you… are mine. _

She bit her lower lip, touching her mind apparently was on the list of things that he was allowed to do but others were not,  _ he helped and I’m not yours. _

The presence shifted at her reply,  _ talk… me… talk… rey… rey talk to me rey talk to me talk to me talk to me damn you rey talk. _

_ If I lessen my defenses promise you won’t attack me again? _

There was a pause on the other end. He didn’t want to have to promise anything, but she could feel him give.

_ for now. _

She lowered one level of shields. The sense of his storm of emotions and that cold, collected rage churning.

_ That’s all I’m giving. _

_ Tease.  _ It was a taunt, but almost affectionately sent.  _ Who was the man with you? _

_ I don’t know exactly. _

He could tell she wasn’t really lying but wasn’t about to leave it there,  _ Do better than that. _

_ Someone Luke knows. That’s pretty much the extent of what I know about him, I didn’t even know he could use the Force until I saw him use it. _

She could feel him fuming,  _ I don’t know him.  _ It bothered him, she realized. That this might be someone his uncle hid from him.  _ He touched your mind.  _ Judging by the churn in the storm of his emotions, this bothered him more.

_ To help stop you from hurting me. _

_ Your mind belongs to me, you belong to me. _

Bile rose up in her throat,  _ Say that one more time and I’m walling you off again. _

Rage flickered on his end, she felt him trying to rein it in before he started to threaten her. Trying to be nice right now in his own warped way.  _ Please, Rey, come to me. _

_ I made an offer that you refused, if I recall. _

_ You don’t understand.  _ It was almost petulant in tone. 

_ Don’t understand what? _

_ You have  _ **_his_ ** _ attention. You’re marked, either you’re going to be useful to him or you’re going to die. _

_ His? Whose?  _ She waited but he didn’t answer.  _ Snoke? _

Silence, just the cold, collected rage. Then finally,  _ Come to me, I can protect you, I can teach you.  _ Another pause, she felt him loathing as he sent the next words,  _ I’ll set the blood debt with my uncle to the side for the time being, if you come. _

_ So you can deliver me right to your leader? _ She shook her head, rubbing her temples,  _ You know, I can feel how badly you want to hurt me right now. _ It was there, he was doing his best to keep it contained, but the rage at her was churning, wanting to strike out and punish her for defying him.

He pulled back, his presence shaking slightly,  _ I’m angry, but I can control that.  _

She nearly laughed,  _ Yes, you always seem to do a great job of that, don’t you?  _

_ You and I, don’t you feel it? The potential power we have?  _

She shook her head, his obsession with power,  _ I don’t care about power. _

There was a pause, a coldness that ebb from him. She thought he might be slightly disgusted at her aversion to the power he thought they were both entitled to. Then his voice came again, acidic in emphasis,  _ Even if it’s the power to destroy Snoke? To shake the First Order at its core? _

Wait, what? 

He could feel her shock and confusion that he would suggest it,  _ In time. Once I teach you how to use your full potential. _

_ You want to destroy the First Order?  _ She allowed her incredulousness flow with her words.

He was silent. Of course he was. Because he knew he couldn’t lie to her over the bond.

_ Oh, I see, you want to destroy Snoke and  _ **_take over_ ** _ the First Order.  _ His end didn’t speak but she felt a quiet affirmation.  _ Dominate the galaxy,  _ she spat it at him in disgust.

_ Bring peace to the galaxy,  _ he chided, almost scoldingly.

_ Through terror and violence. _

She could feel him responding as if correcting a child,  _ Through order and control.  _

_ That isn’t peace, it’s domination. _

_ Galactal peace, galactal domination, same thing in the end.  _ There was pure indifference in his emotions.

She clenched and unclenched her fists,  _ And that’s why a monster like you can never have such power. _

_ Hrmmmm, then rule with me and keep me in check.  _

The wave of desire that came with that statement caught her off guard.

_ I don’t want to rule anything. _

His amusement floated across the bond, irritating her.  _ How about we compromise? I rule over the galaxy and you can just rule over me.  _ She shifted uncomfortably at that, he felt it,  _ You don’t even understand the power you have over me, do you, child?  _

_ I’m not a child,  _ she huffed, and was instantly irritated at how childlike she sounded in the retort.

There was just a wave of warmth from the other end, emotions she really didn’t understand, a mixture of affection, desire, lust? 

_ No,  _ he agreed in almost a purr,  _ you’re a woman. _

She felt herself tremble at the words and at the feelings of want that came from him, a quiver that shot through her core, causing her to flush slightly. It wasn’t a reaction she understood, it scared her.

He felt it, she could almost hear him chuckling. She’d had enough of this, she was going to reinforce her walls again.

_ Wait.  _

His emotions fell flat. She stopped to listen to what he had to say.

_ Two weeks. The next two weeks, put your walls up to full force and don’t drop them to for anything. _

He was asking her to... wait, what?

A small laugh on his end at her confusion, but there was tension behind it,  _ I’m going to be barricading you off as well, but no matter what happens, what slips through the bond, keep your shields. Even if you think you hear me asking like I did now, don’t give in or drop your guard. _

She felt confused. He felt her confusion.

_ It won’t be me, I’ve given my word that I won’t go near your mind of my own will the next two weeks.  _ A pause,  _ I’m going to do my best to hide you, I did it before. But he’s going to be angry at a second failure and the connection is stronger now. _

_ Snoke?  _ she asked.

He didn’t respond to that, which probably was affirmation,  _ Two weeks. And get some sleep, little girl, you’re tired. _

_ Two weeks without you is fine with me. _

She could feel him laugh,  _ Think about my offer.  _

Shaking her head,  _ I don’t need to. _

He was fading,  _ Think about it anyway,  _ a curtness to his tone. 

She wanted to snap a retort at him, but he was gone. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on building her walls up to full strength again. Her stomach churned as she thought about having to try to explain… this… to Luke tomorrow.

Closing her eyes, she thought she’d never be able to sleep. Not with the worry and everything running through her head. But as she closed her eyes and started feeling herself drift instantly, she realized she’d misjudged her own exhaustion. She let it drag her down into the the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you watch Rebels you probably know that our new friends are Ezra Bridger and Sabine Wren. It's over 30 years later, so if you think my characterization of them isn't good, well, it's 30 years later, people change over time. Plus I've only seen season 1 so far, cut me some slack :P
> 
> If you don't watch Rebels, don't worry, I'm not expecting anyone to know anything about these characters other than what I'm writing. It was just funner to use them and imagine what might have happened 30 years down the road.
> 
> They have a small part for now, but we're going to see Ezra again for sure in the future of this story. The plot is still foggy but I'm pretty sure of that considering my foreshadowing.
> 
> And yes, I foreshadow without actually knowing what exactly I'm foreshadowing sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't admit that.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke took her hands in his own, she looked up to meet his eyes, “Can you show me?”
> 
> Puzzled a moment, not sure what he meant, she opened her mouth to ask but then felt his mind brush hers. Show him. Show him the bond.
> 
> Closing her eyes, she reached out and brushed her own consciousness against his, then wrapping hers around his, pulling it inward till they reached a corner of her mind walled off in shield after shield of protection that she’d put in place. She parted the shields and took him to the ball of energy that flickered and hummed. An embodiment of the force that linked her and Kylo over the distances of space. It was larger than the last time she’d regarded it.
> 
> She felt something like awe in Luke’s thoughts.

He sat on a flat stone in the small clearing between the two ships, injured leg stretched out, watching the grasses rustle in the breeze. His mind was pleasantly blank at the moment. Soon he would need to process the events of the last twelve hours and start to formulate a plan for the future. But for the moment he needed respite from his own thoughts.

“Caf?”

He glanced over at the cup being offered and gave Ezra a small smile before taking it, “I've missed a good cup of caf.”

“Didn't say the bitter mud I make is good,” Ezra answered as he sat down in the grass, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“After six years I wouldn't know the difference.” 

For a few moments they both fell silent, sipping their drinks. An angry mechanical buzzing broke the silence.

They both looked over at the old astromech droid standing in the hatch of the larger ship. It flung a wrench appendage around in a rage as it continued buzz angrily. Ezra shrugged, “Okay, okay, just keep working on it!”

It punched the wall with the wrench and let off another streak of buzzes.

“It's not that big of a deal, just get her flying so we can take her for repair!”

It turned and went back into the ship, still ranting in angry buzzing. 

He couldn't keep the amused smile off his lips, “Still got that droid.”

“Oh, he’s isn't going anywhere.” A pause, “You're damn lucky with the timing, Luke. If Sabine hadn't been here I wouldn't have had a way to get to you.” Ezra glanced at the old ship, “She's showing her age, just can't give her up though. Had a shuttle I've mostly been planet hopping with, but ran into some trouble about a month ago and scuttled her rather than risking someone tracing it back to me. Hoping to get the Ghost overhauled, get a new shuttle to use in the meantime.”

“Sometimes the Force has the timing worked out for us,” he mused.

“Kid’s still sleeping,” Ezra nodded at the open hatch of the shuttle. “Sabine said to let her sleep and I did not feel it was a good idea for my health to argue.”

He nodded in agreement, “She could use the rest. We’ve got time right now.”

“Where did you find her? Is there a padawan emporium I don't know about? Cause I'd love to get a similar model.”

Snorting a laugh into his caf, “She found me. And as a student she's been as stubborn as a falumpaset.”

“But worth the trouble?”

“Absolutely,” he looked down into his cup with a smile. Rey was, without a doubt, worth the trouble.

Ezra hummed to himself a moment, as a silence spread out between them, “Probably a sensitive topic, but is your nephew trying to be a Vader wannabe with that get up he wears?”

He nearly choked on the sip of caf he was taking. 

“I'm just saying, I fought Darth Vader, Vader was karking terrifying, I lost my first lightsaber in a fight with Vader.”  Ezra shook his head, “I want to tell that weak sculag to his face that he's no Vader. “

He put his face in his hands, shaking his head while laughing. The two had clashed more than once on occasion in the past. There was plenty they didn’t see eye to eye on. But moments like this reminded him how much he liked the man.

“I miss that lightsaber,” Ezra added, wistfully. “I made to so it had a blaster built into the hilt. It was cool.”

“You made a lightsaber blaster combo?” he started laughing again at the thought of something that ridiculous.  


“I was fifteen,” shrugging, Ezra took a sip of his caf. “And did I mention it was cool?”

The sound of footsteps on metal made them both turn. Rey stood on the ramp of the shuttle, sunlight reflecting off her eyes as she took in the view of the plains around them.

“Hey there, kid.” Ezra called amicably.

“Hello,” she wandered over, still slightly groggy from sleeping. “This is Lothal?”

Ezra nodded, “Yep, home.” 

“It’s beautiful.” She sighed, “Did I miss anything?”

“Nothing much,” am amused smile played on his lips. “Just Ezra reminiscing about a blaster lightsaber hybrid he built.”

“A what?”

Ezra sighed, casting an annoyed glance his direction, “It had a blaster built into the hilt. So it could be used in blaster mode or lightsaber mode. And just because you can't appreciate the ingenuity does not mean it wasn’t completely awesome.”

She began to laugh, “What happened to it?”

“Darth Vader happened to it.”

“Wait… what?” She got serious, looking at him slightly stunned.

“Long time ago,” Ezra got to his feet, brushing dirt and grass off the back of his pants. “I better go help that rolling junk box with repairs before he comes and starts to bitch me out again.”

He scooted over, so there was room on the rock he was sitting on. She came over and sat next to him, glancing back at the ship Ezra had went into.

“Did he really fight Vader?” she asked.

“Probably. He hadn’t mentioned it to me before, but it can be hard to bring up to someone about that time their father tried to kill you.” 

She frowned a moment at that, before glancing down at his leg and then darting her eyes to his face, “Are you okay?” 

He turned to meet her worried eyes and nodded, “Going to be limping for a while but otherwise I’m fine. Thanks to my padawan.”

She shook her head, “It was dumb luck, he had me.”

“You reacted instantly to an opportunity when it presented itself and won the battle,” he looked down at her. She was thinking that she had nearly failed, instead of thinking about the fact that she had been victorious. He hoped he could get her to see she was looking at it wrong. “You were incredibly brave. Possibly borderline stupid in some places as well, but so was I. I think that might be a strategy that works well for us.”

Her head pushed against his shoulder as she laughed.

Quieting, “What’s the current plan?”

“Ezra’s contacted his Resistance liaisons. They’re going to arrange to get us and take us to Leia.” He said, “Beyond that I’m not sure. From what Ezra and Sabine have said, the First Order appears to be mobilizing against the Resistance. There’s not a lot of time.” 

There wasn’t. He could feel it in the Force, like a timer ticking down to a conflict about to explode.

A long, thoughtful silence spread between them.

Finally she spoke the words he was expecting, “I have to talk to you about something.” She looked away from him, frowning.

He just nodded. There had been bits and pieces of erratic behavior, trouble sleeping, lack of concentration over the last few weeks. He probably should have pressed to find out what was wrong. Given what Ezra had told him about the strange attack on her mind, he regretted that he hadn’t.

Still, he wasn’t quite expecting the next question.

“Do you know anything about force bonds?”

\---------

“Do you know anything about force bonds,” she asked, looking into Luke’s eyes. Not sure what to expect, finding his reaction was a mixture of puzzlement and surprise.

“Not a lot. They exist, there’s lots of historical records documenting them. Most of the documentation on them talks about padawan and master can sometimes form one.”

She looked down at the grass, “I had never heard the term, so I think I pulled it from him. Early on especially, before we started figuring out how to block each other, it seemed that sometimes I’d just know something he knew.”

“You think you have a force bond with Ben?” He sounded both uncertain and worried.

“I know we do. Not just from pulling that from Ren. The woman I met in the temple, the one who gave me the saberstaff, she called him my bondmate.” She paused, remembering something else that the woman had said, “She also said it’s always been there, for as long as I have conscious memories.”

Luke shook his head, his eyes were sharp, “Bonds can’t be forged over a distance. If you bonded with Ben that far back, the two of you would have had to have met.” 

“She said something like that, that our paths must have crossed.”

With a sigh, he looked at her with those sharp, thoughtful blue eyes, “Can you tell me everything, starting with the first time you were aware of something going on?”

She almost said the Falcon, the first time he spoke through it, but that wasn’t quite right. She’d felt the vibrations in the back of the mind in the interrogation room. And faintly, before that in the forest…

“Takadona,” her voice was certain. “When I encountered him on Takadona there was a faint vibration in the back of my mind.”

“Then in the interrogation room. It was stronger there. I think he felt it too…” She stopped with a realization, one that she felt stupid for not having thought of before. It made sense. “I pulled things from him without knowing it!”

“What do you mean?”

“How to exploit the weakness to enter his mind. How to do a mind trick on the guard.” She took a deep breath, “And later, when we were fighting, how to channel the darkside, how to fight with the lightsaber. I didn’t know any of that, I pulled it from him through the bond.”

“I took from him too, when I was trying to push his saber into the ground, push him over, I think I used it to take from his power and strength. I got stronger and he weakened.” Taking a deep breath, “The first time I was consciously aware of something was when he used it to threaten me after Starkiller.”

She started to recount the different times she remembered interacting with him over the bond. From the shared dreams to him talking to her from Jakku. To the time she accidentally slipped into his mind across the bond. How the bond stilled when they were in the temple, and finally how he’d attacked her walls with full force as she was trying to run with Ezra to the shuttle.

Finally, quietly, “He talked to me over it last night. Before I fell asleep.”

Luke’s frown deepened, “What did he want?”

“Me,” she met Luke’s eyes, which had sharpened again. “He was asking me to come to him… that together we could be more powerful than anyone. That we could take down Snoke and rule the galaxy. It all comes down to him wanting me, he thinks I’m his, he thinks I belong to him.” There was a sharp edge of anger to her voice in the last sentence. 

She felt the anger stirring about Luke as well, causing the force to twist around him, but outwardly he showed no sign of it. 

“Then he warned me to put my walls up and not take them down for anything for the next two weeks.”

“Why?” 

“He’s going to be called before Snoke. I guess he’s hidden the bond from him, he’s going to keep trying to do that but is worried that if he can’t Snoke might try to get to me through it.”

Luke shook his head, “You need to keep your shields up and not let him in, not now and not in two weeks. You can’t trust him.”

“He can’t lie to me over the bond. I can’t lie to him either, we know when the other is lying.” She looked down at her feet, toeing the golden grass. 

His voice came more forcefully, “It doesn’t matter. You have to keep him out.”

“I can’t, not completely.”

“You have to try,” Luke sounded frustrated. “Bonds… from the bits I’ve read… it’s possible for the stronger of the two to overpower the other… to force their will on them. You can’t take that risk.”

She closed her eyes, and then nodded. A wave of nausea and guilt passed over her, because she thought she might be lying now to Luke. If he called again would she really be able to just block him out? Could she really? 

Luke took her hands in his own, she looked up to meet his eyes, “Can you show me?” 

Puzzled a moment, not sure what he meant, she opened her mouth to ask but then felt his mind brush hers. Show him. Show him the bond.

Closing her eyes, she reached out and brushed her own consciousness against his, then wrapping hers around his, pulling it inward till they reached a corner of her mind walled off in shield after shield of protection that she’d put in place. She parted the shields and took him to the ball of energy that flickered and hummed. An embodiment of the force that linked her and Kylo over the distances of space. It was larger than the last time she’d regarded it.

She felt something like awe in Luke’s thoughts.

Finally, she turned, leading him back through the hole she made in her shields and began to rebuild them. As she did so she felt him pushing his strength into her, helping guide her to them even stronger than before. Once they were both satisfied she led him back out again.

It occurred to her he could have left on his own rather than have her lead him back.

But he wouldn’t do that. Because it was her mind and he felt he had no right there. She had taken him in willingly and guided him back out. He respected her mind as her own.

Looking at his face, she realized he probably had no idea what to expect. There was a bit of shock and more than a little awe.

He took a deep breath, “That… that was beautiful.”

She nodded, “It’s hard to comprehend it like that when it’s abstract and raw. My mind usually starts to think about it in some other way to make it more tangible, easier to manipulate.”

Luke was still holding her hands, he gave them a small squeeze, “You still need to be careful. I promise I’ll help you anyway I can. But please trust me.”

“I should have told you sooner, I’m sorry. It’s… it’s just it feels personal. It sounds strange but it’s like it’s some essential part of my being.” She went back to toeing the grass, digging a small divot into the dirt. 

She heard Luke sigh, “I’d say I understand, but I don’t. I don’t think I could unless I experienced it. I can say I respect that you feel that, though.” He released her hands, “But you need to keep your walls up and your mind locked away from him. He’s too dangerous.”

Again, she nodded in agreement, and was surprised when Luke suddenly hugged her. It was unexpected, she tensed a moment against the embrace before she relaxed and hugged him back.

When he pulled back he smiled, “We’re in this together, Noone.”

“Yes, we are.” It suddenly crossed her mind that she wasn’t noone anymore, was she? She was someone. Someone to Luke. Someone to Chewie. Someone to Finn. Someone to the Resistance. 

Hell, she was even someone to kriffing Kylo Ren, even if she wished she wasn't.  


She was someone who was training to be a Jedi. She was someone who was a padawan to Luke kriffing Skywalker. She was someone who was part of an an ancient legacy, an ancient order.

Had she ever felt as accepted or as much of a part of something so much greater than herself as she did right now? She looked out into the golden grasses that stretched out for miles around her, broken by large rock pillars and cones, and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finding my Luke and Rey rather adorable in this chapter. Hope everyone else is too.
> 
> I do consider this more of an interlude chapter. We'll be getting a little more meat in the coming chapters. Kylo's going to have to go face Snoke. Luke's going to have to hook up with the resistance and start formulating some kind of plan. The galaxy is on the cusp of war.
> 
> So basically, I'm saying we have fun times ahead of us ;)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a dream, she thought. The bond hummed, faintly, behind her shields.
> 
> “You seemed angry to see me,” she said, quietly.
> 
> Pulling his head back to look into her eyes, his hands slipped under the edge of her shirt. She tensed slightly at the touch. Her hair was down and she was wearing the loose shirt and pants she’d taken to sleeping in since she’d arrived at the base. Both too big but comfortable. It didn’t seem like much to have as a barrier between him and her body.
> 
> He rested his thumbs near each side of her navel, brushing them lightly in a circle. She shivered, flushing, and to her irritation she saw the faintest trace of a smile cross his face. Then he sighed, “I’ve been using it to hide you.”
> 
> “What does that mean?” She felt more blood rush to her face. He was shirtless, just wearing loose pants. Probably like her, what he went to sleep in. She should probably be thankful he didn’t sleep in the nude.
> 
> His amused snort broke her from this chain of thought and she bit her lip, he’d heard her thinking that. “I’m a little disappointed you don’t,” he smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter gets a little smutty and is a little bit dub con dream sex. You've been warned.

It took a few days before the Resistance ship had come.

Sabine had to leave the day after they’d arrived on Lothal. She's already stayed longer than she intended, and like Ezra seemed very concerned that if she stayed too long someone would take notice. Whatever reason the two had been meeting, neither seemed to want anyone know about it.

She had found herself drawn to Sabine. The woman had a gentle and kind exterior that covered a hardened core of a tough warrior. She didn't know if that was why she was so drawn to her, another strong woman that she could relate to? Or maybe it had to do with her sense that Ezra might have a vague mistrust with her after feeling her bond with Ren. With Sabine there was none of that. 

Before she left she'd called her over, pulling a bag of the small grenades she'd given her on Ahch-To. “A gift, you never know when tiny balls of fun might come in handy.” Rey had thanked her with a smile.

Over the next two days they stayed in Ezra’s ship. There were several small quarters with bunks, she and Luke each took one. The ship was old and run down, but she could get a sense, an echo, of history to it. To stave off boredom she had offered to help Ezra as he and the oddball droid of his worked on repairing the ship enough to get it flying. He said once they got it in the air he could get it in to be overhauled. On the second day, after arguing with the droid that it was not the axial manifolds and sending him into a buzzing rant banging his appendages on the wall, she found a short in a subharmonic oscillator. Bypassing some fused wiring, she crossed her fingers as they gave the engines a try.

They roared to life. Not the happiest sounding, but they were running. 

“Sure you don’t want to dump Luke for a job with me?” Ezra had asked, eyes twinkling. She’d just shaken her head with a small smile.

The next morning they were contacted that a ship was going to arrive that afternoon. Ezra was torn between staying to make sure the two of them were safe until they were in Resistance hands and leaving to make sure no one might be able to recognize him or his ship in relation to the two of them. After discussing it with Luke, he ended up deciding to leave. It had been a short goodbye, but he’d winked at her and said he was sure they’d meet again.

After being picked up, they were taken to a base but not told where it was located. Judging by the short jump to get there, it was probably not too far from Lothal. The security here was higher than it had been on D’Qar. Communications were on lockdown unless you had authority from command. Access to the base was limited heavily based on security clearance. 

Both she and Luke were heavily restricted and isolated from most on the base. The commanding officer insisted this was for their own protection. He avoided answering their questions, promising them that when General Organa arrived she would update them.

She was finding the whole situation very irritating.

Unable to sleep, she paced the small quarters they had given her. Luke would probably tell her to meditate, but she couldn’t envision trying to empty her mind right now.

It had been three days now with no information. Three days and no one would even tell them when Leia was going to arr-- 

She froze mid-step, placing a hand against her forehead, an overwhelming sensation filling her head. It wasn’t exactly pain, but an echo of pain, rattling off the sides of her mind in a disorienting way. Stumbling over to the bunk she sat down hard.

_ Ren _ , she thought. This wasn’t her pain. It was his, filtered through layers of both their shields. She shivered with the realization of how intense the pain must be for it to overwhelm her like this. Something horrible was happening to him.

It lasted for hours. She fought her urge to go to the bond and just listen to see if she could find out what was happening. That would be foolish. She knew better, instead she curled on her side and waited, hoping it would stop.

A few hours from dawn it finally quieted to something that she thought might have been more of an aching throb, the after effects of whatever torture he’d been put through. Was this done? Or was it just an interlude before it started again? She wasn’t sure if she could take it if it went on like this for days.

How the hell could he survive it if she was only feeling a ghost of what he felt?

She needed to tell Luke about this. 

She would tell Luke about it, in the morning. Going and waking him up was entirely unnecessary.

Curling up and hugging her pillow, she closed her eyes.

 

\----

 

She found herself in a small, dark room.

It was half the size of the tiny quarters she had on the Resistance base. A bunk built into the wall and a large cluttered desk and chair took most of the space in the room. The form on the bunk moved, sitting up, opening his eyes to see her.

Ren.

She felt the rage hit her and then she was against the wall, his hand was around her throat, choking her. Those dark eyes pools of fury and insanity. She tried to gasp out his name.

Then the rage began to pull back, his eyes focusing on hers and softening, his hand dropped from her throat. She gasped desperately at the air and he pushed his forehead against hers, hands caressing her arms. “Rey,” he breathed softly.

This was a dream, she thought. The bond hummed, faintly, behind her shields. 

“You seemed angry to see me,” she said, quietly.

Pulling his head back to look into her eyes, his hands slipped under the edge of her shirt. She tensed slightly at the touch. Her hair was down and she was wearing the loose shirt and pants she’d taken to sleeping in since she’d arrived at the base. Both too big but comfortable. It didn’t seem like much to have as a barrier between him and her body.

He rested his thumbs near each side of her navel, brushing them lightly in a circle. She shivered, flushing, and to her irritation she saw the faintest trace of a smile cross his face. Then he sighed, “I’ve been using it to hide you.”

“What does that mean?” She felt more blood rush to her face. He was shirtless, just wearing loose pants. Probably like her, what he went to sleep in. She should probably be thankful he didn’t sleep in the nude.

His amused snort broke her from this chain of thought and she bit her lip, he’d heard her thinking that. “I’m a little disappointed you don’t,” he smirked.

She looked away, “You didn’t answer me.”

“You felt it, the rage towards you after what happened? I’ve been using it to hide… well, everything else about you. What I feel, what I want,” at the word want he squeezed his hands slightly around her, “about the bond. I fed it, set it free, it’s a storm that makes my mind harder for him to navigate. And it’s an emotion he expects, that he wants.”

“You were being hurt, though,” he was still hurting now, a throbbing ache through his body and head.

“You felt that?” he frowned, concerned.

“I felt something, it was disorienting,” she looked back at him, “an echo of whatever you were actually feeling.”

His hands traced upward against her sides and her breath caught in her throat. “It’s probably going to happen again. I didn’t get the impression he was satisfied yet.”

“Why is he doing this to you?”

“I’m being punished for failures,” he sounded strangely indifferent. “I’ll survive it, if he doesn’t find my little pockets of secrets anyway.” He gave a pained laugh, “If he finds those it he probably won’t have the patience to kill me slowly, so there’s that.”

He took one of the hands off her side cupped the side of her face, “You really shouldn’t be here.”

“It’s a dream. I didn’t decide to be here.”

“I know, it’s still dangerous for both of us.”  His eyes met hers, despite what he was saying, he was glad she was here. She could feel that.

She was drowning in those eyes. Without even registering the insanity of what she was doing, she leaned quickly forward and kissed him, softly. He was surprised by it, taking a moment to register what was happening before he responded back, his fingers raking through her hair. When she broke away he stood, staring with his mouth slightly open, breath raspy.

If her face got any hotter she was going to combust. She opened her mouth to say something, trying to find some kind of explanation for what she had just done, but before she could his mouth covered hers again.

Her kiss had been soft, maybe a little tentative. This was not. It was hungry, as if he was trying to devour her mouth. His hand gripped her hair, holding her against him as he pushed his tongue past her lips and into her mouth, raking it against her tongue and cheeks. She tried to respond, feeling awkward in her inexperience in this. His free hand slipped upward, cupping her breast, thumb raking across her nipple. She gasped into his mouth.

This was too much. She couldn’t take more of this. Pulling back away from. He let her break the kiss, breathing hard, but the hand tangled in her hair stayed, keeping her from moving too far from him. His other hand traced it’s way downward, tickling her side. He took a step closer to her again as the hand slipped under the waistband of her pants.

Her eyes widened and she tried to pull back, but he kept his grip on her hair and pulled her closer, “Relax.”

His hand was between her legs, brushing here… there...  She was horrified at how wet she was. 

He brushed his lips against her neck, but she shook her head and tried to pull back again, “Stop… no… can’t--” her breath was coming in short gasps but her words were cut off as his thumb pressed down and it felt like the nerves down there short circuited, shooting warmth through her whole body. Gasping, she bucked her hips, pushing herself against his hand.

“Shush, see?” there was a smugness to his tone that would have annoyed her if she had time to process it. “You’ve never even touched yourself, have you, little one?”

She gritted her teeth a moment at the cocky arrogance in the last sentence and at her own embarrassment at her lack of knowledge of-- well this. But that emotion was washed by the waves of sensation sent by whatever the hell he was doing to her with his thumb. 

A sharp pain distracted her as one of his fingers pushed inside her. She whined, and she thought she might have heard him whisper into her ear to relax again. The pain slowly faded as he started to move the finger slowly in and out. She pressed her face into his shoulder, moving her hips in rhythm with his strokes.

His mouth nipped against her throat, then pushed against her ear, she could feel his lips smiling, “Still want me to stop?” A ripple of shame and hate passed through her when the only response to the taunt she was capable of was to mewl into his shoulder.

He laughed and teased her ear with his teeth. A second finger joined the first, this time just a moment of discomfort as she stretched around the added digit. He was moving faster now, driving her higher, until she hurled over the edge of some precipice, body tightening, pleasure coursing through her body as she screamed out.

She collapsed against him, her muscles couldn’t seem to remember how to work. His lips brushed against her ear again, voice amused, “I told you there were things I could teach you.”    


Weakly she lifted her arm and with a balled fist lightly punched the shoulder her head wasn’t currently resting on. “Just shut up,” she said in a quiet murmur. 

He released his grip on her hair, gently combing his fingers through it. “Come to me, Rey,” his voice was neither pleading or demanding, if anything it was resigned, already knowing her answer.

Pulling back from his shoulder she met his eyes and shook her head. 

His mouth came down against hers again, only breaking the kiss to speak again, “I need you.” 

“If you can capture me, you’re going to take me even if I don’t want to come?” It wasn’t really a question. He broke eye contact with her, not answering, knowing she’d know if he was lying. She nodded at him, “That’s why I can’t.” 

For a brief moment she saw his eyes flicker with rage and she pulled back. Then it was gone and she took a deep, relieved breath, “And that is also why.”

“I control that.”

She resisted the urge to laugh bitterly, instead keeping her voice flat, “Do you?”

A sigh and a small smile, “Most of the time.” He walked closer to her, crowding her, then wrapping his hands around her waist. Something hard and hot pressed against her, she glanced down at the bulge and felt the heat fill her face again. Slowly, she reached down and brushed against it. His breath hitched a moment and then he snatched her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, kissing her wrist gently.

“That’s a lesson for a different day,” his eyes were gentle, amused. “It’s time for you to wake up, little one,” he said, and she felt a pressure in her head, as if she was being pushed. She felt the room around her flicker as he pressed his lips to her wrist one last time. 

 

\-----

 

She awoke with a gasp, soaked in sweat, the room slowly coming into focus. Squinting at the time, she saw it had been a few hours since she fell asleep. Footsteps were in the hallway as the morning shifts were getting up.  Squirming, she could feel the wetness in her underwear and flushed, feeling more filthy than she ever had in her life.

Getting out of bed, she peeled off her clothes and stumbled to the ‘fresher.  Turning on the sonic and stepping in. She wished it was a water shower, somehow a sonic seemed less effective of the layer of shame she felt was coating her. It seemed like she could still taste him and feel his mouth on hers.

The faint pain from him seemed to be gone. Getting dressed, she pondered if that meant he was feeling better or if he’d managed to strengthen his shields to block it from her better. Her stomach churned remembering his warning that it was probably going to happen again. 

Hell, she had wanted to talk to Luke about it, hadn’t she? That’s what she’d been thinking about when she fell asleep. It was probably still something she needed to do, given that she hadn’t been feeling particularly functional when it was going on. She flushed at the thought of it right now, given the dream.

Taking a deep breath she resolved she would talk to him about feeling the echoes of Ren’s pain.

The dream, well, that could remain between her and Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things-
> 
> I feel kinda awkward when writing more graphic sex scenes and I hope that doesn't make through into the writing.
> 
> I'm starting to get a clear endgame of where this story is going to go and how it's going to end. I'm also pretty sure this is going to be a series of three fics.
> 
> Oh, and happy day, I've finally titled this bitch! This is called "Chained," and the next one in the series is going to be called "Bonded." Oddly, this came to me as I was sitting in traffic swearing at the cars in front of me because I was going to be late for work and late for a meeting and my manager was going to fucking kill me (thankfully I'm not dead and she just spent 20 minutes chewing me out). Why that moment ended up being a eureka one for this fic, I have no idea.
> 
> Finally, thank you to everyone leaving comments! I've had a few chapters where I really was wondering if this was where I should be letting the story go and the positive comments made me feel a lot better about the decisions I was making.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But it would have been a terrible idea. He was going to have a hard time as it was to get angry at her again. And in seven hours he didn't just need to be angry, he needed to be enraged. He was better off feeling frustrated than sated. As it was, he couldn’t get her kiss, her tentative and soft kiss, out of his mind. Or how shy she had been afterwards, blushing and flustered and adorable.
> 
> He really needed to stop thinking about how adorable she was. Or about how she had kissed him.
> 
> Getting out of bed with another groan, he stumbled into the refresher and turned the shower on it’s coldest setting, peeled his pants off and scrambled under the freezing spray of water. He stayed under longer than he needed, until his whole body shivered violently, then finally turned off the spray. He stood dripping in the shower for another five minute, leaning his head against the wall, before finally climbing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My editing on this is probably even below my normal low standards since it was 12:45am and I was kinda starting to crash at my computer. So please forgive any typos, grammatical errors, run on sentences, or garbled poor writing.
> 
> Think I avoided the last one, mostly ;)

He groaned as he awoke. His head was throbbing, every muscle in his body seemed to twinge with pain and make him flinch as he moved.

And then there was a whole different kind of throbbing and constriction going on in his pants. He resisted the urge free himself and take care of the matter, remembering how the sound of her release had echoed in his ears. That would probably be as bad of an idea as showing her how she could have used those pretty little hands of hers to reciprocate his act on her would have been.

Kriff, she would have too. She would have been flustered and embarrassed but all he would have needed to do was show her what to do. Her curiosity alone would have compelled her, it had already been compelling her when she brushed her hand against his pants, getting the first inkling of the power she had over him.

But it would have been a terrible idea. He was going to have a hard time as it was to get angry at her again. And in seven hours he didn't just need to be angry, he needed to be enraged. He was better off feeling frustrated than sated.  As it was, he couldn’t get her kiss, her tentative and soft kiss, out of his mind. Or how shy she had been afterwards, blushing and flustered and adorable. 

He really needed to stop thinking about how adorable she was. Or about how  _ she _ had kissed  _ him _ .

Getting out of bed with another groan, he stumbled into the refresher and turned the shower on it’s coldest setting, peeled his pants off and scrambled under the freezing spray of water. He stayed under longer than he needed, until his whole body shivered violently, then finally turned off the spray. He stood dripping in the shower for another five minute, leaning his head against the wall, before finally climbing out. 

That was taken care of, he gave kriffing thanks to the universe that he had a water shower and not a sonic. He toweled himself off and pulled his pants back on, before heading back into the room and sitting down on the floor, clearing his mind, forcing away all the good things in their dream meeting and instead thinking about her rejection, again, her refusal to come to him.

Fires in his gut were being fed. Not only had she refused him, again, but then she went on to be a judgemental little bitch about it. About the fact that he would take her if he had the chance. Kriff, yes, he would take her. She was his. And then, because he had a brief moment where his anger at her bubbled to the surface, again she had judged. Questioning him about his ability to control himself. She had no idea how hard he worked to control himself around her.

This was helping, he gritted his teeth. Time to start thinking back, every time she denied him, judged him, ran away from him. 

He replayed it on a loop, until the world seemed to fade away into shades of red.

Behind the storm, in small corners of his mind, he started to pack away his secrets. Securing them behind the storm of emotion and rage before going back to focus on his anger. Feeding it, setting it free to tear through his entire conscious, until his mind was clouded in a storm of black and red emotion that would nearly be impossible to navigate.

Okay, this was better. If she was in front of him now he might just kill her.

Perfect.

He glanced at his desk clock. Still a couple hours till morning.

More time to feed the monster, increase the intensity of the storm. Which was exactly what he intended to do.

 

\----------

 

The footsteps circling him echoed against the chamber.

“I must reiterate, once again, how much you have disappointed me.”

On his knees, he kept his eyes on the ground in front of him. His hands rested behind his back, left hand gripping around his right wrist.

“This girl, I think, was the cause of much of your failures,” the feet stopped in front of him. “I did warn you, that those emotions, dark as they were, could also easily lead you into feelings that would weaken you.” 

Until he was asked a question, he wouldn’t speak. He was fully subservient to his master.

“Sentiment,” Snoke’s voice sounded disgusted. “Sentiment and compassion. As she pulled you astray, this is what you were opened to.”

He kept his eyes locked on the floor, already expecting what was next. It was that memory that had set him off yesterday into the hours long punishment session.

“And that, of course, is what led you to spare the wookie. And the pilot in order to facilitate sparing the wookie.”

He doubled over as the pain grappled through his entire body. It overloaded every sense until existence was just the never ending sea of pain. He had no idea how short or long it lasted. When it finally faded the cold voice came again from above him, “You do see the error of your actions now, don’t you boy?”

Pulling himself back upright and returning his hands back behind his back, he looked up to Snoke, breathing hard, “Yes. I see now, Master. How I let my sentiment lead me astray. I have been weak.” Having addressed him he immediately averted his eyes back to the ground.

The footsteps began to circle him again.

“Your choice to face Skywalker and the girl alone, that one was one born from your arrogance,” the feet paused at his side. A hand reached down and grasped his shoulder, “And we have had discussions in the past about that. Haven’t we?”

Eyes looking up to Snoke’s face, “Yes, my master, we have.” Eyes back down to the floor.

The footsteps, circling again, “At least it’s a more forgivable failing.” Once again, he stopped in front of him. This time he felt a long finger reach down and touch his forehead. 

Pain shot through his head along with the sensation of some tendril squirming its way through his brain, digging at it with sharp teeth and claws as it tried to navigate through the storm of anger. He took gasping breaths, fighting the urge to push at the intrusion.  Having the insolence to try to force Snoke from his mind would both lead to failure and would mean death.

The squirming tendril dug deeper, far deeper than it had yesterday. He could feel Snoke’s frustration at his inability to navigate and easily find what he wanted. Blindy, he pushed his way further and further.

He was unsure how he managed the control needed to keep the feelings of terror from rising to the surface as he felt Snoke brush up against the shields in place around the bond. He felt the squirming tendril turn, trying to find what it thought it had felt, but it was already lost again in the churning sea. 

Anger seethed from Snoke’s presence and suddenly it ripped itself out of his mind painfully. “Stand, boy.”

He stood, his hands still at his back, eyes still averted. The perfect picture of obedience.

“You’re anger at the girl is… overwhelming,” Snoke’s voice was dry. “Let me ask a question, one that I asked you before, what would you do with our little scavenger?”

Looking up at Snoke, “If it’s your will, I will kill her, preferably with my own hands as I watch her life fade away,” his voice was cold

“What if was your will and your choice?”

He took a deep breath, lying would be a poor option here, “I would still chose to keep her. Shatter her and rebuild her in the image I want her to be.”

As he looked back down to the floor he caught a glimpse of the deepening frown on Snoke’s face. There was a long, drawn out period of silence before Snoke’s hands came to rest on his shoulders.

“I do appreciate your honesty, even if I worry that your choice may be flawed.” The footsteps turned away, climbing the steps of his dais. “You have permission to be at ease.”

He turned his eyes upward to look at Snoke sitting in his throne.

“You may get another chance to prove yourself, boy,” the voice was thoughtful. “My spies have indicated the Resistance has appeared to be shifting resources to a new base of operations.”

He frowned and nodded.

“The location has been a well kept secret. It’s been months now and still none of our people have been able to extract where. Organa travelled there yesterday and finally one of them was able to determine the location.”

His face was flat, internally he winced. 

Snoke frowned thoughtfully, “I suspect Skywalker and the girl are there as well.”

A nod.

“We know very little, without more information I am… weary… to risk a direct assault.” He leaned down, “So, I would like you to go, in stealth, access and report the status of the base and the firepower.” A small twisted smile crossed his face, “You are not to purposefully engage either Skywalker or the girl. If they are there, I am willing to try to capture the girl during our assault, however you WILL bring her to me.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Outwardly his emotions were flat. Inward he felt part of his soul bare it’s teeth in a growl.

“And Organa. If the opportunity arises. You will kill her.”

“Of course,” his voice still calm. It was pretty clear that this entire mission was being presented as a test. He would be required to deny sentiment in order to kill his mother, and to not give into his own wishes to attack Skywalker himself instead of allowing the First Order to guarantee his uncle’s death. And even the girl, if they did take her alive, he’d be required to give his girl to Snoke.

“Go. Rest. I will tell you when to leave.”

He bowed his head before turning and leaving the chamber, not stopping until he shut the door of his quarters behind him. The opportunity this was presenting him with was so overwhelming that he was skittish that it might somehow be a trap.

Logically though, it seemed unlikely. It was the perfect mission to send him on to make sure he could follow orders under temptation. If failed, they would attack with as little information as they had now. If he succeeded, they would have the benefit to know what they were facing and possibly even have the Resistance reeling with the death of their general. Snoke saw little risk and much reward, and the proving of loyalty by his student. 

He smiled, he still needed to be careful, at least until he left, but while Snoke might fear him failing, giving in to sentiment or compassion or his own arrogance and failing to obey orders, he clearly did not expect the possibility of treachery out of his student. Or that he might break free to focus on a broader, longer endgame.

Of course, it would help if he really had a plan on how to get to that endgame. An endgame with he and Rey running off into the outer reaches of the galaxy so he could teach her and they could learn use the bond to their full advantage, before making their return and takeover the First Order. Given that this was his endgame and not hers was going to make it more difficult.

She’d been willing to surrender to him in order to save Luke. Perhaps for the right sort of trade she might be willing to do it again. Information that could help her friends, keep them in the fight against the First Order. A prolonged, expanded war between Resistance and First Order would be a benefit to his plans. Prolonged war would strain resources on both sides. Leaving them both vulnerable in the end.

He closed his eyes, thoughts like this were why she would never join him willingly. Sighing, he shrugged his shoulders,  _ if this is how it has to be, so be it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that I feel this might be slightly deux de machina to push Kylo and Rey's paths back together. But I did my best to keep it plausible. Snoke is, in my mind, someone who would like to hand Kylo the rope and see if he hangs himself or climbs back out of the hole he dug for himself.
> 
> Kylo and Rey are back on a collision course, as are the First Order and the Resistance. So there's conflict in our future. And probably a little more smut too ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loosened his grip on her and closed his eyes, “I don’t know if he’s said anything directly to you about me? Or if you just know his feelings?”
> 
> “Both, but mostly from his feelings.” She looked down, “I don’t even think I can understand how much he hates you. On Ahch-To I offered to go with him, willingly, if he’d spare you. And he wanted that so strongly I can’t even put it into words. But he refused, because he wanted you dead more.”
> 
> Luke’s mouth dropped open, “You did what?”
> 
> As intense as he’d seemed just a moment before, now it seemed to increase tenfold. He grabbed her by both shoulders and pulling her forward as he leaned down to look into her eyes. There was a storm of emotion in them and a sharp intensity that nearly seemed to cut through her.
> 
> If his eyes had been brown instead of blue, she could have mistaken them for Ren’s.
> 
> “Don’t you ever… ever! do something like that again, Rey. Don’t you ever offer yourself as sacrifice for me.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pulling her against him in an embrace as he dropped down to his knees.

“Come in.”

She pushed the metal door open, the hinges creaking slightly. Luke sat cross legged on the floor, eyes closed, meditating. It was a relief to see he had the range of motion in his leg to cross them again. A small smile flicked across her face when she saw there were two plates with breakfast on the small metal table. His had been lightly picked at, the other one was clearly for her.

“You knew you'd be having company?”

He broke his expressionless, meditative face with a small smile, “I could hear you pacing a three in the morning. Thought you might want to talk.”

She sank into one of the metal chairs, suddenly hoping she hasn't made any noise during the… dream… last night. Sound travelled easily through the thin metal walls dividing the quarters and Luke was right next to her. Her cheeks flushed slightly at the thought.

The food here was mostly preserved field rations, though there was a little bit of fresh food usually included in meals. Today next to the grey chunks of something that managed to make her miss portions was slices of some sort of white fleshed fruit with a reddish skin. She took a nibble to find it amazingly sweet and crunchy and juicy. Without swallowing the first small bite she shoved the entire piece in her mouth.

Glancing at Luke’s plate she saw he hadn't even eaten all the fruit. 

“Take it,” he opened his eyes, “I don't have much of an appetite today. You can have the…” pausing to shake his head, “whatever the rest is too, if you want it.”

She looked at the grey chunks and wrinkled her nose, reaching over to grab the leftover fruit, “I'll pass.”

“Good, I don't feel bad for not being able to eat it if even you can't stand it,” he chuckled as he stood and stretched.

“Why aren't you hungry?” She asked as she shoved another slice of fruit into her mouth.

He walked over and collapsed into the other metal chair, “I'm frustrated. I was hoping meditation would help me release some of those emotions.”

“Did it?”

“Not in the slightest,” he sighed. “Did pacing like a caged animal help you? If so I'll try that next.”

She laughed, “No.” Shaking her head, “I do feel caged though. If I don't get outside soon I'm going to lose my mind.”

“I don't think it'll be too much longer. If it is I'll lose my mind and  _ someone _ is going to tell us  _ something _ at that point.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, “That doesn't sound particularly Jedi-like.”

“Momentarily, it won’t be.” He shrugged, looking at her thoughtfully.

She bit her lower lip for a second, “I felt Ren last night. He was in pain.”

He blinked in surprise, frowning, “Your shields?”

“They were up. It was muted, like an echo, but intense enough to be disorienting. And disturbing.”

“Don't feel sorry for him. He chose this path,” there was an unfamiliar edge of coldness to Luke’s voice. “I can try to help you strengthen your shields again,” he shook his head. “I’m not sure what else we can do, to be honest. I wish I had something better to tell you.”

A knock on the door made them both jump.

Luke stood and turned from the table to the door. He opened it slightly and to Rey’s surprised tensed slightly as he saw who was there.

“Leia,” he let the door fall open as a hand reached and shoved his chest.

“Damn you,” the general’s voice was shaky as she stepped into the room. “I mean…” she gritted her teeth, “damn you!”

“It’s good to see you too?” he paused. “Were you masking yourself from me? I had no idea you were here. That was impressive.”

She folded her arms, “Six years?” It was more accusation than question.

Luke said nothing. 

“Six YEARS!?”

He stayed quiet, calm, she pointed a finger at his chest, “Don’t pull this stoic Jedi druk with me, Luke. SIX GODS DAMNED YEARS.”

“I had to work through some things.”

She spread her hands, exasperated, “Didn’t we all?”

They fell silent for a moment staring each other, before Leia fell forward and embraced him, he hugged her back, pushing his chin against her shoulder while she buried her face into his. Leia turned her head as they broke apart, looking at Rey with a weak smile, “Hello, Rey.”

“General,” she said with a smile.

“Leia. Call me Leia, please.”

She nodded, “Okay, Leia.”

A quiet fell over the room again before Leia spoke, “When we found out that they got your location, we sent ships but it was already too late and you were gone. I was never so relieved as when Bridger contacted us, I honestly was afraid I may had lost you again before I ever really found you.”

“Bridger?” Rey asked, confused a moment.

“Ezra,” Luke answered. She blinked and then felt stupid for not thinking he could have a last name.

Leia nodded, “Ezra Bridger. The Resistance has an… interesting... relationship with him. I didn't know you knew him?” 

“We'd met, helped each other on a few occasions. Argued bitterly and stormed away from each other on a few more.”

“Please tell me he didn't know where you were this entire time?”

Luke’s lips twitched, trying not to smile.

Leia stared at him, “I’m going to kill him if I ever see him in person again.”

“I asked him not to tell anyone. Ezra is really good at keeping secrets,” Luke said. 

Leia rolled her eyes, “Yes, I'm aware. That's why getting a straight answer out of him is nearly impossible.”

It felt awkward to interrupt, but she felt like she needed to go back to a previous point. “How did you know they'd found our location?”

Leia looked down, “Ben… he… well, we think he was tracking the Falcon.”

Her chest tightened, “Chewie?”

“He’s alive and recovering. Two of my pilots were meeting with him to get updates on you two,” shaking her head, Leia looked slightly haunted. “Ben caught them by surprise, one pilot was killed, Chewie got a bad lightsaber wound. Poe, my other pilot, was battered but is okay.”

Luke was looking down, when he looked up she caught sight of a flash of pure rage that he was battling to get back under control. 

“Poe had seen the map, Ben ripped it out of his head.” Leia stared into Luke’s eyes, “Luke, there  _ is _ still good in him. He left Poe alive to make sure Chewie would be okay. Shoved a medkit into his hands and told him take care of his uncle Chewie.”

“Leia,” Luke shook his head, “all I can say is the man I met on Ahch-To was not exactly wanting to be redeemed. And I did try to reason with him.”

“He thinks your words are poison,” she said without any thought, instantly regretting speaking when Luke’s sharp eyes turned to her. Shifting uncomfortably, “I mean, that’s not even quite right. He thinks  _ you _ are poison. Nothing you could ever do or say would sway him, he just sees it as some kind of deceit.”

Luke’s eyes flickered with an emotion she couldn’t quite read, “Rey, please tell me  _ you _ don’t think he can be redeemed after all this?”

She really wished she hadn’t spoke, but she shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know if he could be or not. What I do know is you’re not the one who could redeem him, and that he doesn’t  _ want  _ to be redeemed.”

“We don’t know what he wants or what he thinks,” Leia said, voice weak. 

_ Oh, I have a pretty good idea sometimes,  _ she thought to herself.

“I need to get up to command for a briefing,” looking defeated, Leia dropped her hands to her side, “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to have you meet up there in a few hours, Luke, so I can go over what we know we know and what we think we know about the First Order’s plans, as well as our own current status and plans?”

He nodded.

“I also made sure they’ve removed your security restrictions. I’m sorry about that, they were insistent on that till I get here.”

She looked up suddenly, “Can we go outside of the base?”

Leia glanced her direction, “Short excursions are permitted as long as the base isn’t on alert, but you’re required to sign in and out and pass through security inspection.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, being trapped inside was driving her insane. She watched Leia leave. Luke closed the door and stood, hand still on the door, frozen for a moment, eyes looking down, before turning towards her. She shrank back from the intensity in his eyes.

“Rey,” he walked towards her, “I need you to promise me, no matter what happens, you’re not going to try to save him.”

“Ren?” she shook her head. “Why would I ever do that?”

“Because it’s in your nature to be truly and completely compassionate to others. And this bond… it leaves you very open to manipulation and influence from him,” he leaned over her, gripping her shoulder a little too tightly, blue eyes boring into her. “And trust me, if he’s not using it for that purpose already, he will.  That’s why I told you that you  _ must not _ drop your shields for him.”

She nodded, her voice raspy, barely above a whisper, “I won’t.”

He loosened his grip on her and closed his eyes, “I don’t know if he’s said anything directly to you about me? Or if you just know his feelings?”

“Both, but mostly from his feelings.” She looked down, “I don’t even think I can understand how much he hates you. On Ahch-To I offered to go with him, willingly, if he’d spare you. And he wanted that so strongly I can’t even put it into words. But he refused, because he wanted you dead more.”

Luke’s mouth dropped open, “ _ You did what _ ?”

As intense as he’d seemed just a moment before, now it seemed to increase tenfold. He grabbed her by both shoulders and pulling her forward as he leaned down to look into her eyes. There was a storm of emotion in them and a sharp intensity that nearly seemed to cut through her.

If his eyes had been brown instead of blue, she could have mistaken them for Ren’s.

“Don’t you ever…  **_ever_ ** ! do something like that again, Rey. Don’t you ever offer yourself as sacrifice for me.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pulling her against him in an embrace as he dropped down to his knees.

He released her, but didn’t open his eyes or move off his knees. Instead he stayed where he was, eyes closed, taking deep breaths. When his eyes opened the emotional storm had calmed, but the intensity was still there. 

Looking up at her face, voice haggard, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I lost everything I had worked to create because of them. I refuse to lose you too. Not to  _ him _ .” He reached up and placed a hand on each cheek, “Promise me you will never try to sacrifice yourself for me again.”

“I promise,” she whispered, putting a hand over each of his,. He closed his eyes and nodded, sliding his hands off her face. Her own wrapped around his and she squeezed them gently, closing her eyes. 

Neither one of them moved for a long time.

 

\---

 

She sat on a flat stone, looking down the hillside.

It was a far less beautiful planet than some of the others she’d been on. Craggy, rocky hills, with dry wispy grasses, broken by scraggy strands of pines. The air seemed dry, like it wanted to suck the moisture out of her. Nothing as bad as the desert winds on Jakku, but far from the lushness of Takadona or the salty damp air of Ahch-To. Lothal had been dryer, but life there was dense and full. Life here seemed to struggle, making it rough and twisted and hardened.

But the sun was warm, and the breeze rattled the pine branches and the short, coarse grasses. She took a deep breath, looking up at the broad open sky above her. 

Suddenly the echoes of his pain filled her head. She clutched it, closing her eyes tight.  It dragged on, but thankfully not as long as it did the night before. When it stopped, and the pain radiating across the bond was only a dull ache, she stumbled to her feet and began to hurry back, not wanting to be off base if she had to endure another round. 

As she was walking, she felt… something. A shadow of something cold and sinister brush past her mind. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt it sensed her in some way, twisting and turning like some kind of worm to try to find what it had just sensed. 

Then it was gone. She started to breath again. _ What the kriff was that? _ She thought to herself before shaking her head. No, she knew what-- who-- that had been. And he’d come very close to finding her.

Snoke. That thing had been Snoke, worming his way through Ren’s mind. He hadn’t found her, she was fairly sure if he’d really found the bond she would have known it. A shiver took her whole body at the thought.

Ren was trying to protect her from that. He  _ had _ protected her from that. If he hadn’t managed to obscure her, the bond would have been easily found.

Stopping, she leaned against a small pine tree, ignoring the sticky sap that rubbed onto her arms. Her emotions conflicting as she thought about her enemy. He confused her. Everything about him confused her. Ren was a monster, a murderer. He wanted to control her, subjugate her, take away any free will to do anything other that what he wanted of her.

But he also wanted to protect her, guard her, and even if she didn’t want it, he genuinely wanted to teach her.  There was something in his feelings for her that was akin to worship, and she didn’t even know what to feel about that.

Maybe Luke had been right to worry about his influence over her. She wasn’t sure she understood what she felt about him, and it just seemed to get more confusing as time passed.

Shaking these thoughts from her head, she resolved she would not let the parts of him that she was drawn to distract her from the fact of what he was. He was more a monster than a man, a creature in a mask that happened to look human underneath.

She would not be swayed away from the path she was choosing to walk, she resolved. Her path was in the light, she would not be drawn off it to the dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few scattered thoughts-
> 
> \--If anyone was worried my Luke was getting a little flat or one dimensional, I hope this chapter helped put him squarely back into the "there's a lot to this guy" category. 
> 
> \--I'm also an asshole to my characters. Rey's finding herself caught between her loyalty to Luke and the confusing draw she has to her bondmate and I don't think time is going to make this easier. My Kylo in this story is a damaged but also somewhat terrible human being and I don't think he's going to change that drastically by the end of *this* installment of the series. His main redeeming quality is his protectiveness towards Rey and his devotion towards her, but in the end he's working towards his own end goals and needs.
> 
> \--So, I'm not the only one that thinks Leia's going to at least be a little bit pissed when she finally sees Luke, right? 
> 
> \--Oh, and while this was a rated G chapter, I assure you there is some smut coming in the next chapter, which hopefully will be up tonight or tomorrow.
> 
> \--Finally XOXO to everyone who comments and lets me know I'm on a good path with this story.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching him approach with apprehension, her eyes not leaving his, “What do you want?”
> 
> Oh, he liked that question. Why are you here would have been harder to answer honestly, but he what he wanted... “You.”
> 
> She flinched, glancing down at her weapon, as if debating whether to put it away, before looking up once again with resolve, “No.”
> 
> He felt the smallest of smiles twist across his lips as he stopped, feeling a tightness in his chest from being this close to her. There was a growing fire in his middle, but not the familiar one of fury. This was desire, a growing, burning that was going to consume him soon, “No, what?”
> 
> “I’m not yours. I will never be yours.”
> 
> “You're not? You won’t be?” She scowled at the the touch of amusement in his voice.
> 
> “No, I’m not, and won’t.”
> 
> “We’ll see,” he flicked his eyes down her body a moment and then dropped the shields around his end of the bond, allowing the deep, burning want to pass across it. Her shields were still in place but he knew that she felt it. She flushed and swallowed, biting her lower lip, breaking eye contact with him.
> 
> “Put your weapon away,” he took a step closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning. There is smut ahead. Be prepared for smut.

It’d been over a week that she’d been ignoring him. He’d tried to reach her nine days ago, once he left Snoke’s palace and was in open space away from his master’s influence. Her walls were solid, and while he was sure she felt him, possibly even hear him faintly, she refused to respond or drop her defenses.

He’d been irritated, frustrated, and finally angry. Trying to be patient he’d finally lost it and pushed against her walls hard, but found them more solid than anything she’d ever been able to put up before. Anger bled into fury when he realized she couldn’t have built them alone. She’d told  _ him _ . She had to have. And she’d let him into her mind and he’d helped erect these barriers.

His temper had reached critical mass, but he managed to limit his destruction to one of the benches in the shuttle, which he left in smoldering pieces scattered about the floor. His uncle was a toxin working to confuse her mind and blind her, and she was letting him. She was not going to be another thing his uncle takes from him.

By the time he he reached the planet, entering the atmosphere on stealth and landing hidden, he was in a better place. And the first time he caught sight of her leaving the base he found himself sinking into a strange calm. Everything was being set in motion now for him. He would never go back to Snoke. Going back would be a death sentence. Eventually his master would find his secrets, find the bond, find his girl. None of that was acceptable. Either he was going to leave this place with her or he was going to be on his own chasing her until she relented and came with him. There were no other options left. 

He was prepared, he’d left knowing what his end goal would be and had stocked and outfitted shuttle accordingly, along with a case of unmarked cred chips to use as currency in the outer rim. He’d even raided Snoke’s library one last time, taking a load of material on subjects he was interested in researching. Finally, he had a data stick, encrypted so the information on it was only available with his key, full of lots of information. Information that would be a different kind of currency for him.

What he needed now was his girl. His girl who continued to ignore his pleas into her mind to just talk to him. If he could convince her to come with him, it would be ideal. If she did he’d give her the data stick to give her friends, as a gift between them. If not, and she wouldn’t listen, he’d offer that data in trade for her. He thought that this was very possibly something that would work, she would want to help her pathetic friends and would likely acquiesce to him to achieve it, especially if they were in danger.

If that didn’t work he’d capture her, restrain her, and try once they were alone to get her to see reason.

Leaving without her was only going to happen if he failed. And if that happened he’d continue to chase her until he got what he needed and she as at his side, one way or another. 

He sighed to himself as he watched her. She had a set routine every morning, leaving the base and running the same route. Like when he saw her on Ahch-To, he saw she would push a hard pace and near the end, as she was reaching peak levels of exhaustion, she would force herself into a sprint for the last half mile or so before resting at her destination. Once she’d rested she would head back at a jog.

It was the only time she left the base, and with her refusal to answer him he was beginning to feel desperate. He was cautious, meeting her like this would surely bring back memories of their confrontation on Ahch-To, but he didn’t want to fight, he needed her to know he didn’t want to fight.

All he wanted from her was for her to talk to him.

Okay, that’s not quite right, he wanted quite a few things from her beyond talking, but would settle for talk if that was what he could get.

He slipped out the cover of the scraggy strand of evergreens as she was catching her breath. When she felt him, he felt it, along with the sense of deja vu that overwhelmed her. She spun, drawing the saberstaff and igniting it as she spun, holding it defensively in front of her.

There hadn’t been much time before to think about where her new weapon had come from after he took his grandfather’s saber from her. As he slowly approached her now, carefully watching the two yellow blades, he took enough time to wonder but not enough to ponder on it. Keeping his own weapon clipped to his belt, untouched, he held his gloved hands up, palms out.

“I’m not here to fight,” he said, calmly. He saw her eyes flicker to the saber on his belt and back to hands. While he was still a safe distance he brought his hands down a moment to tug his gloves off, sticking them into his belt. She’d tensed as his hands had gotten closer to his saber, so he held them up again, fingers spread, showing her he was still unarmed. “You’ve been rude and ignoring me.”

She frowned, “And you’ve been trying to push into my head. I could feel you banging into my walls.”

“Because you were ignoring me.” He continued forward slowly.

Watching him approach with apprehension, her eyes not leaving his, “What do you want?”

Oh, he liked that question. Why are you here would have been harder to answer honestly, but he what he wanted... “You.”

She flinched, glancing down at her weapon, as if debating whether to put it away, before looking up once again with resolve, “No.”

He felt the smallest of smiles twist across his lips as he stopped, feeling a tightness in his chest from being this close to her. There was a growing fire in his middle, but not the familiar one of fury. This was desire, a growing, burning that was going to consume him soon, “No, what?”

“I’m not yours. I will never be yours.”

“You're not? You won’t be?” She scowled at the the touch of amusement in his voice. 

“No, I’m not, and won’t.”

“We’ll see,” he flicked his eyes down her body a moment and then dropped the shields around his end of the bond, allowing the deep, burning want to pass across it. Her shields were still in place but he knew that she felt it. She flushed and swallowed, biting her lower lip, breaking eye contact with him.

“Put your weapon away,” he took a step closer.

She looked at him again, eyes wide. He could feel her emotions spilling through the bond now, slipping past her shields. Fear and uncertainty, but under that he could feel her own fire growing, being fed as the waves of his own lust that pulsed into her mind over the bond.

Fighting against her own growing desire, she shook her head and glared at him, “How did you find this base? Who are your spies?” 

“No idea,” he said, almost conversationally. “Put your weapon away.”

“But there are spies?”

“Of course. Don’t ask me how many, I don’t know that either. Oh, and put your weapon away.”

She didn’t, stubborn little thing. He took another step closer and her bottom lip trembled, “Are there others?”

“Not yet,” he said, “and to rush to your next question, I don’t know when they plan to attack. But yes, they will.” He leaned forward, voice still conversational, but his eyes hardening, “Put your weapon away, damn it.”

Her head shook. With two large steps he covered the remaining ground between them, close enough to feel the heat from her saber’s blades. His intensity changed to something far sharper, maybe even slightly sinister. He stared into her hazel eyes, she took a step away and he took a larger step to be even closer than before. “Either strike me down with it,” his voice grew lower, almost a growl, “or put. it. away.”

She stood, her mouth hung open, and he found himself staring at her mouth for a moment, causing the desire to shoot though his entire body. Her mouth snapped shut with a gasp as she felt it through the bond. A spike of her own slipped past her shields, she licked her lips, flushing until the edge of her ears were red. 

The yellow blades vanished and she fumbled to hook it back to her belt. Staring at him a moment before taking several steps back, “No. I can’t, I not doing this. You’re a monster!”

“I am” he agreed, his voice amused, as he quickly covered the space she made between them. “What is the this that you’re not going to do?”

She flustered to say something and then just glared at him. He grinned as her nose scrunched. He couldn’t resist, bringing his hand up and pressing his index finger on the small crinkles along the bridge of her nose. She slapped his hand away with an exasperated huff, and he burst out laughing. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed like this, with just joy and no bitterness.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he reached out and gently wrapped his hands around her waist as he stepped closer.

She tensed at his touch but didn’t pull back. Instead she looked away, biting her lip. The heat exchanging between them was working it’s way into an inferno. She shook, fighting the growing reaction she was having to him. Her breath caught for a second and then suddenly her lips were against his, one hand reaching behind his head and tangling through his hair. He kissed back aggressively, tasting her mouth and scraping his teeth against her lip. He slipped a hand down to cup her ass and her breath seemed to catch for a moment. His other hand worked her shirt up and he broke the kiss to pull it over her head before attacking her mouth again before kissing down her neck. 

He fumbled with the knot in her breast bands and then unraveled it to slowly expose her small breasts and firm pink nipples. A growl escaped him as he reached both hands around her ass and picked her up so her breasts were even with this face. After a startled moment she wrapped her legs around his torso. His mouth wrapped around one of her nipples and she mewled as he suckled one before letting go with a wet smack and turning his attention to the other. 

Her hand tugged at his robe, he let go of the breast with another wet pop and looked up at her. “Take it off,” she managed to turn redder as she said it, looking away. He laughed gently as he lowered her back to the ground before turning his attention to working his way out of the irritatingly high number of layers he was in. He peeled them away one by one till he was finally left in just his pants before turning his attention back to Rey again.

She approached him slowly, putting her hands on his chest and slowly tracing them down his torso. Her fingers began to trace scars and he shivered, she paused at the reaction looking at him before leaning in and placing her mouth over the puckered round scar on his shoulder, one of the ones she’d given him on Starkiller. She sucked against it for a moment and then traced over it with her tongue, causing him to draw a hissing breath. Kissing it finally before leaving a small trail of gentle kisses across his chest. He sighed, holding himself back, letting her explore at her own tentative and gentle pace.

Looking up, she put a hand on his cheek.  He smiled, turning his head to kiss the palm.

Big hazel eyes looked up at him, wet and shining, timid and shy and beautiful. She stared into his eyes before she spoke, softly, a small, embarrassed smile on her lips, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” He could feel she meant that in more ways than one.

He leaned down and kissed her gently before pushing her to the ground, “I’ll show you.” His fingers hooked on the waistband of her pants and drew them down, pulling off her boots with them in one motion. Pushing her legs apart, he pushed head down between them, pressing his tongue against her clit. Her hips bucked, he reached up with one hand to steady her as he worked his tongue, drawing out moans. He traced his other hand up her thigh and slipped a finger into her, working it in and out. The first finger was joined by a second once he’d opened her enough, then a third.  Her fingers tangled in his hair as she gasped and writhed, until her walls clamped down on him and she screamed out.

Climbing out from between her thighs he straddled her with his arms and kissed her flushed and gasping face before pulling back to look down at her. The bond seemed to be singing in apparent approval of their closeness, but she still had her shields up.

_ Take down your shields. _

She blinked in surprise, still catching her breath, she shook her head, “Why?”

“So I can feel you,” he murmured. He wanted her to be able to fully feel him too, but feeling her was the most important. 

There was a flicker of fear and suspicion in her eyes. He shook his head, a little exasperated, “I’m not after anything, silly.” He leaned down and kissed her before pulling off his pants, “Other than you, that is. I want to know if I’m hurting you so I can slow down.”

Her eyes glanced down at his erect cock before flicking back up to meet his eyes, her lips trembling.

_ Rey. Please. _

There was a sudden flood of confused emotions from her as she opened herself up. Their emotions seemed to mingle together making it hard to tell where his ended and hers began. There was desire, hers and his fusing together into an inferno. Fear, hers, fluttering through her. Passion, mostly his. Nervousness, both of them, he was a little surprised at that. He hadn’t realized how his nerves were strumming till now. Frustration-- his as he kept himself in control.

Faintly, he felt a self-loathing and shame, hers. It was buried below all the surface emotions of the moment. He wished he could do something to erase those feelings. When this was over that undercurrent would make it’s way to the surface and she would hate him again and hate herself. Leaning down he kissed her neck and shoulder before positioning himself against her.

_ I...  _ her eyes met his. Instead of completing the thought she pushed her emotions at him, her nervousness and fear. He kissed her again.

_ Trust me.  _ It was a plea rather than a command. She took a deep breath and nodded.

He pushed in slowly, stopping as he felt the spike of pain. She tensed and whined, he stilled himself, letting her adjust before pushing a bit more.

It was painfully slow as he worked his way in, trying to minimize the pain, until finally he was completely encased by her. He breathed a soft moan, she was so kriffing tight and warm and perfect and his.

She shivered and gasp in unison, reacting to his own feelings of pleasure floating across the bond. He forced himself to stay still, to let her stretch to his length inside of her. Her eyes were closed as she took shallow, quick breaths. Reaching down he brushed stray hair out of her face.

_ You are so kriffing beautiful.  _  Her eyes, those lovely eyes, opened to look at him, almost a little startled by his thought. Beautiful was not a word she associated with herself. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.  Whatever regrets she would have when this was over, this tiny, beautiful thing had given herself to him, willingly and openly. He’d always be her first.

In a small corner of his mind, one of the parts hidden away that he used to stored things he didn’t want his master to see, a thought far away from where she could hear whispered that _he_ would be her _only_. He would never allow anyone else to have her. He’d kill anyone else who even thought about her in that way. 

He started to move slowly, it hurt her at first but that pain was muted by the pleasure traveling from his end. The pain eased and he picked up the pace. Every moan, every gasp, every cry, seemed to be nearly in unison, as they shared every feeling and every spike of pleasure across the bond. It was becoming impossible to tell for sure who’s feeling he was experiencing, his or hers. He vaguely felt as she wrapped a leg around him, letting him thrust deeper and harder. 

It had been a long time. And it had been an even longer time since he’d been with someone who wasn’t just a body to use for his needs. But nothing, no one, had ever compared to this. He could no longer tell where he started and she began. They were merging bodies, minds, and souls into a singular entity that was being driven higher and higher and higher...

They came together, feeling their own and each other’s releases, something so similar and so fundamentally different at the same time, how male and female experienced this. He collapsed onto her, gasping, the two of them matching each other’s breathing in perfect sync.

He untangled his body from hers and pulled her close to him, pushing his face in her hair as he whispered her name over and over. Slowly, he felt his sense of self separating from her hers, the single entity dividing back into two. Whatever would happen in the future, in this moment she was truly his and only his, just as it was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay then, got through that. As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, I feel all kinds of awkwards when I write sex scenes. 
> 
> Our bondmates need to have a little chat next chapter before Rey's regrets catch up to her and she gets her clothes on and gets back to the base.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She pulled on her boots before looking for her belt. Looking up, she froze. He had her belt, and her saberstaff attached to it, in his hands. She was sure he felt her reaction to him holding it, but he chose to ignore it as he unhooked it from the belt, looking at it thoughtfully as he turned it.
> 
> “Give me that,” her voice was quiet, tense. How the hell could she have let him get her weapon?
> 
> His eyes flicked up to her and a small smile played across his face, “I’m just looking.” His fingers traced along the intricate engravings in the metal.
> 
> Her body shook, clenching her fists. He looked up and surveyed her a moment before he grabbed his own belt and unclipped his saber, tossing it over to her. She nearly dropped it, startled by the action. “There’s your collateral,” he said, amused, before looking back at her saberstaff. “Where did you get this? The build and design look almost ancient.”
> 
> She didn’t answer, instead she turned his saber over in her hands and igniting it. The red blade and cross guards leapt out, spitting and crackling. The hilt vibrated with such an unexpected intensity that she nearly dropped it. It felt like it wanted to fly apart in her hands.

She wasn't sure how long she lay there before she felt like she was regaining her the sense self again. Become one person instead of the strange, intimate duality that they had, at least briefly, become. His arms were wrapped around her, holding her tight to him, his face buried into her hair.   


A breeze rattled through the pine trees and rustled the dry, rough grasses, hitting the sweat still drying on her skin and causing her to shiver. He felt her body tremble and squeezed her tighter, rubbing his hands up her body for a moment before letting her go and rolling over to grab at the pile of his clothes. It was far enough away that he had to stretch, snagging the cloth with his fingers and pulling it over. He shook it out, his robe, she realized, and draped it over them before pulling her close to him again.

“Thank you,” she said, quietly. He said nothing, just squeezed her against him for a moment and turned his face down to kiss the top of her head. A small part of her was already screaming at her to get up, grab her clothes, and get as far from him as possible, but the rest of her was still in a mute haze, her body exhausted and still tingling with the echoes of her… no their… pleasure.   She was certain that eventually that small scream was going to take over her mind and she was going to have to face what she’d done, but right now she just wanted to lay here and feel his body warm against hers.

It wasn’t clear how long they lay there. She knew she needed to break out of this haze and head back before they came looking for her. Turning her head up she looked at the clouds and open sky, sighing.

A sense discomfort trembled across the bond along with a flash of something bordering on panic. The panic was contained before it started but the discomfort remained. She looked at him to see his eyes had followed hers to the vast open sky above them, looking up at it with apprehension. A frown started on her face as she looked at him with concern. 

“I’m fine,” he said, a touch of harshness in his voice as he shut his eyes tight for a moment. When he opened them again he looked straight into hers, calmer, and sighed. 

“You don’t like being outside?” she sensed he didn’t want to talk about it, but she felt truly puzzled by the reaction she had just felt. Slipping out of his arms, she sat up, his robe draping over her shoulders.

“Not exactly,” he pushed himself up on his elbows. She could tell he didn’t want to say more but as her frowned deepened he gave in, “I don’t like being in the open. If I’m outside but the space is more confined, I don’t mind it. If I’m inside in a large open space, I also don’t like it. Small spaces make me feel safe, this doesn’t.”

The majority of her life had been spent in the sprawling openness of the desert. She felt truly puzzled, “Why?”

He snorted a small laugh, “No kriffing idea. Genetic malfunction? I’ve always felt this way.” Sitting up completely, he reached out with his foot and dragged his pants back over to him, “When I was little I used to sneak into my closet to sleep if I woke up from a bad dream.”

She wrapped his robe around herself as he pulled his pants on before turning to look at her again. For a moment the image of the small, laughing boy she’d seen in his memory floated up to her, a little boy who apparently hid in closets when he was upset. Biting her lip a minute, she finally spoke, “I hate being inside.” He raised his eyebrows at her and leaned back on his arms. Realizing he wanted her to say more, she frowned and shifted, wondering why she was sharing this, “I really hate being in small spaces, though I’m usually fine if I know I have a way in and out. I start to feel panicked if I don’t.”

“Why?” a small smile twisted on his lips as he echoed her previous question back at her.

Rolling her eyes, she leaned over and started to try to gather her scattered clothing, “Lun locked me in a trunk for three days once when I was seven, that probably had something to do with it.” 

She winced as she felt a surge of fury from him, “Let it go, I did.” 

“You shouldn’t have, and I should have killed him when I was on Jakku.”

She looked at him, his eyes were practically smoldering. It was a bizarre thing to know someone could have that kind of anger for wrongs that had been done to her, both inviting and frightening at the same time. “I could of. When I finally left he tried to take me back. I left him bleeding, I could have killed him, but I chose not to.”

“How old were you?”

“Almost thirteen.”

“That’s impressive,” there was genuine admiration in his voice.

“I had to,” she shrugged, “I was going to start having value for something other than scavenging for him soon.”

He blinked a moment before he realized the meaning of what she was saying, flashing his teeth in a growl, “I  _ am _ going to kill him.”

“No.” It was a command, she looked directly into his eyes, “You’re not.”

“I’m not?” that damn amusement in his voice again.

“No, you’re not, because I don’t want you to,”  she looked at him sternly.

“Yes, dear,” there was a sharp edge of sarcasm in his voice which she chose to ignore as she pulled her shirt back on.

“Is it why you wear the mask? And all of that?” she blurted out the question before she could stop herself, nodding at the pile of the layers he wore over himself. “It confines you?”

“No… maybe, I never thought about that,” he watched her pull her pants on, frowning. 

She pulled on her boots before looking for her belt. Looking up, she froze. He had her belt, and her saberstaff attached to it, in his hands. She was sure he felt her reaction to him holding it, but he chose to ignore it as he unhooked it from the belt, looking at it thoughtfully as he turned it.

“Give me that,” her voice was quiet, tense. How the hell could she have let him get her weapon?

His eyes flicked up to her and a small smile played across his face, “I’m just looking.” His fingers traced along the intricate engravings in the metal.

Her body shook, clenching her fists. He looked up and surveyed her a moment before he grabbed his own belt and unclipped his saber, tossing it over to her. She nearly dropped it, startled by the action. “There’s your collateral,” he said, amused, before looking back at her saberstaff. “Where did you get this? The build and design look almost ancient.”

She didn’t answer, instead she turned his saber over in her hands and igniting it. The red blade and cross guards leapt out, spitting and crackling. The hilt vibrated with such an unexpected intensity that she nearly dropped it. It felt like it wanted to fly apart in her hands.

A smile crossed her face as she felt his tension. She looked up to see him watching her carefully. “Just looking,” she said, echoing his own words, looking down at him with the red light reflecting off her eyes.

His lips twitched, at least she thought they did, fighting a smile. She turned his blade over in her hands, “What’s wrong with it?”

“Wrong?” he asked, playfully offended.

“It’s not normal.”

“The crystal is cracked, it makes it very powerful but unstable.” His watched her carefully,  “The crystal is trying to tear itself apart. It would if the design didn’t include the vents.”

She looked at the spitting blade one last time before disengaging it. Ren’s tension eased, she walked over and extended it to him with one hand while reaching out with her empty hand. “Is it meant to be a metaphor for you or did it just happen that way?”

He extended her saberstaff out to her empty hand while reaching for his own with his empty one, once each grasped their own weapon they released the other, trading smoothly. “I find it a little poetic,” he answered. “Here,” she glanced down to see him holding her belt to her, his fingers brushed against hers as she took it. 

A shiver ran down her back at the contact. A voice that had been whispering in the back of her head that she needed to get away from him grew louder, and a growing horror and guilt began to grow. She had given herself willingly to a monster, what did that make her?

“Don’t, please, not yet.” His voice was gentle, pleading. 

She looked away before sitting down across from him, hugging her knees, “I’m going to put my shields up again.” Taking a deep breath, “And I do need to leave soon. I’ve been gone too long already, and apparently this base has been compromised, there are people who need to know that.”

He snorted. She ignored him and started to rebuild her shields.

“What do you know about the bond?” she asked, suddenly. It was probably too much to hope he might have more answers than she did for that mystery.

“We got one.” he shrugged.

“You don’t know how?”

He just shook his head, “No, I thought at first maybe we accidentally forged it when I entered your mind in the interrogation room… but…”

“It was already there.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “I felt it the first time I got close to you on Takadona. Faintly, but it was there.” He paused, “And I dreamed of you, for years before then. Your face was covered but it was you.”

She shifted uncomfortably, “We had to meet, sometime when we were children.” She peered hopefully at his face. He was a decade older than her, how could he not remember something?

Either she’d let that thought slip past her shields or he just could tell from her face what she had been thinking.  “I don’t, I wish I did,” he looked at her thoughtfully. “You were, what? Five? When you were left on Jakku?”

She winced slightly, “Four or five, I don’t know for sure.”

“It had to be before that,” the breeze picked up and blew his hair around his face. “And I was sent to my uncle when I was thirteen. I think it would likely be before that as well.”

“So you would have been between ten and thirteen and I would have been three or younger. You really don’t remember anything that might have been…?”

“No.”

“Where did you live?” she closed her eyes, hoping for an answer that might hint to where she came from.”

“We moved. A lot. I couldn’t even remember all the places we were over those years.” He paused, “I’m sorry. I wish there was more. I know you want answers, and not only about the bond.”

His voice was genuinely kind. She felt her stomach churn again, he could be gentle and kind in one moment and sinister and deadly the next. It confused her so much. Her feelings about him confused her so much, she liked him when he was like this, but then in another second he could change and terrify her. Hugging her knees tighter a moment she felt her resolve grow firm, she stood, “I need to leave.”

“I’m not going back.” 

She looked at him, startled, “What…”

“To the Order. I can’t, for my sake or for yours. He nearly found you, and it’s only a matter of time before he finds out my plans for deceit,” he pulled his undershirt on,“And I had no intention of following my orders.”

“What orders,” she watched him carefully as he pulled his boots on.

“Gather reconnaissance to let them know what they’re up against with this base, kill Leia if there’s an opportunity, and not to engage you or my uncle at any point if you’re here. Oh, and deliver you directly to Snoke if you’re captured alive during the First Order assault.” 

She stared at him in horror, “He asked you to kill your mother?”

“If the opportunity arises,” he shrugged. “Snoke can be charming sometimes. This was meant to be more of a test for me than information gathering. Kriff it. Kriff him. Kriff everything, I’m done.”

He took a step towards her, and she shrank back slightly from the intensity in his eyes, “Come with me, Rey.”

“So you can train me until we’re ready to come back and take over the galaxy?” there was more contempt in her voice than she intended.

“If you think that’s such an awful thing, come with and convince me not to do it,” he moved closer, reaching out to cradle her face with his hand, his thumb moving to brush her lips.

“I won’t abandon the Resistance,” she took a breath, “or my master.”

His hand dropped from her face and he turned away, she saw the flicker of rage and disgust in his eyes before his back was to her. She turned to leave as he gathered the rest of his clothes.

“Rey,” she glanced back over her shoulder at him. He looked at her thoughtfully, “Their spies were unable to get the location of this base until Leia’s trip here was planned.”

She frowned at him, he shook his head, “I can’t say for sure, but if it was me, I’d be wary of any of her inner circle or aids.”   


Frowning, she nodded.

“I’m not leaving just yet, think about coming with me.”

She folded her arms, “They’re going to be out looking for you once I tell them I saw you here.”

He snorted with clear contempt, “I’m not worried about  _ them  _ finding me.”

Starting to walk away, she got no more than six feet before she turned again. He looked up to meet her eyes.

“Why…” her breath caught in her throat and tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes, she couldn’t manage to finish the question, so she breathed out the same word again, “why?”

His head dropped and his shoulders slumped. She may have not been able to get the words out, but he understood exactly what she was asking. “Don’t.” His voice was shaking slightly, “There’s no answer to that question.”

She blinked, more tears trailing down her face, as she shook her head, exasperated. 

“I wish I hadn’t.” He sounded broken. “I will never forgive myself for it.”

For a moment they just stared at one another. Finally she turned and walked away, refusing to look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a few doubts with this chapter, I almost did a trash and redo at one point, but for now I just decided to roll with this.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is he saying?”
> 
> _thatyouarealyingsonofabitch_
> 
> Opting to ignore that last bit, she shook her head, “He’s rambling. He said not to trust you because you’re going to betray me like you betrayed him.”
> 
> Luke’s mouth dropped open, his voice became a growl, “Like I… like I betrayed him? Like he’s one that should ever talk about betrayal? After he betrayed me, betrayed our order? After the blood on his hands of those who considered him a friend and ally? Should we just start with the ones he cut down with his own saber? Beto, Jol, Kayna, Erith, Sarli, Sia’la, Novastar, Rane, Terra. I loved him and they trusted him and he destroyed everything.”
> 
> She blinked, Sia’la… that name, she’d heard that name before. The name of the girl in his memory.
> 
> Ren recoiled slightly, _Everything I did he caused. Ask what he did to me on Rinalt? How he lied as he arranged it all to happen and used me as his pawn? Knowing they would all die? Using me to use them and Eliz she died in my arms you son of a bitch because of me because I trusted you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not sure why this fic suddenly changed to anonymous as the author and I don't know how to get it back to normal. Hopefully it didn't screw up anyone's bookmarks but it's really annoying since it's not showing up in my works list anymore (even though once I find it I can edit it and add chapters).
> 
> Anyone ever have that happen? I did contact AO3 support though I haven't heard back yet other than the confirmation of my submission.

She tried to keep herself unseen in the corner of the room.

It’s silly of her to try, after all she was the cause of this uproar. Her report of “running” into Kylo Ren was not exactly being met with calm. Everyone was talking over each other, aside from her, backing herself in a corner away from the chaos, arms crossed protectively over her chest, and Luke, hovering just outside of the arguing horde, deep frown on his face.

His eyes caught hers. The blue had a sharp, almost judgemental edge to them. She sensed he was upset with her,  probably because she had gone to Leia before going to him, but it did not help her growing feelings of guilt to know her master was feeling disapproving. Even though he could not know, and Maker please let him never ever know, that she had just rut with their enemy like some kind of dog in heat.

She felt like his scent clung to her, and every breath made her think about his eyes and the feel of his body next to her and the way he tasted.

Seriously, what the hell was wrong with her?

Luke’s eyes settled on her again and she looked at the floor, avoiding meeting his gaze.

“If the First Order has found this base then why would they send Kylo Ren with no other backup?” Commander Kelen’s voice cut through the shouting match.

“It makes sense if the goal is a stealth attack or assassination,” another voice, one she didn’t recognize and couldn’t find in the jumble of faces.

Leia held up her hands and immediately turned to look at her, “Rey’s the one who made contact, can you tell us everything, please?”

“Yes, why exactly was he seeking you out, girl?” Kelen cut in before she could talk. It occurred to her, not for the first time, that she really did not like that man.

_Kriff, kriff, kriff, kriff!_ She slowly looked up from her feet and stepped forward. Before she could talk Luke’s voice cut in, “It’s no secret that Ren wants to capture Rey. He was attempting to take her alive during the confrontation on Ahch-To.”

“He’s wanted me to join him, to let him teach me, since Starkiller,” she added. “On Ahch-To he intended to take me with him by force. I guess his failure there made him decide to change tactics. He approached me and asked me to come with him.”

_Well, approached me, then kriffed me, then asked me to come with him._ She hoped she didn’t flush at all as the thought flitted through her mind.

“I asked how they found the base, who were their spies, and he said he didn’t know.”

Someone in the huddle of people snorted at this, she shrugged, “I believe him. He confirmed there were spies, but said he didn’t know who or how many. He also said there was no one else here yet, but the Order would attack eventually.”

Kelen shook his head, voice full of contempt. She wasn’t sure if he thought she was lying or just found the entire scenario ridiculous. “So he just decided to show up and flirt with you and share secrets in an attempt to win you over?”

She put her hands on her hips, trying not to lose her temper, “No, he’s here because he was sent here on orders from the First Order. He came to me because he is abandoning the First Order and wanted me to leave with him. He said he had no intention of following his orders.” Leia’s face paled, looking shocked at the revelation that Ren was leaving the First Order.

“And you don’t think that this is the biggest load of druk--” Kelen started.

“What were his orders?” Leia asked, cutting him off, sounding tired.

“Reconnaissance. It’s the main mission, they know the location of this base, that’s pretty much it. They want to find out what our defenses are before they attack.” She took a breath, “His other main order was to kill you if the opportunity arises, General.”

The entire room fell silent. She glanced at Luke and saw he had his teeth clenched, his mouth a thin, straight line across his face.

“We have to assume he was lying about not intending to follow orders,” another voice spoke, a blond woman she didn’t recognize. “General…”

“Yes, the goal might be to someone get us off guard.” The voices were picking up again, it was getting hard to find who was talking.

She backed into the corner again as they argued, looking down. Trying once again to not feel like she could smell Ren’s scent hanging on her. She felt eyes boring into her again and she looked up to see Luke’s sharp blue eyes boring into her intently, the frown back on his face.

He couldn’t know. How could he ever have any reason to suspect?

A trembling breath rattled out of her chest.

Maker, could this please end? She just wanted to get back to her room and spend the next hour in the sonic.

 

\---

 

There wasn't really a resolution to the debate, but a decision was made to lock the base down, start fighter patrols, and send out security patrols to look for “the enemy” who had infiltrated them.

The meeting was winding down, she felt a steady hum against her shields and flickers of him faintly through the barriers. As if this wasn’t aggravating enough. He was whispering to her, she thought… or rather he was trying to talk to her. Through her shields it was just muted whispers she could barely make out. She tried to ignore him, ignore his flickers of frustration. This was a security meeting and she wasn't about to give him access to the discussions.

Luke's eyes were on her again, she could feel them burning into her. She ignored him too, though she felt a pang of guilt over it.

Finally the meeting began to break up. She saw Leia and Kelen converge on Luke and took that as her opportunity to slip away with the rest of the crowd.

There was a pressure against her shields. He wasn't pushing as much as leaning on them, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on past them. It was getting really irritating.

She lowered one level of shields, _What do you want?!_

Oh, not the right way to ask the question.  She could feel his amusement, _You._

_No, right now?_

More amusement, _Still you._

She took a deep, calming breath. _Why are you hanging out in the back of my head trying to peek through my shields like a whiny puppy?_

He made a whimpering noise, she rolled her eyes.

_You were agitated. I wanted to know why?_

She huffed, _There was a meeting. It was loud and crowded._

_About me?_ He was smug, she wished he was near so she could punch him.

_Can you please leave me alone? I just want to be alone for awhile. I want to be able to stop thinking for ten kriffing minutes._

_I'm bored and I don't want to be alone. And I never stop thinking of you. Were you thinking about me? Do you think of me a lot?_

She didn't think she could articulate her exasperation, _I'm going to block you out again._

There was pressure on her shields again and he let out another whining whimper noise. _I'll just stay here and be a whiny puppy then._

_Just stop! For kriff's sake, stop._

His sigh floated across.

A hand grabbed her shoulder hard and she squeaked and spun on her heels to find Luke’s blue eyes staring down at her. The two of them were alone in the empty corridor.

Well, alone aside from the visitor in her head. _What happened? Are you okay?_ He began to push against her shields harder.

“You were eager to get out of there,” Luke’s eyes had a cutting edge to them.

_It’s fine._ She shot to Ren, _please stop._ He stopped pushing but pressed himself against them, looking for a glimpse through.

“I'm tired. I just want a sonic and to lie down.”

His face remained flat but his eyes flickered, “I felt like you were trying to avoid me.”

“I...I felt like you were upset I went to Leia and not to you first.” It was true, even though that might not be the reason.

“I would have preferred you came to me, first.” His voice was still cold and flat. “What happened?”

_Skywalker,_ Ren’s thought rumbled angrily in the back of her mind. Apparently he'd gotten a glimpse through her shields.

“I've already told everyone what happened.”

“What else happened?”

_Sonofabitch_

_Stop it!_ She spat across at him.

“Nothing.”

“What did you do, Rey?” Luke took a step forward, crowding her and grasping her shoulder, his voice was cold but had a tremor in it. His eyes flashed and she felt a surge of panic.

“Nothing!” she practically screamed, ripping her shoulder from his grasp and trying to walk away.

Then her back was slamming into the metal wall of the corridor, knocking the air out of her lungs. Luke's hands dug into her shoulders, his face inches away from hers. The anger that had been hiding below them was at the surface now, “Why are you feeling guilty then?”

_KILLHIMIAMGOINGTOKILLHIMSONOFABITCHHOWDAREHEIWILLKILLHIM,_ Ren exploded, slamming through some of her walls. Blinding pain shot through her head.

“He's poisoning you,” he dug his fingers into her shoulders. “You’re letting him poison you.”

_You're hurting me!_  
”You’re hurting me!”

She screamed it across her mind and out loud at the same time.

Both men reacted to it, Luke pulled back slightly, his hands loosening, and she felt Ren pull back in her head.

_Poison he said I was poison the arrogant kriffing son of a bitch he’s poison at least you see now don’t you he’s a monster too if I’m a monster he made me one._ Ren’s thoughts rattled in her head almost incoherently.

“He took away everything from me,” Luke’s voice was raspy, then took on an edge of possessiveness that made her tense. “I’m not going to let him take something else of mine from me. I’m not going to let him take you.”

_Took everything please he took everything from me took everything and demanded more even when I had nothing left and you’re mine you’ve been mine always been mine._

She ignored the rambling in her head. “I told you what happened. He asked me to come with him and I said no,” she stared at Luke intently. “I told him I was not going to abandon the Resistance or _my master_.”  She ignored the wave of disgust from Ren. “And I still mean that even though my master is terrifying me right now.” Luke pulled back and closed his eyes, seeming to be trying to get himself back under control.

_Don’t trust him damn you come to me come with me. He’ll betray you eventually just as he betrayed me he cares for nothing but his own ends._

“Shut up just shut up,” she muttered, putting a hand to her head.

Luke’s eyes shot open, still sharp and intense, “He’s in your mind right now? He’s talking to you?”

She winced, he’d been seeming to calming but that was being derailed, “Yes.”

“What is he saying?”

_thatyouarealyingsonofabitch_

Opting to ignore that last bit, she shook her head, “He’s rambling. He said not to trust you because you’re going to betray me like you betrayed him.”

Luke’s mouth dropped open, his voice became a growl, “Like I… like I betrayed _him_? Like he’s one that should ever talk about betrayal? After he betrayed me, betrayed our order? After the blood on his hands of those who considered him a friend and ally? Should we just start with the ones he cut down with his own saber? Beto, Jol, Kayna, Erith, Sarli, Sia’la, Novastar, Rane, Terra. I loved him and they trusted him and he destroyed everything.”

She blinked, Sia’la… that name, she’d heard that name before. The name of the girl in his memory.

Ren recoiled slightly, _Everything I did he caused. Ask what he did to me on Rinalt? How he lied as he arranged it all to happen and used me as his pawn? Knowing they would all die? Using me to use them and Eliz she died in my arms you son of a bitch because of me because I trusted you._

“I am _not_ going to be your proxy to argue through! Go find each other if you want to do that, I don’t want to be a part of it!” She slammed up her shields as she tore away from Luke and ran, not looking back. Running until she was able to slam the door to her room behind her. As she collapsed on the floor she could feel Ren’s presence, feel him leaning on her shields again, trying to talk to her. She ignored him as she hugged her knees and began to cry.. And when the knock came on her door five minutes later she ignored it too. Ignored it when he knocked again. He didn’t knock a third time, she could hear his footsteps as he walked away. Ren didn’t give up so easily, his presence continued to try to get her to listen to him. She refused, continuing to block him out.

She was caught in the middle between these two men, one who she loved like a father and one who she desired as a lover. In the end the two were much more similar that either would admit. Luke was more in control of himself, but the same storm of emotions that Ren had in him lived in Luke too, buried underneath the surface.

Even their feelings towards each other and what the other had done to them were mirrored back.

It left her feeling so confused. Whatever had happened between them was beyond her ability to understand right now and she wasn’t sure she wanted to understand. The only thing she wanted right now was to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was a bit intense. 
> 
> Luke'll get his shit together by tomorrow I'm sure. He's much better at that than Kylo, who I'm sure is going to go destroy some shit. 
> 
> I'm not sure if Luke actually knows about Rey's tryst with Kylo as much as he knows she's feeling guilty and he suspects it and suspects Kylo's intending to use the bond to seduce her over to him. 
> 
> Luke's feelings towards Rey is fatherly, but yes, it's possessive, even though he probably didn't admit that to himself before. Part of it is because he's feeling fiercely protective of her, and to me the dark flipside of protectiveness is possessiveness. Part of it is that I think it runs in the Skywalker line to tend to be that way, at least among the men. Both he and Kylo feel like they have some kind of claim to Rey which is not something she's liking.
> 
> I know this is more hinting at something that happened without answers. I should probably warn folks that a lot of questions will be unanswered at the end of this fic, since it's the first in a trilogy. I expect to spend a lot of the second fic delving into the questions that are open at the end of this fic (when did Rey and Kylo meet as children to form the bond, what happened to Kylo that he felt so betrayed by Luke, and Rey's unknown history before Jakku).
> 
> Hope everyone is enjoying the ride.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take something else that was his? _His_? As if he had any right of possession to the girl. He didn’t even deserve the loyalty she was misguidedly giving him. In the end he’d bleed her dry of everything she could give and leave her broken and empty.
> 
> And taken everything from him? From _him_?
> 
> The arrogant bastard.
> 
> Every person he’d ever loved was lost due to his uncle’s actions. He could hear the contempt in his uncle’s voice, berating him for mourning for Eliz, _I should never have sent you. I should have known you’d be led astray so easily, Ben. This is pathetic, you are pathetic. You forget where your loyalty lies and would have thrown away the oaths you took. And over what? A woman?_
> 
> Kriffing son of a bitch, those he killed were his fault. They’d been poisoned. They’d have followed him to the edge of the ninth level of hell and followed his command to leap into the abyss. He had to stop him and that meant they also had to be stopped, misguided fools they were. It had to end.
> 
> He didn’t need to be told their names. As if he didn’t remember the screams and confusion amid the smoke and the looks of shock as he led the assault on those who had known him as a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone was thinking the intensity train was going to ease off... well, not yet.
> 
> I hope my characters are becoming as real to you all as they are to me. I kinda started crying as I was writing the first section of this chapter. That's not abnormal, right?

He’d had the sense to get off his shuttle before he let the rage take him, igniting his saber and slashing down trees, smashing rocks. There wasn’t much on this planet to destroy, but he left what was near the shuttle smoldering before using the force to smother out the fires. 

Rey refused hear him again. He wanted to talk to her, desperately. He needed to make her understand that she needed to get away from his uncle. From the son of a bitch, the lying, manipulating, arrogant son of a bitch. She had to see now, after his uncle laid his hands on her, how well the monster was just hidden under the false calm.

Take something else that was his?  _ His _ ? As if he had any right of possession to the girl. He didn’t even deserve the loyalty she was misguidedly giving him. In the end he’d bleed her dry of everything she could give and leave her broken and empty. 

And taken everything from him? From  _ him _ ?

The arrogant bastard. 

Every person he’d ever loved was lost due to his uncle’s actions. He could hear the contempt in his uncle’s voice, berating him for mourning for Eliz,  _ I should never have sent you. I should have known you’d be led astray so easily, Ben. This is pathetic, you are pathetic. You forget where your loyalty lies and would have thrown away the oaths you took. And over what? A woman? _

Kriffing son of a bitch, those he killed were his fault. They’d been poisoned. They’d have followed him to the edge of the ninth level of hell and followed his command to leap into the abyss. He had to stop him and that meant they also had to be stopped, misguided fools they were. It had to end.

He didn’t need to be told their names. As if he didn’t remember the screams and confusion amid the smoke and the looks of shock as he led the assault on those who had known him as a friend.

Beto, he’d been one of the older ones and served as a mentor to almost all of them.

Jol, seventeen and extremely talented at force healing. Jol had saved his life once, healing a severed artery before he could bleed out.

Kayna, only fifteen. He’d known her since she was five.

Erith, arrogant bastard but one you wanted to fight beside you. He’d put himself between any of his comrades and danger.

Sarli, no one he’d ever met had more skill with a lightsaber.

Sia’la… oh Sia. He’d loved her. And hated her. She’d broken him so badly. But she had been amazing, carrying herself with a quiet confidence he’d always envied.

Novastar, sixteen. Such a quiet and reserved boy who bent badly under Skywalker’s unyielding demands of him. Nova had reminded him of himself so much it had been painful. 

Rane, calm, collected, fierce. Another that you would want on your side in a battle. He would fight to the bitter end.

Terra, they were the same age, studied and sparred together. She was timid but strong. She would stare down his uncle even when he was at his worst, not saying a word but not bending an inch.

And yes, all the others, the others that hadn’t died by his blade but directly due to his actions. He did not deny the blood on his hands, but it had been made necessary by the actions of his uncle. His cult that he’d created, loyal to him, willing to die for him, that he set loose to do his bidding under the guise of serving the light. Under the claims that they were doing good.

So much death and destruction under the guise of the light.

He fell to his knees, unable to stop the tears from falling. He mourned for all of them. He’d always mourned for them. Mourned and swore vengeance on his uncle, not only for what the bastard had done to him, but what he had done to all of them. For how he had poisoned every last one of them with his lies.

Rey would not fall to that fate. She was his. His to keep, his to save. And he would save her. 

He tried to reach her again, but her shields were firm and she refused to acknowledge him. He let out a shriek of rage that echoed through the night as he mourned for the friends he’d cut down with his own hands.

 

\---

 

He paced the small quarters, knowing he shouldn’t. It wouldn’t do anything to release the fog of emotion smothering him. It would do nothing to get himself centered and calm again. He should sit. Meditate. Get himself under control. The lack of control was unacceptable.

But he couldn’t stand the thought of sitting still, not while this energy and adrenaline was coursing through his veins.

Ben, damn him. Damn him to hell. He had gotten his claws into her. He'd known it the moment he saw her. Maybe he'd known even before that, when he’d found out she'd gone to Leia with the news of Ben being on this planet instead of to him.

Any lingering doubts had been erased when he saw her. Guilt radiating off her and her refusing to meet his eyes. He had spent twenty five years trying to herd teenagers in the right direction. He'd seen that look before, the guilt and paranoia that he would know the truth.

Which he always had. He rarely bothered to act on that knowledge. With the kids it was usually enough for him to know they knew they were doing something wrong. It wasn't sex that was forbidden, though he had had rules in place for the teens to help keep them in line. It was attachments, the passionate feelings, the potential for anger and jealousy, that needed to be avoided. Especially with the more sensitive ones, the ones who craved attachment and had trouble detaching their emotions from far less intimate things.

The ones like Ben.

He only really ever stepped in and stopped things when it was clear that it was more serious than randomly running off to the woods. At that point he would make it clear they were done, it wasn't going to happen again. He’d had to intervene maybe a dozen times to set those straying back on the right path.

Snorting a sad laugh, and half of those times one of the pair had been Sia.

That girl, he remembered with sad affection. She had been a royal pain in the ass. Too confident for her own good, too cocky, way too rebellious. Aloof. She didn't get attached easy, but whoever her current plaything was usually did. He’d tell them they done and she was never bothered, breaking it off even if her co-conspirator wanted to try and defy him.

Except with Ben. The two of them had defied him twice. The first time he had talked to the two of them together. Made it clear he knew and they were to stop. The second time he'd spoke to each of them separately and a lot more forcefully. He wasn't surprised with Ben as much as Sia. Ben, despite his sullen, reclusive nature, was someone who craved attachment and affection. Sia? She connected with people intellectually, but almost never emotionally.

Of all people, she could have gotten herself emotionally entangled with, it was Ben. He still couldn't fathom why Ben of all people. At sixteen the boy had seemed to go out of his way to be unlikable.

The third time he'd only talked to Sia. Made it clear that if he'd found out about them again he would send her away to separate them. She was to end it, and she wasn't to tell Ben that it was because he was making her end it. That last part had bothered her more than the rest, Ben wouldn't understand why. It would hurt him.

Which was the point. The memory of a little pain would keep him in line better than any lecture could. Teach him to avoid those kind of attachments that were poison, that would destroy him in time.

Cruel, but for the boy’s own good.

After a few months of moping he seemed to have come out of it for the better, stronger, more resilient. When he turned seventeen he started taking him with whenever he traveled, soon treating him as a true padawan in every sense. Ben grew well in that roll, one where he was someone who was depended on. Such a needy boy, needing to be needed.

And he had come to need him at his side. A faithful shadow and guardian. 

They had always had a tense relationship, but over those next few years he found genuine affection and love for his nephew.  He'd thought those feelings were returned, but maybe not, maybe they never were.

Maybe Ben never had stopped hating him. He was sure he'd never understand how much he still missed him.

Or how much he still loved him.

But it didn't matter, if he was certain of anything, it was that if the opportunity came he would kill him. He was a rabid dog that needed to be put down before he could hurt anyone else.

He stopped and leaned against the wall between his and Rey's quarters. His padawan.

Ben’s connection to her terrified him. He had direct access to influence her. She said they couldn't lie to each other, but he didn't need to lie, there were truths Ben knew about him. Secrets that had been between the two of them, about decisions that were made. Who was to be sacrifice, who was to be saved, choices that were ugly but necessary. For the greater good of the galaxy.

Those truths, out of context, was damning. Especially damning in the eyes of someone young and impressionable who wore her compassion on her sleeves. And Ben could whisper those truths right into her head.

Tomorrow, when he was centered again and had this storm under control he would talk to her. Apologize for his outburst but do his best to make her understand the danger.

She was loyal to him. She’d denied Ben because she refused to abandon him, refused to abandon her master. He would have to be able to make her see.

 

\---

 

She awoke early and slipped out of her quarters, hoping to avoid Luke. Ren had apparently decided to leave her alone some time in the night. She was sure both men were going to be back, both pulling on her from different directions, as if she was some prize to be won in this small war between them.

Sleep had not left her any less confused than she had been the night before. She didn’t know what she felt about Ren. He appalled her and yet she was drawn to him and she wanted him on some base level she couldn’t even fully understand. And Luke, who’d become her father figure, guide, and mentor. She was starting to understand that under the calm he cloaked himself with was an emotional storm cloud wanting to break free. The same storm that lived in Ren’s core, Luke had that too, just under better control.

But her loyalty was to him. Betraying Luke would be like cutting off a piece of her soul. 

She wanted to go outside, to watch the sunrise and feel the breeze and hear the wispy dry grasses rattle. But the base was on lockdown now. Outside wasn’t going to happen again for a while. Instead she went to the mess, hoping to get breakfast before the main wave of people started showing up. Eat in a corner in private, just her and her thoughts.

The main course for breakfast today was some kind of yellow and brown mush with some kind of reddish lumps in it. 

Never would she have imagined she’d long so much for portions.

There were some kind of fruit as the fresh food on the side. It was cut into large squares of purple flesh speckled with pink. The server gave he an extra helping of them and winked at her affectionately. She smiled in thanks.

She tucked herself on the ends of one of the long tables, near a corner. As private as this room would let her to get. There were only a dozen or so people sitting and eating in a few groups, widely spread out throughout the room. She should be left well alone.

As if the universe had decided to taunt her, a tray rattled down across from her. Why the hell would someone feel the need to sit with her when the entire room was practically empty. She looked up at the person standing across from her to meet a familiar kind face, with a charming smile and a glint to his brown eyes. His face was covered with a fading tapestry of bruises.

“Rey? Right?” he asked, “We met once back on D’Qar.”

He was being polite asking if that was her name. Every gods damned person on this base knew who she was. She nodded, “Poe, right?”

His smile widened, “That’s right. Can I join you?”

She sighed internally but nodded, “How are you? I heard you were hurt…”

“Yeah, about that, I want apologize,” he said, sitting down and leaning towards her.

“For what?” she asked, puzzled.

“Ren got where you and Skywalker were from me. Ripped it out of my head. I’m sorry, I failed to keep that information safe.”

She stared at him incredulously, “No one would expect you to be able to stop him.”

“Doesn’t mean I still didn’t fail you,” he shrugged, “I’d feel better to know you accept the apology.”

Taking a bite out of the fruit she shook her head at him, “Your apology is absurd and I accept it.”

He laughed, “Thank you.”

“Do you know how Chewie is?” she asked. “I know he was injured the same time as you were.”

“Big hairy beast is recovering well, thankfully.”

She pushed her… mush… before looking up meekly, “Do you… Any chance that you know how Finn is?”

Poe smiled, “Better. He’s up and moving but it’s been slow. He wanted to come here but the medics weren’t having it until he’s gained more strength back.”

Letting out a relieved breath, it had been a long time since she’d let herself even think about Finn. She shoveled a spoonful of the food into her mouth and grimaced, it was vile. She forced herself to swallow.

“So Kylo Ren, you actually saw him out there?”

Forcing another bite down and then chasing it with a piece of fruit, “Um, yes.” She looked down at her plate.

“From what Kelen said it sounded like you think he was trying to get you to run away with him?”

This conversation was getting uncomfortable, and just hearing the mention of Kelen’s name made her want to grit her teeth, “He asked me to come with him. Said he was abandoning the First Order and wanted me to come.”

Poe snorted, “Was a trick, right? You know that?” He reached out and tapped her hand with his spoon, “I mean, you’re young, but you know better than to think he came to sweep you away with him like some kind of prince charming. Manipulative bastard probably thought you might be easy to fool and capture.”

She tried and failed to keep herself from scowling, her voice was cold, “I believe every word he told me.” He started to speak and she snapped, “I’m not a child. I’m not stupid. And what reason would he have had to let me just leave and come back here after I said no? That nullifies any chance of a surprise attack.”

He raised his hands, “Easy, I wasn’t trying to insult you.” 

“Good to know,” she said, shoving her chair back and getting to her feet. 

“Kid, don’t,” he was being sheepish, charmingly so. He knew how to play his charm to his advantage, didn’t he? “I’m sorry if I upset you…”

“Kelen,” she snapped, surprisingly certain, “he wanted you to talk to me. He thinks I’m lying.”

Poe’s smile slipped away, “No need for accusations.” There was a quiet coolness to his voice.

“I’m not making one. Kelen sent you to be charming and chatty and to see if my story was going to change. It’s not an accusation, it’s what happened.” She clenched her fists, “Does he think I’m just a foolish kid or does he think I’m a spy?”

He frowned, leaning back, “Ease off, kid.”

“Kriff off,” she snapped.

A small, amused smile played across his face. He pointed his spoon at her, “I like you.” She glared, crossing her arms. He had the nerve to laugh. “You’re kind of adorable.” Dropping his spoon he leaned back, looking at her thoughtfully, “Kelen is a paranoid bastard and no, he doesn’t trust you. Or Skywalker for that matter. Or pretty much anyone outside of maybe seven of us. He kinda trusts the General, mostly. On a good day.”

She snorted. 

“So yeah, he wanted me to ask you and see if your story was changing,” Poe shrugged, “and I wanted to find you and apologize my absurd apology so it didn’t seem like a big deal.”

Her gaze was cool. “Thank you for letting me know about Finn and Chewie, I’d been worried about both of them,” she said, curtly, before turning her back on the pilot and resisting the urge to run out of the room, instead leaving at a fast walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read more than a few fics where the author tries to mute Kylo's actions and betrayal by having him convert Luke's other students to join him or somehow not being responsible for their deaths. Yeah, you're gonna get none of that here. He's responsible for a lot of death, including children, some by his own hand. And he believes his actions were necessary. Maybe not justified but necessary. And he mourns them. These were people he grew up with and fought with who would have never expected him to turn on them. So that got me crying when I wrote it, when he remembers something about each one of the ones he killed himself knocked me over the edge. 
> 
> And then we have Luke. Another really damaged person in the end. And for the record, Luke has done some seriously shitty things over the years. Things he really did think were necessary but he has a lot of blood indirectly on his hands. His goal was always for a greater good but sometimes that means a lot of lesser evils. And he was very aggressively driven with his students. What Rey experienced that nearly caused her to break at least once was Luke 2.0 Lite edition. 
> 
> So that last section of the chapter was originally supposed to be a little lighthearted filler and it got itself a little intense too. I just couldn't help it once I started. Poe is always written as such a good guy, which don't get me wrong, I think he is, but he's also a soldier and a charming SOB and he knows it. He really doesn't know Rey at all, the two of them met once (in the novelization there's a brief meeting during the map being completed). So he didn't see any reason not to do as he was asked and question the kid see how her story holds up. And he did want to apologize, he feels responsible for Ren finding Rey and Luke's location.
> 
> He really does like her after she tells him to kriff off though. 
> 
> Poor Rey probably didn't need that. She's already feeling like a toy two dogs are fighting over, each pulling her in a different direction.
> 
> This has been a fun ride so far, hasn't it?


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was still so gods damned agitated. He fidgeted. He wanted to know why. Who'd upset her? Did she know how much he would like to kill anyone that upset her?
> 
> Actually, probably better that she didn't know that last one. It seemed to bother her when he got protective like that. Even though it was all because he cared. Datapoint to keep at the front of your mind, Kylo- stop telling Rey how much you'd like to kill for her. Not that he was going to stop wanting to hurt anyone who upset her… and definitely not like he wouldn’t kill anyone who dared to lay a hand on his girl. Kriff with Rey, kriff with him.
> 
> But, yeah, he would do his best to keep it to himself. _See, Rey? I can control myself to make you more comfortable._
> 
> Dear gods, he really needed to sleep, didn't he? It was going on forty hours now and his mind was everywhere at once at breakneck speeds.

She was agitated again. Agitated and ignoring him. Which was agitating  _ him _ . Kriffing little bitch. He wanted her in his arms again so badly. He wanted to taste her again.

He sat in the shuttle. It was in low power mode and partial stealth, passively listening for First Order communications or ship signatures in the area. It was tucked into the landscape in a way that would make it hard for any flyovers to see. He wasn’t too worried about the drabble’s searches. From is experience with Resistance they were pathetically bad at this sort of thing. 

When the First Order arrived he wasn’t going to take any chances and he’d put her in full stealth mode to activate the cloak, power consumption be damned. He was already ignoring all incoming messages and requests for updates. They had to suspect something strange was going on, even if Hux hadn’t already jumped straight to the correct conclusion of what that silence meant. The bastard was shrewd and possibly even less trusting that Snoke was.

Too bad Hux would be in command on the Finalizer during the coming assault. Well out of his reach. The redheaded little pissant was quite high on his list of ‘First Order people who I’d like to kill now that I don’t give a kriff.’ Maybe it spoke well of the First Order that the that list was actually fairly small. Actually, the only two on that list he really cared about seeing broken at his feet were Snoke and Hux. The other three or four really just annoyed him. He was probably being a little petty wanting them dead over it.

There were several of his Knights who were going to be a danger until he killed them, but that wasn’t exactly people he  _ wanted _ to kill. He respected all of his Knights, even though most of them would probably jump at the opportunity to kill him for his betrayal. The Knights of Ren were more worrisome overall than the First Order military. And there was no doubt Snoke would be sending them after him.

She was still so gods damned agitated. He fidgeted. He wanted to know why. Who'd upset her? Did she know how much he would like to kill anyone that upset her?

Actually, probably better that she didn't know that last one. It seemed to bother her when he got protective like that. Even though it was all because he cared. Datapoint to keep at the front of your mind, Kylo- stop telling Rey how much you'd like to kill for her. Not that he was going to stop wanting to hurt anyone who upset her… and definitely not like he wouldn’t kill anyone who dared to lay a hand on his girl. Kriff with Rey, kriff with him.

But, yeah, he would do his best to keep it to himself.  _ See, Rey? I can control myself to make you more comfortable. _

Dear gods, he really needed to sleep, didn't he? It was going on forty hours now and his mind was everywhere at once at breakneck speeds.

He set a proximity alarm on the detection of First Order ship signatures. If they arrived he needed to know. He had scavenger girls to save and deals to broker. It had been a hell of a mental debate on whether to try to bargain with her for the data and intel he brought right now or wait. He settled on wait. Wait till the First Order assault when she would have to make a decision right away and not have time to think about it. Once she said yes he’d even have the two of them help the drabble to their evacuation ships. Because unless there was some secret defenses he was unaware of, this base was going to get obliterated.

This base confused him, with all honesty. Why shift operations here when D’Qar had better defenses? They couldn't have been dumb enough to count on secrecy to be their main form of defense. His mother, he could say a lot of things about her, about her foolishness and sentimentality, but calling her stupid, especially in regards to military strategy, was not one of them.

There was something more here, there had to be.

It really wasn't his concern. His main concern was leaving with his beautiful and powerful soon to be ex-Jedi-in-training. His secondary concern was actually getting away without the First Order obliterating them and his shuttle. Third concern was to have enough of a Resistance left to keep diverting First Order resources. That would give him some time and breathing room. If she took the deal, even severely weakened the intel should keep them a very annoying thorn in Snoke’s side for awhile. 

If she didn't take the deal he was going to play things by ear. And playing by ear started with kidnapping and he wasn't entirely sure where it ended.

That was why he wanted to keep the pressure on and force the issue while the base and her friends were under duress. She'd cave. She cared too much. It was one of her more endearing flaws.

And she'd hate him for awhile for forcing her hand. She'd get over it in time. He'd rather have her with him hating him than far away not hating him as much. Because she didn't exactly not hate him now. 

_ Rey. Rey. Rey,Rey,Rey. Rey.  _  He closed his eyes as he sing-songed Rey’s name in his head. Wondering again what had upset her. Resisting the urge to try and make contact with her again.

Kriff, he  _ really _ did need to sleep. He was acting like an infatuated teenager.

Infatuation, lust, love… they were a trinity of strange, convoluted emotions, weren't they?

And he was pretty sure he did love her. Not just want her, not just desire her. No, he loved her.

Okay, brain, time to shut the kriff up. You're over tired and all so stop thinking. 

He wondered if she would ever come to love him back. Truly love him back.

Brain. Stop. Off. Lights out. Shut down. Quit.

Sighing, he tried to clear his mind. He needed to sleep.

 

\---

 

He was down in the hangar working on his fighter when Kelen tracked him down. It wasn't a surprise.  The son of a bitch was not a patient kriffer. Probably was really irritated that he hadn't come straight to see him after his chat with the kid.

Which was why he hadn't. Just to be honest about that. Irritating Athan Kelen had always been high on his list of things that he found enjoyable. Had been since he and the shabuir had been lieutenants. The fact he was his commanding officer here wasn't going to dissuade him from continuing the practice.

“Dameron.”

He was hanging halfway out of the side engine access panel, which he felt gave him enough of an excuse not to immediate pop out to attention. “Commander. Good to see you. Mind handing me that Harris wrench?”

The irritated sigh was like music to his soul. There was a brief shuffle of steps and then Kelen was next to the ladder holding the wrench up to him. He leaned back and grabbed it before leaning into the engine.

“You talked with the girl.”

“The girl?” he asked, feigning puzzlement as he tightened a bolt.

Irritation coated the response, “The girl. The one you talked to at breakfast.”

One day he would stop enjoying kriffing with Kelen so much, but it wasn't today. “Oh, right, right. You mean the kid. Yeah, I talked to her a bit.”

“And?”

“Seemed like a smart kid, sharp witted. Didn’t shift from her story, I believe she believes it.”

Kelen sounded fretful, “The men that were there said she left in a hurry, upset.”

“Oh yeah, she told me to kriff off.” Finishing with the bolt, he pulled himself out of the engine and stood on the ladder, looking down at the Commander. From this angle he could see the skin of his scalp, flushed pink with agitation, through his short brown hair. He waggled the wrench with a grin, “I like her.”

“Dameron,” Kelen growled. “I don't care if you like her or not.”

“Just saying,” he climbed down and sat down on the ladder steps next to the fuming man. “Didn't get the impression she like you though.” 

“I could give a flying kriff if she likes me,” he paused with a huff, “and why the hell did I come up?”

He sighed, looking into Kelen’s green eyes. “She knew.”

“Knew?” Kelen glared at him, puzzled.

“Yep.” 

“Cut the druk you raging glick, what did she know?”

He got up and walked a few steps, crouching down and starting putting his tools away, “I forget how she put it but something like you sent me to be chatty and charming to see if her story held.”

“How in the hell did she know that?”

“Intuition? The force? Just figured it out cause she’s got a sharp little knife of a mind?  Kriffed if I know. She didn’t ask or accuse, she was pretty kriffing sure of herself. And she was getting pushy so I told her to ease off and she told me to kriff off,” he stood, brushing some of the grease off his hands onto his jumpsuit legs. “And that’s when I knew I liked her.”

Kelen gave an exasperated sigh, “You’ve mentioned that.” He clenched his fists a moment and then dropped them to his sides, “Poe, seriously. You’re one of the ten people in the kriffing galaxy I trust.  What do you think?”

He sighed, leaning against his fighter, crossing his arms. Going to first names was a sure sign it was time to stop kriffing with him and be straightforward, “I talked to her for less than ten minutes, Athan.”

“You read people well,” Kelen shrugged and gave a slightly unpleasant grin. “I don’t, that’s why I don’t trust anyone.”

Tilting his head back to look at the high ceiling of the hangar. “She was upset, even before I talked to her. No idea about what. Asked about her friends- Chewbacca, then my man, Finn. Concern was genuine. Especially about Finn. I think she hadn’t even been letting herself think about him while not knowing how he was.”  He paused, thinking, “Not at all comfortable talking about her encounter with Ren. Stiffened the moment I mentioned it. Like I said, same story, he approached her, said he was going AWOL on the First Order and wanted her to come with.”

“And she believed him?”

“Yep. I pressed on that. First thing I did that pissed her off,” he chuckled a moment. “Said she was young but not young enough to believe a story like that from him. Honestly, she made a lot of sense in her response. I mean, I’ve faced that asshole twice and am lucky I’m not dead. His abandoning the First Order sounds like a load of druk to me. But she asked if it was a ploy of some sort, when she didn’t fall for it would he have really let her leave without a fight? To come back and take away their chance at a surprise attack?”

Kelen sighed, “I don’t like any of this. I don’t like that girl. I don’t like Skywalker. And Organa is too entangled in all this. Her son, her brother. Even the girl, she’s got some strange emotional draw to that girl.”

“Athan. Please. You don’t like anyone.” He looked directly into Kelen’s eyes, “And I would trust the General to lead me to hell and back, just so you know. Her entire life is this organization.”

The only response was a mutter that he couldn’t make out, so he continued, “Pretty much at that point was when she suddenly claimed you sent me. And like I said, she didn’t say it with any kind of question. That lead to her telling me to kriff off and me telling her that I liked her and that she was cute… no, adorable, I think I said adorable.”

The Commander rolled his eyes, “I don’t need that level of detail.”

“Yeah, well, she crossed her arms and glared down at me and she got this cute little crinkle on her nose when she did so… yeah, adorable.”

The green eyes stared into him in annoyance, “She’s a little young for you.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t rob cradles.” He chuckled, “She pretty much left in a hurry not long after that.”

He watched as Kelen sat down on the steps of the ladder, his arm leaning on the railing and resting his head on his hand. The man shook his head, “You trust her, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged, “quick assessment, she’s not about to do any intentional harm. Unintentionally? Well, she’s sharp, like I said, but young. Youth and poor decisions go hand and hand.”

There was a pause, both men silent.

“But you like her?” Kelen’s lips gave to the smallest smile.

“I do.”

Kelen shook his head, still resting on his hand. For a full minute neither spoke.

“We’re on borrowed time, Poe. I don’t need the kriffing force to feel it.” He lifted his head, green eyes worried. “This base wasn’t nearly ready. I was against moving this quickly, because if we were found we’d practically be target practice for the bastards. We’re leaving our fate in someone else’s hands right now.”

He knew they were no longer talking about the girl, or Skywalker, “The General trusts them. Well, no, not really them, but him. She trusts him. I trust the General.”

Slowly, Kelen stood up, sighing, shoulders slumped “I hope so. Because we are kriffed if that trust was misplaced. The Resistance is dead if that trust was misplaced.”

Without looking at him for a reaction, the Commander turned and walked away, eyes never leaving the ground, brushing past maintenance workers and fighter pilots without giving them a look.

He picked up his tools and carried them back to the storage units, stowing them away before heading back to the barracks. A sonic and a few hours to relax seemed like a good idea right now. Relax and not think about Athan’s worries. A small part of him shared those worries. The larger part of him jabbed that worried part the ribs and told it to shut up. Because he trusted General Organa, and would follow that trust to his death.

 

\---

 

For once, without an external force encouraging her to do so, she was meditating.

Meditation was not her thing. It was boring. Her mind didn’t like to still. Doing nothing just seemed to let her mind run off on it’s own tangent, like a skittermouse trapped in the bottom of a trunk, running from wall to wall.

Today it seemed to be helping. Her mind wasn’t still, but it was quieter than normal. Ren was quiet too right now, which helped. She got the feeling he might be sleeping. Hopefully he was going to stay that way for awhile.

There was a knock on the door. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was why she was meditating. Trying to keep herself from getting worked up for this eventual confrontation.

“Come in,” she said, keeping her eyes closed.

The door creaked and shut. Her visitor said nothing as she tried to keep herself centered, as he always would call it. Centered and not wandering. She was bad at the not wandering part, there were too many little pathways and side shoots to run off and chase in her head. But not right now, right now she was staying right there in the center of herself, right here, right now, calm, centered. Not thinking about Ren, or her encounter with Dameron, or how she thought Kelen was a epic prick, or that Luke was now here in the room with her and she was failing miserably at this clear your mind druk that she was supposed to be doing.

“I really suck at this,” she said, suddenly.

“Well, you are  _ trying _ ,” his voice was amused.

She opened her eyes, “I was doing better than normal till you knocked.”

Luke was calm. His eyes were calm and thoughtful. He didn’t seem like someone capable of the erratic emotions she’d taken the brunt of yesterday. His emotions were reined in, smothered under the cloak of calm.

After yesterday, it was a lot harder to trust that outward appearance.

He came over and sat across from her, cross legged, taking her hands gently in his own, “You don’t trust yourself in the quiet.”

She frowned, “I have no idea what that means.” Maybe she was being a little blunt, but she kind of felt like she should be allowed to be blunt after yesterday.

“You’re afraid of what you’ll find there, if you are quiet too long. The things you don’t want to know about yourself. So instead you have your mind scamper at every distraction it throws at it.”

Something about that thought bothered her. A lot. And in response her thoughts went scampering every different directions like a room full of skittermice exposed by the light, running for every corner. She pulled her hands away and sighed.

“I wanted to apologize.”

She looked up, there was a touch of shame in his eyes.

“I lost control of myself. And worse I lost control of myself with you. I’m sorry, I should have never let that happen.”

“Apology is accepted, but I don’t want to talk about it.” 

He frowned, “Rey, we need--”

“No,” she looked at him sharply.

“You don’t und--”

“I completely understand. You want to talk to me about him. He wants to talk to me about you. I’ve determined I don’t intend to listen to either of your opinions on the other. Neither of you has a view of the other that can be objected and untainted.”

Luke’s frown deepened, “I’m not being subjective about Ben. What happened is completely objective.”

“He thinks the same about you.”

“Oh please,” he said, exasperated. 

She shrugged, “It is what it is, but I’m done. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions and my own opinions.”

A tinge of agitation flickered in Luke’s eyes. She reached out and grabbed his hands in hers, “My loyalty is to you. Why isn’t that enough for you to trust me?”

“You’re more vulnerable than you understand,” Luke’s voice was weak. He sighed, “I trust you, but I’m afraid for you.”

“You don’t need to be,” she said, firmly.

He seemed to struggle a moment, wanting to push more at the conversation versus letting it go. Finally he sighed, “Okay, why don’t we work on your meditation together?”

She smiled, “I’m going to disappoint you miserably, aren’t I?”

“Noone, you never disappoint me,” he smiled, his eyes twinkled slightly. “You frustrate me. There’s a difference.”  She rolled her eyes at him, he ignored her, “Okay, let’s work on that being quiet and centered part of this.”

“You mean the whole point of it part?” she chuckled. He nodded and winked.

“Exactly. Now shut your damn eyes and breathe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I tried to back off the intensity a little here, especially because we're about to go break neck into action in the coming chapters. So enjoy a sleep deprived Kylo's rambling thoughts, a little more Poe, and peace being made between Luke and Rey.
> 
> I had to write more Poe. I'm liking the way he's turning out. And I figured I owed Kelen a little more than some background shell of a character that people seem to think is an asshole. So, hey, you get to meet him, through Poe's point of view. He's still an asshole, mind you, but he has a character.
> 
> Just want to say again, I love all of you for commenting. I feel a bit like a jerk cause I don't respond often to individual comments, but I really do read what you guys say and really appreciate the feedback. It helps me know I'm following a good path with this story.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stumbling to his feet he did his best to stomp life back into them as he checked the alarm. First Order ships detected in the system. His eyes didn’t want to focus as he squinted at the ship signatures, four of them. Four…
> 
> Whoa. Okay. So. Yeah. Snoke apparently was not going to kriff around.
> 
> Star Destroyers. Four. Overkill. Even for Snoke.
> 
> They’d dropped out of hyperspace maybe 15 minutes from the planet. Apparently they decided the to sacrifice the element of surprise for abundance of caution. They hadn’t known what they were up against. Now that they were within scanning distance, he was sure Hux was irritatingly gleeful at how vulnerable this base was.
> 
> He activated full stealth mode, hearing the hum of power as it was drawn to the cloaking device. First Order stealth tech was some of the best in the galaxy. He was completely invisible right now to everyone.
> 
> Four Destroyers, he should probably feel more uneasy than he did. Getting the kriff out of here was going to be more difficult than he had been anticipating.
> 
> But instead he felt calm. He closed his eyes and felt the force, feeling more connected to it than he could ever remember. It flowed through him and it was one with him.

The alarm dragged him groggily back to consciousness. His muscles stiff and his neck with a serious kink in it from sleeping upright in the chair. His legs were numb, his kriffing ass was numb. He groaned a moment, squinting at the chronometer-- oh kriff.

Twenty hours? He’d been out for twenty hours? No wonder he hurt.

Stumbling to his feet he did his best to stomp life back into them as he checked the alarm. First Order ships detected in the system. His eyes didn’t want to focus as he squinted at the ship signatures, four of them. Four… 

Whoa. Okay. So. Yeah.

Snoke apparently was not going to kriff around.

Star Destroyers. Four.

Overkill. Even for Snoke.

They’d dropped out of hyperspace maybe 15 minutes from the planet. Apparently they decided the to sacrifice the element of surprise for abundance of caution. They hadn’t known what they were up against. Now that they were within scanning distance, he was sure Hux was irritatingly gleeful at how vulnerable this base was.

He activated full stealth mode, hearing the hum of power as it was drawn to the cloaking device. First Order stealth tech was some of the best in the galaxy. He was completely invisible right now to everyone.

Four Destroyers, he should probably feel more uneasy than he did. Getting the kriff out of here was going to be more difficult than he had been anticipating.

But instead he felt calm. He closed his eyes and felt the force, feeling more connected to it than he could ever remember. It flowed through him and it was one with him.   


He felt for her. She was slightly frantic. Guess that answered the question of whether they knew.

_ Rey,  _ he pressed against her shields, not sure if she could hear him.  _ Rey. _

A set of shields dropped, opening her mind to him ever so slightly,  _ I’m busy. _

_ I know,  _ he sighed,  _ be careful, little one. _

She was quiet, he could feel her emotions pulling at her from all directions,  _ Are you leaving? You should leave. If they find you... _

He pursed his lips with a small smile. She was concerned about him, that was adorable.  _  Not yet. Don’t worry about me. _

Hesitation again, and then he felt her pull back, distracted by the chaos around her. She didn’t bother to build her shields back to full strength, he sighed and carefully reinforced his. For once he could actually have some access to her and he had to hide himself away.

But he needed at least some element of surprise. No accidental peeks from her at his plans.

He rolled his neck, bringing one hand up to massage the kink. His head was throbbing too. Sleep deprivation followed by oversleeping was a bitch. But he didn’t have time to think about that right now.

Things were about to get interesting.

 

\---

 

She stood between Leia and Luke, tense. The base was on full alert, everyone scrambling for their defensive positions for the impending attack. Her mouth was dry and her heart pounding in her throat. Four star destroyers. How could they even fathom winning against a force that big?

“We need to move all non-essentials to the evacuation ships,” Kelen’s voice was rough, strained.

Leia nodded in agreement, not saying anything. 

“They’ll reach the planet in seven minutes, sir,” a Lieutenant she didn’t know spoke.

“You activated the protocol?” Leia asked, eyes turning to Kelen.

She wasn’t sure what they were talking about.

“Yes,” his voice was curt. 

“I’m going to head down and make sure my aids get on the ships,” Leia shook her head, “at least a few would try to stay.”

Kelen turned, “With respect to everything, General, you should be leaving with them.”

“I am not abandoning this base during a battle,” Leia’s voice was sharp.

“If you die the Resistance is dead,” Kelen turned away from her with a shrug. 

“He’s right,” Luke’s voice was quiet, thoughtful. 

The General  turned and glared at him, “Don’t you start.”

Luke just shrugged, “I’d like Rey to stay with you, in any case. To guard you.”

She eyed Luke wearily, was he doing this to keep her out of the main battlefront? She didn’t like this much at all.

“Okay, if it’s okay with Rey,” Leia glanced at her thoughtfully.

Luke looked at her with intent eyes. Frowning, she looked down, knowing it wasn’t her place to question her master, and then nodded, “Okay.”

Leia turned and met her eyes, for a brief moment she flicked her eyes over to Luke before rolling them and then winking at her, “This won’t take long and we’ll be back here.”

She suppressed a laugh and followed the general out of the room.

 

\---

 

He was feeling smug.

The scan of the base below showed it was pitifully defended. Snoke’s paranoia was misplaced. Four star destroyers? This task wasn't even going to need one.

Was Ren down there? 

It bothered him. Of all the many unpleasant things he thought of Kylo Ren, the idea of him being a traitor to the Order had never been one of them.

Had he turned? Run to the Resistance? Or perhaps he'd just run like a coward, long gone from here?

It didn't seem likely. The man might have had the emotional stability of a toddler, but he wasn't a coward.

“General?”

He didn't really have time to think about it. His orders were clear. If Ren was there he wanted him alive. The scavenger, the little Jedi bitch, she was also to be found and taken alive. Snoke was very firm on that. He wanted them both.

Skywalker and Organa were to be killed without prejudice. Executed if captured immediately.

“Initiate attack. Scramble the fighters. Send the battalion for surface invasion. Remind them of my orders.”

If the girl was killed Snoke would have his head. And before that happened he would make sure those below him who failed were executed. He might die, but at least he'd have the satisfaction of taking them with him.

Watching the ships descend on the planet he felt a mirthful glee. This would be a killing blow to the terrorists. All remaining squabbles would just be their dying gasps.

Order would prevail across the galaxy.

A alarm sounded, dragging him out of his thoughts.

“Sir, ships have jumped out of hyperspace. A small fleet of Palwniach frigates and a lead ship of unknown configuration.”

He gritted his teeth. This was technically Palwniay held territory. The Palwniach were weak enough to be barely notable. The First Order could wipe out their entire civilization without breaking a sweat. Surely they were not going to try to protest? Siding with terrorists would be a death sentence.

“Show me!” he snapped, walking towards the viewer. 

A dozen ships appeared on the view. The frigates were old, likely from the time of the Empire. They were gnats next to his fire power.

The lead ship was new though. A design he was unfamiliar with. It loomed, well armed and heavily shielded, a giant between the Star Destroyers and the frigates. He was sure it carried a squadron or two of fighters.

He scowled. It might actually be a match for a Star Destroyer.

“The lead ship is initiating communication, General. Should we answer?”

Running a tongue over his lips, he fretted a moment. Yes, a match, possibly, for one Destroyer.

But he had four.

“No. Ignore them. Proceed with the assault.”

Another alarm sounded. He didn't need to wait to find out why. The ships dropping out of hyperspace were in plain view, joining the small fleet of frigates. These were not unknown nor were they Palwniach.

“Mandolorians?” His voice was incredulous. What the hell would Mandalor be doing involved in this?

“At least thirty six fighters or fighter-transports, sir.”

Half the new ships broke away and descended onto the planet. He clenched his fists, enraged with this unexpected chaos now being added to their plans.

“The lead ship is still trying to contact us.”

His stomach roiled, okay then. They had his attention, “Put them on.”

A man with greying black hair and intense blue eyes appeared on the screen. He wore a grey uniform he didn't recognize, marked with an emblem patch on the sleeve and colored pips that likely I indicated a rank. 

“This is Ezra Bridger, First Commander of the Outer Rim Interplanetary Alliance.”

_ Who from the outer rim what?  _ He thought, digging his nails into the palms of his hands.

“You have breached Palwniach territory, as a member of the Alliance, they have asked we represent them in this grievance. We request you cease and desist all military activities on the planet Asic and within the Ealdarian system, and leave Palwniach territory at once.”

His mouth dropped open at the sheer nerve of the man. Forcing himself to keep calm, he addressed the shabiur, “There is a known terrorist base on this planet. Section 31.7 subsection 9.23 of the third Hosnian Treaty, which  Palwniay did indeed sign, gives the right to defend against known threats residing on uninhabited planets in cosigner territory.” He stepped towards the screen, eyes flashing, “So I would  _ suggest _ that the Palwniach, and whatever pathetic little Alliance you are from, leave immediately and do not interfere with our operation. Unless you would like to admit that you are supporting a known terrorist organization, which the First Order would consider an act of war.”

“The Hosnian Treaties were signed with the New Republic.” The man’s voice was cold, “As I know  _ you _ are aware, the New Republic no longer exists.”

He opened his mouth and then snapped it shut, realizing suddenly where this was leading.

“Palwniay considered the Hosnian Treaties null and void with the destruction of the Hosnian system. As do, I should add, all members of our Alliance.” A smug smile spread across the arrogant kriff's face, “And with those treaties now void, Palwniay has declared all Palwniach territory off limits to the First Order. As have, I should also mention, all of the members of our Alliance. The First Order is not welcome in Alliance territory.”

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” he was going to crush this pissant for even thinking about standing in their way. “I have four Star Destroyers. If you think you, a handful of Mandalorian fighters, and those pathetic little gnats behind you are going to stop us, you are greatly mistaken. I am going to make an example of you for those stupid enough to stand in the way of the First Order.”

 

\---

 

Standing on the bridge of his command ship, The Jarrus, he had to fight the feeling of surrealism of this moment. 

It really shouldn’t feel that way to him. He’d spent the last five years of his life quietly, secretly, and very carefully working for this moment. Well, no, it wasn’t this moment, per say, that he actually had been working towards. Because he’d really fought against the push to put him in command, so yeah, that part of this moment could go kriff itself. But the ability of Rim worlds to hold ground against the First Order threat? Yeah, that was exactly what he'd been working for.

He had held out against the push for him to hold command over several years, even as his idea, one that had started as a crazy thought that even he had dismissed as impossible, took root and grew and seemed to actually be coming into fruition. Command wasn’t his thing. It was too open, too public. He'd come to appreciate the anonymity of the shadows over the years, you were able to get more done there.

But in the end, his allies had demanded it, insisted that he was the only one they trusted in charge of this thing. Maybe it was only fair. You built it, you own it, sorry Ezra, have fun and try not to crash and burn this bitch.

Still, not a bad gig for a guy who was once a street kid on a backwater like Lothal.

_ Do you ever listen to yourself? _

A stray thought, his thought, but not in his voice. A voice he missed.  _ Yes, Kanon, I do and I still happen to think I’m very interesting. _

Looking at the angry redheaded prick on the viewscreen, he wondered what Kanon would have thought of what he’d managed to build. And judging by the First Order General’s shocked reaction, what he actually managed to build in secret, without these assholes having a kriffing clue. Five years of deals and brokering under heavy cloaks of secrecy. Thirty-seven kriffing planets coming to an agreement and not a peep made it to the ears who they didn’t want to hear it. 

That was still stunning to him. He’d spent a lot of his life living under cloak and dagger but  _ thirty-seven planets _ and no one leaked to the powers that be. I mean, yes, they were mostly backwaters out here in the Rim, small planets that the bigger fish didn’t even think were worth eating. But still. Thirty-seven. That’s a lot of people not letting it slip that there was something going on out here. Maybe the Force had really wanted to lead him to this. Because luck can’t explain how this all worked out. 

It had taken patience and restraint and diplomacy. So much diplomacy. Enough diplomacy to give him headaches every kriffing night trying to sort it out so everyone was willing to play nice with one another. He kriffing hated diplomacy.

The details were worked out to maintain sovereignty among the members, mostly operating as a militia, the members pledging ships and resources to operate under a central Alliance command in a time of need. The Alliance command had three Destroyer class starships built, each holding a squadron of fighters. Getting planets to agree to fund the command ships had also been a royal pain in the ass, but not only had he succeeded, but again, they got them built without anyone they didn’t want to know finding out.

Three ships, The Jarrus, The Syndulla, and The Orrelios.  Named in honor of long gone friends who had taught him a thing or two about how to face down an enemy who overpowered you on all fronts. Three ships and promises of pledges from planetary fleets. Promises that actually were being kept.

Yeah, he thought Kanon would have been pretty happy with him.

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” the redhead was practically sputtering. It brought him amazing amounts of joy to piss that prick off. “I have four Star Destroyers. If you think you, a handful of Mandalorian fighters, and those pathetic little gnats behind you are going to stop us, you are greatly mistaken. I am going to make an example of you for those stupid enough to stand in the way of the First Order.”

His current smile gave way to a grin and he turned and nodded to the lieutenant behind him, shooting her a wink before turning back, “Are you now?”

The Syndulla appeared out of hyperspace, a fleet of twenty four Garelian corvettes behind it.

A second later and The Orrelios joined the fray, with twelve Twi’Lek frigates and sixteen Pamarthen fighters behind them.

The smile dropped from his face and he stepped towards the viewscreen, meeting the redhead’s stunned blue eyes with his own fierce glare, “Feel free to try.” He turned again to the lieutenant, making a slicing motion over his throat, and she cut the feed.

“Scramble the fighter squadrons,” he ordered. Hitting the encrypted com, “Syndulla, Orrelios, please have ships ready to engage. No one is too fire until they fire first. Then please feel free to unleash glorious hellfire upon these assholes.”

There was laughter on the other end of the line, a female voice spoke, “Jarrus, this is Syndulla, we copy that Commander.” A second voice spoke, “This is Orrelios, we also copy you Jarrus. Looking forward to getting to unleash hellfire.”

He smiled and pressed another link, “Spectre-Five, do you read me?”

A female voice spoke, “I read you Spectre-Six .”

He smiled, “What’s your position?”

“Units are on the ground. All fighters have joined up with the Resistance fleet.” She paused, “Enemy troops are on the ground now, do we have permission to engage?”

“Yes, but let them fire first.”

“Keeping up appearances?”

“For appearances sake,” he agreed. “Good luck Spectre-Five. Stay safe, my friend.”

“You as well Spectre-Six.”

He turned to the viewscreen tense, watching the TIEs spill out of the Star Destroyers. Just waiting now for the first shot to be fired.

 

\---

 

He didn’t get surprised about much, even when unexpected things happened. Unexpected things happened as a regular course.

Marveling at the sensor readouts of the shuttle and his mind going over the transmission he’d intercepted between the First Order and the lead ship of the Palwniach fleet, he had to admit he wasn’t just surprised even. He was stunned. Absolutely stunned. An outer rim alliance? Had they managed to create something like that under the nose of the First Order? How the kriff did they pull that off? 

Judging from the array of ships and the three large lead ships, coupled with the base defenses and fighters, they might actually have a decent chance to win this battle. Clearly, the goal of setting up the base here was to put them squarely in this “Alliance” territory, creating the scenario now that the First Order was in trespass as a reason to act hostile to them.

Appearances still mattered in intergalactic diplomacy. There were still a lot of unaligned planets now that the New Republic was gone. Making the First Order out to be the hostile one in this clash would benefit this Alliance in swaying them to their side.

He needed to get going, scavenger girls to find and all. But his mind, slightly joyously, replayed Hux’s absolutely shocked and angry face. The other man, he recognized him from Ahch-To, the man who had been fighting beside Rey. The son of a bitch who had touched her mind. Bridger, his name was Bridger. After watching him play out that interaction with Hux for maximum ‘kriff with Hux’ effect, he might forgive the man for the trespasses with his girl.

Maybe. Or at the least he wouldn’t kill him if he ever met him in person.

Chuckling to himself he got up and exited the shuttle, picking up a jog in the direction of the base. The sounds of the fight were already starting, blaster fire, explosions. In the distance he could see the air battles beginning between the TIE fighters, X-Wings, and Mandalorian fighters.

The feeling of the force grounding him, guiding him, hadn’t faded. He was walking the path it had set out for him. The path that lead to his girl. 

Heading towards the death and destruction, he smiled.

This was going to finally get fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a jumpy chapter, hopefully it doesn't feel disjointed.
> 
> I had a bit of a block trying to get from point A to point C. So there's a section that's a little weak. I opted to just push through it rather than dwell obsessively on it and force the set up I want the characters to be in. Not my favorite bit of writing (it's the little Rey POV section).
> 
> I really enjoyed my Hux vs. Ezra showdown where I reveal the Alliance. It was a scene that was in my head for awhile. Hopefully you guys like it too.
> 
> If you watch rebels you know who the three ships are named after and I apologize for deciding they died in my universe.
> 
> If you're a writer, don't torture yourself by making a planet called Palwniay where the people are called Palwniach. Writing that over and over is a bitch.  
> XOXO to all the readers and the commenters. I love you all.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frown flickered across Leia’s face. She was sensing something off here too. Gently, touching Leia’s arm, making sure she didn’t decide to go through the doorway first, she looked at Connix, “You two first, please.”
> 
> Leia’s eyes met hers and she nodded an approval. It made her feel better, that it wasn’t just her who sensed things weren’t right. She wasn’t just paranoid.
> 
> The request was met by a frown from the woman, but the man… maybe for a second she saw the slightest twist of a smile. But it was gone so fast she wasn’t sure.
> 
> He stood, “After you, Kay,” he had a smooth, slightly low voice, it didn’t seem to match him.
> 
> The blond shot him a look before walking out the door. He followed. She followed, keeping herself between the General and them.
> 
> “You’re a paranoid one, aren’t you, _little Jedi_?” that low voice drawled in front of her, shooting tension down her spine. He spoke the words like a slur, condescendingly, and behind her Leia gasped in shock. She unclipped her staff, about to order them both to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted this story again since this weird anonymous bug seems to effect people getting subscription updates. I'm going to keep the two in sync, I hate to delete this one and screw up bookmarks.
> 
> If your having any issues with subscriptions or anything else, feel free to swap over to the other post of this here- http://archiveofourown.org/works/10850889/chapters/24146457

She cursed the design of this base.

It was a maze of corridors, sprawling out over a vast footprint. It seemed inefficient, making it hard to get from one point to another, even harder to remember exactly how to navigate. Leia didn’t seem to be having much trouble with it as she worked her way down to the residential cluster that had been assigned to her and her aids. This part of the base appeared to be deserted now, with everyone either at their posts or heading for evacuation.

The only sound was the echo of their footsteps. Something about the dull sound made her uneasy. 

“May I ask you something, General?” she winced at her own voice. She shouldn’t. What she wanted to ask was inappropriate.

“Of course.”

“It’s about R-- Ben.”

Leia’s steps faltered, “I… yes, okay?”

She blurted it out, unable to help herself. His anger, so much of his resentment, towards her, stemmed from it, “Why did you send him to Luke?”

The small woman stopped, as if shocked, turning to look at her.

“It… it was, well, I...” Leia’s eyes looked tired and sad. “I thought it would have been best for him. His force abilities were potent and he didn’t always have them under the best control. And he was… emotional, angry, a lot. Some of which was Han’s and my fault. We weren’t the most stable people, didn’t have the most stable marriage, and we didn’t live the most stable life. And he was a very sensitive, shy boy. He hurt easy and we were often too wrapped up in ourselves to notice.”

“Why wait till he was thirteen? What made you decide to do it then?”

Leia closed her eyes tightly, “There were a lot of little things leading up to it, and one incident that…” She cut her own words off, shaking her head.

An incident? What did that mean? “Did he hurt someone?”

Tired brown eyes opened and met hers, “No, yes… it, it was complicated… it was self defense, and he was protecting someone else as well.” Leia turned away and started walking, “You’ll forgive me, Rey. But we really should keep moving.”

“Of course, I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s fine, you have nothing to apologize for.”

The sound of voices echoing down the corridor made them both jump. Leia followed the sound to a storage room, the voices falling silent as they heard the footsteps approaching.   


“Arrik, Lt. Connix, what are you doing down here?” 

Two pair of shocked eyes looked over at them. It was a blond woman she’d seen in the control room before and a man she didn’t recognize. He had brown hair that looked like it was a bit overgrown and amber eyes that fixed on to her and made her feel uneasy. 

“General! I was making sure your aids were abiding by the evacuation call. Aside from Leed here, they’ve all made their way to the ships,” the woman spoke before turning back to the man. “Leed and I were just having a discussion about how he was going to abide orders and leave, weren’t we?”

The man muttered something. Flicking his eyes first to Leia before resting on her again. There was something off about him. She frowned and followed closely as Leia approached the two of them.

“Arrik, all non-essential and non-military personnel are to leave,” Leia looked at him, frowning, “and Kaydel, while I appreciate your help, you should get to your post.”

“Of course, I’m sorry, General,” Connix turned, looking sheepish, “this is the girl with Skywalker?”

“I’m Rey,” she answered, a sharpness to her voice. Without thought she brought her hand to rest on her saberstaff. The man’s eyes followed the motion and she could practically feel his stare burning into her hand.

“Yes, sorry, I’m Lt. Connix, the idiot behind me is Arrik Leed, one of the General’s junior advisers.” She nodded at the door, “After you, General. Leed will head to evacuation and I’ll accompany you two up to command.”

A frown flickered across Leia’s face. She was sensing something off here too. Gently, touching Leia’s arm, making sure she didn’t decide to go through the doorway first, she looked at Connix, “You two first, please.”

Leia’s eyes met hers and she nodded an approval. It made her feel better, that it wasn’t just her who sensed things weren’t right. She wasn’t just paranoid.

The request was met by a frown from the woman, but the man… maybe for a second she saw the slightest twist of a smile. But it was gone so fast she wasn’t sure.

He stood, “After you, Kay,” he had a smooth, slightly low voice, it didn’t seem to match him.

The blond shot him a look before walking out the door. He followed. She followed, keeping herself between the General and them. 

“You’re a paranoid one, aren’t you, _little_ _Jedi_?” that low voice drawled in front of her, shooting tension down her spine. He spoke the words like a slur, condescendingly, and behind her Leia gasped in shock. She unclipped her staff, about to order them both to stop. 

Then the first explosion rocketed through the corridor, the force of the blast knocking her backwards sprawled across the floor, losing her grip on her saberstaff. The floor rocked as more explosions went off near by, and judging from the echoes, further away as well.

She pulled herself upright trying to see through the dust and smoke, unable to see Leia. Feeling around her for her saberstaff, her eyes stinging, she spotted it mixed in with debris. Reaching out, her fingertips touched the engraved silver hilt for just a moment before a foot came stomping down on her hand. 

Her scream of pain and surprise echoed down the corridor as she looked up through the haze to see amber eyes looking down at her. She wrenched up her other hand an concentrated a force blast straight at his chest.

And nothing happened. The force concentrated around him and he batted it her blast away away before it could reach him, instead ramming into the damaged walls around them and causing more debris to rain down. Her eyes widened and he grinned, “I’m not that easy, little Jedi.” Reaching behind his back, he pulled something metal from under his shirt. Swinging downward it expanded downward into a long baton, a ball of energy ignited, sparking at the tip.

She saw the downswing and rolled sideways, her arm twisting painfully due to her pinned hand. The baton crashed down where her body had been just a second before, sending up a cloud of dust and sparking aggressively against the floor. His foot pressed harder on her hand as he raised the baton up again, and she twisted her body around, wrenching her arm harder and ignoring the searing pain that shot through her the shoulder of her pinned arm. Wrapping her legs around his ankles and twisting, hard.

He snarled as she knocked him slightly off balance, just enough to wrench her hand free and roll, away, calling her saberstaff to her as she went, just dodging the blows from the baton that smashed into the floor behind her. Leaping to her feet, she put some space between him and her, her right arm hanging limp at her side. It wasn’t the first time she’d dislocated a shoulder, and she lowered her side and smashed the shoulder into the wall without hesitation, popping it back in. Ignoring the pain as she grasped and ignited her sabers.

_ Rey? Are you okay?  _ Ren’s frantic voice. She ignored him, there was no time.

He circled her, “You're a tenacious little thing, aren't you? I can almost understand the appeal that caused Master Ren to sacrifice his honor to pursue a little Jedi bitch.”

She lunged out with her saberstaff, he blocked with the baton. To her surprise the metal of the baton was able to block the saber blade. Sparks showered from where the metal met her blade.

He broke away and swung at her head. She ducked and jabbed with the saberstaff, he jumped backwards. 

_ Rey! _

She swore under her breath and dropped her shields, letting Ren see the man in front of her as she dodged.

A wave of emotions hit her, a milder storm than some other ones that she’d felt from him, but unsettling nonetheless. It was clear he recognized the man.

_ Brayandt Ren, _ there was a flatness to his thought that she realized was due to him trying to mask his fright. His fright for her.  


_ Friend of yours?  _ She sent before hitting the ground and rolling forward through the debris as his baton crashed down where she had been a moment before. She attempted to take out the bastards legs but he jumped and flipped backward, extending his hand out on landing. She barely had time to deflect the force blast from him. Above them the ceiling rattled and hunks of metal rained around them.

_ One of Snoke’s original knights _ ,  _ I thought he was dead. Be careful he’s-- _

_ Force-sensitive? Figured that out already. _

_ Where are you? I need to find you. _

A scream behind her distracted her turning her head, wide-eyed, Leia? Was that Leia? The distraction cost her, she missed the start of Brayandt’s attack, she dodged, a little too late, the energy head of the baton grazing her shoulder. She yelped in pain and stumbled backwards, her muscles going slack, landing on her ass in a cloud of dust, several feet away from him.

He took a step towards her, grinning “We have orders to take you alive, little Jedi.” Her eyes flickered upward at the ceiling as the numbness very slowly faded from her limbs. “But no one said we won’t be able to have a little fun with you, find out what a proper little whore you can be.”

A wave of pure rage radiated through her, mixing with her own until she didn’t know where her’s ended and Ren’s began. She looked up and funneled that rage into the force, slamming it into the already damaged ceiling, lunging backwards as it collapsed.

She didn’t know if she had trapped him in the debris, but he was successfully walled off from her for now. Without any hesitation she turned and ran the direction of the scream she had heard earlier.

_ Rey, where are you?!?  _

_ I don’t have time for you right now.  _ She sent, frustrated. The last thing she needed right now was a possessive bondmate distracting her. A frustrated huff floated back to her.

A figure appeared through the smoke and dust, blaster out, Connix. Or whatever her name really was. Their eyes met and the woman’s brown eyes narrowed and she fired, aiming low. 

That’s right, apparently they had orders to take her, the little Jedi, alive. She charged and lunged with her sabers, the woman dodged and stumbled her way backwards to put space between them.

“Where’s the General?” she snarled, still feeling the rage ebbing and flowing. Was it hers or Ren’s or both of theirs still?

“Not quite dead yet,” the woman answered, firing again, this time aiming at her shoulder. She just barely got a blade up in time to deflect it. “Hopefully soon though.”

She attacked again, the woman dodged and then lunged forward, swinging her blaster as a club. It connected with her already battered right shoulder and pain exploded, making her stagger back. Raising the saberstaff up as she tried to right herself for another attack.

The light of a blaster bolt lit the air behind them. Connix stumbled forward and collapsed, she dodged the falling body and looked up to see Leia, looking battered and injured, blaster in hand. She took a deep breath of relief and made her way over to her. 

“Are you okay, General?” she paled as she looked her over, her left side was bloody.

“Leia, for kriff’s sake, Rey, call me Leia,” she glanced at her side, “and I’ve had worse. I’ll survive.” She straightened and grabbed Rey’s arm, “Arrik?”

“The ceiling collapsed between us. Not sure if he got buried or just blocked.”

“Son of a bitch worked for me for over three years,” Leia clenched her fists, “and Connix? Of all people, I would not have expected Connix.” She huffed, “And to make it worse it means Bridger’s been right being his paranoid ass self this whole time.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, Leia turned and smiled, “Come on, we need to find a way to get out of here.”

The two turned and worked their way through the crumbled corridor, searching for a path through.

\---

He was furious. Relieved at the moment, but still furious. She’d gotten away, she was safe for now. During her fight he’d been helpless, terrified, and it built his rage up to an inferno. 

Brayandt. Son of a bitch. He always hated that son of a bitch. Back in his early days of training with Snoke the bastard had nearly beaten him to death on the training floor. Shortly before he earned his title of Master, he had returned the favor back to him. Besting him and leaving him broken and bleeding as he walked out the victor.

Needless to say the two of them were never on the best of terms.

The fact that Snoke had used one of  _ his _ knights for a mission like this and didn’t tell him. Brayandt had supposedly been killed on a mission three years ago, a year after he’d taken the title of Master of the Knights. Snoke had gone out of his way to stage the death so he’d have no question about where his man was.

Had the Leader been afraid he would not approve of sending a spy that close to his mother?

Not that it matter, to not let him know what he was doing with his knights… it was disrespectful.

Which wasn’t much of a surprise, was it? In the end, Snoke had no respect for anyone. They were all just tools to him, things to be used for his own ends and thrown away when he was done wtih them.

But the things the son of a bitch said to  _ his _ girl! It took all his willpower not to deviate to find him before he found her. But he wouldn’t. He had a goal. He had one goal. 

If the force willed it, his path would cross with Brayandt on the way and he’d get to kill him.

Around him a battle was unfolding. Fighters fired on one another overhead, blaster fire filling the air as ground troops engaged, explosions rocked the ground around him. The air was heavy with the scent of fire and ozone. He paid none of it any mind, he followed her pull, the force flowing through him.

He came upon a group of stormtroopers in his way and he ignited his saber, batting away blaster fire and cutting his way through them. The smart ones ran. When he came to a group of Resistance troops who opened fire on him, he sent them flying with raise of his hand. For his girl’s sake, he’d do his best not to kill Resistance.

Coming to a place where the outer walls of the base had been blown outward by an explosion, he slipped inside a shattered corridor, still following her pull. Calm, centered. He hummed contently to himself.

She was closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the action chapters begin...


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lightsaber crackled from the hallway as another trooper screamed in pain, and her breath caught in realization.
> 
> Ren appeared in the doorway, saber crackling in his right hand. Nonchalant, whistling, as if he was strolling through a park and not a battle. As if he likely hadn’t just cut his way through a unit of stormtroopers. His eyes met hers and grinned.
> 
> One of the stormtroopers who’d been flung into the wall shifted, trying to raise his blaster. Ren’s head turned and the arm lifting the blaster slammed into the ground. He spun his saber as he walked casually over to the trooper who strained against the force hold. Lifting the saber up mid twirl and catching the hilt in both hands, he plunged the blade straight down through the trooper’s chest. Withdrawing it he spun it again, glancing over at the remaining trooper, he appeared to deem him not a threat and disengaged his saber.
> 
> He still hadn't stopped whistling.
> 
> Leia stood slowly, staring with her mouth open, “B-Ben?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the action continues...

Working their way back was slow going, finding paths through sections of shattered corridor, fissures in the roof and walls letting in crisscrossing beams of light, leading into darkened sections that were intact but without power. A few times they passed walls blasted outward, giving them access to the outside, but without knowing where the enemy was it seemed safer to stay in where there was cover as needed. 

More than once they came upon the broken bodies of those that had been caught in the blast from the explosives. She wondered angrily which of the spies had been responsible for the sabotage? How many charges had they planted?

She was worried about Leia. The woman had stubbornly refused to let her look at her wound to see how bad it was. Her hand was swelling and throbbing, she thought it might be broken, and her shoulder ached. She refused to let the pain distract her, refused to let it fog her mind. She had been tasked with protecting Leia and she was not going to fail in that task.

They came upon another shattered section of corridor, a large section of wall had been blown and bent outward. The sunlight coming through blindingly bright. As they passed two fighters shot by, an X-Wing and one of a design she didn't recognize, chasing a TIE fighter. The TIE’s wing was clipped and it spiraled down into the ground in a fiery blaze. 

As the light began to fade in the corridor, they came across the bodies of Resistance troops. There was no mistaking the wounds, they’d been killed by blaster fire. Her eyes flicked to Leia and even in the dim light she saw the woman’s eyes spark, drawing her blaster. “Stormtroopers. They’ve breached the base.”

She nodded, saberstaff already in hand, watching the surroundings wearily as she followed Leia down another corridor, this one working it’s way inward towards command. The darkness becoming so thick around them it felt like she should be able to reach out and cut through it. A shiver ran down her spine without warning and acting instinctively she grabbed Leia by the shoulder and pulled her sideways into a side doorway just as the red blaster bolt lit the hallway. 

Without any hesitation, pain forgotten, she leapt out of the doorway, somersaulting under the blaster fire before jumping to her feet and igniting the blades of her staff. The walls reflecting the steady yellow light of her blades and the flickering red of the blaster bolts. She charged, deflecting blasts, diving into the group of stormtroopers and impaling the first one she came to with a forward jab before spinning and taking out two more. Several more retreated back, firing, and she bore down on them without any thought or emotion. Instead a cold calm had taken over her, and she attacked, cutting each of them down until she was standing alone in the corridor, surrounded by seven bodies faintly lit by the yellow light of her blades.

“Rey?” Leia’s voice was shaking slightly, entering the corridor again and approaching. She looked up and even with the heavy shadows hanging on her face she could still make out a shocked and almost amazed look. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. I’m fine.” Her own voice sounding slightly distant and hollow in her ears. “We need to go.”

Leia nodded, leading the way again down one corridor and then another. It was impossible for her to keep track of the directions, but she trusted the General to know where she was going. Finally they turned down another corridor to see lights ahead. They’d at least made it to a portion of the base with power, though it still appeared to be a deserted section.

Making their way down the wider main hallway, her tension began to grow even before she heard the sound of footsteps echoing and voices, stormtrooper voices, coming from a side corridor. Grabbing Leia’s arm, she pulled through a door into a storage room that was empty aside from a few dead consoles.

“I don’t think they saw us,” she said, quietly, backing away from the door and ducking behind one of the consoles. Her nerves were on edge as the sound of footsteps stopped somewhere close to the room they were in.  Leia nodded, her face pale, peering over the console.

It all fell quiet and for a moment she felt like she could breath again.

Then the door exploded inward.

A pair of troopers rushed, raising their blasters. She jumped to her feet, ready to ignite her staff, when the two went flying in opposite directions and smashed into the walls. Freezing in place, her head not quite wrapped around what just happened, she heard the sound of commotion and shouting and a few screams from the hall… and whistling. A pleasant, almost jaunty sort of tune. Someone was whistling? Dakriff?

A lightsaber crackled from the hallway as another trooper screamed in pain, and her breath caught in realization.

Ren appeared in the doorway, saber crackling in his right hand. Nonchalant, whistling, as if he was strolling through a park and not a battle. As if he likely hadn’t just cut his way through a unit of stormtroopers. His eyes met hers and grinned. 

One of the stormtroopers who’d been flung into the wall shifted, trying to raise his blaster. Ren’s head turned and the arm lifting the blaster slammed into the ground. He spun his saber as he walked casually over to the trooper who strained against the force hold. Lifting the saber up mid twirl and catching the hilt in both hands, he plunged the blade straight down through the trooper’s chest. Withdrawing it he spun it again, glancing over at the remaining trooper, he appeared to deem him not a threat and disengaged his saber.

He still hadn't stopped whistling.

Leia stood slowly, staring with her mouth open, “B-Ben?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Ren glanced between the two of them before holding his hand behind him. One of the consoles flew sideways and wedged itself into the blasted door frame. The whistling stopped, as he finished on a long drawn out note.

“Hello, Mother,” his eyes resting on Leia, his voice had a clipped, cool tone.  He turned and looked over at her, his eyes warming as he smiled and his voice was much warmer as he spoke, “Hello, Rey.”

He crossed his arms a moment, eyes going back to Leia, eyes tracing down to her injured side. Frowning, thoughtful, as if he was in some internal debate. She reached out across the bond and found he’d sealed his end off from her, she frowned.

Reaching into the left side of his robe, he started to walk towards Leia, pulling a small medkit from some inner pocket. He stopped on the opposite side of the console she was standing behind, looking down into her face. 

For just a moment, she saw his eyes soften, filled with loss and sadness.

Leia shook in place, brown eyes wet, anguished. She reached a hand out towards him, “Ben.” Her voice broke, “Ben… I…”

In a split second his eyes hardened, breaking her gaze and looking away. His hand slapped the medkit onto the top of the console before he turned his back and walked back across the room, “You need to get bacta on that wound,  _ General _ .”

Tears leaked out of Leia’s eyes as she slid the medkit off the console, her eyes following her son’s back. 

She resisted the urge to go wrap her arms around Leia. Her anger rising as she glared across the room at Ren, folding her arms across her chest.

Walking over to another console against the wall, he hopped up to sit on it before looking again between the two of them. His hand reached into his robe, the right side this time, and pulled something out that he tossed in the air and caught again. Squinting, she realized it was a datastick of some kind.

“How convenient to find the two of you together,” he said, gesturing towards them with the hand holding the datastick and grinning, “we have some things to discuss.”

 

\---

 

She leaned against the wall as he talked, arms crossed against her chest. A mixture of fear and anger roiled in her. It didn’t take a lot of leaps for her to figure out where this was going to go. Because in the end, everything he did kept coming back to her.

As she was sure this would. He was still keeping himself closed from her. Keeping everything guarded. 

He was going into detail of what information was on that datastick. Everything from base locations to financing to secret alliances to ship and weapon schematics, even short and long term strategic plans and battle strategies. Leia’s mouth had dropped open as he went on. This type of data would be invaluable to the Resistance.

“It’s encrypted, he finished, tossing it in the air and catching it again,” he said, pointedly. “It’ll require my passkey to access it.”

Leia closed her eyes, “I suspect you aren’t going to give this to us out of kindness then, Ben?”

He snorted, “Nope.”

“What do you want?” the General’s eyes opened, looking at him cautiously.

“Me,” she answered, her voice cold, she opened her eyes and glared at Ren. He smiled, flipping the datastick in the air.

“Yep.” 

Leia’s voice sharpened, “What?”

“It’s a pretty straightforward deal,” he flipped the datastick in the air again and caught it. “I give you this, Rey comes with me, once we’re safely out of here on my shuttle I’ll send the passkey to access it.” 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Ben?” Leia stared at him, “I’m not trading a person.”

He chuckled, “Answering your question would take more time than we have right now.”

She stared at her feet, clenching her fists, “How important is that information to the Resistance, Gen… Leia?”

The older woman paled, “It…”

“They’re dead without it,” Ren said, dryly. “Even with their new friends helping them, they’re dead.”

“New friends?” she asked, puzzled.

“Bridger,” Leia answered. “He’s been creating an alliance among outer rim systems. We chose Asic for this base for that reason, we’re in territory held by one of the Alliance systems, so if the First Order came, they’d have a reason to show up.”

“There was a brilliant transmission between these alliance ships and the First Order," Ren said, almost dreamily, "you missed that?"  


“We were a little busy when that was going down,” Leia, said, dryly.

He glanced at Rey, “Your buddy from Ahch-To played his part to maximum kriff with Hux effect. It was glorious. I even decided to drop my plans to kill him if I ever met him.”

The two women glared at him, he shrugged,  “New friends or no new friends, the Resistance is dead. This might not be the final battle but it’s one of the last ones. The First Order is going to crush them under its heel.” He tossed the datastick again, “This, however, will keep them going for quite a long time, I suspect. Straining First Order resources on multiple battle fronts.”

She snorted, yes, of course. Such a thing would be an advantage to his future plans. A long drawn out war to weaken both the First Order and the Resistance, leaving the galaxy ready for when he swoops in to seize control.

She looked at Leia again, the woman looked up, her brown eyes looked haunted. The truth of what he was saying echoing in them. Leia shook her head at her, “I can not ask you to do this.”

“No, but I can offer,” she took a breath and turned to look at Ren, who grinned. She gritted her teeth, “I kriffing hate you.”

He shrugged, “I know.”

“If you hurt this girl, Ben,” Leia started to speak, an edge to her voice, but he cut her off.

“I’m not going to hurt her for kriff’s sake,” he said, exasperated. “I love her. I’d protect her with my last breath.”

She stared at him, did he just say he loved her? Shaking her head a moment to clear it and steady her resolve, she took a breath, crossing her arms across her chest, “I’m not going to sleep with you.” For a moment she was relieved that she’d avoided adding ‘again’ to the end of that. Even without it Leia was giving her a surprised glance that turned into a glare when she turned to look at Ren.

He gave her an irritated look and huffed, “I’m not going to  _ make _ you sleep with me.” Sliding off the console to his feet, he suddenly gave a goofy grin, “Which is not to say I’m not going to use my charm and wit to  _ try _ to get you to sleep with me.”

She let out a snort and rolled her eyes.

Shrugging his shoulders and ignoring the pointedly irritated look that his mother was giving him, “Don’t doubt my ability to annoy away your willpower.”

Dropping her arms from her chest she took a deep breath, “What if I decide I don’t want to stay with you? Am I free to leave?”

“Uh, no. Kriff no. No. Very much no. You’d leave as soon as they had the passkey.”

Scowling, yeah, she would. She looked at the ground. She would not, could not, swear herself to stay with him for ever, “A year.”

“A year?” he echoed back, quizzically.

“I agree to stay with you a standard year. After that I can leave or stay of my own free will.”

He frowned, leaning back against the console. “A year isn’t a lot of time.”

“If you can’t convince me to stay with you in a year do you think I ever will stay willingly?” her voice was edged with contempt.

“One year,” he sighed, pondering it. “Okay. A year.” He tossed the datastick at Leia who shot her hand out just in time to catch it. She looked at him, frowning, there had been the slightest tremor emotion around the words as he agreed. Not a lie, but something…

She closed her eyes, letting it go. A year. She was agreeing to a year.

“Okay then,” with an almost absent minded wave of his hand the console he’d used to block the door flew across the room, “we’ll see the General to safety before we head back to my shuttle.”

He paused in the doorway and nodded out towards the hallway, “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we have a deal. A deal that pretty much is the set up for the second fic in this trilogy.
> 
> I apologize for Rey's refusal to sleep with Ren again at the moment, since it kills our chance of more smut at the moment, but she's kinda pissed about this whole situation. He's got a year to wear her down though, I doubt she'll hold out that long.
> 
> As much as I hated not having a real moment of forgiveness with Ren and Leia, he's just not there yet. 
> 
> Action will continue, after all this battle is still raging.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Ren crested the top the ground moved under her. She slipped, barely keeping her footing, recovering by scrambling up several steps as the earth moved strangely, unnaturally. There wasn’t any time to focus on this or relish her finding her balance again before she felt the force constrict around her and she was wrenched backwards, flailing, falling.
> 
> _REY!_  
>  "REY!”
> 
> Ren’s voice echoed in her mind and her ears as she fell, already anticipating the hard impact back down with the ground. But instead she hit a solid chest, an arm wrapping around her to keep her upright. The other knocking her saberstaff from her belt before she had time to react. She flailed, trying to get out of the grip, but the other arm came up and a hand wrapped tightly around her throat.
> 
> “The little Jedi whore,” the smooth, low voice spoke softly into her ear chuckle. “And _Master Ren_ , so good of you to find him for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much editing or proof reading was done to this chapter yet. Hopefully it doesn't deteriorate into gibberish anywhere.

Working their way further inward was surprisingly uneventful. 

The ones inside had pulled back to the core of the base. He could feel their presence ahead, a congregation of force signatures, vibrating with tension. This part of the base had been designed with defense in mind. A center hub that only had a few entrance points into it, compared to the tangled, sprawling mess of the rest of this place.

He hung back a moment, glancing at Rey, “There’s a security checkpoint ahead.”

The general’s voice, tired, a little gruff, “I’ll be fine the rest of the way on my own.”

Rey frowned, “Are you sure? I should escort you.”  He bit his lip to stop himself from snarling out a no. They’d made a deal, he had to keep some level of trust that she’d keep her end of it and come back to him if she had to leave him briefly.

But he didn’t like it.

“Yes, it’s secure from here on in,” she answered, he let out a breath, relieved. The general stepped forward suddenly hugged Rey tight, her turning to her ear and whispering something before pulling back. Rey just nodded, reaching up to wipe tears from her eyes. He frowned, not liking that his girl was crying, not liking that something had been exchanged here that he wasn’t privy too.

To his surprise, the older woman turned and walked slowly towards him. He looked up, glowering as she approached, making it abundantly clear she was not welcome this close to him. Not that it stopped her. What he wanted had never been something she could put over what she wanted. 

“Ben…” her voice was tired.

“You need to leave, General,” meeting her sad eyes with a cold glare.

She shook her head, reaching up to his face. He flinched back but couldn’t seem to make himself move. A gentle hand rested on his cheek. He closed his eyes and trembled, when was the last time his mother had touched him? 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m just… I’m sorry.”

His eyes snapped open and her sad, soft brown eyes were peering into his own. For a minute, he couldn’t breath, his chest wouldn’t expand. He couldn’t swallow. His eyes stung.

He broke the eye contact, looking away. He couldn’t forgive her. He wouldn’t.

“You need to leave,” he repeated, his voice shaking. Her hand dropped from his face. He didn’t look up as his mother walked away, as the sound of her footsteps faded down the corridor.

Rey’s eyes bore angrily into him until he looked up at her, she folded her arms across her chest, “She loves you.” An exasperated huff escaped him and he shook his head, wondering if she thought things like this could just come down to something as simple as one emotion? 

He turned without saying anything, starting to head back the way they came. His nerves were rattled now, and he wasn’t sure if they were going to settle again until he and Rey got to his shuttle. Maybe not even until they kriffing made the jump out of here. Pausing, he looked back over his shoulder to where she still stood, arms crossed, eyes angry. Staring at her until she dropped her arms and walked over to him, following him as he led the way down the abandoned corridor.

 

\---

 

Outside was surreal.

It was a beautiful day, warm, the sun was shining overhead, the sky a dark, intense blue dotted with puffy white clouds. A breeze rattled the evergreen trees and the wispy grass. It was a startlingly contrast to the destruction and death around them. Fighters cut through the sky in vicious dogfights, explosions and blaster fire vibrated through the dry air, sounds of screams, of yelling, of death and destruction.

She hated it. It seemed to weigh down, making it harder to walk, harder to breath, to focus. As if energy was being sucked away by the horror surrounding them. In contrast, her bondmate seemed to be feeding off the energies of the battle. He became more alive in the chaos. He  _ enjoyed _ this.  A shiver ran down her spine as she wondered what she’d gotten herself into.

He paused for a moment and looked back at her, “Shields.”

“What?” she blinked at him, confused.

“Your shields are up, put them down,” with the words came a look of annoyance.   


Which pissed her off, “Why?” She glared at him. Given the fact they were in the middle of a chaotic battlefield, it probably wasn’t the time to be pissy but he didn’t need to be an ass while she was already having second thoughts about agreeing to this.

“So we can know what each other knows,” he stepped towards her, “because things are a little kriffed out here, in case you didn’t notice.”

As if the universe wanted to dramatically support him, in the distance behind him an X-Wing spiraled out of the sky into a strand of pine trees and exploded. The force of impact caused tremors in the ground under their feet.

Taking a deep breath, she dropped  _ most _ of her shields. Giving him unfettered access to her mind was not going to happen. His were also down, she could feel his relief, and satisfaction, that she’d complied. 

“Good enough,” he nodded over his shoulder, “let’s go. Keep your guard up.”

She followed three or four steps behind him. Past flaming debris from crashed ships, strands of fallen and burning trees, over ground rough with loose rocks and dirt flung that had rained down from explosions that left small craters dotting the landscape. And bodies. The fallen, broken bodies from each side, littering the landscape.

It was making her feel sick. So much loss. So much destruction.

Ahead of her Ren stopped, she stepped next to him to see why. She’d used this path as part of her route on her morning runs, so she knew it should have rose in a gentle hill here… but the hill had been blasted off. What was left was a dip of a few feet and the steep rise of loose dirt and rock rising about fifteen feet back to the path.

Skirting south didn’t seem to be an option, she could feel the force signatures of the people fighting that way. North skirted along a thick strand of pines that looked too dense to walk through. 

“‘Round or through?” she asked.

“I’m thinking through, but the footing looks loose.”

She shrugged, “I’ve climbed dunes that were steeper.”

He chuckled, sliding the few feet down to the bottom, “Okay, then.” Carefully, he began to climb. Struggling a bit here and there as the footing shifted and he slid back. She followed once he got started, handling the loose ground with a far greater ease. It was partly due to him simply being heavier than her. But it wasn’t all of it, he wasn’t good at this sort of thing and she was. It made her feel somewhat smug.

As Ren crested the top the ground moved under her. She slipped, barely keeping her footing, recovering by scrambling up several steps as the earth moved strangely, unnaturally. There wasn’t any time to focus on this or relish her finding her balance again before she felt the force constrict around her and she was wrenched backwards, flailing, falling.

_REY!_  
"REY!”

Ren’s voice echoed in her mind and her ears as she fell, already anticipating the hard impact back down with the ground. But instead she hit a solid chest, an arm wrapping around her to keep her upright. The other knocking her saberstaff from her belt before she had time to react. She flailed, trying to get out of the grip, but the other arm came up and a hand wrapped tightly around her throat.

“The little Jedi whore,” the smooth, low voice spoke softly into her ear chuckle. “And  _ Master Ren _ , so good of you to find him for me.” 

Ren’s rage rushed into her head, making her dizzy with the force of it. She struggled again but his hand tightened around her throat, cutting off her breath. Still, she fought, until the lack of air made it impossible and she went limp. As she stilled the hand loosened enough to allow her to gasp in air with some struggle.

The distinct sound of Ren’s saber igniting came from above her.

“I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch,” his rage vibrated in each word. Looking up, he stood on the broken edge of the path, saber crackling in his hand and the breeze rustling his robe and blowing his hair around his face. His eyes blazed with pure fury and rage. An angel of death determined to save her and extract his wrath on the one who wanted to harm her.

“Oh, _ Master Ren _ , it’s been quite awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Let the girl go, Brayandt. Face me. I’m the one Snoke wants.”

She was pulled tighter against him, his chin pushing into the back of her head, “Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Snoke is  _ very _ interested in your little schutta. He wants you both.” She’d thought Ren’s rage couldn’t get worse, but it did, reaching an inhuman level of fury. “Surrender. Supreme Leader may show you mercy. Maybe even show your pretty little pet mercy.” 

“I’m going to let you die slowly,” the voice above was cold, matter of fact, hiding the fires she could feel burning behind them.

“Have you gotten a taste yet of your little prize? Was she worth it?”

She threw herself backwards against him, causing him to stagger back a few feet. The hand tightened around her throat again, and faintly she heard “... bitch” muttered from behind her. 

Ren took advantage of the space, leaping from the top and landing in a crouch, saber held at an angle in front of him. Her vision dimmed from lack of oxygen, but she was able to see him stand, menacingly raising his blade. 

The hand released from her throat and she gasped a moment, still too weak to react, and then she felt Brayandt wrap the force around her mind and squeeze, and she knew only blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm an asshole. Leaving you guys on that cliffhanger... sorry! :P


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brayandt just smirked, lowering his blade's point to touch the skin of her arm. Blood began to flow and she whimpered, still unconscious. “No one said what condition you two need to be in, other than still breathing. Think she’ll wake up if I start to carve a few pieces off her flesh?”
> 
> He felt fissures start to form in the cold ice layer that stood between his mind and his rage. He refused to move or respond, instead he continued the stand off, staring menacingly, saber ready. Brayandt looked calm, even a little smug, on the surface, but hidden under that was a thread of unease. The man wanted to goad him into losing control to his anger, and all he knew was it wasn’t working. It was good he didn’t know how close he was to succeeding.
> 
> The layer of ice over his mind was already fracturing. But for now he was in control, and he was still capable of making a plan. A plan that he needed to get the bastard away from Rey. Once she was out of this equation the fight would be between the two of them.
> 
> And he would win.
> 
> And the bastard would suffer for threatening what was his .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little violent in this chapter, you're warned.

On the surface of his mind, there was a cold, false calm. As if ice had been poured over it, trapping the raging turmoil underneath the thinnest frozen layer of cold, collected, calm. And he was glad for it, because it was the only thing allowing him any semblance of control. The only thing allowing him critical thought.

The man in front of if him released Rey, who had hung limp in his arms, and in a fluid motion drew a vibroblade from behind his back pointing it down at the girl lying in a heap at his feet. His other hand drew a shock baton that he extended with a quick flick.

“Are you going to threaten to kill her? Because we both already know you can’t do that,” his voice was laced with the iciness of the calm that was holding him together. “You’ve already said Snoke wants us both. Which means he’s not going to be forgiving if either of us die.”

Brayandt just smirked, lowering his blade's point to touch the skin of her arm. Blood began to flow and she whimpered, still unconscious. “No one said what condition you two need to be in, other than still breathing. Think she’ll wake up if I start to carve a few pieces off her flesh?”

He felt fissures start to form in the cold ice layer that stood between his mind and his rage. He refused to move or respond, instead he continued the stand off, staring menacingly, saber ready. Brayandt looked calm, even a little smug, on the surface, but hidden under that was a thread of unease. The man wanted to goad him into losing control to his anger, and all he knew was it wasn’t working. It was good he didn’t know how close he was to succeeding.

The layer of ice over his mind was already fracturing. But for now he was in control, and he was still capable of making a plan. A plan that he needed to get the bastard away from Rey. Once she was out of this equation the fight would be between the two of them.

And he would win.

And the bastard would suffer for threatening what was _his_.

Taking control of the anger, he fed the dark monster that lived deep within him. Letting it grow and surge with power, but keeping it harnessed and contained until it was time to use it. Brayandt narrowed his eyes, “Do you doubt me, _Kylo_?” There was an implication there, a reminder that his position as Master of the Knights was gone now.  “Are you trying to pretend you don’t care? I know better. I know what you sacrificed. And for a little lightsider cunt?”

He flashed his teeth in something between a growl and a grin. Brayandt shifted slightly, the facade of calm flickering for a moment. He suspected he looked completely insane. Insane but not out of control.

Good.

Brayandt shifted the blade towards Rey’s stomach, hissing, “I have no problem bringing the bitch to Snoke in pieces.” With a sudden movement, he skimmed the blade across her stomach, parting the cloth of her tunic and leaving a line of red welling up. Rey yelped and twitched, but didn’t awaken.

The dark monster was growing to the point that it seemed impossible to contain it. Focusing the power of it into the force, he blasted Brayandt with a wall of raw power. The man’s eyes widened in surprise and he tried to deflect, and mostly succeeded. The majority of the blast slammed into the strand of pine trees with enough force that the ones that took the brunt of it shattered, raining down splinters of wood and needles. But enough hit the man, just enough, it sent him stumbling back away from the girl.

He rushed into the space between, diving at Brayandt before he was able to recover fully. Attacking forcefully and driving him back, further away from Rey. Once there was enough distance he pulled back slightly and twirled his saber, a toothy grin on his face, “Now this is more fair, a fair fight, a fair rematch. After all, we were one and one for two matches.” He chuckled, “And I did enjoy the ass kicking I gave you in the ring the last time we fought.”

Brayandt’s amber eyes narrowed and he flashed his teeth, weaving slightly blade in one hand and baton in the other.

“Two out of three, winner takes all,” he grinned.

“I’m going to kill you,” Brayandt hissed. “Kriff Snoke, he can kill me for it if he wishes. I’m going to kill you.”

He chuckled, “Are you now?”

“And that girl? Before we get back to Snoke I intend to have lots of fun with her.”

The monster was surging in him again, barely contained, straining. He flashed his teeth again and waited.

Brayandt lunged, attacking with a downward swing of the vibroblade. He blocked it easy with his saber, but had to spin away quickly as the other arm quickly swung the shock baton. Responding with another attack of his own that drove the man back several more steps. The two exchange blow, the fight building in ferocity and fury. He isn’t sure how long he let it go on, time no longer existed for him, before he let the dark monster out of it’s harness. Let it consume him.

He lunged forward with a vicious snarl, too fast for Brayandt to block, bringing his blade down through the man’s right shoulder, the arm and vibroblade falling to the dirt. He watched with satisfaction as the man stumbled backward with scream. Moving forward he bent and snatched the vibroblade from the severed limb before kicking it to the side. There was fear in the bastard’s eyes now and he relished it. A predator seeing its prey injured and vulnerable, he drove forward, ducking down to dodge a wild swing with the baton and using the momentum to slash the vibroblade at his prey’s knee.

The leg severed with a satisfying spray of blood. His prey falling sprawled backward with another scream. With no hesitation he severed the remaining arm at the elbow, using the vibroblade again, wanting to paint the ground with his victim’s blood.  His ears roared with the sound of his own heartbeat and he could hear nothing else as he started to methodically take the man apart piece by piece, making sure to leave enough time between each cut for the bastard to fully feel the pain of one before he started the next. First severing the foot of the left leg, then the knee, then at the hip. Then the remains of the right leg, then the left arm at the shoulder.

Standing over the limbless torso writhing below him, he spun his lightsaber and plunged it through the abdomen holding there to let the plasma scorch and burn. When he finally removed it, he stepped back and looked down at the remains of his prey writhing in pain, feeling satisfied.

He would love to leave the son of a bitch like this like this, to let him finish bleeding out in agony. The dark monster growled it’s approval, but he grabbed it and wrestled it back under control, tethering it back down into the depths of himself.

Yes, he would like it. But _she_ wouldn’t.

Slowly, he walked over, twirling the vibroblade. He wasn’t sure if it would hurt more, but the blood was so much more satisfying than the cauterized wound the lightsaber would leave.  In one quick motion, he brought it down decisively through Brayandt’s neck.  The blade stuck in the ground between the torso and the severed head, he released it, leaving it there.

Turning, feeling dazed, he headed back quickly to Rey. When he got to her he dropped down next to her, pulling her into his lap. The wound across her stomach wasn’t deep but it was bleeding heavily. The arm was also bleeding, the wound was smaller but deeper. He started to reach for his medkit before remembering he gave it to his mother.

In his arms Rey shifted, blinking once and moaning.

“Rey?” he asked, softly.

Her eyes opened, blinking at him, trying to focus, “Ren? What?”

“It’s okay.”

She tried to sit up and hissed in pain, looking down at her bloody stomach before looking at him clearly for the first time. Her face paled, “Ren… the blood…”

He looked down on himself for the first time. Brayandt’s blood was splattered across his robes, his arms, probably his face. Looking into Rey’s eyes he shrugged, slightly indifferently, “It’s not mine.”

Her bottom lip trembled as she stared at him a moment, before pulling herself from his arms and sitting up despite the pain from her stomach wound. “What happened?”

A deep breath, his voice flat,  “He knocked you unconscious, threatened you, cut you.” A more sinister treble edged into his words as he reached out and ran his knuckles down her cheek in a caress,  “And then I killed him.”

She just stared, her eyes trailing down across his blood splattered body. For a moment her mouth opened like she wanted to say something before snapping it shut. Instead she looked down at her stomach and her blood soaked clothes, “How bad am I?”

“You’re bleeding a lot, but it’s not very deep,” his voice trembled.

“I’ll manage then, we should get out of here.”

He closed his eyes a minute, the fight had drained him, he was feeling so tired, “I don’t… are you sure? How badly does it hurt?”

“I’ll manage,” she repeated, her voice determined, “we can’t just stay--” She froze, and as she did so he realized too late that he hadn’t been paying attention.

“HOLD IT,” a voice spoke. A half dozen figures sprung out, wearing Mandalorian armor, aiming blasters at them. A seventh appeared, a woman wearing armor that appeared to be hand painted, striding towards them. He felt his anger rising, a snarl rose in his throat and his hand twitched towards his saber.

A small hand pushed forcefully on his chest, he looked to meet Rey’s eyes, “Stop it, right now.” She turned, raising her hands up, looking into the helmet of the one walking towards them, “It’s okay, I’m Skywalker’s padawan. He’s with me.”

The approaching warrior stopped, seeming to regard the girl.

“I know who you are, Rey,” the voice was gentle, maybe a touch amused. He saw Rey’s eyes widen in recognition and he frowned, feeling irritated. He didn't like being the one who was lacking in information.

“Sabine?!”

The warrior reached up and removed her helmet, revealing a woman, maybe in her late fifties, with purple hair that faded to blue at the tips. Thoughtful brown eyes regarded him before turning to rest on the Rey, “ _He’s_ with you? I know who he is too, Rey.”

He flashed his teeth at the woman in annoyance. She either didn’t notice or chose to ignore him.

“It… There was a deal… Leia knows,” Rey looked away, a flush of shame rising on her cheeks and he felt his anger rise again.

The woman stared for a minute, frowning, before turning to her men, “I’ll handle this, move to sector 32 and check for any additional hostile activities.”

“Are you…” one of them began, voice uneasy.

“Sure? Yes, I’m sure. And it’s not your place to question orders.”

“Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma’am.” The man replied quickly, nodding to the others who lowered their weapons and disappeared as fast as they had arrived.

The woman turned, crossing her arms, “What deal?”

“Information on the First Order in exchange for her coming with me,” he responded, regarding the woman coldly. “I gave them a datastick. Once we’re safely off the planet I’ll send Organa the passkey to access it.”

She stared at him, expression flat, before turning to Rey, “You agreed to this?”

Rey looked down, “The information he gave them will let the Resistance have an actual chance against the First Order.”

“And you agreed?” Sabine took another step forward, “I need to be sure whatever you’re doing is of your own free will, Rey.”

“Leia couldn’t ask me to do this. I offered, one year in exchange for the intel,” her voice was somber, another wave of agitation rolled through him.

The woman walked forward reaching into a pouch on her belt, he felt his nerves tense and Rey’s hand pushed on his chest he looked down to see those hazel eyes glaring at him, silently ordering him to behave himself. He ground his teeth together but stayed still as the woman’s hand pulled something from the pouch.

A field medkit. He breathed out again. She came and crouched down next to Rey, dropping the helmet that was tucked under her arm to the ground and opening the kit. Her eyes turned to him. “You, go. Rey and I need to have a talk in private while I tend to her wounds.”

He growled, “No.”

“Yes,” her eyes were calm and hard.

“I’m not--”

“Yes, you are,” Rey’s voice cut him off. He snapped his mouth shut and glowered at the two women, not moving. If she thought he was leaving her alone she was out of her kriffing mind. With a sigh, she leaned forward and pressed her hand against his, “Five minutes?” He watched her eyes flicker to Sabine, who gave a slight nod that this would be okay.

Clenching and unclenching his fists, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, giving in. Five minutes. No more than that. He clambered to his feet, his voice cracking as he agreed, “Five minutes. That’s it, just five minutes.” Turning his eyes down to glare at the woman as she pulled bacta patches out of the medkit before scanning them worriedly over Rey again.

The woman just rolled her eyes at him, “I’ll take care of her, shoo.”

His teeth ground together. He wasn’t someone who was just dismissed like--

A hand gripped his leg, and he looked down, getting lost into Rey’s eyes. They were commanding, irritated. He felt himself calm slightly in her gaze.

“Ren, go. Now.”

He took a shaky breath, turning and walking away at a clipped pace. Shaking away feelings of panic that he’d come back to find them gone. That he’d lose her.

_I’m not going anywhere._ Her voice was gentle in his head. Was she trying to sooth him? _I’m going to raise my shields up though, she wanted to talk in private._

_She shouldn’t need to talk to you at all,_ he snapped back.

He felt her huff in agitation, but also dim slightly as she began to wall herself off, he felt his heart pounding faster in his chest. _Well, she wants to. She’s a friend. I’m going to oblige. It’s five gods damned minutes. If you can’t give us that then I might rethink this._

_I’m giving them to you, aren’t I?_ His anger was seeping through.

Her kriffing voice was gentle again, like a caress across his mind, _Yes, so quit fretting. I’ll see you in a few minutes._

_Okay._

She faded to just a presence.

He closed his eyes. Okay. It was okay.

 

\---

 

“You changed your hair.”

It felt dumb the instant it left her mouth but she felt the need to fill the brief, tense silence with something. The last time she’d seen her, her hair had been a rainbow of colors.

Sabine’s flashed a small smile as she applied the bacta patches, “Yes, I tend to do that now and again.”

Thoughtful, concerned brown eyes regarded her, “What does he want with you?”

That wasn't the easiest question to answer, was it?  “He... wants to teach me. He thinks in time the two of us could be powerful enough to defeat Snoke.”

“That's it? He wants you as a weapon in his arsenal?”

She felt her face flush, “No… I mean… he also wants _me_.” Her eyes looked down to watch her arm as Sabine applied the bacta patch to her arm. “He's a little obsessed with me.”

Sabine sighed, “And you're sure you will be _safe_ with him?” The brown eyes regarded her pointedly, making it clear she was asking this in a very specific way.

“He wouldn't do that.” She closed her eyes for a moment. He’d been angry enough at her to at least threaten it in the past. But now it seemed impossible to think he ever would have done it.

She hoped she wasn’t being stupid and naive as she shook her head and repeated herself,  “He wouldn't.”

For a few seconds Sabine just regarded her with pursed lips, “Okay. You did demonstrate that you have some kind of control over him or I would be dragging you back with me and not giving a flying kriff what kind of deal was made.”

She frowned, demonstrated control over him?

Sabine sighed, “For the record, I don't like this. At all. Does Luke know?”

Paling at even the thought of Luke, she looked at the ground, “No. Just me, Leia, and Ren were there.”

How could this ever be anything but a betrayal to her master? Even if it was for a greater good?

“He's on the opposite end of the battlefield. You won't run into him.”  She blinked back tears, Sabine’s voice was gentle and understanding.

Metal rattling caught her attention, Sabine held a bag up, “Things that go boom. Just good to have. Probably won't need them now, most of the fighting is converging towards the base. But in case you do wherever the hell he's taking you.” She paused a brief moment and pulled a small cylinder from a belt pouch.

A distress pulser, she held it up pointedly before dropping it in the explosives bag.  

“If you need help don't hesitate to use it. I don't care where in the kriff in this galaxy you are. I _will_ find you.” The bag was shoved into her hands as Sabine stood. “Do you know who the dead guy is?”

“A spy, he attacked us,” looking down at her patched stomach. “Attacked me. I was unconscious. Ren said he killed him.”

Sabine’s lips righted into a thin line, “Killed is an understatement. He’s in pieces.”

“Your five minutes are up,” Ren’s voice grumbled. He walked over to stand next to her and glowered at Sabine, who was packing up her med kit, paying no notice to daggers Ren’s eyes were throwing at her.

He reached down to offer a hand, pulling her gently to her feet, “We need to go.”

“If anything happens to this girl while under your ‘care’,” Sabine said, voice cold as she picked her helmet up. Ren’s eyes flashed angrily to the woman, who just regarded him with a solemn determination. “And I mean anything, I don't give a kriff if it's an accident. Anything happens to her, and what you did to that guy…” she nodded behind her, “will look kind in comparison.”

She felt his anger spike and she grabbed his arm, hoping to keep him from escalating. He flashed a sinister grin, “You're awfully confident about your chances against me.”

Sabine laughed as she put her helmet on, “Against you? Very confident.” Ignoring the responding snarl, the woman turned and walked away.

It was just her and him, standing at the steep rise again. Ren was still glaring after Sabine. She could feel the flickering edges of his anger even through her shields. Completely absorbed in his own ego, his own rage and emotion.

She moved closer to him, slipping her small hand around his large one. He jumped, startled, looking down at where her hand joined his.

The anger dissipated somewhat, almost instantly. He looked up, meeting her eyes. It frightened her a moment how she could instantly influence him with her touch.

“We should go,” she said softly.

He nodded, squinting up the steep rise, “This time you go up first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. Not a good thing to hurt or threaten Kylo's girl. It doesn't end well for you.
> 
> This is getting very close to the end of this particular fic. The second one in the series is going to be called Bonded, and much of it is going to be dealing with Rey and Kylo's relationship as it develops.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She jerked away from him. Anger rising at how he’d manipulated this. He’d come here with that datastick. This had been his intent all along, if she wouldn’t come with him willingly he would buy her. He’d had this plan in place when she gave herself to him.
> 
> “Rey…” his voice was soft, almost timid.
> 
> “Don’t,” she closed her eyes and cursed the moisture that leaked out of them. She would let herself cry later, when she was somewhere out of his sight with her shields up, “And yes, I know we need to go.”
> 
> He stared at her for at least a full minute. She tried to glare at him, but couldn’t. The blood splattered across his face had dried, the blood soaking his robes was drying. Blood of the man who’d hurt her. The man who likely hadn’t died particularly well, because he’d dared to threaten her and draw her blood.
> 
> She was angry and grateful to him at the same kriffing time. Gods damn it she was so kriffing confused. Why did he have to confuse her so? Why couldn’t she just hate him?

Something was wrong. 

Given his current position, the thought was almost comical. He was on a battlefield, people were dead, people were dying, the sky was filled with fire. Something was wrong? Everything was karking wrong. War was always wrong.

At least this war they seemed to be winning, even with the internal sabotage the bombs had done to the base. Their allies were unexpected and had given them the edge they needed. Overhead one of the Mandalorian fighters dove and blasted a squad of stormtroopers who had been working their way closer. The troopers flew in different directions, some of them in pieces.

But something else, something more important than all of the wrongness around him was wrong. He could sense it, feel it in the force, feel it in his gods damned soul. Their position here was now relatively safe. He leaned back on the barrier they’d been taking cover behind, closing his eyes and reaching out, losing himself in the force.

Leia was inside… he could feel her. But Rey wasn’t with her. Sweat broke out on his brow as he fought back a rising twinge of fear. He fought it back, it was ridiculous, panicking when there was no reason to suspect anything. Concentrating, he felt for Rey… barely, just barely, he was able to pick her out amid the chaos.

She was far away. Quite far. Why would she have traveled that far off during the battle?

Why in karking hell was she not still with Leia? He clenched his fists, opening his eyes. 

“Master Skywalker?” he glanced over at the Resistance officer who was in charge of this division. Captain… Captain, he gave up, in the current fog of emotion that was clouding his mind, he couldn’t remember. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” his voice was slightly strained. “Is everything okay here? I need to talk to the General.”

“Yes sir, at this point I don’t think there’s a lot left. General Organa is in the command center.”

He got to his feet, feeling slightly dizzy. His heart was pounding in his chest. Something was seriously wrong. And what was seriously wrong had to do with Rey. Without another word he worked his way through the ranks of Resistance defending this current position, heading inside to find his sister for answers.

\---

They were fairly far from the battle now, though the sounds of it still echoed across the craggy hills. If the breeze blew the right direction you could still smell the smoke and ozone that tainted the air. 

She paused for a moment, looking back at the fighters dancing in the sky in the distance. There were a lot more X-Wings and Mandalorian fighters left than the TIE fighters. They were winning. At least there was that, right here, right now, a stand was being made and they were winning. She could only hope that the information she was trading herself for would be able to keep them going-- keep them winning. 

Her eyes stung and she closed them tight. She hadn’t allowed herself to think about what she was doing here. Hadn’t had time before, given everything that was happening. Now, standing a safe distance away from the chaos, she couldn’t keep her mind from going there. She felt dirtied by what she was doing here, it may not have been sexual, but she had sold herself in exchange for what he had given them. How was she anything more than a whore? Even with the knowledge of it being for the greater good, it didn’t take away from--

A hand brushed against her shoulder and she jumped, eyes snapping open. He was looking at her, a worried frown on his face. His eyes looked hurt. Had he been following her train of thought? Of course he had, her shields were nearly all the way down. She was a kriffing active transmitter, all he had to do was tune in.

She jerked away from him. Anger rising at how he’d manipulated this. He’d come here with that datastick. This had been his intent all along, if she wouldn’t come with him willingly he would buy her. He’d had this plan in place when she gave herself to him.

“Rey…” his voice was soft, almost timid. 

“Don’t,” she closed her eyes and cursed the moisture that leaked out of them. She would let herself cry later, when she was somewhere out of his sight with her shields up, “And yes, I know we need to go.”

He stared at her for at least a full minute. She tried to glare at him, but couldn’t. The blood splattered across his face had dried, the blood soaking his robes was drying. Blood of the man who’d hurt her. The man who likely hadn’t died particularly well, because he’d dared to threaten her and draw her blood. 

She was angry and grateful to him at the same kriffing time. Gods damn it she was so kriffing confused. Why did he have to confuse her so? Why couldn’t she just hate him?

His hand gripped her shoulder again, and she met his eyes, “I know you’re upset. I know you’re confused. You’ll have time for it later. Time to scream at me until you’re hoarse if you want. But we don’t have time for this now.”

Gods damn his eyes, those dark, intense pools. She could drown in them.

“Okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Good, then let’s go,” he turned and started to walk. She took a deep, shaky breath and followed.

It didn't turn out to be much further. They reached a point between a cliff and a large hill and he stopped ahead of her and for a moment she wasn't sure why. Then the air had rippled as the the cloaking device deactivated and the ship sat, sleek and black, nestled into the shadows of the landscape. From the air it would have been hard to see, even uncloaked.

“How much power does a full cloak like that require?” she was slightly awed. There had been no sign of the shuttle a moment ago. 

Ren just glanced back as the shuttle hatch opened, “Way too much, but I wasn’t taking any chances once the Order got here.” He stepped on the hatch ramp, pausing, waiting for her.

For a moment she froze in place, a part of her screaming that she needed to turn and run back to the base and back to her master. No matter what the reason, she was betraying Luke. She was betraying herself. She had resolved that her path was in the light and always the light. And while whatever path lay ahead once she boarded that shuttle was unclear, it would not be true to the light. 

At the very least it would be in shades of grey. 

And in a year, an entire standard year, with him, would she be able to come back to what she as now? Not a lot of time, that was what he said. Not a lot of time to him felt like it was going to be an eternity for her. Especially now, thinking about how little she understood of what his intentions over the next year were, that looming unknown made it seem like an insurmountable amount of time.

He leaned against the doorway of the shuttle, arms crossed. She expected to feel annoyance or impatience from him, maybe even irritation if he was following her thoughts, but there was none of that. There was no doubt he was tuned in to the war her emotions were waging right now, but he made no move to influence her at all. His emotions were flat, calm even. 

She took a few steps forward and stood at the edge of the ramp. Last chance to change your mind, last chance to walk away. The shuttle didn’t seem like a shuttle, it was some monster that she was going to willingly walk into its gullet and let it swallow her. 

If she did back out now, turn and run, would he even let her? Or would he chase her down and take her with him force if that was what was necessary?

She was a little afraid to think about that question. Because she wasn’t going to like the answer, he was a monster, he even agreed with her the last time she called him that.

Would Luke ever forgive her?

Closing her eyes she took a step forward, then another and another. Then it turned out maybe she should have been walking with her eyes open because her toe caught on the ramp and she tripped, like a kriffing idiot.

He caught her shoulder with one hand, keeping her from going sprawling onto her stomach. She blushed, embarrassed, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. The corner of his mouth twisted as he tried not to smile, but he couldn’t keep the amusement out of his eyes. But once she was steady on her feet he let go and backed away to give her space again. Letting out a breath she walked the five or so more steps to go past Ren and into the shuttle.

She walked into the main cabin and looked around.

It looked like a shuttle. A large shuttle, a nice shuttle. A shuttle that two people could live in, probably fairly comfortably. It looked to have another deck above them and another below. There were most likely sleeping cabins and a refresher. The main cabin had a small galley and several padded benches. Ahead she could just glimpse at the cockpit.

A shuttle, a nice shuttle. What was she expecting though? A flying dungeon? A shuttle looks like a shuttle. Behind her she heard the hatch door closing and for a moment she couldn’t breath. This was it, this was the choice she made.

Gods help her.

Ren brushed past her, his hand touching her back briefly as if to offer some comfort, making his way into the cockpit. She took a deep breath and followed, leaning in the doorway, taking in the design and noting the different controls. As she watched he swiveled the pilot’s chair and touched a control on the com. The speakers crackled static before a jumble of voices began to come through. Tapping a few more buttons, the jumble seemed to cut down to a few voices.

_ “I want status reports from all ships!” _   


She noted Ren’s lips curl with contempt at the voice. There was a rattling in the background, the ship was taking fire. 

“First Order communications?” she asked, slipping the rest of the way in and leaning on the wall just inside the door.

_ “This is Devastator, deflector shields have taken damage, down to 70%. Main turbolasers have been taken out by enemy fighters. Heavy losses among our fighters less than 40% of our TIE’s are remaining.” _

He nodded, “Listening passively to First Order encrypted frequencies. I filtered it down to the Star Destroyer communications. I want an idea of what’s going on up there before we take off.”

There was a burst of static and a strained voice, came across.  _ “This is Equalizer and we are under concentrated enemy fire. Shields are at 25%. Engines are damaged. Heavy losses among fighters. Turbolasers have been taken out.” _ The voice hesitated before spitting out the next words as if each one hurt to say,  _ “We are at risk of critical failure.” _

_ “Actuator here, shields holding at 80%. Minor damage. 75% of fighter squadrons intact, shall we divert some to Equalizer?” _

_ “Shift available resources to Equalizer. These sons of bitches are not taking out one of my ships!”  _ The first voice again. She didn’t need the bond to feel a smug satisfaction radiating off Ren, not that it stopped it from radiating into the back of her mind along with his contempt and hatred of the man speaking.

A wave of exhaustion hit her and she slipped down the wall, sitting with her knees bent and her head resting back against the metal. Ren glanced at her as he turned off the com, silencing the voices. “Are you okay?” 

She nodded, but didn’t answer. Because in the end she wasn’t, not really. Hugging her knees she closed her eyes, the emotional and physical exhaustion was catching up with her. She felt him brush against her mind and slammed a wall up without any hesitation. Right now she wanted to be alone in her head. After a moment she heard the taps as he went back to the shuttle controls, a low hum starting as the ship began to power cycle.

It wouldn’t be long now before they took off. 

At the sound of Ren standing up she opened her eyes watching him as he walked over and started tapping something into the com console, “What are you doing?”

He didn’t stop what he was doing, “Sending the passkey to decrypt the datastick to the Resistance command.”

She blinked, surprised. They weren’t off planet yet, “I thought you wouldn’t send it till you made off with me safely.” She couldn’t keep the cold edge off her voice as she spoke.

Slapping a button he turned, “There’s a chance we get blown to bits before we can get ourselves into hyperspace. The First Order is going to know this is my shuttle and come after it, and we can’t make our way through a kriffing battle with the cloak on.” Sitting back down in the pilot’s chair and resuming his flight prep, he continued, “If we don’t make it, I want to be sure they have the intel. So I’m taking the risk and trusting she’s going to honor her end of this.”

“You wanted them to have it to keep a strain on the First Order, to keep them in a weakened state and away from us.” He stopped and looked at her as she spoke, “So why do you care what happens when we’re dead?”

“Because then I’ll die knowing the last thing I did was help her,” his voice was flat. “I might not be able to forgive her, but I can do this.” The shuttle engines hummed. She looked up at him from her seat on the floor, feeling a little stunned.

He nodded at the copilot seat, “You really should be in a chair. This is probably not going to be the smoothest ride.”

Slowly she pulled herself to her feet before collapsing into the chair. Closing her eyes as the shuttle left the ground.

She was well past the point of no return now, wasn’t she?

\---

Kelen sat at the console in the command center, leaning against the chair as he stared at the updates pouring in from the different battlefronts. 

For the first time in a long time, he felt a lightness on his soul. A strange, fleeting thing that he believed was known as “hope.” It was entirely unfamiliar to him, an alien emotion that his life over the last 10 years hadn’t really allowed for.

They were going to win this battle. Which wasn’t to say they weren’t all going ground to dust under the First Order’s heel eventually, one battle wasn’t the war and he couldn’t begin to think that they had any hope of winning the war. Even assuming the General’s new friends were really dedicated to helping for the long haul, when it came to pure military might, they were dwarfed by the power of the enemy. 

But this battle at least, this one, they were winning. They were winning on all fronts. The ground battle had been costly, but it was already won. The air battle had also been won, the last TIE fighters had fled the atmosphere and he’d ordered one fighter squadron to stay and directed the rest to join the fight outside the atmosphere. The space battle was brutal, there were heavy losses now on both sides. But the enemy seemed to be being hit harder. There was a the possibility that they may be able to even take out one of the Destroyers.

Which even a cynical asshole like himself could only say would be utterly glorious. A horrible embarrassment for the First Order and a propaganda and morale boost for the Resistance and their allies.

Glancing at the datastick on the console, he shook his head, he refused to acknowledge the possible potential of it. Organa had pulled him aside once she reached the command center, before getting medical treatment, and given it to him, doing her best to summarize what had taken place and the deal that was made. He was polite enough not to voice his doubts, his belief that this could have all just been a play to the get the girl, for whatever karking reason the man wanted her that badly. He looked over his shoulder to where the General was analyzing the incoming reports. She’d rushed back as soon as the medics were done with her.

He found it easier in life to think in the negative. It either meant you weren’t disappointed or you were pleasantly surprised. Really, it was a much more positive way to live your life than constantly being let down by expecting something more than you were going to get.

His eyes flicked to the back of the room as a figure swooped in, Skywalker. Grand, that asshole. He watched as the man approached Organa, wondering wistfully if that patented wise-Jedi-hermit look was something he put together himself or based on some old lore. Really, though, the beard was almost overkill.

The console beeped, and he looked down. Incoming data transmission with an unknown signature. Frowning, he opened the data packet. Blinking at the two words.

_ passkey 0xf98ad345f072 _

Okay, no getting your hopes up. This all could still be bantha druk. He shoved the stick in the reader, feeding in the key--which was accepted. Randomly he opened files, ship schematics, secret allies, finances, financiers, weapon suppliers. 

Holy druk. If this was real… and it looked pretty damn real-- he flicked through file directories, the amount of data on here was mind boggling. It was going to take them months to really go through it all. But once they did… the unfamiliar lightness on his soul tugged, growing. A grin crossed his face, it felt as unfamiliar as hope. Organa… Organa needed to see this.

A shout startled him and he looked up to see Skywalker practically frothing at the mouth, “You let him take her?!”

Slowly, he got up, following along the wall towards them.

“Luke, it was her choice to go, for the Resistance,” the General’s voice was strained. 

“She didn’t have the right to make that choice,” Skywalker snarled. “She’s my padawan! Your son is going to destroy that girl, like he destroyed every other gods damned thing he ever touched.” His fist slammed down on one of the consoles and it didn’t just break, didn’t crumble, no, it kriffing shattered, raining bits of metal across the room and leaving a battered mess of electronics all over the floor.

Great, because you know, there hadn’t been enough damage done to his base in the last 12 hours. He slipped open a medkit on the wall, finding what he was looking for without looking and wrapping his fingers around it. Calmly, he approached the two, saying nothing, not really listening to the two as they argued, or rather as the General attempted to calm Skywalker as he absolutely lost his druk.

Neither of them seemed to notice his approach, which was good, because that meant Skywalker was too focused on screaming at his sister about his pada--, pada--, oh, whatever the kriff Jedi called their students or apprentices or whatever they were, to notice when he jabbed the hypo-syringe of sedatives into his shoulder. The man dropped before he had time to react. Which was probably good, given what the man had just done to that console, he didn’t want to think about what might happen if you substituted his body for the metal and machinery.

Organa looked down at her brother for a moment, shocked, before looking at him. He shrugged, and then nodded over his shoulder, voice calm,“General, sorry to interrupt, but you should really come see this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, this story is very close to complete, I think it's going to be a few more chapters to wrap this up and then on to the sequel. We do still got to get those silly kids through the mess going on above the planet.
> 
> Hugs to all the readers and kisses to those who comment. You're support has kept me dedicated to writing this all through this ride.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But she didn’t understand, she didn’t understand that sometimes love was as dark and painful to the soul as hate. He closed his eyes, he hoped she would never learn that, that this innocence in her could stay. As much as he knew it was unlikely, that he himself was probably going to be the one that taught her this lesson, he couldn’t help but hope.
> 
> He sighed, not looking at Rey. His feelings towards Sia, even now so many years later, so many years after it stopped mattering anymore, were complicated and confused. Love and anger, remorse and regret and guilt. Would he do it all over again? Would he burn it all down again, in a rage fueled by his uncle’s hypocrisy and betrayal?
> 
> Yes, he would. Because in the end his uncle had needed to be stopped. What his uncle had built needed to be destroyed. His conviction in Snoke, in the First Order, had long since faded, but his conviction in the justification of his actions had not.
> 
> Eliz had died in his arms and Sia had died by his blade. And he had loved them both. He still loved them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So extra "I just hacked this out and didn't proof read it before posting" warnings. There is the possibility of ninja edits if I find my writing degraded into jibberish, though most likely any changes will just be rewritten sentences and grammar fixes and changing words here and there after I realize I used the same word 12 times in one paragraph.

He watched her for a moment out of the corner of his eye. She was slumped in the copilot chair, chin resting on her chest. Her eyes were hollow, empty, staring without seeing. A wave of shame and guilt hit him for a moment before he forced them down. Those were emotions that were not going to help him.

Reaching over he turned on the com again, filtering down to just the Finalizer transmissions, letting them play softly. If Hux ordered ships to intercept them, they needed to know.  The shuttle rose into the atmosphere, a pair of X-Wings spotted them, and moved to intercept before suddenly diverting. He let out a relieved breath. They’d been called off, his mother was respecting her end of this deal. 

Things were fairly peaceful now in the skies. He suspected it would be anything but peaceful once they left the atmosphere for open space. The navigation system was calculating their jump coordinates now, but it was going to need time and they were going to need to get clear of the battle.

“Rey, if we come under attack, can you pilot this shuttle while I take over weapons systems and defend us?” 

She sat up slowly, frowning at the control panel in front of her, “It’s similar to imperial designs, right?” He was relieved to see a bit of life come back to her eyes as she studied the panel.

“Yes.”

“Then yes, I can fly this.”

“Good.”

He increased their altitude, vaguely listening to Hux’s commands prattle on. A small smile twisted across his lips, the battle did not sound like it was going well for them. Hux was trying desperately to not lose one of his destroyers. He still thought it was doubtful that their shuttle wasn’t going to be pursued as soon as it was spotted, despite the strain Hux was now under. Snoke would be more forgiving at Hux for losing a ship than he would be if he found that Hux had just let them go.

It took him a moment to feel her eyes on him, he glanced over, she was staring at him. He wasn’t sure what he saw in her eyes, the hollowness was still there, but they were also questioning, maybe even accusing. “What?” he asked, keeping his voice soft.

For a moment he wasn’t sure she was going to say anything, she just kept looking at him, expression unchanging. When she did speak the sound of her voice made him jump, “The girl… the one from your memory. Sia’la?”

He flinched, visibly he was sure. This was not a good time to bring up this up. Not that there ever would be a good time to bring this up, but right now was an especially bad time to bring this up. “Later, Rey, we don’t have tim--”

“Luke said you killed her.” Her voice was hollow, flat, but also determined. He gripped the edge of the console hard enough to turn his knuckles white. He could feel his temper starting to flare, she was determined to push this, now, of all times.

“We don’t have time for this,” as much as he tried to avoid it, he could hear his anger slipping through into his voice. 

If she noticed, she didn’t show it. Her expression hadn’t changed once, her eyes still boring into him, “Did you?”

He closed his eyes, damn you, girl, why does this even kriffing matter?

Her voice sharpened, demanding, “Did you kill her?”

His fist slammed into the corner of the console, rage simmering over at her pushing like this. He turned his chair to glower back at her, “I killed all of them,” he snapped. Leaning forward, the girl next to him shrank back from the anger and intensity emanating from him. His voice was a low growl, “Directly or indirectly, I killed them all. And yes, Sia was one of them.”

She blinked, the accusation in her eyes fading just to confusion. Turning her head away, she stared blankly straight ahead out of the cockpit window. He clenched and released his fists a few times before turning his attention back to the shuttle.

A minute passed before she spoke again, voice quiet, confused, “You loved her.”

Exhaling a breath, he looked down, wondering if he ever been as naive as she was to think it was ever just as simple as a single emotion, as simple as love or hate between people? That sometimes those emotions didn’t get twisted together into something murky and grey? That these things were complicated and confusing and often painful? He didn’t think so. His parents had taught him that lesson indirectly early on. 

But she didn’t understand, she didn’t understand that sometimes love was as dark and painful to the soul as hate. He closed his eyes, he hoped she would never learn that, that this innocence in her could stay. As much as he knew it was unlikely, that he himself was probably going to be the one that taught her this lesson, he couldn’t help but hope. 

He sighed, not looking at Rey. His feelings towards Sia, even now so many years later, so many years after it stopped mattering anymore, were complicated and confused. Love and anger, remorse and regret and guilt. Would he do it all over again? Would he burn it all down again, in a rage fueled by his uncle’s hypocrisy and betrayal? 

Yes, he would. Because in the end his uncle had needed to be stopped. What his uncle had built needed to be destroyed. His conviction in Snoke, in the First Order, had long since faded, but his conviction in the justification of his actions had not.

Eliz had died in his arms and Sia had died by his blade. And he had loved them both. He still loved them both.

“Rey,” his voice was soft, the anger dissipated. He didn’t turn to look at the girl next to him, the third woman he had ever truly loved. One that he hoped, alone, away from the strings of those who had used him for all these years, he could protect better than the others. When he spoke again, his voice was barely above a whisper, “I still do.”

She blinked, he could feel her confusion ebb across the bond as she said nothing, not able to understand. 

Gods, he hoped she’d never really understand this.

“Hold on,” he angled the shuttle, increasing their speed to breach the atmosphere. He accelerated and the peaceful blue sky opened to black and destruction and chaos.

 

* * *

 

On the deck of the Jarrus, Ezra pulled down on the tunic of his uniform. Gods he hated this uniform. It was uncomfortable and stiff and somewhat smothering. He missed his cloak. He almost never was without his cloak. It was his lucky cloak. But the brown would have looked ridiculous over the uniform.

Really though, it wasn’t looking like he needed the extra luck. He was staring at the viewer, feeling like a predator that had prey by the neck. The crippled Star Destroyer was a sitting duck, and the enemy knew it. They were diverting any spare resources now into its defense. Trying desperately to not lose it. 

The screen in front of him was filled with a jumbled chaos of ships and fighters and weapons fire.

He had that ship by neck and he’d be damned if anyone was going to prevent him from tearing out its throat.  Flashing his teeth into a grin as he spoke, “Syndulla, Orrelios, I’m going to move to get that destroyer in range of this ship’s weapons. Please do your best to cover us.”

“Copy that, Jarrus, we have you here. Go light them up.”

“Syndulla also copies, please unleash ungodsly hellfire upon them.”

He let out a laugh, stepping forward, “You all ready for this?” He glanced around at his command deck, met by tense smiles. “Good, maximum shields, angle the deflectors, be ready with ventral cannons and turbo lasers. Be ready to take fire from any of the functional destroyers.”

As the ship started to move forward, he caught side of a black shuttle escaping the atmosphere. They’d gotten their orders to leave it alone not too long ago from Organa, with no explanation as to why. Not that it mattered, he glanced over his shoulder, “Make sure all our ships know to leave that shuttle alone.”

For a moment, he frowned. He felt them, bright lights among the dim, their force signatures singing in the darkness. Rey? Yes, he was sure it was her. And… really? Yes, really, it was him, Ren, Vader-wannabe boy. He’d felt him before back on Ahch-To, he recognized him now.

Why? Why would? He shook his head, it wasn’t his business. He might not really like it, but it wasn’t his business. His business was in front of him, looming, amid the fighters and debris, that crippled Star Destroyer. 

To his surprise, a squadron of TIE fighters peeled off from their defense of the crippled destroyer to pursue the shuttle. It was giving them a greater opening he thought as the first missile slammed into their shields.

“Shields holding, sir.”

“Good, return fire, keep us moving forward.”

He glanced at the shuttle, taking fire now and sent a silent prayer to whatever gods there were to keep an eye on that girl and keep her safe. He liked her. 

The Jarrus cut its way through the remaining fighters coming into their path. The ship rocked again from a barrage of missiles from two of the remaining Star Destroyers. “Ventral cannons, return fire on those destroyers.”

He grinned as one of the missiles made it through the shields of the first destroyer. Still not the command ship, pity. 

“Shields down on a second destroyer,” he glanced at his lieutenant. It was tempting to try to cripple another one. But not as tempting as trying take out the already crippled ship. 

“Give them another barrage to make them think twice about continuing to engage without their shields.”

The crippled destroyer loomed ahead, nearly in range, “And be ready to open fire on the crippled ship as soon as we’re in range.”

He glanced at the shuttle as it navigated through the debris of the battle, dodging fire from the TIE’s and returning it. 

_ May the force be with you, Rey _ , he thought, willed. It was not likely she’d be able to hear it, but he tried to send it nonetheless.

“We’re in range, Commander.”  


He grinned back at the Lieutenant. “Target critical systems,” his blue eyes gleamed, “ **FIRE.** ”

 

* * *

 

There hadn’t been any time to really process what he said before they broke through the atmosphere into utter insanity. She gripped the armrests of the chair tightly as the shuttle banked hard to the right, just barely missing a piece of debris that was more than large enough to penetrate their shields. The insanity of what was around them made the chaos that they’d seen planetside look peaceful. There were ships everywhere. There were fighters zipping every which way. The weapons fire never stopped, it was a constant, nonstop barrage between the two sides.

But it was the debris, the debris that was posing the most danger. Fighters were constantly weaving between the remnants of ships that had been destroyed. It was everywhere, some of it very large. It was like navigating an asteroid field.  In front of them a TIE fighter clipped its wing against some and spun out of control, it’s stabilizers damaged. 

“KRIFF!” Ren exclaimed, dropping the shuttle down below another fast moving hunk of debris. 

She’d never seen so many different kinds of ships. Many of them she’d only seen in pictures in books and holos. There were resistance fighters, mandalorian fighters, TIE fighters, even  _ Pamarthen _ fighters. Pamarthen fighters were nearly legendary. The larger ships, Palwniach,  Garelian, Twi’Lek… the only ones she didn’t recognize were the lead three big lead ships that rivaled the Star Destroyers. They were an entirely different design, something totally new.

Her eyes locked onto one of them, it was breaking from its formation, heading into the enemy ranks that were drawing themselves into a wall to protect their crippled ship. It wasn’t this current action that had drawn her eyes to it, though. No, it was a familiar light in the darkness that seemed to radiate through the force there. “Ezra,” she murmured to herself. 

Ren’s eyes flicked to her before glancing tensely at the com panel. She realized suddenly that it had fallen silent. A light lit up in the com panel… they were directly being called.  Glancing at Ren, he shook his head.

“Come on now, Ren. I know you’re listening,” it was the voice that had been issuing orders. It had a cold, sleazy quality to it. She was pretty sure she didn’t like the man speaking, even having never met him. “Answer my call so we can talk.”

The light flashed on the console, Ren glanced at it thoughtfully, for a split second, “Answer me you  _ traitorous _ son of a bitch.” She could feel his rage tremble across the bond.  He hesitated a moment before tapping to accept the call, “You know Hux, there’s going to be a glorious moment in the future where I’m going to have the opportunity to kill you, you little arrogant shik. And choking the life out of you will be one of the highlights of my life.”

For a second, there was no response, “I must say Ren, as much as I have always found you a temperamental child, I would have never have taken you for a coward and a traitor.”

Ren flashed his teeth, “I’m full of surprises.”

“You know the Leader can be merciful, end this madness, Ren. Surrender, plead for mercy at Snoke’s feet. He always did have a soft spot for you.”

He snorted and didn’t respond. After half a minute, Hux spoke again, voice soft, “She’s with you, isn’t she? You have the scavenger girl.”

She sucked in a nervous breath. Next to her she could hear Ren grind his teeth together as he slammed his hand into the console, cutting off the call.

Across the main frequency, the voice spoke again, “Get a full squadron after that them, I want that shuttle disabled. We need both of them alive.”  Ren’s fist slammed into the communications console with enough force to leave a crack across the surface, cutting off the sound of Hux’s voice.

“I’m transferring navigation to you, can you handle this mess?”

She nodded, nerves tense, as the navigation lit up on her console and she took control of the shuttle. On the sensor screens the incoming twelve TIE fighters cut away from the defense of the crippled destroyer and headed after them in full pursuit. Next to her Ren’s hands were moving as he pulled up weapons controls and targeting systems. 

The first barrage of fire hit the rear shields, rattling the ship. She swore under her breath, vaguely aware of Ren returning fire, Her emotions were fading away, instead there was a calm, hollowness, a blankness. She accelerated, swerving purposely close to a larger collection of debris, skimming over it and banking left. One TIE didn’t bank up fast enough, slamming into a hunk of metal the same size as it was and exploding on impact. 

She could feel Ren grinning at her through the bond. He opened fire with rear cannons, taking out another fighter and sending another rolling sideways as it dodged. The pair behind them moved up to take the lead spot in pursuit, the ship rocked again, hard, as the rear shields took another hit. Again, she skimmed as close to the debris around her as possible, going under, over, to the right, to the left. There was a thunk and rattle as she skimmed under a piece too close and it bounced off their shields. 

“The coordinates are already calculated for our jump, as soon as we get clear of this, punch it,” it occurred to her that he was enjoying this. Just like on the battlefield on the planet, he was utterly at home when he was at war.

_ May the force be with you, Rey.  _ It was a familiar voice, cutting through her mind.

She blinked, startled, and nearly failed to duck under a large cluster of smaller bits of debris. Bits of it bounced off the shields. The fighter behind them clipped its wing into the mess and spiraled out of control. 

_ Ezra _ , she thought to herself. Ahead of them the debris field and battle cleared to open space. She glanced down at her sensors to see Ezra’s ship was opening fire on the crippled destroyer.

The debris parted in front of them. 

_ And may it be with you too, my friend, _ she thought out towards the bit of brightness shining in the force behind her. 

They were clear, there was nothing but open space in front of them. As her hand came down to activate the hyperdrive, her sensors lit up as the crippled star destroyer started to explode. Cutting through blankness where her emotions should be was a dark, visceral joy. Her hand came down and activated the hyperdrive. The stars stretching in front of them as the ship vanished into hyperspace.

For a moment there was nothing but the hum of the shuttle’s hyperdrive and her and Ren breathing, both staring out the cockpit window in matched looks of disbelief. 

“Nice flying,” Ren spoke softly, running a hand through his hair, his eyes still staring straight ahead.

“Nice shooting,” she responded, voice shaking as all the emotion she had been suppressing suddenly flooded back into her. 

Again there was silence as the two just sat, for how long she really didn’t know. The reality of her situation came back to her and she pulled her feet up onto the copilot chair, hugging her knees. Ren got up, for a second his hand rested on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze before he left the cockpit.

At no point did she turn her eyes to look at him.

 

* * *

 

Hux let out a scream of rage, his fists clenched.

Ren had escaped. The shuttle had vanished into hyperspace. The Equalizer was coming apart, the crew that could get out had done so on shuttles and escape pods. 

How had it come to this?

How the KRIFF had it come to this?

He was losing, there was no denying it, there was no way around it. He’d not only lost Ren, he’d lost this battle. The Devastator was nearly crippled now as well, it’s shields were down. His own shields were at only 35%.

For a moment, his face contorted before he took a deep breath, getting himself under control. “Send orders to all ships to jump to rendezvous point delta,” his voice was quiet. The only thing that was more humiliating than turning tail and running would be to surrender. And he was fairly sure if he didn’t do the former he was going to end up doing the latter.

This battle was lost.

That son of a bitch and his alliance… Bridger, that was his name, Bridger. He was going to remember that name, because he fully intended to pay the bastard back for this. And Ren too. Ren had his own part to play, didn’t he. He was going to find him, find his little bitch, and present them as gifts at the Supreme Leader’s feet. He could only hope he could participate in the pain that would rain down on them after that.

All around him his ships began to make their jumps. The Finalizer’s hyperdrive engines hummed with power and the horror of what was in front of him vanished. 

Leaving him with nothing but the horror that awaited him when he reported his failure to Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo hoo. Victory for the Resistance and their allies! Kylo and Rey have some shit to work out but they're together and alive.
> 
> We're really close to the end of this fic. I'm thinking two or three more chapters to tie up the loose ends that I intend to tie up in this particular entry in the series. 
> 
> Have no fear, we will continue on with the next fic in the series, Bonded. I expect at least the first third of Bonded is going to be focused on Rey and Kylo as their relationship and force bond develops, Rey trains, and they go on a bit of a quest to try to understand the force in different ways than they've understood before. 
> 
> It should be fun. :)


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia slammed her fist slammed into the armrest of her chair and he jumped, then shrank back from the pure fury emanating from the small woman, “Oh for kriff’s sake, shut the kriff up, Luke!” He stared, his mouth dropping open, his anger held back by the sheer surprise at the intensity coming off of his sister, “Just shut up. That girl had any right to do whatever she wanted. She was your student, you didn’t kriffing own her. ”
> 
> “You don’t understand,” he muttered.
> 
> “Let me tell you what I understand. I understand that this,” she waved her hand to indicate the base, “all of this, the Resistance. This is what kept me going when I had nothing left. I lost my husband, I lost my son, I lost my brother. My entire world fell apart around me, but unlike _some people_ I didn’t run away and hide from it. Because I saw the kriffing galaxy was going to start tearing itself apart at the seams and I refused to let that happen without at least trying to do something. So I had this. I dedicated myself to this. And I up till today I was fairly sure we had no chance. What Ben did, even if it was for the wrong reasons, is giving us a chance. What that girl did, for all the right reasons, is giving us a chance.”

She woke up in a bed, feeling disoriented and confused. Sitting up, wincing, as her shirt, stiff with dried blood, rubbed against the bacta patches on her stomach. For a moment she just stared down at herself, thinking back through the haze of the last twenty-four hours. He had to have moved her after she fell asleep. She had no recollection past hugging her knees with her forehead resting against them in the copilot’s chair.

Her head hurt, her body hurt. Kriff, her soul hurt. How the hell had she ended up in this situation? For a moment she sat on the edge of the bed before resolving that she wasn’t going to be spending her days wallowing in self-pity.  No more than she intended to do anything that violated who she was-- well, at least not more than she’d already managed to do. She agreed to travel with him for a year, and anything else he asked of her she would decide to agree or refuse depending on what it was.

Getting to her feet, she left the cabin to find him sitting at the galley table, a datapad in one hand, eating… some kind of processed nutrient product compressed into a square stick. It didn’t look particularly appealing. He’d changed and showered sometime while she was sleeping, wearing clean pants and an a form fitting black shirt. She went to the galley sink, getting a glass of water that she drained without sitting down. Refilling the glass, she took it and sat at the table to the right of him, setting it down and turning it between the palms of her hands.

“We need to get you some clothes. I don’t have anything here in your size,” she looked up at him as she spoke. He broke off a piece of whatever he was eating and handed it to her, “Nutrient stick. They’re dry and taste like sawdust but are convenient for a fast meal.”

She looked at it thoughtfully a moment before taking a small bite.

“Gah,” she muttered. Taste-wise, it wasn't the worst thing she'd ever eaten- gods knew it was better than the processed and synthetic food they served at the Resistance base. But the texture was just horrible, dry.and gritty. It practically sucked the moisture out of her mouth as she chewed it. She forced it down her throat and took a gulp of water. “If I have to spend the next year eating this I'm reneging on our deal.”

He laughed softly, “No, I've got plenty of dry rations other than these and we’ll stock up on fresh foods when we stop at ports.” Holding up the stick before taking another bite, “These are just convenient.”

Forcing down another bite, she looked down at the table as they fell into an uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes it got too much for her to take, “Where are we going, Ren?”

“Kylo,” he said, quietly, as he put his datapad down.

She blinked at him a moment, not understanding.

“Call me Kylo.”

“People call you Kylo?”

“No,” he gave a barely visible shrug, “absolutely no one does. But I'd like you to.”

Regarding him a moment, she wondered if he was trying to break away from his past, or did he just want a name that only she called him?  “Okay, Kylo then,” she said, trying to dismiss it with a wave of her hand. “Where are we going?”

“Right now? To the opposite end of the rim, hopefully farther than Snoke is going to be looking to start with. We’ll hit a few of the smaller backwater ports to gather any additional supplies we might need.”

“Then what? What exactly is the plan?”

“My plan, um… yeah, so my actual detailed planning pretty much ended with me absconding away with you.” He almost sounded sheepish. She pinched the bridge of her nose, not sure if she found this reassuring or disturbing. He continued, “Going forward… I need to train you, train us, really. And we need to keep ourselves from being killed or captured by the First Order while we do that.”

She shifted uncomfortably, the idea of training with him… of him trying to teach her the darkside…

“Rey,” he sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “it’s not about learning the darkside, not about learning the lightside. It’s about the force. The focus on the dichotomy… it’s not right. It’s not what this should be. It shouldn’t be one or the other.”

There was an intensity, almost a passionate resonance to his voice, and she had no idea what he was talking about. “I don’t know what you mean?”

“I mean that this way we’ve been taught to understand the force… as two things instead of one. The lightside of the force, the darkside of the force, that’s the dichotomy, and it goes back to the Jedi, because they were the first dominant sect. The Sith weren’t different in this respect, which is understandable since the Sith derived from Jedi that had been cast out.” He ran a hand through his hair, “The way we are taught to conceive and understand the force… it’s based out of the way the early Jedi fundamentally understood the it. And I think they were wrong.”

He paused, looking at her intently, “They viewed the light and the dark each as it’s own thing, it’s own essence. The force is a single thing, yet it is two things. This is wrong, the force is a single thing and only a single thing. A single energy that can be light, or dark, or anything inbetween. To use the dark isn’t a rejection of the light and to use the light isn’t a rejection of the dark. It’s just another way we tap into this thing, this single thing.”

She frowned at him thoughtfully, thinking she understood, maybe a little, what he was trying to say. If the darkside was part of the force, and the lightside was part of the force, this single energy that bound them, that guided them, then how could one be right and the other be wrong? Luke had taught her that the darkness could corrupt you, could take you, but if the darkness was still part of the same force she served under the light…

“Am I making sense or just rambling?” he asked, looking at her hopefully.

“I’m understanding, somewhat anyway. I just don’t know…” she sighed. “The idea of embracing the darkside in anyway, it scares me. I did it once…”

“Quite effectively,” he added, tapping the scar across his face in emphasis.

She looked down, nodding, “I felt like I came near a line that if I crossed I wouldn’t be able to go back. That I unleashed some kind of creature inside me that would consume me and I’d lose… who I was in some way.”

“That creature? You’re the one who controls it. Learning to use the darkside is learning to let it out to do your bidding. Learning sometimes to even let it consume you. And then you pull it back to heel once you no longer need it.” He sighed, “And I’m not going to be training you to be a darksider, Rey. The lightside suits you and you use it well, I plan to work with you on aspects of that as well. But learning to harness the darkness… it’s just another skill.”

His eyes, intense and maybe a little hopeful, met her eyes, “I just… please, just trust me. That’s all I’m really going to ask of you. Trust me.”

For a long pause, she looked into his eyes, before giving a nod and looking away, shoving the last piece of the nutrient stick into her mouth and grimacing as she chewed.

“You should take a shower and redress your wounds… I can give you one of my shirts to wear, you’ll drown in it, but at least you can get out of…” he gestured at her bloody tunic. “We can hit a port once we jump out of hyperspace and I’ll get you some clothes.”

There was a moment where she wanted to protest. Wearing his clothes seemed uncomfortably intimate. But then she looked down at herself and her dirty, tattered tunic, stiff with dried blood. She wanted to get out of it more. Her pants weren’t much better off, not that she was about to wander about in just his shirt. Sighing, she nodded, getting to her feet. He got up and disappeared into the cabin across from hers, returning with a long black tunic that was probably going to come to mid-thigh on her.

“Rey?” he called after her as she was about to enter the ‘fresher, meeting her eyes. “It’s going to be okay, please believe me, it will.”

She closed her eyes in the doorway to the ‘fresher and gave a curt nod before heading inside and out of his line of view.

 

 

* * *

 

The night sky was putting on quite a show.

They’d carefully hauled off any of the debris from the battle that was large enough to be an impact risk. Hauled it off and set it on a trajectory that would lead it into the sun. But the smaller bits that they had deemed to not be dangerous remained to be pulled in by the planet’s gravity, light the sky as they burned up in the atmosphere.

It was a show that would probably go on for the next week or two, maybe even the next month. Every flash of light was a reminder of what had happened. He’d been lucky enough to be up there when the Destroyer was blown to hell. Watching from his fighter as it shattered and exploded. It had been one of the more beautiful things he’d seen in his life. 

Coming around a corner to a spot where the base wall was blown out, a familiar figure was sitting on a toppled hunk of wall, watching the sky.

“Athan?” he squinted.

“Poe. Get your ass over here and join me,” the man waved him over with the bottle held in his right hand. His voice had an unfamiliar happy tone in the gruffness, his words slurred together slightly.

He walked over. “You’re drunk, Commander,” he grinned. 

“Yes I kriffing am,” Kelen flashed him a grin that looked entirely unsuited to his face as he offered the bottle, “I’m celebrating, so celebrate with me, asshole.”   


Taking the bottle, he settled down on another hunk of wall that was now embedded into the ground. Glancing at the label, his eyes shot back up to look Kelen. He wasn’t expecting something awful, but Whyren's Reserve? This bottle was probably worth more credits than he had to his name. “Where the hell did you get this?”

“Had it for years. Waiting for something worthwhile to actually drink it. Actually was pretty doubtful I’d ever open it at this point.” 

He took a swig as he watched a long streak of fire cross the sky. “You know we have a meeting in the morning, right? ‘Bout the intel? You’re gonna feel like shit.”

The bottle was pried out of his hands.  Kelen took another hit, waving it as he spoke “Worth it. Anyway, my job is to sit in the corner and watch you guys analyze that druk. I can do that while concentrating on not puking all over the floor.”

“You instill me with such confidence as my commanding officer, you know that right?” he chuckled, looking up at the sky.

“My inspiring spirit is known near and far,” Kelen grinned.

The bottle was offered again and he took another drink, “Is it really all they’re sayin’? The intel?”

“We’re still looking it over, but having scanned through the contents personally and listened to the current feedback of the people processing it I think I would leave my response at sure kriffing looks like it.”

“The rumors, they true too?”

“If what Organa told me is true, yes. From Ren in exchange for the girl coming with him.”

He frowned, taking another hit of the whiskey before handing it back, “I liked that kid.”

“You’ve mentioned that.”

“Yeah, well... “ he watched the sky as three streaks lit it up at the same time. It wasn’t like there was something he could make of all this. Of Ren, that asshole, being the one that gave them the intel that might be the salvation. And that kid, sacrificing herself to… well, gods knows what Kylo Ren wanted with her. “I’m hoping she’s gonna be okay. She was a sharp little thing, and tough.”

“We owe her,” Kelen sounded agreeable. “Kriff  _ him _ , isn’t like he helped us to be noble. He did it to get that girl.  But she…” He paused to drink, wiping his mouth across his sleeve, “well, what she did got us a chance in this fight.”

He got to his feet with a sigh, “Yeah, let’s just hope we get a chance to thank her in person some day.” Nodding through the gaping hole in the wall, “Taking the shortcut and heading in, unlike you I’m supposed to actually analyze that druk tomorrow.  Get your sorry ass to bed soon, Athan.”

Kelen waved the bottle in a salute before drinking again.

Above them several small streaks shot across the sky. He shook his head, climbing over the wreckage of the wall into the base, making his way back to his quarters.

 

 

* * *

 

The first thing he saw as his eyes blinked into focus was Leia.

She stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed, looking down at him. As the memory and the horror came crashing back he clenched his fists, digging his nails into the palms of his hands.

“She’s gone, isn’t she,” his voice was hoarse, almost a growl. 

Leia just stared down at him before giving a curt nod, “If you throw another tantrum I’m going to have them sedate you again.”  She walked over and sat in a chair next to the bed.

His anger spiked for a moment before he clamped down on it, closing his eyes and breathing to calm himself. When he opened them again he felt the wetness leaking from the corners of his eyes. How could she have done this to him? That girl. That gods damned girl. His last chance, maybe his last hope, and she’d abandoned him.

“You let him take her,” his voice was raspy, he wondered how long he’d been out.

“I let her go with him,” Leia’s voice was cool, controlled. “It was her choice, and gods know we owe her for it. The intel he gave us… is massive. We actually have a chance.”

“You had no right… She had no right… She was mine… my padawan.”

Leia slammed her fist slammed into the armrest of her chair and he jumped, then shrank back from the pure fury emanating from the small woman, “Oh for kriff’s sake, shut the kriff up, Luke!” He stared, his mouth dropping open, his anger held back by the sheer surprise at the intensity coming off of his sister, “Just  _ shut up. _ That girl had any right to do whatever she wanted. She was your student, you didn’t kriffing own her. ”

“You don’t understand,” he muttered. 

“Let me tell you what I understand. I understand that this,” she waved her hand to indicate the base, “all of this, the Resistance. This is what kept me going when I had nothing left. I lost my husband, I lost my son, I lost my brother. My entire world fell apart around me, but unlike  _ some people _ I didn’t run away and hide from it. Because I saw the kriffing galaxy was going to start tearing itself apart at the seams and I refused to let that happen without at least  _ trying _ to do something. So I had this. I dedicated myself to this. And I up till today I was fairly sure we had no chance. What Ben did, even if it was for the wrong reasons, is giving us a chance. What that girl did, for all the  _ right  _ reasons, is giving us a chance.” 

He stared at her, unable to find words to speak. 

She took a deep breath, hands shaking, “I saw my son’s face today as an adult, with my own eyes, for the first time. And he told me he loved Rey.”

“Please,” he couldn’t keep himself from scoffing. 

“I think he does. Or at least that he thinks he does. And that gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, she can save him. I couldn’t, you couldn’t, Han couldn’t, but maybe Rey can.”

He could only shake his head at the delusion. Ben was beyond salvation.  His eyes stung, his voice wavered, “I don’t have anything left.” 

“You have  _ ME _ !” her voice was sharp, and he winced. Her voice softened, “You have me, you self-centered ass. And I have you, whether I like it right now or not.”

Opening and snapping his mouth shut, he stared at Leia, feeling a wave of shame hit him. “I have you,” he murmured in agreement. She reached over and grasped his hand.

“Yes,” she sighed, “you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one more chapter left, an epilogue really. I can't believe I'm actually on the cusp of finishing this fic (and looking forward to starting the second fic in the trilogy).
> 
> So many hugs and kisses to the readers and the people who commented. You all let me keep faith in the story and my writing ability.


	39. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well what?” he turned, walking backwards as he talked.
> 
> “What does catty mean?”
> 
> “Well…” his grin widened,“Kind of like being passively bitchy with wit and cleverness.”
> 
> She let out an exasperated breath, “Why don’t you just go kriff yourself?”
> 
> “I will if you don’t mind me thinking of you while I did it,” he couldn’t help himself, even though he knew this was going to be stepping well over the line.
> 
> Her face flushed and she stopped walking, a scowl on her face. He walked up to her, trying and failing to stop grinning and look serious, “Okay, okay, that was a bit over the line.”
> 
> “A bit?” She crossed her arms, glaring up at his face.
> 
> He couldn’t help it, he started to laugh again before choking it down and forcing his features somber face, “Very solidly on the wrong side of the line. Very sorry, Rey.”
> 
> “You’re not sorry at all.”
> 
> The grin came back, “How can I be when it was such a perfect comeback?”
> 
> She just stared at him, “I’m not going to make it a year with you.”
> 
> Turning and starting to walk again, he called back over his shoulder, “I’ll grow on you.” After a second he heard her rapid steps behind him as she caught up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of this entry in the series. OMG, I can't believe I got us here.

**_I was takin' my pride in the pleasures I'd known_ **  
**_I laughed and thought I'd be forgiven_ **  
**_But my laughter turned 'round eyes blazing and_ **  
**_Said “my friend, we're holdin' a wedding”_ **  
**_I buried my face but it spoke once again_ **  
**_“It’s the night to the day we're a bindin' ”_ **

 

“If you’re going out why can’t I come with?” she stood, stubbornly, in front of him with her arms crossed.  She was wearing the grey shirt and brown pants he’d bought earlier. Still slightly too big, she couldn’t exactly come shopping with him today given the clothes she had that fit her were crusted in blood. These were good enough at least, she could come with tomorrow when he browsed the few market stalls at this port and hopefully she could find a few things better suited to her. There was a clinic here as well, he should probably take her there as well to check on how her wounds were healing.

He’d locked down his end of the bond as soon as they started to argue, she’d been keeping her side closed off to him even beforehand. That was going to be the hardest thing for both of them in the end-- letting their shields down and being comfortable with the other just existing in their minds. If they were ever going to work together as a team-- a true team-- they needed to not only accept the bond, but to embrace it.

Neither one of them were even close to being able to do that yet, to be constantly open with their thoughts, emotions, intentions. They couldn’t lie to each other already, even with the bond locked down they always would know, but they could withhold and mislead. 

“I’m just going to the cantina,” he said, working hard to keep his emotions locked down. “It’s late, you should rest.”

“I’m not tired,” she said, flatly. “And I want to get off this shuttle, I agreed to travel with you, not be locked up in here.”

“You’ve been on the shuttle for a kriffing  _ day _ , Rey,” he spread his hands, exasperated. “You can come out with me in the morning, you need to, actually. You need to get yourself more clothes.”

“Why can’t I come now?”

He frowned, shifting his weight onto his heels. News of the battle at Asic and the defeat of the First Order was already the gossip here. Probably the gossip across most of the galaxy at this point. Aside from getting a drink, his real goal was to find out more news over all. He wanted to keep most information about what was going on the growing conflict away from Rey from here on out. It would be an emotional distraction that she didn’t need, not when he had so little time to work with her.

Of course, if he told her that she would turn into a little fireball of fury. She hadn’t exactly forgiven him for forcing her hand to choose to come with him, but she was at least accepting right now of her situation rather than lamenting on it. He really didn't want to set her off brooding and fuming again.

She glared at his lack of response and the bridge of her nose crinkled. His lips twitched into a small, amused smile and he sighed. There wasn’t really anything she was going to hear tonight that she didn’t know already. Let her come tonight, save this fight for a later date, because he was sure it was going to come up again as he tried to protect her from getting information he didn’t want her to have in the future.

“Okay,” he raised his hands. “Fine, you can come.”

“I can?” she blinked, surprised. Clearly she was expected more of a fight.

“That’s what I just said, didn’t I?” Taking a step forward, he peered down at her, taking on a slight teasing tone, “Or don’t you want to now that I’m not fighting you?”

The palm of her hand connected with his chest as she gave him a slight shove, “Of course I still want to go. I was just expecting you to be more of an asshole since it seems to be in your nature.”

“My catty girl,” he said as he turned and opened the shuttle hatch.

“I’m not your girl,” she pushed passed him to lead the way outside.

“Aren’t you?” he didn’t keep the amusement from his voice.

She huffed, not answering him as they made their way across the shipyard of the small port.

“Hmmm… but you agree with me calling you catty?”

“I didn’t say that,” she snapped.

He cocked his head, a small smile on his face, “You have absolutely no idea what that word means, do you?”

She huffed. He grinned, “So you don’t.”

“I know it was an insult,” she said, annoyed, as he brushed past her as they approached the port’s small cantina. 

He could feel her eyes glaring into his back, “Well?”

“Well what?” he turned, walking backwards as he talked. 

“What does catty mean?” 

“Well…” his grin widened,“Kind of like being passively bitchy with wit and cleverness.” 

She let out an exasperated breath, “Why don’t you just go kriff yourself?”

“I will if you don’t mind me thinking of you while I did it,” he couldn’t help himself, even though he knew this was going to be stepping well over the line. 

Her face flushed and she stopped walking, a scowl on her face. He walked up to her, trying and failing to stop grinning and look serious,  “Okay, okay, that was a bit over the line.” 

“A bit?”  She crossed her arms, glaring up at his face.

He couldn’t help it, he started to laugh again before choking it down and forcing his features somber face, “Very solidly on the wrong side of the line. Very sorry, Rey.”

“You’re not sorry at all.”

The grin came back, “How can I be when it was such a perfect comeback?”

She just stared at him, “I’m not going to make it a year with you.”

Turning and starting to walk again, he called back over his shoulder, “I’ll grow on you.” After a second he heard her rapid steps behind him as she caught up.

The cantina was small and crowded, but clean and well lit. To his surprise they had holoscreens showing a holocast of some sporting event from a larger nearby system. He found a pair of stools along the bar and took a seat. Rey took the seat next to him, taking in the place with a kind of wide eyes awe. It was easy to forget sometimes how limited her experiences in her life had been until you were there to see how she would take something completely ordinary and look at it as something totally novel and amazing.

Snippets of conversations around them seemed to all be talking about the new Alliance and the victory against the First Order. It was too hard to catch much of any one conversation in the din of the room.

A gruff looking Toydarian bartender flew over, “Whatchoo drinkin?”

“Corellian whiskey on the rocks,” he said, knocking his knuckles against the bar. 

“An’ you girl?” the bartender turned to Rey, who flushed.

“I… um… I need a moment.”

“Ehhh….” the bartender flew away with a gruff wave of his hand. 

He leaned over, resting his chin on his hand as he studied her the lines of her face. “Have you ever had alcohol before?”

She flushed, looking away from him, “the only alcohol on Jakku is knockback nectar and it’s sour and disgusting.”

A glass was slammed down in front of him and the bartender looked at Rey again, annoyed, “Know whatchoo wan’ yet?”

“I, um…” she looked over at him for some kind of help.

Chuckling, “Any ciders on tap?”

“Circuit. Won’t get no horstberry in for leasta week.” 

“She’ll have a circuit cider then,” he glanced down at his girl with a small smile and winked, “Trust me.” 

“Thanks,” she muttered.

He sipped his whiskey, “You’re cut off after one though if you’ve never drank much if at all.” He noticed her looking at his glass as he drank, curious. Putting the glass down he pushed it over, “Feel free, but I don’t think you’re the whiskey type.”

She glanced at him a moment before picking the glass up and taking a sip. Immediately her face scrunched up in a look of disgust, “It burns.”

“Nonsense, Corellian whiskey is quite smooth.” 

They both jumped as a pint glass was slammed down in front of Rey. The bartender flew away without acknowledging them. She picked pulled the glass over, looking at the amber liquid a moment before lifting it to take a sip. He watched her face as she took a sip, and her eyes widened in delight. It was impossible to not smile at her reaction.

“This is delicious,” she said, happily, taking a fairly large gulp.

“It’s still booze, drink it slowly,” he chuckled.

A voice across the room shouted, “Hey Dard! It’s 11! Swap to the news!”

“Meh, newsa…” the bartender grumbled. “Bah…”  He was not looking particularly interested in changing to a different holocast.

“Yeah, news,” a fellow down the bar called. “He ain’t the only one who wants it. They’ll probably report on the battle.” Several shouts of agreement echoed across the room.

“Gaaaaahhh… Fine. Fiiiiine.” The Toydarian walked over to a console and tapped a few buttons.

_ \--O.R.I.A. -- the Outer Rim Interplanetary Alliance, came to the aid of the Palwniach government after a First Order fleet violated Palwniay held space.   _ A woman’s voice filled the room and a video of one of the lead ships from the Alliance fleet was shown for a moment. The entire room fell to dead silence.

_ The First Order maintains that they were acting in self defense due to a Resistance base on the planet Asic in the Ealdarian system. The Resistance, the First Order maintains, is a terrorist organization that they have a right to protect themselves from. Palwniay maintains that a violation of their space was not justified, and that they have no evidence that the Resistance was using the Ealdarian system as a base to attack First Order targets. They believe the correct and diplomatic course of action would have been for the First Order to file a grievance with their government if they felt that it was possible Palwniach territory was being used to stage attacks against them. _

The footage cut to a familiar face, a woman in handpainted Mandalorian armor, her helmet held under her arm. A caption across the screen read “Captain Sabine Wren, ORIA representative for Mandalore.” Rey sat up taller, a small grin on her face. 

_ Captain Sabine Wren, who fought in the rebellion against the Empire, is the Mandalorian ORIA representative and head of ORIA infantry command. She led the ground defense against the First Order ground troops. _

_ “We went planetside only to assist in removing the invading forces that were conducting an illegal operation within Palwnaiy held territory,”  _ Sabine spoke on the screen. He took another sip of his drink, ignoring the roiling agitation as he remembered the woman’s threat to him. Rey, for her part, was grinning up at the screen.  _ “Unfortunately, the First Order troops refused to leave, and opened fire on us. We in turn fought back against them.” _

_ ORIA is currently a coalition of 37 independent systems. The alliance maintains a small, autonomous military, however the majority of its forces come from support of planetary military of ORIA members. The ORIA fleet itself consists of three Command Class ships that each have a squadron of fighters. The ships were designed and commissioned by ORIA command and financed through support of the member alliance governments.  _

_ The Battle of Asic, as it’s now being called, saw a fleet made up of the ORIA command ships and small fleets sent by six different member governments. The fleet was led by the First Commander of the Outer Rim Interplanetary Alliance, Lothal native and former Rebellion fighter Ezra Bridger.  _ The footage switched again, this time showing Bridger on the bridge of his command ship. _ The battle was not without loss on both sides, however Alliance did come out victorious, destroying a First Order Star Destroyer and sending the remainder of the First Order running. _

Soon the scene cut to an interview with Bridger,  _ “Unfortunately, despite our requests on behalf of Palwnaiy for the First Order fleet to cease and desist their operations and leave the Ealdarian, they refused and opened fire on us, leaving no choice but to fire back.”  _

_ Asked to explain the Outer Rim Interplanetary Alliance, the First Commander stressed the following, “We are not a government, we are an alliance of governments in an agreement to share military support and come to the defense of other alliance members as needed. The goal was to create a joint military force that could allow smaller independent systems to defend themselves from outside threats,  while still preserving the independent sovereignty of the member systems.” _

He shook his head in a marveling sort of way as he tried to understand how anyone could have pulled together such an alliance without word getting to the Order that such a thing was being built. Thirty seven systems? How the hell do you keep that under wraps?

Who the hell was this Bridger guy, anyway?

“What do you know about him?” he asked Rey, quietly, nodding at the man on the screen.

She glanced up at him, “What do you mean?”

“How is ‘what do you know about him’ ambiguous?” he asked, sarcasm edging his voice.

Her nose crinkled, “You don't need to be an ass about it. And I don't know much.”

“So what is in the ‘not much’ you do know?” he sipped his drink as he looked down at her.

She frowned fretfully a moment before answering, “Ezra… Luke knows him, said they've helped each other in the past. Leia knows him, says he's irritatingly secretive but has helped the Resistance in the past. He keeps secrets well, he knew Luke was on Ahch-To the entire time everyone was looking for him. Uh…” Shrugging, “Had an old freighter on Lothal that was kinda broken down and this ancient, eccentric, ornery droid he called Chopper.”

“Is he another Jedi?” 

She frowned, “I don't know. Sabine said she didn't think he considered himself one anymore.”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose wondering what the hell that meant? 

The news had moved on to talk about more local politics. Soon it was drowned out by the din of the room as people began talking again. Most discussions centering around the battle or the alliance.

“Ehhh! Everyone talk ‘bout this alliance, ‘bout makin’ a stand,” the bartender flew over. “Whateva. I tell ya, the only thing ‘ta means is war. Ams I righ’?”

Sounded pretty correct, but to the bartender he just shrugged as he tapped his empty glass and held up one finger, “Maybe.”

“Ehhhhh,” the Toydarian muttered as he flew to get him another drink. “means war. Nothin’ good come frommit.”

When the bartender returned with the drink he handed over some unmarked credits and told him to keep the change. 

They sat awhile in silence. He found himself studying the profile of her face with a soft sigh. She was such a contradiction, small and soft yet so strong and tenacious. He loved that about her.

And she was his. No matter if she wanted to argue that point. It didn't change the truth that she was his. His girl. His Rey. In time she would accept it. And maybe he would get her to see how he was also hers. Completely and irrevocably  _ hers _ . 

She noticed him staring at her and looked up with a quizzical expression, “What?”

“You're beautiful.”

A blush crept across her face and she looked away. He reached over and gently pushed her chin to guide her eyes back to him, “You are. Don't ever doubt it.”

The blush deepened but she smiled, reaching up and wrapping her hand around his, giving it a gentle squeeze. For a moment his heart seemed to skip a beat, then she pulled away from him.  “I'm a little woozy,” she muttered.  


He finished the rest of his second drink, “Lightweight,” he grinned, standing, “we should head back.”

She got off the bar stool, looking slightly wobbly. He steadied her with a light hand on her shoulder. Peering down at her he spoke softly, as he nodded towards the door, “Come on. Let’s go home.”

“Home?” she said. “Are you calling the shuttle home?”

He held open the door for her, following behind her into the cooling night air, “Seemed to be an accurate description.” 

“Hrm…” she said, “Maybe.”

For a moment he paused looking up at the blanket of stars spread across it. Galaxies and stars and planets, and behind them all the force, linking them together. Linking everything together.

The future seemed to be so much in flux now. He hadn’t just forced himself, and her, to deviate from whatever destiny they had been following. No, they’d taken those paths and obliterated them. Or rather he had.  They would never find their way back to where they were before this started.

But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The force had led them to this point, had led them to each other.

Rey paused ahead of him, looking back, “Are you coming?”

He looked over at her. She was his destiny. It didn’t matter how, or where. In another universe, another time, another place, they still would have been led to one another. Because they were always meant to find each other.

A grin crossed his face, maybe he shouldn’t have had the second drink. It was turning him into a philosopher. “Of course,” he answered, starting to walk again. 

His girl squinted at him quizzically a moment, before turning and leading the way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then... this is... done. I apologize for all these loose threads hanging everywhere, but we need to have some questions left hanging to resolve in the next two fics in the series. On that subject, feel free to follow the [Bound](http://archiveofourown.org/series/721635) series page. I plan on spending a bit of time on my other fic currently in progress, Snare, and then get going on Bonded. I promise I won't make you guys wait too long.
> 
> For everyone who's commented as this has come along, I can't thank you enough. You guys gave me the confidence to keep going when my engineering oriented brain questioned why I was writing words instead of code. I love all of you.
> 
> The snippet of song I have before the chapter starts is from Townes Van Zandt's song Rake. I know Steve Earle's cover of it best, which you can listen here if you're interested- [Rake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POebSeUq-PM). Mostly stole that snippet out of context for the "It's the night to the day that we're binding" line, since it seemed to suit the story as it is right now. Putting the entire lyrics below because Van Zandt was really one of the best song writers of all time, and some of the lines in this song are just amazing.
> 
>  
> 
> Rake
> 
> I used to wake and run with the moon  
> I lived like a rake and a young man  
> I covered my lovers with flowers and wounds  
> My laughter the devil would frighten  
> The sun she would come and beat me back down  
> But every cruel day had its nightfall  
> I'd welcome the stars with wine and guitars  
> Full of fire and forgetful
> 
> My body was sharp the dark air clean  
> And outrage my joyful companion  
> Whisperin' women how sweet did they seem  
> Kneelin' for me to command them  
> And time was like water but I was the sea  
> I'd have never noticed it passin'  
> Except for the turnin' of night into day  
> And the turnin' of day into cursin'
> 
> You look at me now, and don't think I don't know  
> What all your eyes are a sayin'  
> Does he want us to believe these ravings and lies  
> They're just tricks that his brains been a playin'?  
> A lover of women he can't hardly stand  
> He trembles he's bent and he's broken  
> I've fallen it's true but I say unto you  
> Hold your tongues until after I've spoken
> 
> I was takin' my pride in the pleasures I'd known  
> I laughed and thought I'd be forgiven  
> But my laughter turned 'round eyes blazing and  
> Said my friend, we're holdin' a wedding  
> I buried my face but it spoke once again  
> It's the night to the day we're a bindin'  
> And now the dark air is like fire on my skin  
> And even the moonlight is blinding 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why this fic suddenly changed to "anonymous" as the author. I don't want to delete and repose since that'll screw with people's book marks. It's kinda annoying me but I'm dealing ;)


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